Chapter 34
Dye
Fashion and being able to know what fits you best are one of the things that makes us as good trainees. Not only were we tasked to do things such as singing nicely, dancing as if we're one, and performing like we're in front of a crowd, but we are also tasked to choose our outfits every monthly evaluation, we are also the ones responsible for our makeup and hairstyles. And as someone who grew up with a mother who was a model and known in the fashion industry, I grew to love fashion at an early age.
I loved dressing up, and also loved the thought of styling other people. That's why when it comes to outfits, my members would always come to me and ask if their outfit was okay and if it compliments their looks.
"We're going to be shown to the other trainees next week, and I still don't know what to wear!" Eunkyung whined as she was busy finding what outfit she should be wearing for next week. I could only smile at her, as much as I wanted to help, I myself didn't have an outfit ready. We might seem weird for being so worried about our outfit for next week, but it's really a big deal for us. Because among all the other trainees, we will be finally introduced as the debuting group to the others. After so many years, it's finally happening.
"Just wear a dress," Nari deadpanned, making Eunkyung throw a safety short at Nari's direction. I laughed at their silliness, and couldn't help but feel nostalgic because of our set up. The three of us were the first batch of trainees who were trained for the new girl group after blackpink sunbaenim, so now that we are finally going to be introduced as the debuting group to the new set of trainees, it made me realize just how far we've come.
How does time fly so fast? It felt as if yesterday it was our very first time meeting each other.
"Stupid! We're doing splits, and you're telling me to wear a dress?" Eunkyung yelled, and she seemed stressed, but Nari could only laugh at her situation. I shook my head at their childishness, before offering help so that Eunkyung could stop yelling. We don't want her straining or hurting her vocal chords, especially now that the monthly evaluation is coming.
"I thought you're busy yourself?" Eunkyung asked, but I only gave her a smile, before finding a pretty top for her that she's never worn before. It was a yellow top with a huge ribbon at the front of it. It was also a crop top and designed as a spaghetti strap so I chose a white shorts with straps, and of course I told her to pair it with white Dr Martens boots. I also advised her to tie her hair in a tight ponytail next week and have her makeup light so that she'll have that effortless glow.
"I bet you'll become a model early in our career, I'm sure as hell a big brand will contact you," Nari suddenly told me, and Eunkyung agreed, making me feel shy for the comment. I didn't have the courage to tell them that I already did a few photoshoots while wearing some Gucci clothes with my mum back when I was younger in London. My mum was Gucci's global ambassador for years, but stopped when she came back to Korea.
"What if Gucci contacts you? You told me once that you really love that brand, right?" Eunkyung asked, her eyes sparkling, and this time I feel really shy, and happy because she remembered, but then again, now is not the time to talk about it since I still need to choose my outfit.
"I want to dye my hair blonde." I blurted out, hoping to finally change the topic, and this time, the two of them went silent, before coming at me because of my sudden decision.
"Go on! It would suit you!" Eunkyung told me, and I nodded, because I was blonde when I was young, of course it would suit me, and I mean it not in an arrogant manner. It's just that I saw a picture of me back then, and I feel like it would really suit me, especially if we would be debuting soon. I want to be known to the world with blonde hair— it was something that will root me back to where I came from.
"We don't have problems with that, but I hope our manager thinks the same way. But whatever happens, I'll do my best to make sure our manager lets you dye your hair blonde," Nari assured me, a smile on her lips, making me smile back. I love how she always does her best when it comes to communicating what we want to our manager. She was like our spokesperson.
Speaking of our manager, I still haven't confronted her about her accepting money from my older brother. I still am disappointed and hurt because of what she did, but I guess now is not really the time for that, I'll try to talk to her once we're not so busy.
"We want to join in the fun!" Hiraya suddenly exclaimed as they barged inside my shared room with Eunkyung. I smiled and welcomed them in. The two of them just came back from their Korean Lessons back in the company, and now they still need to take care of their outfits for next week. I can't help but feel bad for the both of them, because they're already being pressured to master the Korean Language as soon as possible, because like what the upper people said, it was one of the reasons why our debut is not yet happening anytime soon.
I wanted to get angry at those people, because they knew that Hiraya and Mulan were from different parts of the globe, they were both foreigners, so I hope they could at least be more considerate. If only they knew how much the two cried when they found out that they were one of the reasons why our debut kept on being delayed.
"How was your day, baby?" Mulan asked me, and again, she was baby talking with me again, of course, I couldn't argue. I actually like it, since I already have a friend who treats me like a same age friend who's no other than Eunkyung, and an older sibling kind of friend like Nari and Hiraya, then here's Mulan who's like my mother.
"It was fine. By the way, I'm planning to dye my hair blonde!" I shared, excitement was evident in my tone, making my members coo since again, they said that they find it adorable.. I mentally slapped myself because I knew even if I tell them that I'm not adorable, they would still say that I am.
When evening came, we all decided to have a me time. It was a need once you're in a group. Of course, we don't hate each other, it's just that, we are individuals too, and 4 out of five are introverts, and you guess it right, Eunkyung is the only extrovert. So, it's a must that we have alone time. I chose to go out and head to the cafe since the fans of other yg artists wouldn't know or even recognize me, meaning it was safe.
"You'll leave me here?" Here goes Eunkyung like a clingy kid again. I groaned, before telling her that I'll just bring her home some bread from the cafe, and that made her let go of me. I sighed, before going down, and telling the others that I'll be heading out. And even though I kind of don't like having my manager around, I still told her where my whereabouts are in case she wonders where I was.
The night was cold. The cold breeze had a few of my hair strands fly to my face, and I couldn't help but feel freer during the night. Despite some lamp posts turning on and off on their own and the coolness and the mystery of darkness surrounding me, I still find myself being more alive and free when the moon finally replaces the sun and the stars finally fill their places in the night sky. It was the only time where no scrutinizing eyes would look at me, it was the time where I got to be myself. I didn't have to pretend when the night came, I didn't have to be perfect when darkness is all everybody can see.
As soon as I reached the cafe, I saw a few unfamiliar faces, perhaps they were customers and not the fans, so I bowed my head and just went to the counter so I could order. The lady at the counter recognized me, so she told me that she'll go and ready my order, but I also told her that I have to buy their available bread for Eunkyung, and she was happy to serve it.
"The SameE", it was the name of the cafe, and I can say that the design of it really matched with the YG building. It was minimalistic with only white, black and gray as the colors. It was actually my type, and again I was reminded how badly I wanted to have my own cafe when I grow older. What if I just buy this from the CEO? Would she mind? I mentally slapped myself because of my crazy thoughts. Of course there would be no time for me to own a cafe in the future, since I was the one whom my mum left with her shares in YG. It means, I will be working in this company until I decide to retire.
That kind of future wasn't what I planned for myself, but my mum. I find it boring, but then again, it would always be my mum's decision that should be made. Even if she's already dead, her plans will still be the one to be followed. I'm turning 18, but still, I can't stand on my own. When will I even be able to do what I really want to do?
When will I stop living in regret?
My phone suddenly vibrated, so I was interrupted from my train of thoughts. I looked at who messaged me, and I was shocked to see who it was.
haruto: where are you rn? I came from your dorm, but your members said you went out and that they really can't tell me where you are for privacy purposes, and they advised me to message you instead.
I laughed at the message, and even planned to thank my members for not telling him where exactly I was. I don't want him to come barging in here, especially when there are fans of his just outside.
me: im not telling you. why are u even looking for me? u miss me that much?
I replied. I even joked, because I never knew that Haruto would be a clingy friend. He likes to be aware of where I am, and he really likes to be included. I have no issues with that, and I was glad that he has friends who are so close to him too, so that whenever I'm too busy, he has other friends like Asahi, Jaehyuk and Jeongwoo he can easily go to.
haruto: i do miss you. did i do something wrong? dont u want to see me today? :(
There it goes again, the familiar fast paced beating of my heart whenever he does something like this. I smiled at his message, and I was glad wearing a mask is a must, that way, nobody knew I was smiling, but oh well, my eye smile gave me away.
I closed my phone and decided not to reply. I feel like if I reply to that with the same choice of words as his, things would get complicated. There's a line between friendship and romance, and I don't want to cross to the other side. I want to stay here, I want to stay friends for now. I don't know what to expect on the other side. Besides, I'm not even sure if Haruto is willing to cross the line too.
Besides, he's already a famous idol. I'm nobody beside him. He deserves someone who's like him, and not just a trainee like me. Although sometimes I couldn't help but want to be selfish and just let my emotions control me, what would happen if I do that? We'll only ruin ourselves. And, that's what I don't ever want to do. Ruin myself for love like how it ruined my mum. I may be my mother's daughter, but I want my story to be different.
I will not let history repeat itself. Not under my fucking watch.
to be continued. . .