EPISODE 6: Secrets
January 21st 2009, ‘everyone has a secret’
By now Angelina and I were as close as two people could get. I could trust her with my life. She was perfect for me. We would do anything together, almost everything together. She would literally tell me anything but it was difficult for me to tell her any of my secrets. We sat at a crossroad of our relationship on the 21st of January 2009. We were sitting opposite each other on a bench in my garden.
“Lee, you must have a secret,” she said
“Sorry Angie, my life’s quite boring,” I replied. I had a lot of secrets, secrets I was ashamed of.
“Lee, I’m not stupid you know! You must have a secret,”
Things were starting to get awkward, it was obvious that I was lying, but stupidly, I continued lying to her, as if there was a hope that she’d just forget about it.
“Angie, I’m telling you, I have no secrets left to tell you. This is it, I swear!”
She was looking directly at me but I was avoiding her gaze, sooner or later an average teen would succumb to her constant pressure, but I was a twit.
“Levi, everyone has a secret. No one has grown up with nothing to hide. I’ve literally told you all I can about me. What’s your problem?”
“Maybe you shouldn’t worry about my problem!”
“But I care about you Lee! I want to know everything about you, I want to know what makes you, you!”
“Angie, there’s nothing serious I have to hide from you!”
“Then why can’t you tell me?”
She had me cornered, only a twit would continue refusing and as I mentioned earlier, I was a twit.
“Coz, coz I just can’t Anj, I embarrassed to tell you,”
“Don’t be Lee. Look at me,”
I struggled to but I succumbed to her sweet voice. “I really like you Lee, you can trust me right?”
I was pinned, she had me, I had to give in but only god knows why I didn’t.
“I can. But not with everything, can’t I keep something’s to myself,”
“I understand where you’re coming from but we’re together, we’re supposed to trust each other with everything, please Lee, please!”
Rule 4: Never take love for granted
I sighed. I never answered her question and we had a long argument. She ended up leaving my house, slamming my gate door, and crying all the way home. Where was I? Fuming in my room. I sat down on my computer and searched for things to do. I decided to go on yoyogames to download games. I came across a game designing software called Game Maker 7 and I got used to the interface and that’s how I became a computer geek. But that day was awful; my mind kept replaying images of Angelina leaving, images of tears streaming down her face. I was a huge prick. What could I do to get her to forgive me? I was thinking of telling her the secrets that I burdened. Would that help? Or had I already screwed up? Screwed up the best relationship I had ever been in! I was a huge prick, and I had to deal with the consequences. I started writing a note with all the secrets I could of thought of, it looked like this:
1) I have a vitamin deficiency problem.
2) I suffer from type 1 juvenile diabetes
3) I am afraid of losing YOU.
Those were my secrets, the first two mainly. When I was eight when I started having vitamin deficiency problems and a year later I obtained type one juvenile diabetes. No one outside my family knows. It’s a scary concept really. It’s hard to live with these problems, having to take vitamin pills and taking constant injections of insulin. What a painful life right? Its so hard to explain to someone, I’m always in a life threatening position and don’t get me started with the annoying insulin injections, it’s really depressing and I’m always afraid that people would treat me like a child if they find out, that people would take it ‘easy’ on me If they find out. That’s why no one has ever found out. The problem was that I couldn’t just give her a crappy list, which would be taking the piss. I need to give her something that would also show her how much I care. Well, I used to be good at writing poems, so I tried to write a poem, and I was quite proud of the poem, so I decided to call her, hoping she’d pick up her phone. After four rings she picked up.
“Hello,”
“Hi, this is Levi,”
“Oh… What do you want?”
“I wanted to apologize,”
“Lee, you don’t need to, I was basically forcing you to I’m sorry,”
“Just listen I wrote something for you,”
“Really?”
“Yeah, here it goes…”
After that we were back together and happy, we were probably happier than we were in the first place. It really made me appreciate her more than I did before and I never wanted to lose her again. She was special to me. She was my muse. I wrote poems for her after that. She inspired me to do whatever I can to keep her. She inspired me to never take her for granted, she taught me rule four, probably the most important rule in this book.
January 22nd 2009, ‘I love YOU’
The three hardest words to tell a girl are ‘I Love You,’ It came the time when Angelina thought she was ready to say those words, I was flipping twelve, I didn’t know what love was, neither did she. I couldn’t just say I love her if I didn’t know what love was! Could I? The question was answered the day she came up to me and told me:
“Lee, It’s hard for me to say this but I think… wait, I know I love you!”
“Erm… yeah, thanks I guess,”
“So… do you love me too?”
The silence was unbearable. I was contemplating if I actually loved her. Maybe I did. I had this strange burning desire for her, maybe that’s how love felt like?
“Its okay if you can’t answer Lee,” she mumbled.
“I love you, I’m sure of it.” The words escaped me, I felt relieved, as if an angel pulled a burden of my back.
“Really?” she was starting to grin.
“Cross my heart and hope to die!” it sounded whack but it was probably sweet.
She walked over and kissed me for what seemed to me like ages.
I looked onto her eyes and heard her soul say:
“I Love you more!”