This is the sequel following on directly from Take Me To Church. It's a longish one so buckle up :)
Wrote a much more depressing version of this and then remembered people wanted a happy ending 🤣
Song for this part is Hallelujah (my favourite) version by Jeff Buckley. If you haven't heard it I'd 100% recommend giving it a listen
There was a high chance I'd only managed to gain a couple hours of sleep before the sound of my front door clicking open and then quietly creaking shut stirred me awake.
I didn't open my eyes or think to investigate, since I knew all too well who it was.
After all, there was only one other man with a key to my home.
I couldn't really describe how it started, but this sort of routine had become a fairly regular occurrence in my life. After almost half a year of weekly visits, I didn't even question it when Declan's light footsteps padded up towards my lonely bedroom door.
I had a spare room of course, one which he was welcome to use at any time, however that wasn't what he came for.
Declan was a complicated man, from the moment we'd started to reconnect to now, I couldn't truthfully claim to be any closer to solving his puzzle. He was an enigma and never let anyone close enough to know his trauma.
As a result, It was a mystery exactly what led him to my front door but I could say I had enough experience to know exactly what he wanted from me.
Just like how i always slept in Pyjamas now; I knew not to sit up as he stumbled into my room and began removing his shoes; I knew to keep my breathing steady as not to spook him; I knew not to look or speak as he sat on the edge of my bed, drunkenly battling with himself about what he was about to do and I knew that pretending to be asleep as he tentatively dipped beneath the covers was the only way I could keep him with me.
The Young father stank of some strong booze that particular night, but he didn't always arrive wasted. The Level of intoxication did however determine how much he allowed himself have... how much he he allowed himself to take from me. It was never sexual, although sometimes I got the feeling he wished it could be and just didn't have the capability to be intimate with anyone, let alone me.
In the priest's head, as he shuffled closer and pressed his small body against mine- his arms curling around my torso, he was committing a crime. He'd been conditioned in such a way that he deeply believed wanting affection and comfort from another man was a sin and he'd certainly find a way to punish himself for his perceived weakness later.
I didn't put my arms around him, I'd made that mistake enough times to know it would only make him pull away and become mad at me for touching him and mad at himself for liking it. I laid completely still, drinking in the feeling of him gripping my body tightly and nuzzling his nose into my neck with a deep longing sigh.
For me, these nights were in many ways the highlight of my weeks, but in others, complete torture. We'd made progress together, it took a lot of work to get to the point where he could be near a bed with me let alone laying in one, but It had all taken so long, it felt like he'd never heal enough for me to be with him the way I really wanted. I had a tactic though, but it was a plan I'd save for the morning.
I waited patiently until his deep, drunken breathing evened out as he drifted to sleep and finally turned my head, opening my eyes so I could take a look at his lithe body curled around mine.
It was one of those nights, where the loneliness of only getting to see him when he was too intoxicated to remember anything I did or said, made me to fantasise a little to make it easier. I imagined we were married, he was my husband who'd just gotten back from a night of drinking with friends and wanted cuddles because he felt needy.
I let a few stray tears fall from my eyes down onto the pillow as I basked in the life that was taken from us. We could have had everything... and the worst part was he didn't even know it.
I don't know when it had happened but instinctively, I'd lifted my hands to settled on his clothed back. Thankfully he hadn't woken up and so, I allowed myself to feel what it was like to hold him as I slowly shut my eyes, wanting to follow him into dreamland.
»»»»»»»»»»
I didn't wait for Father Dec to wake up before starting my day, he wouldn't have wanted me to. So I left him sleeping peacefully in the morning and tiptoed downstairs to prepare some breakfast.
It was another half an hour before I heard him using the shower. I placed down my paper and went to the hob, turning on the gas ready to cook the bacon, eggs and sausages.
We'd done this enough times that I knew the routine. He'd start his shower, I'd start cooking the food and when he came downstairs we didn't talk about the night before unless he brought it up... which he rarely ever did.
The Short Brown haired priest looked adorable as he stumbled into the kitchen sleepily. Be rubbed his wet hair with a towel and slumped towards his barstool- which was actually my preferred one but he liked to watch me cook so I'd moved to the opposite stool for him.
He yawned and rubbed his face, the hangover looking to be one of the worse ones he'd had in a while.
I took the orange juice I'd squeezed ready and placed it infront of him, along with a glass of water and two aspirin. He winced and shook his head.
"Sorry i cant do the Orange juice, had Orange and tequila last night." Dec voice was slightly deeper and gravelly from sleep but the way he pouted was undeniably childlike.
Nodding, I removed the orange juice so it wouldn't make him feel sick before reboiling the kettle.
I hated this silence between us but It was better than him growing uncomfortable and leaving early.
I flipped the sausages as they were almost finished and placed a freshly brewed coffee infront of the smaller man. "Thanks." He mumbled in relief, taking an eager gulp of caffeine.
As soon as the toast was ready, I loaded up his plate and placed it front of him with ketchup before doing the same with my own.
"Looks Amazing Anth, Thankyou."
"Ya welcome." I replied with a smile because although the conversation was a little forced, it wasn't at all unnatural. We'd done this a thousand times before and so he knew he didn't need to grovel to appreciated my hospitality.
We ate in silence at first.
"Anything interesting going on in the world?" Declan asked as he placed down his knife and fork, looking a lot better than he did.
My eyes flickered up from my paper and I shrugged, "Not really. Nothing cheery anyway. Local news is focusing on those robberies that happened a few days back."
"Still haven't found the thieves?"
I shook my head with a sigh, folding my paper and placing it down, "i uh... heard your fathers back in Newcastle."
Decs eyes shot to mine and his upper lip twitched. "How do you know that?"
"He's preaching at our school assembly tomorrow. I'll be honest i fought against it but was dismissed."
"Why did you fight it? He's a good prea—"
"Because of what he's done to you. And because some of my students are queer and I don't want them being told that's wrong."
Dec fell silent and lowered his head, "I'm sorry."
I reigned in my anger, it had been directed at the wrong person. "No I'm sorry, I know that's not your fault, I don't know why I got mad."
"My father would never preach about homosexuality to children. He believes it's wrong for them to learn of sodomy at such a young age." He spoke emotionlessly and that snapped away all my control.
"Homosexuality isn't just sodomy." I growled and Declan flinched, slowly looking up to me.
"You know that's not what I meant." He whispered.
Once again I forced myself to calm down and let out a relaxing breath. I didn't apologise though, Declan knew my thoughts on reducing my sexuality to one demonised-act, he knew that being gay was so much more than sex and It annoyed me whenever he said otherwise because I knew that was just his abuse talking.
"They've allowed me to run a class during his assembly for students who'd rather not hear what he has to say."
Declan nodded, "That's good."
"You think so?"
"Yes. Y-You're right not to trust him... a-around gay children."
I left that statement hanging between us, since it held a whole lot more meaning than I wished it did. I pondered it and let my eyes flicker over his, searching for answers.
I got none so reached into my pocket for the person who may have better luck with him.
"This is the number for my Psychologist. He's a good guy who may understand a bit about what you're doing through and he helped me a lot in the past with my depression. He's even offered to give you a few free appointments so you can try it out."
I held out the card and Declan just stared at it.
"A therapist."
"Psychologist." I corrected.
"I—"
It would have been almost laughable if he said he didn't need one and I think he knew that too so didn't complete his sentence and took the card hesitantly.
"What if I don't go?"
"I really think you should but I can't make you do anything. You've got to want to help yourself for therapy to work."
He nodded and pocketed the card, i thought that went surprisingly well.
"I should get back to the church now." He stated and I smiled, nodding.
"Thankyou for coming over." I replied the way I always did, it was a way of telling him that I liked his midnight visits. Even if they were heart breaking, I liked the physical contact since I didn't get it anywhere else in my life.
"Thankyou for the food. I'll see you Sunday?"
"Aye, see you Sunday." I smiled.
»»»»»»»»»»
Declan, although on the outside harmless, was a very persuasive man. I never thought I'd go to church, even to chase a crush, but the way he talked about it made me curious and after my neighbour realised her priest and I were friends, she'd been nagging me to accompany her for Sunday mass aswell.
I'd initially said no, until Declan blushed and batted his pretty eyelashes at me with that small, shy smile as he whispered, "I would like it if you came."
And before I knew it, it became my routine. No longer did I drink on a Saturday night watching crap tv so I could go to bed late and wake up even later. No, now I was a changed man. I ate a fruit salad in-front of the Game and as soon as it was finished got an early night with my Sunday best laid out on the chair ready for the early morning start.
I couldn't say I enjoyed practicing or supporting the faith but no one there ever tried to make me believe something I didn't. Declan had made a very welcoming atmosphere in the church that meant I could sit with my elderly neighbour and enjoy the service- more importantly, enjoy watching father Declan present in his fancy priest outfits I found so sexy.
"—and that concludes our community recognition for today well done to everyone for continuing to do your bit it really makes a big difference and hopefully we can cross further milestones in the new month. Finally, I'd like to welcome a special guest to conclude today's service with a sermon." I doubted anyone noticed, but I watched the way Dec's nails clawed on the pulpit infront of him and kept flickering his eyes to the side. My hackles rose as he continued, "So please give a warm welcome, to my father, Preacher Alphonsus Donnelly."
There were excited claps, Declan was a fan favourite with the older ladies so you could imagine the looks his tall, broad shouldered father got as he stepped up to take his sons place. Like a lion stepping into a pride of lonely lionesses and it appeared he was no stranger to those lustful looks.
"Uuhum." My neighbour hummed as he smiled at the gathering of people, "I'd have me a little bit of that and it wouldn't be so illegal."
I choked harshly on my laughter at Eryls suggestive comment, she had the dirtiest mind I knew and never failed to make me laugh as she 'appreciated' Declan and any other man with a pretty face and good ass who happened to wander past her field of view.
Mr Donnelly's eyes shot to me disapprovingly and I piped down, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention to myself considering I doubted he'd take kindly to how I held his son as he slept in my bed every other night.
My eyes flickered to Declan as the older man began preaching and they narrowed to realise he wasn't there.
I twisted in my seat, looking around for him. I frowned and leaned into to Eryl.
"Did you see where father Declan went?"
"NoPe." She popped the P, proud that she'd been too busy oogling her new eye candy to be paying attention to anything more. "Of course the father's father was going to be gorgeous, you don't get those genes for nothing." She rambled, "Boy if I was 10 years younger."
I scoffed and corrected, "More like 20." The little lady elbowed me in the ribs with surprising strength and I fought to hold back my winded cough.
"Watch it Mister."
My body shook with surpressed giggles and I whispered, "i'll be right back. Gonna pee." I slid from my seat and went in the opposite direction of the toilets in search of Dec.
The church was vast, but Declan's hiding spaces were few so it didn't take long to find him tucked away in the bell tower. He was afraid of heights, so he never went near the windows but always curled up behind the giant Bell, hidden from view unless you took the time to look.
I took the time to look and my heart broke when I found him, eyes crunched shut with tears streaming down his pretty face and head pressed back against the cold stone walls.
"P-please leave." He whimpered softly, somehow knowing it was me without even looking.
"I don't want to leave you alone."
"It's better if I am." He murmured weakly and I shook my head, slowly moving to stand over him.
It was one of those moments where I knew I shouldn't push my luck, but couldn't fight against the protective urge to take his chin in my hand to tilt his teary face up to look into my eyes and whisper, "I don't believe that."
When I let go of his chin, the Young priest sniffed and nodded, rubbing at his eyes to hide the tears as I slid down the wall to sit beside him. He leaned his head on my shoulder with a soft mewl.
I let out a slow sigh and lifted my hand to gently cradle his head, my fingers burying in the soft brown tresses. As soon as I attempted to hold him so lovingly, he started pulling away, fighting against the affection but I didn't let him go even as he squirmed. I waited, showed him he had nothing to fear and that he wasn't about to burst into flames at my touch.
When he finally realised there was nothing he could do but accept my comfort, he turned his body closer to mine, a sign of surrender.
"I-I used to hide up in the bell towers all the time when I was little." He mumbled, partly to himself, partly to me. "It felt safe to be surrounded by these things, so much bigger than me... and able to frighten all the nasty birds away."
I chuckled at that innocence and gently began stroking his hair, the little tremors in his small body ceased- letting me know even if he was afraid of it, i was doing something right.
"Dunno when they stopped feeling safe." He murmured to himself, staring down at his toes.
I scratched at his scalp and turned to watch as he closed his eyes, purring into it. Not over-thinking, just enjoying it for once.
However it seemed impossible for the brown haired man to shut off his brain for long as he groaned. "If my Dad finds us he'll kill you and me."
"Let him try." I grunted.
I expected many things from Declan but to initiate physical contact whilst sober was not one of them.
But once again he managed to surprise me as he nervously placed his hand on my knee and whispered, "I-I don't want you to get hurt."
I stared at the hand, trying desperately not to over-react despite the feeling and his words sending me up to cloud nine. It was scary how sometimes you don't realise how much you needed to be told that someone cared. Even if it was blatantly obvious to everyone else, sometimes we didn't allow ourselves to believe until the facts were slapping us across the face.
I finally allowed myself to believe and couldn't help but carefully lean my head to rest up top of his, my hand in his hair lowering slightly, to smooth over his perfectly soft cheek.
It took me far too long to realise I hadn't actually spoken the reply in my head and it was a little embarrassing to whisper out of the blue. "Nothin' could hurt me more than losing you to him again."
Dec gripped my knee almost painfully tight and so suddenly, it was a tick he had. Something to do with his trauma, he wouldn't even know he was doing it but his grip would sometimes tighten around me in bed or he'd create claw marks in my hand. I tried my best not to wince and waited until the tremor passed.
His hand relax and he whispered, "I really don't think you've found the boy you lost Anth. I don't think I can ever be that boy again."
I sighed as a little more of the puzzle slotted into place and I turned my head, my nose pressing into his soft, strawberry fragranced hair as I figured out the best words to soothe his insecurities.
"I had a massive crush on that boy. He's was confident and sexy in a way no one else was in that town. I know you've grown quiet and guarded. But to me you are still sexy. To me, you are more than enough the way you are. I still have a crush on you and I..."
It wasn't how I planned to tell him, and he certainly wasn't as recovered as I'd hoped but it had been 6months and something about this moment felt... right. I braced myself for the bad reaction and pulled away some, using my hand still on his cheek to guide his beautiful green orbs to focus on mine as I mustered the courage to whisper genuinely, "I love you now. I love you like this."
Decs eyes widened and stared back at me, stunned pools of liquid sadness gathering beneath them.
"Anth..." he whispered, as though the life had been sucked from him, "Anth I don't think... i-i don't think I can love anyone anymore."
My heart shattered but I'd prepared for it so hid the pain well enough.
Tears escaped from the priests eyes and laid out silky tracks down his soft cheeks as he whispered, "Anth it hurts too much."
He was crying again, it hadn't been my intention but it was better than him getting mad and storming off. This way I could help him to process the information healthily. Not the way he'd been programmed to.
"Decs shushh, baby please don't cry," I whispered, wiping his tears before they could turn to streams, "I'm not asking you to give me anything back. I know that you can't and that's fine, I've accepted that. But me loving you isn't a burden you need to bare its a privilege. I love you and I protect the people I love. I love you and that means I'll never let anyone hurt you. I love you and so I'll never let you go. I'll always be here for you when you need me."
Hanging his head and with his folded legs between us, the smaller geordie leaned forward till his forehead rested heavily on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered brokenly. "M-my heart wants to love you but head is numb to it. I c-can't feel... I can't feel what you want me to. All I feel is disgust and anger."
I nodded, burying my face in his neck. I understood. I hated it but I understood.
"I know." I whispered, "I know, it's okay Decky." I let my hands travel back to his soft hair and enjoyed the feeling of running my fingers through it again.
Below us, I could hear the holy songs being sang and that meant mass would be finished soon.
Dec waited, he gripped each of my shirt sleeves In tight fists as his tears dampened my shoulder and when the song changed he whispered. "I need to go back. So do you."
I nodded stiffly and hadn't realised I'd been crying until Decs thumbs were under my eyes, wiping my tears. He smiled, that wise Priest smile and I felt something shift between us.
I could see in his eyes he still didn't love me back.
But now I saw trust and that would be enough to keep my broken heart beating a little longer.
He started down the spiral staircase, leaving me sat in the echoing silence. His sobs still ringing in my ears and a burning rage at his father bubbling in my chest.
The Service had concluded by the time I went back downstairs, as I stepped Into the social crowd mingling around outside the church in the summer weather, I caught Eryl's eyes searching for me and she grinned.
I smiled back until I saw why she looked so excited and met the eyes of the last man I wanted to speak to.
Scanning the possible exits, the only face I recognised was the retired neurologist who was also a little too Handsy and would no doubt offer me a position as his sugar baby again.
I was well aware I looked young for my age but Jesus Christ I was a grown ass man with a stable income and a house of my own. I did not need nor want a sugar daddy.
Resigning myself to be a victim of my inevitable fate, I pushed my hands into the pockets of my smart dressed pants and practiced a relaxed walk to stand beside Eryl who grinned.
"Anthony here is my neighbour! It's taken me years to convince him to come along to these Sunday services."
"You weren't previously Catholic Anthony?" Mr Donnelly asked and my eyes caught Declan as his small frame stepped around his father's broader one to watch us with fear sparkling in his soft green eyes.
"Uh no. No, still not convinced either to put it trivially." I chuckled.
Mr Donnelly's face fell and his upper lip twitched irritably. He tilted his head curiously, his eyes flickering from me, to his son and then back again.
I sensed the danger and Declan's reaction was to freeze still in fear. As much as i wanted to push the older man into the metaphorical dirt with an intellectual battle on the morality of religion and it's teachings; it was safer for Declan if I left as quickly as possible.
"Anyway we best be going now. Come on Eryl." Thankyou for your sermon today Mr Donnelly. Very interesting."
Eryl had certainly lived long enough to know when not to argue someone's plea to leave and kicked her Zimmer frame into action to follow me.
I stilled only momentarily when Mr Donnelly called back.
"You know you might find my sermons even more interesting Mr McPartlin if you actually sat through them."
No one had mentioned my last name, he must've recognised me either from school of from my childhood.
I let out a light chuckle as though that statement hadn't rattled me to the core and called over my shoulder as I continued on my way, "I doubt that, sir."
I didn't let myself turn to Dec.
If he needed me, he'd come to me.
That I hoped anyway.
»»»»»»»»»»
Declan didn't come around that night, or the following night. Id like to say it didn't affect me but it did, greatly. I barely slept, I kept waiting to hear the lock on my front door quietly click open and little feet tapping on their stairs as he got closer.
It was Tuesday night and I laid awake, something deep down told me that he wouldn't come but still I couldn't stop thinking about him.
It wasn't just his face that was on my mind, it was his his touch, his smell, his soft snores and gentle breaths. I wanted him close, wanted his weight on my chest and his short brown hair tickling my stumbled cheek.
I grunted and sat up in my bed, rubbing my hands over my face and through my jet black hair. I checked my phone but just swiped pointlessly through my Empty notification bar. He so rarely text I sometimes forgot he even had a phone.
My heart hurt. It thudded through my chest like it didn't belong there, as though there was somewhere it would much rather be and would break my rib cage to escape.
My over reactive mind exploded full of horrible reasons why he hadn't contacted me, all of them revolved around his father and what he could have done to him.
I stared at the clock on my bedside and breathed through the rising anxiety attack.
I was getting deja vu. What if was in trouble?! What if he was scared and alone right now and needed me.
I sat up, deciding I had to go to the church, had make sure he was okay or else I'd never find peace alone. Not having time to change I tugged on a jacket and pulled a pair of trainers onto my bare feet.
My car keys jangled loudly through the silence as I dragged them off my bedside table and bolted out my bedroom door.
I had no idea where the urgency came from but as I got halfway down the stairs I skidded to a halt as the unmistakable sound of a key in my front door lock rang through the silence.
With me staring at it in utter disbelief, the rusty hinge on my door creaked as it opened and a small brown haired man stepped inside. It was too dark to make out his features, but the light shining in through the door from the street lamps outside told me he was looking straight at me. Almost as shocked as I was no doubt.
"Dec." I whispered in relief when I processed that this meant he was okay and he was now safe with me.
I stepped down another step but stopped when he sniffed, "W-where are you going?" My heart hurt and warmed all at the same time on hearing how broken and scared he was at the prospect of me leaving him.
"I was going to find you... I-I was worried."
"Please don't go."
My brow furrowed, "No pet, you're here now so im not going anywhere." To show him, I knelt down slowly and placed my car keys on the step I was stood on. "See? Im Stayin' right here. You wanna come cuddle?"
Dec nodded and I waited patiently as he peeled off his coat to place it on the hanger, when he was ready I held out my hand, smiling softly when he didn't even hesitate to take it and let me lead him up to my room without resistance.
The pint sized priest was quiet, even for him and the worry made it hard to act normal as we wandered into my room. I kicked off my trainers and turned to watch as he did the same. He'd pulled off his sweater and I was still looking, unable to move my eyes from the shiny purple bruise circling his left eye.
When he was ready for bed, his gaze found mine and he turned his head to hide the evidence. In someways it was good he did, as i had been slowly getting swallowed up by the rage at his Dad and self hatred at seeing I'd let someone hurt him again.
"What happened?" The emotion choked my words and made them hard to speak but he heard me. He heard that small plea for an explanation and he shook his head.
"I don't want to talk about it."
I groaned my jaw to hold back the tears and shook my head, this hurt too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
"I-if... Dec. Decky I love you. But if you're going to leave me tomorrow, disappear for a few days and then turn up again drunk or with bruises then I can't do this ... I can't take the worrying Dec. It's too much. I can't sleep not knowing if you're safe."
I set off his tears but like me he wouldn't let them show and rubbed them away before they rolled down his soft cheeks.
Sniffing, the smaller geordie scrunched his hands into tiny fists and stared at the dead center of my chest.
"He went too far this time." He whispered and I nodded numbly, unsure what I was even nodding at. "H-he told me I could choose. B-between you and being a p-part of the family."
Suddenly I was the one stuck in a state of shock rather than him. I swallowed down the painful lump in my throat and through my disbelief asked the stupidest question, "W-what did you choose?"
Declan found the funny side in my inability to process what was going on and smiled, moving to stand directly in front of me, our feet touching he was so close.
"I'm here aren't I? What do you think?" He blinked up at me nervously, "I've sacrificed enough for them already."
Of course he was shy and timid, this was his first few moments of being a free man and i had the urge to pinch myself when he took full advantage of it, lifting his hands up to slowly peel back my jacket, letting the material push down over my shoulders and fall from my hands to the floor so we were both left in just our pyjamas.
"I choose you Anth..."
I felt the tears well in my eyes but only allowed a single drop to roll down my cheek as a smile broke through onto my face. I nearly sobbed in relief. Having him in my room, undress me like that and tell me that he put me first, above everything else in his life- he just made me the happiest man alive.
"Y-you're serious?" I whispered through an emotional breath of disbelief, i felt sick to my stomach, this couldn't really be happening. I must have passed out from the exhaustion and was no dreaming.
"On Sunday, I-I said t-that I couldn't love anyone anymore... I-I lied. To you and to myself. I do love. I've always loved you and until today I just... I wished I didn't. It's still going to be hard. B-but I want to fall for you again—" he kicked the ground shyly and admitted, "E-even if you are a-a man. Gods a creep for caring who I'm sleeping with anyways."
A laugh escaped me but the gravity of realising that he was all mine created word vomit, "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I'll take good care of youse too I promise, make you breakfast in bed- we can order Chinese whenever you want- you can have my space on the sofa when we watch the footie a-and steal my sausage roll even tho you say you don't like 'em and—
"Anth." He giggled, his hands twitching up as though wanting to touch me but changed his mind and stuffed them in his pockets, "I know you'll treat us right don't worry. Although on saying that, I will hold you to the sofa thing." He grinned cheekily before sobering up. "I Uh... I actually don't have a place to stay... mh dad may contact the church to have me Excommunicated and well... means I can live on church property."
"My home is your home. Youse can stay as long as you need."
"Thankyou."
"You want some ice for your head?"
Dec shook his head quickly and in an impressively brave move, he gently put a hands on my clothe chest the way he'd denied himself earlier, spreading out his fingers experimentally. "No Thankyou but... I would like those cuddles?"
"Aye. Get in bed then." I smiled to myself as I went to close the door and when I turned back he'd scrambled beneath my duvet and was tucked in with his head popping out expectantly.
Moving towards my side of the bed, i was surprised when Declan's eyes followed me and even more surprised when he whispered.
"C-can you take your top off?"
My eyes widened in disbelief, "Decs you were barely excommunicated an hour ago and you already want me to take my clothes off?" Not that I was complaining, but an explanation wouldn't go amiss.
"I-I has this dream..." he blushed and pulled the covers up to his nose so it was only his eyes and Sandy-brown tuft of hair on show. "W-we Are a bit older and we are cuddled up in bed... my heads rested against your chest and— I always thought that dream was a poison to cause me more pain... a-and I was told that it was the devil trying to tempt me into a world of sin. B-but now I think is gods way of telling me the path I should follow."
Obviously I didn't believe in all the god stuff, but I couldn't argue with his reasoning and crossed my arms to grip the hem of my shirt.
"Well no ones ever used that excuse before." I lifted my arms and peeled my shirt off with it. When I could finally see him again, Dec was sat up and his eyes were wide, stuck on my half-naked body. I couldnt tell if he was impressed or about to have a panic attack.
I rung the t-shirt in both hands nervously, "I can put it back on if you want?"
"No!" Dec didn't look away, he just blushed and shook his head quickly, "P-please don't... I... I-Im sorry this is all very new to me i haven't ever seen... y'know I just... C-can... can I just enjoy it for a second? I-I'm still processing."
I smiled at that honesty and nodded, chucking my shirt onto my chair and standing still for him to admire, his eyes wandered everywhere, getting a good look at everything he could as though he'd never seen anything like it before... and I guessed in many ways he hadn't.
As a few moments passed he seemed to relax more and I got to watch as he came out of his shell, slowly crawling across the bed, over the duvet. I liked this, it wasn't me trying to fix him for once it was him taking control of his own recovery and I was happy to follow his lead to help him heal.
He came and knelt in-front of me on the bed, sitting back on his heels so he was level with my chest.
I could see in his eyes there were some very dark thoughts he was fighting, but also that he was winning the battle and I smiled as he licked his lips and tentatively reached out.
His fingers didn't really touch me, but I could feel their presence, they tickled my chest hair and disrupted the air over my abs. Obviously I wanted more, but I wasn't about to ask for it so enjoyed the sweet torture until he'd had enough and took his hand back with a pout.
"C-can you turn around a second? I-I wanna do something."
The temptation to make an inappropriate joke was almost too much, I suppressed my laugh behind a cheeky grin and slowly turned as I was told.
I heard him shift behind me, the rustling of fabrics and of the sheets. He didn't touch me like I'd expected but whatever he was doing it must have been really complicated or he must have been seriously overthinking it because it took him a good couple of minutes before he let out a deep breath to relax.
"O-o-okay... y-youse c-can turn."
I felt like I was at a wedding dress reveal as I turned and set my eyes upon beautiful, shirtless priest, knelt and fidgeting with his t-shirt in his lap.
He didn't look at me, just focused on his breathing whilst I drank in everything. God he was even more beautiful in the flesh than I'd imagined, pretty pale skin and hardly an ounce of fat on him apart from an adorable little pouch around the middle. He looked so cuddly, but there were traces of muscle that made him sexy as hell. His body made me overly aware of how long it had been since I'd been sexual with anyone and how much I wanted to be with him.
"You're gorgeous." I whispered and although he didn't acknowledge me, I knew he heard because his breath hitched a little and his lips turned up just enough for me to catch the smile.
I didn't want to make him suffer anymore by standing and staring. So I gently sat myself down by his side and took his hand in mine.
He looked down at the hands and then let his eyes wander up until they got distracted by our reflection in my bedroom window. He tilted his head curiously, his eyes flickering back and forth between the two shirtless men holding hands and staring right back at us. To me they looked familiar, perfect. To Dec they were strangers and he stared at them as such.
My thumb stroked over his and I turned away from our reflections to look at him, he looked exhausted, "You've been so brave today. Let's cuddle now hm? You don't have to do everything all at once, I'm not going anywhere."
Declan squeezed my hand tightly and nodded, he turned and crawled back to his side of the bed. It was my turn to let out a deep breath.
I'd had sex with plenty of men in my youth and it had never felt half as intimate as that, now lying with him without our clothes as a barrier made me feel like I was about to have my first time again. I was anxious about it going wrong, of messing it up so badly I wouldn't get to do it again.
Unlike my first time though I wasn't worried I wouldn't like it, after all this was Declan Donnelly in my bed, the handsome son of a preacher from the church across the road. My first and last crush, I tried not to rush to join him beneath the covers but it was very hard and I probably did bounce over a little too excitedly.
I wanted to spoon him, curl him up in my arms and never let go but that would have to wait. I laid flat on my back, after all the smaller man was trying to live out a fantasy. I got a little kick out of knowing I was his fantasy and that I'd been a main character in his dreams.
And I got an even bigger kick when he shuffled up against my side and slowly wrapped an arm around my torso, his head resting on my chest.
"Can I hold you?" I asked and he paused a second before nodding cautiously.
I took my turn to wrapped my both my arms around his body so he was safely tucked up, i pressed a few light kisses in his hair which did seem to be a little much because he tensed, clawing at my side the way he did when I triggered him. I stopped instantly, accepting that I'd gotten carried away and rested back into the pillow.
Once I'd reached to turn the bedside light off and made sure he was comfy again, i closed my eyes with a content sigh, enjoying the feeling of skin on skin. I didn't ever want to wash now, I didn't want to lose the feeling and scent of him against me.
"Is this like your dreams?" I yawned. Lifting his head with my chest and the priest nuzzled in impossibly closer.
"Better." He whispered and I grinned into the darkness, holding him even tighter.
"Goodnight Decky. I love youse."
"Night night Anth..."