Wednesday: 3:44 P. M.
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The sound of my feet tapping to a quick rhythm against the tiled floor is the only thing keeping me sane.
Not even the hunger I feel is distracting enough, as I sit on the toilet seat, chewing on my bottom lip, lost in thoughts of potentially dire consequences to come.
Ever since I got back from Deidre's, I've been sitting alone in Lucas' bathroom, drowning in my thoughts, as I await my fate.
Said fate that's about to be determined by a 5-minute Quickpreg test.
I can feel the sweat trickling from my forehead and armpits, making me contemplate taking another shower.
Why the fuck am I so nervous?
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to relax.
The feeling is overwhelming...like I'm losing control.
The more I think on it, is the more I realize I'm not ready to have a child.
Definitely not right now.
This isn't just about Lucas and his reaction anymore. It's about me. I'm just not ready.
So what am I to do if I am pregnant?
If you don't want to keep it, get rid of it then. Simple.
I banish the thought as quickly as it comes.
As much as I'm not ready for a child, I don't believe in abortion. To each his own, but it just isn't a practice I plan on embracing. Ever.
The timer on my phones goes off, and I spring to my feet.
Inhaling a deep breath, while my heart continues to drum in my ears, I pick up the pregnancy test from where it rests on the toilet tank and slide the lid up, closing my eyes tightly to calm my nerves.
After mentally counting to five, I open my eyes.
My stomach knots as I look at the pee stick in my hand.
A wave of relief washes over me as I continue to stare at the little red marking.
Although, a pang in my heart accompanies the feeling.
I sigh and close my eyes once more.
With shaky hands, I run my fingers down my face and sigh.
My fingers are wet with tears I didn't even realize I'd been shedding.
See why yuh fi stop run dung hood? Yuh can't manage the heat.
I can still feel the lump in my throat, but a smile graces my lips nonetheless.
It's the first one since I've gotten here. I shake my head at the thought.
"Amanda?" Lucas' voice greets my ears.
The sound makes me jump, dropping the test from my hand.
I hadn't heard when he got in.
"Babe?" I call out to him so he knows I'm in here.
The word rolls off my tongue, but it still feels weird calling him that.
I guess it still hasn't quite sunken in that we're together. Yet.
To think just a few days ago, I was calling another man that.
Maybe I will get used to it in due time, I tell myself.
I love that Lucas doesn't have a problem with me calling him that though.
At least, not that I know of.
If he does, he doesn't make it known. In fact, he seems to love it when I do.
I remember the look on his face the first time it slipped out.
"You OK?" his voice comes again. It's louder, so I know he's right by the door.
Thank God it's locked.
He must be wondering why I'm locked in the bathroom for so long.
I flush the toilet to distract him.
"Yea," I say, pulling off a piece of tissue from the roll to wrap the pee stick in before tucking it into a clear plastic bag and sticking it inside my bra.
He goes silent again.
Good.
Taking a quick glance at myself in the mirror, I smooth down my clothes and dry my eyes. They are a bit red, but not too noticeable.
Inhaling a deep breath, I open the door and step into the room.
Lucas is sitting on the edge of the bed, his back turned to me. His attention is focused on whatever is playing on the large plasma screen before him.
Even from all the way out here, I can smell him.
"Hey," I say, making my presence known.
At the sound of my voice, he swivels around to face me. "Hey."
He looks tired, but a cloud of contentment surrounds him.
There seems to be a lightness about him nowadays.
Stepping between his opened legs, I cup his face and plant a tender kiss on his lips.
The kiss quickly turns passionate, igniting butterflies from deep within the pits of my stomach.
All it takes is a kiss, and it suddenly seems as if all my worries have disappeared.
I wish everything could remain like this.
No distractions.
No doubts.
No arguments.
Just love.
When I feel Lucas' hands sneak below my ass and cup my cheeks, I pull away.
I know that if I don't stop him, we'd have sex right here. Right now.
And as much as I'm willing, I'm not able.
"Good evening," I say, smiling sweetly at him.
He grins. "It would be an even better evening if you give me some pumz."
If him never!
A loud laugh escapes my lips at his words, and I playfully swat his shoulder.
He makes after me, and I sprint to the door. "Stop!"
Lucas laughs and it overpowers the sound coming from the TV.
I love hearing him laugh like this.
He shakes his head and starts to remove his shirt; my mouth salivate when he pulls it completely off.
"I've been thinking about you all day," he says.
Have you now?
Despite my efforts, I find it hard to move my eyes away from his torso.
I know he feels me staring at his body, but he doesn't say anything. Neither does he make any further effort to cover up.
"Yea?" I lean against the door. "Good thoughts?"
He smirks. "Always."
My clit throbs.
"Like what?"
Hear yuh. Man tetteh!
Though he's trying to hide it, the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. "Like how sexy you are. And how much I'm lucky to have you here with me. And that I'm glad you're feeling better. And how sexy you are."
I try not to blush. "You said that twice."
He bites his bottom lip, and I swallow. Hard.
"I know."
Don't fall for it Manda. He's spitefully trying to turn you on.
I moan, but clear my throat to cover it up.
Hey, rabbit nuh have not'ing pon yuh eno gyal!
It's true. I've never been this sex-crazed until I met Lucas. It surprises me still.
Just hearing this man's voice makes me wet.
And I still can't decide whether it's a good or bad thing.
Of course it's a good thing!
"So how'd everything go today?"
He knows I'm desperately trying to change the subject, but he works with it.
"I closed the deal."
Bap bap!
"Awesome!" I squeal.
Though I don't know much about it all, it seemed pretty important when he spoke about it last night, so I'm truly happy for him.
He's beaming with pride when he says, "I'm yet to tell my father and mother. But, I wanted you to hear about it first."
My heart flutters. Aw!
I rush over to him and throw myself in his arms.
He laughs as he returns the hug.
Lucas brings his lips close to my ear and whispers in a deep voice, "I accept congratulatory pussy too."
I nearly choke on my spit. "Later."
"I can work with that," he says, gently running his hand up and down the indent of my spine.
His fingers leave a trail of heat under my skin.
Suddenly remembering the preg. test in my clothes, I move away and discreetly pull it out before dropping it into my bag's pocket, reminding myself to throw it out tomorrow.
I'm glad it's what it is. And I was able to appease myself without raising an alarm.
Lucas doesn't need to know that I thought I was pregnant. Especially since I'm now certain I'm not.
That would just raise unnecessary suspicion about me claiming to be on the pill.
And I can't take the drama.
Tomorrow is another day.
Speaking of tomorrow, I need to remind Dee to send me the contacts for Mr. Clarke.
She told me he was Petrad's link who owned a real estate agency, and that I could use him to help me find an apartment in town.
Moving to Kingston is finally something I'm considering. Especially since it would mean being close to Lucas.
If I can find something reasonable enough that is.
That would be so good.
I plan on telling Lucas about my decision when everything's final. I just hope he doesn't get in his feelings since I didn't take him up on his offer to help.
I just feel like this is something I want to do on my own. You know?
I sigh and lick my lips.
When I turn, Lucas is busy removing his shoes.
I go to sit beside him on the bed while he's distracted.
"So how was your day?" he asks without looking away from the task at hand.
I smile. "It was good actually. Deidre actually needed my help with planning an outing for Petrad's birthday."
He looks at me with wide eyes. "Fuck! Yuh know say mi figot say the dawg strong a come up though!"
I giggle at how cute he is when he's embarrassed. "Yea. She says she doesn't want the common dinner date, or party. She was thinking along the lines of a weekend at a hotel. She was planning on organizing a field trip with all of us. Where we'll book into a hotel, go to the beach, maybe clubbing, then whatever else."
This seems to pique his interest. "Cool. That sounds good."
I smile. There's still a lot of things to iron out, but we'll get there. I have a feeling Petrad will like it. I'm glad Lucas seems to be on board with the idea as well.
I don't know if I had all right to tell him, but since Deidre didn't say it was a surprise, I figure as much.
"Yea."
"By the way, I brought food," he says, standing to remove his pants. "I left it in the kitchen, if you're hungry."
The idea of food excites me. "Are you ready to eat now?"
"Yea. Just let me take a quick shower first."
I nod. "OK."
Stripping out of his clothes completely, this egotistical man decides to tempt me further by swishing his semi-erect cocky in my face.
I smirk. "Mind yuh lose it."
He laughs and steps around the bed and head straight for the bathroom. "Aite, hot head. Make mi easy miself yawh."
I watch him go, his ass muscles clenching and unclenching as he walks away.
I sigh as my panties soak.
Left in comfortable silence, I lay on the bed and log into Instagram, with the intention of distracting myself from the ache between my legs.
And look how yuh did a gwaan like yuh nuh want fuck!
That's why people say show-off brings disgrace.
Another sigh leaves my lips.
Ah boi.
The day didn't turn out so bad after all.
***
"Hello," I answer the call without looking at the caller ID.
My phone has been ringing nonstop for the past 5 minutes, which means someone is really trying to reach me.
Lucas' teasing fingers tickle between my thighs, and I spread my legs, allowing him to slide his index finger in.
"Amanda, darling! How are you?"
I freeze at the sound of the familiar voice. "Mrs. H?"
My heart races.
I couldn't even stop the surprise from reflecting in my voice. "Hi!"
I haven't heard from her since the charity ball.
I'm sure she must have heard about my breakup with her son by now.
So why is she calling me now?
And at this hour...
"I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time?" she says, her chirpy and refreshenly polite voice always a pleasure to hear.
My eyes fleet downwards to see Lucas studying his finger going in and out of my pussy.
I clench my legs together, but he uses his free hand to separate them, holding the right leg in place.
I mentally moan.
You got that right Mrs. H. It couldn't have been a worst time.
"No, that's OK," I say instead, trying hard to maintain my composure.
It would be rude to hang up on her.
So so rude...
Another mental moan causes me to bite my bottom lip and close my eyes.
"Perfect!"
"So what's up?" I ask again, urging her to hurry the conversation along.
The phone call seems to encourage Lucas to increase his tempo.
"Was just wondering if we could meet up for a bit tomorrow afternoon?" she says. The optimism in her voice is clear as day. "Nothing too long. Just wanted to chat a bit. I haven't heard from you since a couple Saturdays ago."
I try to drum up an excuse, but I can't focus on anything apart from what's going on between my legs.
"Um," I start, but Lucas hits a spot, causing me to pause in my tracks; as, if I speak, I'm sure the sound will only come out as a moan.
"Darling?"
Mrs Hamilton's voice brings me out of my state. "Yes, I mean...sure. I can manage. Any time in mind?"
"Oh! Not really. But I guess, around 1 P. M. if that's good for you?"
1 P. M. is fine.
I nod although she can't see me. "OK. Yea man. That's good. I'll text you tomorrow."
"Awesome!" she says, laughing in her characteristic uptown beat. "Ta ta, darling."
Ta Ta!
A heavy sigh escapes my lips at the sound of the beep in my ears.
Mrs. H. isn't a bad person. In fact, she's such a sweet soul. Bubbly, vibrant and super caring; obviously making her the one I liked most of Odaine's parents. But, her wanting to see me so out-of-the-blues makes me kind of nervous.
What could she possibly want to chat about?
Especially since I'm no longer together with her son.
My mind flashes back to his offer to meet up, which still sits unanswered in my chats.
I just hope Odaine didn't put her up to this...
Another sigh escapes.
"Is everything OK?" Lucas asks once he's sure the call has ended. He sits up in bed and holds my gaze; his eyes searching mine.
My heart falters as I briefly wonder how he'll react.
I sigh again. Might as well I tell him the truth. "Yea. Mrs. H just wanted to know if we could meet up for a little bit, tomorrow."
"Mrs. H?" he asks bemused. "Isn't that—"
"Yea," I say, confirming his question before he can even finish it.
My heart thumps inside my chest.
"And you said yes?" He looks at me quizzically, furrowing his brows. His jaws tick.
Yes now...same damn thing.
I try my best to maintain my composure, despite the drumming in my ears. "I didn't think that would be a problem."
You're right, you didn't think.
Common occurrence.
I ignore the voice in my head.
"You didn't think meeting up with your ex's mother would be a problem?"
Why would it be?
It's not like I'm meeting up with Odaine!
I don't like his tone and the implication it holds.
I cross my arms across my chest and return his pointed stare. "Is it?"
What's the big deal?
There's silence. Thick, uncomfortable, tension-filled silence which lingers for a while.
At this point, my heart has boarded a roller coaster and is having a merry ride.
He then chuckles, but it's dry. "Nah man, yuh good."
He gets up and goes into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
The fuck!
I hiss my teeth and roll my eyes and pull the covers over my half-naked body while muttering "Fucking childish and petty," under my breath.
I sigh and pull up my chats and find Deidre's name.
*D, going to meet Odaine's mommy tomorrow. Thoughts?*
If Deidre agrees that I shouldn't go then maybe Lucas isn't being too paranoid or too insecure after all.
I know he'll be upset with me if I go. But Mrs. H. has been really good to me, and I see no reason for disrespecting her; despite what issues I may have with her idiotic son.
Another sigh leaves my lips at the thought of him being upset with me though.
He can be awful when he's upset.
And I don't like arguing with him over silly things either.
Then stop doing silly things for him to argue about...
I honestly don't want a repeat of Odaine.
Look at that. We've just had our first argument since we've become official. And what is it about?
My ex.
Again.
For some reason, him being jealous of Odaine excites me. Not that he really has any reason to be jealous of him, but...it makes me feel desired.
As fucked up as it may seem.
I groan. I'm a damn mess over this man. I swear!
I can already predict how things will turn out.
When I love, I love with my all, and something tells me that I'm well on the road to loving this man with all my heart and then some.
I rub my legs together as I think about him in that way. I'm still soaked from all his teasing from earlier.
It feels so good, but not as good as having the real thing down there.
Or at least a substitute...
Rolling my eyes, I hiss my teeth again quietly. Then slowly lower my hand between my legs and start massaging my clit.
Closing my eyes, I adjust my body to make myself more comfortable, picturing tatted hands and skilled fingers flicking my bud.
Moaning silently, I spread my legs wider.
I hate that these thoughts of Lucas does nothing more than makes me hornier.
It's so annoying!
The door swings open just as I'm about to insert a finger, and I jump at the realization that Lucas is standing in front of the bed, watching me.
Fuck!
Caught in a daze, I didn't even hear when the shower stopped running.
Bomboclaat.
The man just catch mi a masturbate...inna him bed to pussyclaat!
Kill me now!
My face instantly flushes.
As if he doesn't realize what I was just doing, or he just doesn't care, he, without a word, walks to the other side of the room and puts something down on top of the dresser.
Finally finding my voice, I mutter a meek, "Are you OK?"
Okay-okay? Or OK say yuh a fuck yuhself inna him bed?
He doesn't even look at me when he answers with a coarse, "Mi gov. man..."
Is he upset?
Upset-upset? Or upset say yuh a fuck yuhself inna him bed?
My eyes follow him, staring a hole through his back.
I can see his face through the mirror. It's stoic, hardset, and cold. But his composure is calm.
For some reason, the aura surrounding him feels different. Dangerous. Deadly.
Yet, physically, he's nothing more than a naked man standing in front of a mirror, with only a white bathtowel wrapped around his waist.
I squeeze my legs tighter together.
My clit is still throbbing like crazy.
He watches me watching him through the mirror, but I don't look away.
Lucas doesn't tarry too long before he's back at the foot of the bed.
I lift my head to meet his face, but my heart skips a beat when I see the look in his eyes.
His hair is messy as if he had been combing his hand through it repeatedly.
Even so, he still looks scrumptious. It's almost like it's impossible for this man to look anything less than.
A surprised gasp escapes my lips, when I'm suddenly pulled forward, by my feet, and made to lay flat on my back, with my ass hanging off the edge of the bed.
Lucas, holding my two legs in both hands, spreads them apart and grunts.
Bringing a pillow from behind me, he places it under my back to act as a cushion. My back pain still lingers, but not as bad as it was last night. Thank God!
He remembers.
Another gasp escapes my lips when the man gets on his knees and, without missing a beat, covers my throbbing clit with his warm mouth.
So this is what we're doing...?
A shiver runs up my spine at the sensation. With thick beard tickling my thighs, I close my eyes and grip the sheets tighter.
My back arches as far as it can, considering the restraint placed on my legs by strong hands on my thighs.
With precise strokes, Lucas' tongue works my aching bud like the expert he is.
My eyes roll so far back into their sockets, I almost thought I was going to blind my fucking self.
"Ah!" I moan, writhing against his face, as he sinks his stiff tongue inside me and laps at my juices.
I cream some more on his tongue.
Fuck!