Lyric video for the song that's going to be mentioned in this chapter^^^
Brandon
I sit in my car parked outside of Kiera's dance studio and I found myself looking through my gallery at pics of ...her. I miss her...and I will till she comes back...
My heart will ache till I get to see her face again, hear her voice...get to hold her...
Til kyle and Blessing get to see their mama again...
But I can't allow her selfishness...dammit, I can't allow her to make me depressed more than I deserve to be.
I know God is punishing me through her for taking a life, and I also know He wont give me more than I can bear.....and I also know that I still don't undertstand him fully anymore.
I shake my head to rid it of thoughts of Destiny. I had promised Kiera I'd let her teach me some moves today.
I grin at my self.
She stay thinking I dont know nuthin' about dancing, but I'll show her.
Hanging out with her these pass couple of days has been....therapeutic, keeps me busy, keeps my mind off certain things.
Walking into the studio, I'm met with girls and guys from what seem to look like five years old to high thirties all dancing to a choreographed dance routine to Chris brown's loyal.
I stand at the entrance, watching them move In sync. It was pretty good.
Wheres K? -she probably at the front teaching the class, but I'm at the back so I cant see that far
At the end of the routine, they all collapse either on the floor, or had their hands rested on theirs knees panting, and that when I saw her petite, frame stetched across the floor in a pair of booty shorts and t's.Swear drenched her from head to toe and for some reason, this was sexy to me.
"Not bad Miss Kiera, not bad, but you aint got nuthin on me still " I announce entering the room with a huge grin on my face . The room of people turned and saw me and some were confused, others...girls in particular seem to be blushing and whispering...I guess they knew me.
Kiera smiles and gets up from the floor.
"I'd like to see you prove it " She grins, hugging me.
I kiss her cheek.
"How are ya? " She asks smiling up at me.
"Errr....soon enough, not now,with an audience. ..Im shy" I cover my face.
"Rightttt, your life is lived infront of the camera, shush with all'at shy mess " she fans me off.
"Its true, I absolutely hate being in the spotlight, makes me uncomfortable"I admit.
She gives me a funny look, tilting her head side ways as if to study me.
"Well, in that case" She says turning to the class. " Hey, class is over for the day, it's beeen an amazing three hours, see you guys tomorrow"
What?
The smile melted off my face. Oh shit.
"Hey you don't have to stop your class if your hot finished for my benefit....or rather my embarrassment, I can't dance, I was just yanking your chain."I ramble.
She smiles.
"No, no, class is over in the next 20 minutes, its not much of a loss.Plus I really wanna get the opportunity to laugh at you!" She grins.
Shortly after the studio was empty, just us two....and it felt a little heated all of a sudden.
She looks up at me and smiles.
"Ready to show me and these walls watchu got?"
I grin holding my forehead.
"Yo, I think I'm coming down with something"I say sounding sick.
She laughs out.
"Bruh, whatever, ammo, put on some music"
Okay, so my fake sick act didnt work....
I listen out for the track she was putting on, and I suddenly hear the intro for Trey songz Slow motion comes on.
My eyes widened and I felt all the blood rush to my face.
She looks over at me.
"No, hellls no I'm not slow dancing" I groan trying not to laugh.
"Hells yes you are"She grabs my hand and twirls her self , intertwining her fingers with mine.
Shit.
Suddenly she kicks her foot up in the air and drapes it over my shoulder, with the other plastered on the floor. I Was caught off guard and held her waist abruptly.
Wow, she's flexible.
"Damn" I say in disbelief.
She smiled feeling proud of herself, letting her leg slowly slide off my shoulder. She spins around, back facing my front, and now we were both facing the mirror wall, looking at our selves as she moves on me...
Her ass grinding on my dick as she whines...
I'm trying really hard to control my dick, I can't let it get hard on her...
Cause I don't wanna end up hard in her.
She was grinding on me to the lyrics, and wasn't even hearing the lyrics anymore, my mind was focused on getting my dick to stay down.
"Oh come on you're not moving with me" She groans with a smile, looking at me in the mirror.
I scratch the back of my head and smirked at her.
"That's because you're doing such a good job for me already"
"Ha!- whatever" She smiles and stops grinding on me. " Never took you for someone who couldn't handle."
Oh! Shiit, she tryna draw me out though! ...okay...
"Oh hell no, you aint about to clown me today!" I say acting defensive.
I moved from beside her headed towards the radio.I took my phone out ans connected it to it by bluetooth, I found the song I was gon' break her back to.
As Pleasure P -She likes starts booming on the radio, Kiera blushes hard with both her hands on her cheeks.
As I walk back towards her I slowly take off my shirt, revealing two abs at a time, then my chest, and then my shirt was on the floor.
She gasps.
I grinned at her as I reached her.
Holding her hips I pulled her pulled her up on me, her legs wrapped around my waist now.I slowly go down on the floor with her and spread her legs and I start grinding on her, rolling and ticking my waist in between her legs as she lays there with a grin on her face.
I spun her around, her ass facing me now, got on my knees and bundled the back of her shorts in my hand like a ponytail and pulled her against my front, knucking her ass against me to the rhythm of the song, grinding at the same time.
Turning her over, I swooped my hand under her knees and held the small of her back , taking her up off the floor, she holds on to me and I can hear her panting, as if she tired, as if im working her out..
I smiled at my self.
I leaned her on the glass mirror, her legs resting in my elbow crease and I roll my body on her.Stooping a bit, so she could sit on me, I placed both my hands on the mirror behind us and she holds on to my chest as I tick and tock on her.
She looks so red right now , and she's dark skinned.
As the song ends I let her down and walk to get my shirt leaving her in awe,.her mouth slightly opened as if to say 'what in the hell just happened'
I laughed at her as I walk back towards her limp body against the glass.
"Wow"She mouthed at me and I pat myself on the back.
"Yeaa its that Pierce waistline that I got"
"Damn sure got the grease in it too, that was bomb!" She grins, punching my shoulder.
"Thanks"
"Got me thinking all type'a things" She bites her bottom lips and I felt that feeling again, like when I was checking her out when we first met...I was feeling guilty, like I was doing something wrong, and I dont understand why...
"Hey I'm kinda hungry though, this was fun and all but a brotha gots to eat"I say patting my rock hard stomach.
"Yea me too, where we headed? " she grins, taking up her bag.
"Hmm how about that Chipotle we didn't get to have?"
"SOUNDS GOOD TO ME" she winks.
I didn't know what I was doing...My heart is telling me not to let things get anywhere with this girl, cause its somewhere else....but I do like her...
We ate at Chipotle and now we are headed to my place.I didnt plan on having her over today, but she insisted on having drinks and talking some more before the day is done.
I park out front and got her door for her and we made our way inside.I cant shake the thought that the kids just may be up and then they'll have to meet her...I am fearful of that. ...they miss there mama, its been a week.
Just as we bend the corner to the tv room we see Rosa wiping down the place.
"Good evening sir, Miss Scott "She nods to us both.
"Good evening" We say.
"Rosa where are my rugrats?" I ask.
"Oh, sir remember that it's Mrs Martins' day with them"
Oh! Crap, how could I forget? Grace must have been ringing my phone the whole time I was with Kiera, but its on vibrate, I didn't feel it.
"Okay, thanks" I say, walking out of the room and passed Kiera.
"You okay?" She asks concerned.
"Yea, I'm good, just this whole parenting alone thing is....I dont know, like how could I not remember to be here when she was to pick them up? -how could I have my phone on vibrate the whole time hanging with you?" I held the back of my head and took a breath. "Lets go have that drink"
Three hours or so later we were couped up on the floor in my room and now we have already blasted through four bottles of Merlot and one half Yellow tail...And im sure I've over indulge by the way my eyes are dimmed looking at her across from me laughing at absolutely nothing.We were talking about how fucked up our individual lives were.
"You know wu-wut I think?-I think yous sprung on yous ex so that's why you so tentioning"She slurs, I wanted to put my hands to my lips and tell her to shushh, but my hands feel heavy. " No, no maan, I'm going through a break up too so I gets it..I got it"
"OH yea?-so, h-how come out of the both of us, I can bet my heart is more fucked up than yours?" I slur.
She laughs and tilt her cup to her mouth,
"Yous right, yous right, she did a number on you" She says crawling on her knees towards me. "But I can make you forget....if you let me"
"Shit, no Kiera...."I slur, trying to sober up.
"Please, I want to help you....lets help each other"She whispers, kissing my neck as she straddles me.
"Kiera I don't wanna do this to you, I dont think it's r-right to get you involved,"
"Well you dont choose for me...And I like you, a lot...so let me" She sink her lips on mine and I could feel myself giving in...I tried to fight it, but I think I need this....
I tried hard not to think about anything...
Lifting her shirt I planted kisses on her small, but perky breasts and she lifts my shirt off me.
In my drunken state I lift her up and slam her body on the bed. Looking down at her, for the first time in minutes I notice that she isnt Des...and then she was...then she wasnt...
Fucking liquor got me fucked up.
I shake my head, ridding it of thoughts of Des. This is Kiera. I ripped open my belt.She laid in front of me panting as I look down at her, my breathing escalating as my head spins and I rest my head on her stomach while I draw her shorts off.
I planted a soft kiss on her stomach.
Her pussy was cute as far as I could see and all I want to do is be deep inside of her...Right now...
Pulling my dick out my pants she gasps and looks at me horrified.
Then she visibly gulps.
I look at her wanting to hear what she had to say before I did anything...
She read my mind and nodded, and without further warning I was inside her, raw...
Fuck..
I grinded inside her, I grunt as her tightness grips me and I tense.She grabs on to my shoulders, sinking her nails into them, and for whatever reason I love the pain....I want to feel it.
"Oh damn it your huge!"She moans
I slow down, and steadied my pace.
"Now fuck me please, let all your anger out on me" She breathes
My brows furrowed as I looked down at her.What?
"No" I breathed.
"Yes please, I need you to, go harder. FUCK ME LIKE YOU DONT KNOW ME, RELEASE YOUR STRESS IN ME...YOUR PAIN...EVERYTHING she's put you through...let me help you,"
I tense hearing her words....
She wants me to exploit her? Use her to deal with Des?
No...
The liquor twists and turns in my head, and I feel dizzy...angry thinking about Des, about her being gone, about her 'no' to me, about Andonyjah, about how pulled apart my life has been since she selfishly left...
I was so Fucking ANGRY AT DES! ...so Fucking angry....
I found myself plowing into Kiera, hard and fast!
She cries out as I demolish the walls of her pussy.
"Ahhhhhh shit!"She cries. "YES BABY! Like that, let me have it!"
I look down at her and all I could see was Des....And that only made the anger inside me boil even more, scorching my better judgement.
I was fucking her like I was crazy, like I was punishing her.
I hear Des's voice in my head, sobbing to me, begging me.
Brandon baby I love you,
I love you....don't do this...
Please...
I shake my head, trying to rid it of her voice as I sink inside Kiera not looking at her face, cause I wanna believe that this is Des and I am punishing her... for everything! -for making me love her so fucking much then running from me! For giving me a family,happiness, love..and then taking it away! For punishing me by leaving!
I felt the tears in my eyes and I shake them away, digging deep inside Kiera, her cries making me feel satisfied with the torture I was allocating.She was crying, the tears falling behind her ears.
"Harder please! " She grinds her teeth together.
"Fuck!" I grunt digging my fingers into her thighs as I watch my dick slide in and out of her, pounding against her flesh.
I hear Des's voice again.
Brandon?
Baby?
This isn't you...
I shake my head again...I don't need her in my head...I don't need her!
-but I do need her...
No!
"Fuck this!" I growl, slidding out of Kiera.She looks at me wide eyed and confused. "I'm sorry I can't hurt you like this with your permission or not, I need some air"
I pull up my pants and start towards the door, as I open it I see Des standing at my door, her eyeliner smudged by tears and looks like a ghost in front of me...like I havent seen her in years. My heart feels like its going to burst with love and fear.
I was so shocked I immediately closed the door behind me so she wouldn't see who was in our bed...
"Hey Brandon" She whispers.
I was still, looking at her....nervous for more than one reason...
"Hey Des"I forced out.
She scratches her head of curls awkwardly.
"I uhh, can I have a minute?"
"That's all you want? -Cause I could offer you four more on that for a proper explanation," I say acidly.
She blanches, but refrained from saying anything. I'm too pissed at her, too drunk....a few days ago I'd be happy to see her ,but now I'm just curious as to why she's here...Come to break my heart even more?
"I uhhh,I-" she stutters.
"Listen if you came here to break more than you have already I dont need it-"
"No, no baby, listen, I came here to apologize for being so irrational and caught up...I came to tell you that I'm sorry, that I miss you, that I understand why you did what you did, that I'm an idiot, and I know I hurt you baby, but you gotta see that I didn't mean to-"
"Stop" I interject.
She blinks at me, confused.
She was crying, and I wanted to cry too, but no...I wont give her the satisfaction.
"I don't accept your apology Destiny, I can't..." I force through my lips. Saying those words made me feel weak, but...damn, I am mad at her! "Dammit Des you can't just up and leave and then come back and think that ammo have you back with open arms! NO! I am mad atchu, steaming mad!- and I love you but there aint no way ammo let you think that you can do this!" I yell.
Des' tears flow even harder and she falls to her knees in front of me.
Fuck. ..
No...
Des, baby don't.
Fuck! I hate seeing her like this!
I palm my face frustratedly.
Looking up at me she wipes her eyes.
"I know you won't forgive me easily, but I really am sorry, and I know that you want your family back and I'm willing to work on myself, my trust issues, so you can have that back.I love you Brandon Isiah Pierce, and I know if you doubt anything in this world, I know my love for you isn't one of them"
I breathe, covering my face with both hands.What was she doing to me? Playing with my heart like this....
"Des please, get up" I sigh. "Yes I know you love me and I love you to death! -but ...."
"But what baby?-come on...I will spend every day making this up to you if you just tell me it's okay to come home..."
"You didnt need my okay to leave did you? -and you damn sure didn't get it, but you still left and with our kids!"I yell
She cries and I am almost tempted to wipe her tears, but I wont!
"I know that was wrong, so I sent them back to you, I didnt wanna keep them away baby- I wouldn't! "
I couldn't feel my anger growing, propelled by the liquor and all this bullshit!
"Des you ran!-You ran away from me!- I didnt know where you were for almost a month! -I didn't know if you and our kids were okay! -Do you know how worried I was!- how fucking hurt I've been?-how lost I am!"
"YES BABY!- AND I'M SORRY, BUT YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND HOW HURT I WAS THAT YOU LIED TO ME, HOW FRICKING ENRAGED I WAS THAT YOU COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND HOLD A POKERFACE AROUND ME FOR MONTHS...BABY I was just....it was all just too much on top of the other shit that was happening!"
"Yes I was wrong to lie to you but, but I only did it because I knew it wouldn't end well...and look at us now!" I hold my head, leaning against the door.
"Okay, we both did some shit, now can we please talk about us, our family....I'm ready now, I'm over all the mess.It's okay that sage is my sister, it is okay about Nyjah, it's all okay...I just need to know that I haven't lost you, and I need..." She holds her head down and sighs.Holding it back up, she wipes her teary eyes. "You once asked me to marry you....and I had turned you down out of fear of ever going down that road again, but now I know I don't wanna be with anyone else but you...so...ask me.."
My brows furrowed as I look down at her.
"Ask you what? "
"Ask me again....to marry you"She wipes her eyes. "I'm ready."
I could feel my heart bursting with love for this woman, but at the same time my head wont allow me to let her in...I feel like im suffocating!
She wants me to ask her again.... a few weeks ago I wouldn't have hesitated to get down on one knee and ask her...
"Please get up Des" I croak, the tears trying to escape from my eyes and my throats knotted up.
"Please ask me again," She cries.
I don't know what to say to her, I really don't know what I'm feeling right now, and I wish I wasn't so angry, I really wish I wasn't still drunk...
Her beautiful eyes taunt me as she looks up at me...and I'm tongue tied.
"No..." I force through my lips, and with that came my tears.Her face pales and she falls back on the heels of her feet, looking down at the floor.
I was crying so hard by now, I can't even breathe. I threw my fist at the wall beside me and growled out loudly!
I knew after this I am permanently going to lose her
Can I deal with forever without her?
"Brandon I-"
She's cut off by something, and I realize that shes looking behind me.
My head swung back so fast I swore it broke.
It was Kiera, all wrapped up in a sheet.
My mouth was dry and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my pulse beating in my forehead.
I turn back to Des to see she was on her feet and looking shocked at me, the tears spilling from her eyes still.
I suddenly realize that i'm not so sure I wanna lose her, and my anger is joined with fear...
"Hello I'm Kiera-Brandons Girl" She smiles with a tat bit of an attitude. Des looked like she was shaking hard and I never wanted to hold her anymore in my life...
Des rolls her eyes and looks from me to Kiera.
"Hello 'I'm Kiera' meet my mothafuckin' fist! " Des punches Kiera in the face and she falls back on the open door and falls back in the room.Kiera cries out, shit I think her nose is broken!
"Ba-baby I can explain everything-"I say to Des panicked, getting Kiera off the floor and had one hand stretched towards Des to plead with her. "I-"
"No..that's okay, save it, I mean you already said no, so I guess that serves me right huh?- in my face huh?-right back at ya Des!' "She cries."You snooze you lose right? "
I was crying even harder now,Shit!!!!...
"Des you left for over a month!" I pleaded. "This just happened"
"Yea and that's what I'm having trouble understanding, one month and some change is all it took to replace me?"
"Replace you?" No...I don't want her to think thats what I did when I had sex with Kiera...I just needed to forget about her. "That isn't what I intended Des"
She looked pale, so pale...and I felt guilty as hell, hurt that I hurt her like this...
"Yea, good night you two" She says walking away.
I start towards her, but stop as I hear Kyle's cry.I look across the hall to him holding on to the stair case cages.
"Mama!" He cries. "Mommy your heya!"
Des looks back and up to see kyle stretching his hands down at her crying.
"Hey baby" Des cries, running back up the steps, passed me until she and Kyle were pressed against each other.She cries into his Kyle's neck.I felt a glitch in my heart watching them.
All of a sudden, Blessing a room away,started crying saw and I hear Rosa's footsteps coming up the stairs.
As she sees the situation she gasps and then holds her head down passing Kiera and I, as if she'd rather not see what was happening in my room
"I am so happy to see you Miss Martin-The kids sure did miss you"Rosa says to Des.
They hug and Rosa goes to get Rizz.
Des fills kyle's face with kisses and he laughs.
Walking out of the room with a grumpy Rizz, Rosa points towards her mommy and She starts to wriggle out of her arms.
"-Heyy my beautiful baby!-hey you" Des cries whilst smiling.
Rosa gives Rizz to her and she latches on to her mother like the world was ending...
"Mami! " She sang.
Des cries and kisses both their forehead and my chest is nothing if not tight.....I cant breath.
"Ugh I love you guys so much, oh my God my babies" She cried. "Mommy has to go okay"
"NO!" kyle cries grasping Des's neck.
"Oh baby I promise I'll see you guys as much as I can, but stay here with daddy and be a good boy okay?-You too buttercup" She kisses Blessing.
"Rosa please tend to kiera ASAP, thanks" I say not taking my eyes off Des and our kids.
Rosa nods and passes me to my room.
Letting the kids go she tells them she loves them.
"We -we wov you teww mama" Kyle says rubbing his eyes.
Des starts to cry again.
Walking away she sprints out passed me and both Blessing and Kyle start to cry.
"Mommyyy!! Noo-mommy no, I want hugs! -mama noo!" Kyle cries and Rizz followed suit seeing her brother crying. " Mama pwease!"
Des disappears down the hall and I fall to my knees.
I thought I was strong enough to watch her go for the third time, but damn I feel ripped! Like my whole heart just collapsed.
Hearing my kids crying for their mom like that, seeing Kiera behind me crying as Rosa tends to her, and me here on my knees at the top of these Stairs just like when she left, feeling just as empty.
I try to convince myself that I did the right thing,
That letting her go was the right thing to do for me....
Getting up I walked towards my crying kids, swooping them up in my arms I cradled them, til they calmed down.
I lay with them in kyle's bed and they fell asleep, one on either side of my arms.They were fast asleep, my mind on the nights events....Des's eyes, how she caught me with Kiera, how she wanted me to ask her to marry me again...the argument over all was crazy...
And it made me realize that I do fucking love her....madly, but obviously we aint good for each other.
I hope I don't regret this, cause after tonight, I doubt she'll ever want me back, and I'm not so sure I want her to anymore.
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