"Alright don't forget to do the questions you haven't finished for homework, I'll be going through them on Friday." I say as the bell dismisses the class for lunch.
The day has been alright.
Both kids and teachers are tired and worn out. Counting down the days and hours until that bell goes at 3:10pm on Friday, signalling the start of school holidays.
Thankfully, the kids were respectful today which was nice. I don't know what was wrong with them all on Monday, but they just went feral. No one was listening, they were talking back, it just wasn't nice at all.
I make my way to my desk in my office, putting my things down before grabbing my lunch out.
I open my laptop and have a look at the lesson I have planned for this class today. I make little notes on the document so I know to further explain that topic as it is confusing for the kids.
Once that's done I print it out, before starting to eat my lunch.
I am scrolling through Instagram when I get an incoming call from James. I grab my lunch and my phone and head out to my car, answering it on the way.
"Hey babe." I answer the phone as I unlock my car and jump in, closing the door.
"Hey, you busy?" He says.
"No I'm just on my break."
"Okay good, glad I haven't caught you at a bad time."
"What's up?" I say and he sighs. My heart starts beating in my chest, anticipating what he's going to say next.
"Mum called me this morning to tell me that my grandmother past away." He says, his voice cracking and my heart breaks.
"James. I am so so so so so sorry." I say feeling tears well up in my eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I'm still processing it. I just saw her the other day, I didn't think that, that would be the last time I would see her. I'm still in shock." He says through sobs and my heart breaks for him.
"I'm in shock too, she was a wonderful woman." I say wiping my tears. "Do you want me to come home?"
"No, no, don't come home for me, stay."
"James, if you need me I will come home."
"No, I don't want you to, you need to work, I'll be fine." He says through tears and I sigh.
"Okay just text me if you change your mind okay?" I say and he doesn't say anything.
"Okay." He finally says. "I better let you go."
"Alright, try not to stress too much, okay?"
"I'll try." He says and I sigh before we say our goodbye's and hang up.
I sit in my car for the next 20 minutes, deciding what I should do.
Should I stay?
Should I go?
I don't want to let my students down by leaving early.
But I know I need to go and be there for James.
I sit there for another 5 minutes, before I get out of the car, running into the office where I grab my things. Once I've grabbed everything I make my way to the car, jumping in and driving to James' house.
On the way I call the school and let them know I've had to leave early as there has been a family emergency.
They were very understanding so I'm glad about that.
I speed to James' house, parking in the driveway and walking up to the front door.
I don't even press the door bell, when the door opens and Finn stands there, with a sad look on his face.
"He's upstairs." He says and I nod.
"How bad is he?"
"He's hysterical, don't think he's stopped crying." Finn says sadly and I nod, my heart breaking as I chuck my things on the bench and head straight upstairs.
I slowly open the door to his room, closing it behind me, I scan the room to see where he is and my heart breaks when I see him.
He's sitting on the floor, leaning against the side of his bed, facing the wall.
He looks up at me with his puffy, red, blood shot eyes and I run over to him, pulling him in a hug as he sobs into my chest.
I run my fingers through his hair, as I try to comfort him.
"I don't want to believe she's gone." He says and I nod.
"I know." I empathise with him. "I know James."
"We saw her on Monday, I thought that she was fine, happy, healthy, perfectly normal. I don't understand." He says looking at me and I sigh.
"Did Mum tell you how she died?"
"She told me heart disease."
"Heart disease?"
"Yep. Apparently she had it all this time and didn't want any of us to know." James says his voice cracking. "And it angers me because if we knew, maybe we could've spent more time with her."
"Yeah it's not great that she didn't want anyone to know, but maybe she didn't want you guys to worry." I say stroking his hair and he nods.
"I know, it's just. I wish I had time to say goodbye to her properly you know."
"I know James. But you can never really predict when someone with heart disease is gonna die."
"I guess." He says wiping his tears away and I sigh, placing a kiss on his cheek, before he leans in and kisses me on the lips.
"I told you not to leave." He says and I sigh.
"I couldn't just go on with my day. I was too worried about you." I say and he lets out a little chuckle.
"I'll be fine."
"I know you will. But don't rush the grieving process, take your time."
"I'll try." He says and I nod.
"In the meantime, let your emotions out, it's okay to." I say and he nods.
"I just can't believe she's gone, like that's it, she's no longer here. And yesterday we were so happy for Bont and Em, and now today it's just sad." He says his voice breaking and I nod.
"I know, it's unfortunately the circle of life. It hurts to think about."
"It does. I just miss her so much already." He says. "Like I remember this one time when she was making chocolate ripple cake, and the way she would make it was to die for, we'd all try and recreate it but nothing tasted as good as her's did. Anyway, she was making it and it was the first time as a kid I was helping her make it, and as she was making the cream she picked some up, and threw it at me which started this massive food fight between us of just throwing cream around, we had to make another batch of cream because we were both wearing it. Then pop came in and nearly had a fit about the mess we made when Nan was the clean freak."
"Aw, that's adorable. And it now makes sense why you love food fights." I say and he smiles.
"I know she wouldn't want me to be upset. She'd want me to celebrate her life and remember all the fun we had all those years ago. But it's hard because she had such a massive impact on my life."
"And her life will be celebrated. She was an amazing woman, who really loved all her grand children. She will be looking down on you all and she will be proud."
"She will." James says tears welling up in his eyes.
"Tell me more stories." I say and James smiles..
"I was probably 10 years old when this happened, but we were staying up in Torquay, and we rented a house out, it was up on a hill, and me and my brothers were out with the razor scooters and we were seeing how fast we could go down the hill. Nan thought it'd be a good idea to race Thomas down the hill but she full on lost control of the scooter, doing a summersault off it before rolling down the hill. She couldn't stop herself from rolling until she got to a grass patch. It was the funniest thing but we also ran up to her to make sure she was okay, which of course she said she was."
"Oh no." I say through laughs, shaking my head. "I would've died of laugher too but the poor woman."
"Yeah, it was bad. Mum yelled at us after that cause Nan did cop a couple of bruises."
"Oh shit, that's no good." I say and James smiles, shaking his head.
"It doesn't even feel like she's gone you know. Like just talking about her, it's like as if she's still here."
"She is here, in spirit." I say and he nods, then sighs.
"It's gonna be hard having to go to Nan and Pops and seeing pop on his own, it breaks my heart."
"It breaks my heart too."
"To lose someone you've been married to for over 50 years, the person you love the most. I don't know how I would cope." He says looking at me and I nod.
"It would be so hard."
"Just the thought of losing you..." He says and I shake my head.
"Don't. I'm here to stay, forever. I'm promise you I'm not going anywhere." I say and he nods, as some tears fall down his cheeks.
"Please don't think like that. You're making yourself even more upset. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." I add and he nods before wrapping me into a hug.
"Okay?" I say and he nods again.
"Okay." He says before looking up at me.
"I'm glad I told her I loved her before we left, I don't think I could live with myself knowing I just said goodbye and nothing else."
"I guess it's just a natural thing we do as humans when we're saying goodbye to family members is say that you love them."
"You're right." He says and I smile at him.
"Mind if we move to the comfortable surface of your bed? My butt is killing me." I say to lighten up the mood and he laughs.
"Sure thing." He says slowly getting up off of me and throwing himself on the bed.
"Come here." I say and he lets out a little smile, placing his head on my lap as I run my fingers through his hair.
"I love you." He says and I look down at him, with a smile on my face.
"What?"
"I love you." He repeats, this time looking straight into my soul and my heart skips a beat.
"I love you more." I say and he lets out a small smile.
"Did you really not understand me or did you just want me to repeat it?"
"I wanted you to repeat it." I say and he chuckles.
"Well, I will say it over and over again."
"And so will I." I say and he sighs, picking his phone up and scrolling through some photos he has of his Nan.
My heart breaks for James, it really does. I saw how close he was with his Nan, and it hurts to see him in this much pain.
Watching him scroll through photos and tear up as the realisation sets in makes me think about my own grandparents and how much I miss Nonno.
I know exactly what James is going through. When Nonno passed away I didn't speak to anyone for weeks. I spent most of my days locked away in my room, forcing down meals just because Marcus would make me eat. And I knew if I ate he wouldn't worry as much.
His death really took a toll on me as it was like this, a shock. I just really hope it doesn't do the same for James.
"Have you eaten anything babe?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"I've only eaten a Toastie today."
"Do you want me to make you something? You need to eat."
"No I'm okay."
"James, I know exactly how you feel right now but you need to eat. When Nonno passed away I was the exact same as you. I just don't want you falling into the same bad habits I did. For the first month I didn't move from my room, it was Marcus and Em who forced me out of bed every day just to get me to do something active like taking Mya for a walk, or socialising with them. So please, just eat something, it will make you feel better." I say and James looks at me and nods.
"I guess I am a bit hungry." He says and smile.
"Alright what would you like?"
"Surprise me." He says and I smile, placing a kiss before getting up.
I walk out of the room, closing the door behind me and sighing, leaning on the doorframe.
I hate seeing him like this. I hate seeing him completely broken. I wish there could be a way I could help him more then I already am, but I know there's nothing more I could possibly do then just comfort him and listen to whatever he has to say. Whilst telling him everything is going to be okay with time.
Hearing his voice crack as he told me stories was hard, I just wanted to wrap him up and take all the pain he is feeling away from him. Chuck it out the window, in the rubbish bin, whatever.
But I know this is still fresh and will take time to process, and I will give him as much time as he needs.
It probably wasn't the best time to admit we love each other either, but in the moment it felt right. I guess he felt the need to tell me he loves me and I am so glad he did because I love him too....
***
Heart = broken
Poor worps 🥺
How cute was Tahls tho leaving work to be there for him - she is an angel.
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Next update out Friday!!