PEYTON
I played that night over and over in my mind, several times a day, for the next few weeks. Beau had still been in my bed when I'd woken up the day after the concert. My head had been against his chest and his arm wrapped around my back. I'd been warm and comfortable and it had been the absolute best night of my life.
All we had done was kiss, but it had been spectacular. Beau knew what he was doing, that's for sure. I could tell from just that night that he could be soft and gentle, or more authoritative and bossy, and either was fine with me. I'd been completely content in his arms with his warm mouth on mine, and Beau had seemed to be as well. He hadn't pushed for anything more than that.
The sun had just risen when Beau had given me a gentle kiss goodbye and left me in bed to catch a cab back to the hotel. I was still there when Amanda showed up a couple of hours later, all buzzing from her night with Dane. She told me all about it while she picked at one of my boxes of cereal.
According to her, everything with Dane had been great. He'd been recognized on their way back to the hotel, and she'd found that very exciting. She'd stood next to him as he signed a couple of autographs and posed for a couple of pictures.
The thought of that much attention made me a bit uncomfortable, but Amanda seemed to love the fact that she'd been out with a famous drummer.
Dane was just so awesome. She smiled with her entire face as she explained just how strong and cool he was. They had slept together, and she was so ecstatic about it she gave me a few more details than I needed.
She wasn't as excited when I asked if she thought Justin would find out. Her eyes had narrowed, and she'd glared at me for a second before she shrugged it off and said she didn't care.
I was happy for her. She had thirsted after Dane ever since we met him in Justin's garage, and that dream had finally come true for her. But when she told me Dane had said he'd call her later that week, I began to worry. I hoped for her sake that he would, but I also wanted her to understand that it was most likely just something he said.
"So what happened with you and Beau?" she asked, almost like she'd forgotten, when it was time for her to leave. "Did you finally give up your v-card?"
"Um, nothing happened. We came back here because you were in his room. He slept on that side of the bed," I said and pointed to the left side, "and I slept right here."
"Really?" she asked and looked a little disappointed. "Nothing happened?"
For whatever reason, I couldn't even tell Amanda that he'd kissed me and made my stomach feel like it was full of butterflies.
I didn't tell anyone.
Amanda didn't hear from Dane that week, or anytime thereafter. At first she thought it was because they were busy getting ready for their tour, but as the days became weeks, she stopped with the excuses. I knew she was upset about it, and that it bothered her, even though she tried to play it off like it didn't matter.
I hadn't heard anything from Beau after that morning either. But I also hadn't expected to, so it wasn't like it was surprising. I'd hoped, of course.
Still did... sometimes.
When my phone buzzed on the table, I expected it to be Amanda. We were planning our Thanksgiving break, but it wasn't.
"Peyton," Becca hissed, louder than was appropriate for the library, and I realized I had zoned out. Again. I'd been doing a lot of that lately.
"What's going on?" Lin asked. Her normally soft voice had a bit of a concerned edge to it.
"Nothing really."
"Well, you keep staring at your phone like it is vital to your existence," Becca commented. "I know I'm bad, but you're seriously terrible. You don't even put it down for a second."
I knew she was right, but I couldn't admit what was actually happening, that Beau had sent me a picture from the Spanish steps in Rome saying how awesome everything was.
I felt instant happiness, like Christmas morning. I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud. He had told me he'd send me photos once the tour got to Italy. But never for a second had I thought he actually would. Even though I desperately wanted him to.
"I can too," I responded childishly after I typed a quick response, telling Beau just how awesome I thought it was that he got to experience all that, and put the phone face down onto the table we shared in the back of the library.
"Let's see how long that lasts," Becca teased, which drew a small giggle from Lin.
I knew I had been a bit ridiculous with the phone lately, but I had wished for this text for over a month. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I followed all of Trudge Lite's social media accounts, as well as all the members' personal Instagrams. It might be slightly stalkerish, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to know what they were doing. To know that Beau was alright.
Beau himself didn't post that much. The only one that consistently updated his account was Lucas, and it was with surprisingly artsy photos. Had he not been such a talented performer, he could've been a photographer.
Their career, and the tour, had taken off in Europe. I was so proud and happy for them that they got to live their dream. The pictures of them surrounded by screaming fans, on the other hand, were harder to deal with. It was even worse when there were rumors or photos of Beau hooking up with someone.
I hated to see other girls' hands on him, or his mouth on theirs. I realized we'd only had one night together, and he didn't owe me a thing. We hadn't even had sex. And it wasn't like we were anything to each other. We weren't even really friends, just friendly...
While I knew all that, my feelings were conflicted. I'd never admit it out loud, and barely did to myself, but I was jealous. And as much as I wanted to be one of those girls he hooked up with, I didn't want to be what Amanda had been for Dane.
The phone buzzed again, and I hesitated for just a second before I grabbed it.
"Oh wow, new record," Becca teased. "That must have been thirty seconds."
"I actually think it was a minute," Lin corrected her.
"Wow, okay. That's much better." Becca rolled her eyes. "Who's texting you, anyway?"
It was Beau again. He had sent another picture of him and Justin in front of the Trevi Fountain. They were both sporting baseball hats and sunglasses, but their wide grins gave them both away. I double tapped to show that I loved it. When I looked up, both Becca and Lin were staring at me with amused expressions. I still hadn't told them anything about meeting Trudge Lite or that Amanda's cousin was in the band, and I wasn't about to do it now either.
"Eh, there's a party on Saturday night after the football game," I said instead of telling them the truth about the text. I already knew there was a party because Max had told me about it earlier. We'd been getting together for lunch a couple of times a week, and the rumors that there was something between us were ongoing.
Becca's eyes lit up.
"Max said most of the players are going. Do you want to go?"
"Uh, yeahhhh." Becca's blue eyes sparkled with excitement. "Of course we do."
"Actually, I might have a date." Lin's cheeks were blushing into a dark pink as she admitted that her biology partner Raul had asked her out.
"Oh, my god!" Becca yelled, again way too loud for the library. "That's so awesome, Lin. He's the cute guy you were telling me about?"
Lin nodded eagerly.
I'd never heard of this Raul.
As much as I loved having a dorm room to myself, there were times when it sucked. Like this. Lin had probably told Becca about him at night when they were laying in their beds, ready to fall asleep. She never told me about it, but must have thought she did because they both acted like I knew.
"That's really nice," I told Lin, instead of admitting I had no idea who Raul was. "I don't think the party is supposed to be one of those crazy big ones, because they have practice on Sunday, so you're probably not missing much, anyway."
"Ohhhh, a more intimate party." Becca's smile widened until it stretched across her entire face. "That's even better. Maybe Max will finally make his move on you," she said and tapped me on the arm.
I rolled my eyes at her. Becca was a bit boy crazy, and she, like many others, thought Max was hot and that he was into me. She'd told me numerous times to make a move on him, which I hadn't. I knew that frustrated her, and I couldn't really blame her. Max was swoon worthy. It was just that Beau was one step above that. But, he was also unobtainable.
"Tell Max we'll be there," Becca said, and pointed to my phone.
"Oh, now you want me to use the phone?" I teased.
"Shhh, keep it down. We're trying to study," someone said, and I felt instantly guilty. I clamped my mouth shut and sent a text to Max, letting him know that me and Becca were coming to the party. Then I snuck another glance at the picture of Beau smiling in Rome. And damn if there wasn't a flutter in my belly.