My last week in LA is kind of a blur. There always seems to be some errand I need to run, some friend I have to catch up with, or some family dinner I must be home for. Spending so much time with Elle at the beach house was amazing, but it did mean that I neglected pretty much everyone else in my life for a good chunk of the summer. I spend the better part of one day hanging out with Elliot before he heads off to UNC, and it feels like the last time we'll probably be like this. I mean, I'm sure we'll still keep in contact on socials, but with that much distance between us and how much both our lives are going to change, the next time I see him will probably be at some stupid high school reunion one day.
Mom sticks to me like glue whenever I'm home, and I feel a twinge of guilt about how little I've seen her over the last month or so. Sometimes I see her looking at me, her eyes starting to get misty, and it's almost too much.
"I'm still here, you know?" I say one time I catch her tearing up. "I haven't left yet, so I don't know why you're getting so upset."
"Because... you're my first baby boy and you're leaving."
Groaning, I get up off the couch to give her a hug. "Mom... stop. It's not like I'm leaving forever, you know? The planes fly both ways..."
She grins at that, tapping my cheek playfully. "And don't you forget it, either. I expect you home for Thanksgiving, okay?"
I can't stop the eye-roll. "Yes, Mom. Of course I'll be back for Thanksgiving. But you know, you can come visit me, too?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're not going to want me or your dad hanging around, cramping your style."
"Well, not all the time, but..." I break off, chuckling as she pokes me in the ribs.
"Yeah, okay, enough," Mom laughs. "Did you pack all the stuff I put on your bed yesterday?"
"Yes, I did. And thank you again. But you know it means I have to take another suitcase now, right?"
"You'll live. And you'll be happy about it when you actually have towels..."
"That is a good point."
"So, are you going out with Elle tonight?"
"Yeah, that's the plan."
"How's everything going with you two?"
"Everything's good. It's just..." I trail off, unsure what to say.
Mom looks at me knowingly. "You're about to move to the other side of the country?"
"Yeah. That."
"It's definitely not going to be easy, Noah. You're both going to have to be patient with one another. Which, to be fair, sweetheart, is not really yours or Elle's strong suit."
"Thanks," I say wryly.
"It's a fact, hon, and pretending it isn't won't make it any easier, you know."
"I know. It's just... I feel like I'm being made to sit an exam for a subject I haven't studied."
"Welcome to life," Mom jokes, patting my arm before walking away.
I guess she's right. The only way to learn how to do this is just to do it. I mean, what's the alternative?
I promised Elle we'd catch a sunset up at the sign before I left, so that's the plan for tonight. I text her when I'm about to leave, hoping I won't have to spend too much time waiting for her when I get to her house. It's not actually the waiting I mind so much, it's the fact that I have to make small talk with her dad while I wait. Lucky for me, this time when I ring the doorbell, it's Elle that answers, instead of Mike or Brad.
"Hey, Shelly," I grin.
"Hi," she smiles back, then looks around behind me. "Oh, thank God! You drove your car and not the bike."
"Yeah... I figured it was probably easier... I'm assuming you have a bag if you're still gonna stay over tonight? And hopefully tomorrow night, too?"
"Uh huh," Elle grins. "Plus, I packed us a picnic."
"Excellent." I lean down to kiss her then, thankful I kept it quick when I hear her dad coming down the stairs.
"Hello, Noah."
"Mr Evans," I nod.
"I'll just grab my stuff," Elle says, leaving me standing in the entry with her dad.
"So, not long to go now, huh?" Mike says stiffly.
"Nope. I fly out on Sunday."
"Well, in case I don't see you again before then, fly safe and, uh, good luck in Boston, okay?" He sticks his hand out and I shake it firmly.
"Thank you, sir."
"Okay!" Elle says brightly as she comes back from the kitchen, an overnight bag on one shoulder and a giant picnic basket in her hands. "Let's go."
"Let me take that, Shelly," I grin, taking the basket from her. "Jeez, what did you pack in here?"
"Oh shut up," she laughs. "I've seen how much food you can put away, you know."
Mike shakes his head, a small smile on his face. "Okay, you kids have fun now. And Ellie-bear? You'll be home Sunday, right?"
"Yes, Dad," she rolls her eyes, dragging me out the door. "See you then."
"Bye, Mr Evans."
"Goodbye, Noah," he nods, closing the door behind us.
"Come on," Elle urges. "I don't want to miss it."
"Relax, Shelly," I chuckle. "We've got plenty of time."
There's nobody else parked at the entrance to the trail when we get there, and after hefting the world's heaviest picnic basket up to the sign, I spread out the blanket I brought on the ground right in front of the first "L".
"See? I told you we had time."
"Okay, fine," Elle concedes. "You were right."
"I'm always right, Shelly. You should know that by now."
"Whatever," she says, sitting down. "You can wipe that smirk off your face now."
Chuckling, I sit next to Elle, before glancing at the picnic basket. "I am intrigued about what you packed in there. Or is it easier to ask what you didn't pack?"
"I may have gone a tiny bit overboard," Elle winces. "But I just wanted to do something special. Before you go."
"Now I really want to know what's in here."
"So, take a look," she laughs.
Lifting the lid I start pulling out containers and peeking inside them.
"This is all my favorite food!"
"Keep going!" Elle urges, and I lift the lids on the last couple of containers to look inside.
"You didn't! All this," I laugh, gesturing at all the food already spread out on the blanket, "and chocolate cake? And apple pie?"
"Yep!" Elle giggles, hugging her knees to her chest. "I couldn't resist."
"This is amazing, Shelly."
"Well, don't just sit there looking at it! Dig in!"
"Okay, okay! So bossy!"
Honestly, I don't need a lot of encouragement to tuck into the spread in front of me. But it's a good thing we got here early, otherwise I probably would have been still stuffing my face by the time the sun was starting to set. As it is, the sky's just turning orange as Elle's packing up the now mostly-empty containers, while I finish off the slice of chocolate cake.
"Ugh," I groan, leaning back on my hands. "I think I'm slipping into a food coma."
"If that's an attempt to get me to resuscitate you, it's not working," Elle laughs.
"Damn," I smirk. "I must be losing my touch."
Elle just shakes her head, moving to sit next to me.
Sitting up a little, I wrap my arms around her and pull her over onto my lap. Tracing my nose down hers, I angle my head a little to kiss her, as Elle wraps her arms around my neck. When we eventually come up for air, I chuckle lightly.
"Guess I haven't lost my touch after all."
"Guess not," she giggles. "You do taste like frosting, though."
"Thank you. For the picnic, I mean. You're amazing."
"It's just food, Noah."
"No, it wasn't. I appreciate the effort, Elle."
"You're welcome," she smiles.
The way the orange glow of the sunset hits her skin makes her look even more beautiful than normal, and I feel a lump start to form in my throat the longer I stare at her.
"I'm going to miss you," I croak, my voice sounding strained even to my own ears. "So, so much."
Elle's eyes close for a long moment, and when they open, I see they're full of tears. "I miss you already," she whispers, as one teardrop falls, landing on her cheek.
"Elle..." I begin, wiping away the tear with my thumb.
"No," she interrupts. "Don't say anything, okay?" More tears are falling as she leans in, burying her head against my neck. "I just want to be here, with you, like this."
"Okay, Shell." I kiss her hair and hold her a little tighter, wishing there was something I could do or say, that would make us both feel better.
We stay at the sign, wrapped up together, long after darkness falls. The car ride back to my house is quiet, and thankfully nobody's around when we get home. We're both still quiet as we get ready for bed, but neither of us misses the chance to reach for the other, either. In bed, Elle's head rests on my shoulder, my arms around her again as she traces patterns across my chest.
"I love you," she says quietly, her breath warm on my skin.
"And I love you."
Her next words are so quiet, I barely hear them.
"Show me."
It takes me a couple of seconds to process that and react, but I do, kissing Elle on every patch of skin I can find as I take her clothes off. And then I start all over again. I love Elle softly and slowly until she begs me not to. And then I love her madly and deeply.
We sleep late the next morning, and spend a lazy day around the pool with Lee and Rachel. After she heads home, the three of us watch tv until dinner time, and looking at the food laid out on the table, I feel another food coma coming on. It's a good day, even if I catch Mom looking at me a bit teary-eyed again across the table. We all hang out in the den after dinner, and Lee doesn't even complain about my choice of movies, which has to be a first for him - ever.
He stays downstairs for a while after Mom and Dad head up to bed, but disappears once he gets a call from Rachel. Elle burrows tighter against me, and I drop a kiss on her head.
"Are you ready for bed?" I ask softly.
"No," she mumbles. "But also yes."
"We can watch the rest of this movie, if you want."
"No, I'm not really watching it anyway."
"Okay. Come on, then," I urge, pulling her up off the sofa and leading her up the stairs.
Elle's quieter than even last night as we get ready for bed, not looking me in the eye, even after she crawls under the covers, laying her head on the pillow next to me.
"Elle..." I lift her chin up, making her look at me. "Tell me what's going on inside that head of yours."
"I just..." she squeezes her eyes shut. "I feel guilty."
"For what?"
Opening her eyes, her voice is anguished. "For wishing you didn't have to go. I know you have to. Harvard's an amazing opportunity, it's not like you could ever pass it up. But I still wish you weren't going."
"I wish I didn't have to leave, either. Or at least that it wasn't so far. It feels weird to think that I'm moving somewhere I've only visited for like two days, where I don't know anyone. Having to start all over again, with football and school. I have no idea what my courses are going to be like..."
"Hey, stop," Elle says, her hand finding my cheek. "You're going to be fine. You'll ace football tryouts, because you're amazing. And as for school? You're the smartest person I know, like it's actually unfair that you're so good at so many things. If you can't handle college, then all us mere mortals are doomed."
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, Shelly," I smile. "All the same, it'd be nice if it was at least in the same time zone, you know?"
"Yeah," Elle sighs. "That would make life easier."
Reaching up, I grab her hand where it's still resting on my cheek, bringing it to my lips so I can kiss her knuckles before holding it to my chest. "We'll figure it out, Shell. I promise."
I don't think either of us sleep all that well. We both hold onto each other tightly, never moving away. Whenever I stir, I plant another kiss on Elle's hair, her forehead or her cheek. Morning seems to come too quickly, and we go through the motions of getting ready.
After breakfast, I check all my bags for the tenth time, and load them into Dad's car. He and Mom are going to drive to the airport, while Elle and I take the bike. That way she can take it home with her afterwards, and we get one more chance to ride together before I go.
Lee and I say our goodbyes at home, and I'm a little surprised, but not really, at how tightly he squeezes me. I'm pretty sure my grip around his back feels much the same.
"Look after yourself, bro," he says quietly into my shoulder.
"I will. You take care. Of yourself and Elle."
"Always," he grins as we step back.
"I guess I'll see you around, man."
"Don't miss me too much," he jokes.
"I'll try not to."
"We better get moving," Dad calls out from the driveway. I give Lee a final nod before heading over to where Elle is waiting near my motorcycle. Helmets on, I start up the bike and we're off, her arms tight around me, just like a hundred times before. Except it isn't.
At the airport, I get all my luggage checked in, besides my duffle bag. The goodbyes with Mom and Dad are long and drawn out, and there are a few tears, all from Mom, of course. Eventually, it's just Elle and I, walking up to the security checkpoint together, her small hand clutching mine, our expressions both worried. Turning to face her, I can't help taking a long breath, letting it out slowly while I study her face, trying to commit every detail to memory.
She gives me a sad smile. "Goodbye."
"C'mon, Shelly, don't say it like that," I say, dropping my bag off my shoulder to the ground. "I'll see you soon and you can come and visit. And we can make this work."
"Okay, stop," she half laughs. "Don't say anything. I just want to be with you for a few seconds more."
That makes me grin. "You are cute when you're being bossy!"
Elle laughs then, but I can see her eyes filling with tears as she continues. "And don't turn back for a final wave. That is way too cheesy and romantic. Even for me."
I shake my head slightly at my girl, trying to be strong and brave about this, before leaning down to kiss her, her hands quickly finding their familiar spots; one on my waist and one curled around my neck. I rest my forehead against hers after our kiss, looking into her bright eyes. She laughs, but it's more like crying. Kissing her forehead, I pull her in close, tucking her in under my chin like I have so many times before. We pause there for a moment, gripping each other tightly.
"Okay," Elle says as she releases me, stepping back.
We both suck in a breath, and I sling my duffel over my shoulder again, giving her a quick wink. "See you," I whisper, not trusting my voice not to crack.
Elle stuffs her hands in her pockets and gives me a small smile before I turn away, heading to the escalator. Pausing at the top, I fight every urge to turn around to look at her one last time. She told me not to, and the truth is, if I look back and see her crying, I'm not sure I'll be able to make myself leave. I did my best to hold it together for both of us, through the hardest of goodbyes. I don't think I have it in me to do it all again.
Instead, I take the coward's way out, and do as Elle said. I don't turn around. I keep walking, while every fibre of my being screams at me to run back to her.