LUCAS P. O. V.
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Sunday: 11 P. M.
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The promise I'd made to myself to let loose and have some good, easy fun tonight seems to hang by the wayside as my mind keeps drifting to Amanda.
While taking in the music selection and trying to bill a vibe, she had crossed my mind and decided to stay there; despite my vow to forget her.
I shuffle on the stool for yet another time, and pull out my phone.
Fuck it! Just call her...
I quickly dial the first three digits of her number, and her name pops up immediately. I click on it and watch as the rest of the digits populate the top of the keypad.
Taking a deep breath, I study the number on the screen, my fingers itching to press the call button and send off the call.
But I don't.
Instead, I bring the Magnum bottle to my lips once more and look out into the crowd on the dance floor before me.
The place is surprisingly crowded, being a Sunday night. The dance floor is no less buzzing, with people coupled up and gyrating to the rhythm and bass of the music pumping through the speakers.
The vibe is right, and I'm glad I agreed to come out and chill.
If only I could get my mind to settle, then maybe I'd enjoy that decision a bit more.
Damn.
Ashley comes up beside me and taps me on the shoulder. "Hey, do you plan to sit here and sulk the entire night?"
She has been chatty ever since we got here, trying in every way to get my attention. I almost didn't recognize her as the same quiet girl from the gym.
I guess liquor has that effect on everyone.
Makes you say and do things that's out of character.
That thought instantly brings me back to that night at the club and how bold Amanda had gotten after just a few beers and a Vodka pop.
I smile and glance at the number still sitting pretty on my phone screen.
Ashley takes a seat on the empty bar stool beside me and pulls her phone out, before tapping away at the screen. Her face is buried in her phone, and she seems focused on whatever she's typing. Whatever is it though, she seems to be in a hurry to get it across.
I shake my head.
Typical woman. Always in her phone.
Not even a minute later, my phone rings, and I turn around and look at the caller ID.
Shit!
My heart skips a beat.
Trying to calm my nerves, I let it ring out the first time. But it doesn't take too long before it goes off again.
I inhale a sharp breath and open the line, putting the device at my ear.
"Hey," I say, trying my best to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"Hey. Good night," her sweet voice comes through from the other end, filling my ear. "Sorry, I didn't get to call you back earlier. I was here and don't even know when I fell asleep."
A sense of immense relief washes over me.
I honestly thought you'd never call.
"Nah. That's all good. I didn't even realize it. I was caught up at the gym."
That's me lying through my fucking teeth. If only you knew how fucked up you made me feel the whole time.
"Oh."
She sounds disappointed.
Good.
I smile, but quickly conceal it. "Yea."
What is she thinking right now?
"So what are you up to now?" she asks suddenly, and I know she's trying to change the subject.
Tsk tsk.
I smirk and sip some more of the liquor. "Nothing much. Why?"
I want to know where her head space is right now.
She responds immediately saying, "Nothing. Just checking."
So you're checking up on me now?
The thought brings a small smile to my face, but I won't allow myself to get carried away. Without even trying, she's causing my dick to stir, despite myself...just by talking.
It almost makes me forget how mad I am at her. I want to stay mad at her for a while longer, although my resolve is waning with each passing minute.
If this a nuh obeah, mi nuh know a wah to rassclaat!
I shrug although she can't see me. "Zeen."
Maybe if I act uninterested she'll stop affecting me so much...
"OK."
"Are you OK? Did you eat?" I remember she said she was hungry earlier, but I don't know if she'd eaten.
She most likely had, but it doesn't hurt to make sure.
"Yea. But I'm feeling a little peckish now. Sounds like you're at a party..."
"Sum'n like that. Just hanging out with a friend. It's too late now to eat, but if you're hungry go eat."
I don't want her starving herself if she doesn't have to.
My eyes fleet over to where Ashley is sitting and she quickly averts her gaze. She picks up her phone and stares at it, but I know she's listening to me. Keenly.
For some reason, I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I make several attempts to get up and go somewhere private, where I can talk to her in peace, but then I'd be leaving a drunken Ashley here all by herself.
Since we'd gotten here, it's been me and her, while DJ was off somewhere with her friend.
I don't even put it past him to be fucking her in a car, or a bathroom stall somewhere right now.
Better hope him fucking hood nuh drop off.
She laughs. "I will."
"Good girl."
Ashley looks at me again, but quickly averts her eyes.
I frown.
"Hey, can I call you back in the morning? I have to take care of something," I say, no longer wanting to talk here, for fear of speaking on anything too intimate.
Say no.
"Is everything alright?" she replies, her voice a bit gravelly. She's either still sleepy, or had just woken up for real.
I want her to go back to bed, but I also want her to stay a while longer.
Jah Jah
"Yea... "
Keep talking, Amanda.
"O...K," she says, then stops talking.
Stubborn as fuck.
I don't say anything either, enjoying the silence between us, knowing that she's still on the line.
I'm distracted by a soft touch to my arm, and I glance to my right to see Ashley smiling innocently and peering up at me under her lashes.
Fucking trouble maker.
The line goes dead in my ear.
"Is that your girlfriend?" she asks softly, when I bring my hand down and place the phone back on the counter.
Usually, I can't stand people sticking their noses in my business, but, with Ashley, I know why she's asking. And I allow her.
I must admit, I'm a bit attracted to her too.
I take another swig from the half emptied Magnum bottle in my hand.
She continues to smile at me as she waits for my answer.
For the first time since I've met her, the smile which I return is genuine. I think about her question for a while before answering.
The answer I give has the potential to either nip whatever is brewing between us in the bud, or provide nourishment for it to grow.
"Nah," I say after a while. "It's..."
What is she to me?
I know what I want her to be, but I don't know if the feeling is mutual.
And that's the most fucked up part about it.
Finding it hard to find the correct words to describe our situation, through the fogginess of my brain, I squint my eyes and shake my head, deciding to leave it at that.
Ashley giggles and gently touches my forearm, again. "I get it, it's complicated. Right?"
I look at her, and her innocent smile makes my heart leap. She's so cute, and sweet. And her smile is beautiful. She has one of those smiles that's big, and bright, and captivating.
I nod, confirming her statement without a word.
She's right; it's complicated.
As much as I fucking hate it, it's a fact.
I notice that the bottle she has set in front of her is empty.
How much alcohol has she had already?
I don't know why I care, but I do.
I watch as she picks up the empty bottle and inspect the content. Or lack thereof. With a long sigh, she sets it back down onto the counter.
As if sensing me watching her, she looks to me and blushes when our eyes meet.
This is Amanda all over again.
Tilting my head to the side, I motion for her to grab a drink from the ice bucket on the counter in front of me. It has a few bottles of Magnum left, along with a couple bottles of chilled Moet and a tall bottle of Hennessy.
I watch as she pulls a bottle of Magnum from the ice and opens it without hesitation.
I smirk, observing her.
Not sure how much of a drinker she is, but let us see how she holds this.
Taking a huge swig of the liquor, she meets my watchful eyes again and grins.
"Yuh sure yuh can manage?" I can't help but ask.
She licks her lips in the most seductive way. "Of course."
"Yuh sure? Mind yuh turn over eno. You don't look like the type to drink heavy."
Her eyes are big and bright and stand out against her soft makeup. "There's more to me than meets the eyes."
I bet.
I look away and smile.
After almost four sealed bottles of Magnum, I'm just starting to feel a nice little buzz.
I find myself staring out into the crowd again, lost in a trance as I watch the people around me dancing and enjoying themselves.
My phone pings and I take it up to see a message come in from Amanda's number. I pull down the notification bar to view what it says without having to open it.
I smile.
Good night to you too, baby girl.
I can't stay mad at her.
How could I when she does little things like these?
It's not even worth trying. No matter how hard I try to play hard ball, she seems to find a way to bring a smile to my face, without even trying.
It's annoying as hell.
But it's an annoyance I can tolerate.
I find myself smiling again as I continue to think about it. About her.
It's obvious we share a connection. If only she'd admit it to herself.
I know she may not think of it as much; to her it's probably just about the sex, but I want it to be more than that.
Call me a pussy, but it's just the truth.
Finally, I'm willing to admit it.
Maybe it's the liquor talking, but for now I'll let it be. After all, there's no one to hold me accountable for these thoughts.
It's funny though, when I really think about it. After what I went through with Jessica, I wouldn't have thought I'd be looking to jump back into a relationship so fast.
Especially with someone who is probably just as broken and unsure as me.
It would be stupid...but I just can't help it.
She makes me do and want to do stupid things.
Damn, I need to get her out of my head. That has proven harder to do than it sounded when I first formulated the plan.
The plan was to come out and chill, have a couple liquor, then maybe find someone to fuck said liquor out of my system.
But that plan's a bust.
Kind of like that time I'd planned on getting Jessica out of my system by getting Amanda in it, only to end up trying to get Amanda out of my system by getting Jessica under it.
Now, Jessica isn't here, and Amanda is still who I'm trying to rid my system of.
I can feel the tension building in my forehead.
I sigh, massaging my temple.
The rass a gwaan wid mi, star?
This is not how I anticipated my night to be going.
One smaddy can so bomboclaat tormented?
Jah Jah!
"Are you okay?"
Ashley's voice pulls me back to reality. I didn't expect her to speak so the sound of her voice startles me. She draws nearer to me and touches my arm again, sporting a concerned look on her face.
Each time she touches me, I feel a small shiver run up my spine.
"Yeah...was just deep in thought," I tell her, taking a deep breath.
Ashley gently runs her manicured hand over my skin. "You look like whatever you're thinking about is bothering you. Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"
I don't know you. Why the fuck would I want to talk to you?
Are you a therapist?
Go easy, dawg...chill.
A nuh she a stress yuh out.
I force a smile. "No...I'm good."
It bothers me how much her presence affects me.
She's a replica of the source of my torment, in attitude.
Am I enjoying the attention she's giving, though?
A little too much if you ask me.
Do I want her to leave?
No.
I just don't want to lead her on.
So I feel guilty as fuck for feeling good whenever she steals those little glances at me.
But, I did say I wanted to have some fun and free my mind from the shackles of Amanda Smikle.
And as of right now, Ashley serves as the perfect distraction.
The rhythm to a familiar Vybz Kartel 'Gyal tune' starts and Ashley squeals.
"Let's dance!" she says, as she springs from her seat and pulls me forward, so that I'm sitting upright with my feet stretch out before me.
She straddles my legs and braces her ass on my crotch, bending over.
As her hips start to move slowly to the beat, I place my left hand on her waist to hold her in place, while my right hand gently pushes her head downward so that she makes the perfect 'six-thirty'.
She assumes that position for a while, with me grinding against her ass, before she eases up and settles with bending over and placing her hands on her knees.
Her dress is really short and rides up on her hips as she rolls them, leaving her thinly-cladded pussy resting on the base of my crotch.
I enjoy the tease, but try not to get carried away.
I know, without a doubt, that she's feeling the full effect of the friction.
She continues to roll her hips, unabashedly, and I do my best to match her every move.
You could basically call this dry fucking. And it feels damn good.
As we continue to dance, I can't shake the feeling that someone's watching.
At one point, I look up to lock eyes with Shyann who is studying me, with a smirk on her face.
I can't even tell when they'd returned.
Or where they'd disappeared to in the first place.
DJ, behind her, is grinning like a fool and giving me the thumbs up.
I hiss my teeth and turn away.
Fucking sadomite.
We spend a few minutes enjoying the music before Ashley excuses herself to go use the restroom.
I use the opportunity to escape for a bit of fresh air.
The headache is getting worse, and, despite trying hard not to, I find myself getting horny.
Outside of the club is silent and peaceful. A stark contrast to the festivities beyond the walls.
Releasing the breath I didn't even know I was holding, I open the lid of the cigarette packet and take out a single stick. Sticking it between my lips, I feel for the lighter in my pocket.
The flames light up the darkness around me temporarily each time I strike it, but I don't light the blunt.
I never do.
Whenever I'm in one of my moods where I feel like I'm spiralling, this reminds me that I still possess a level of self control.
I look at the box in my hand which is covered with graphic images depicting the reasons why smoking is bad.
How the fuck do people smoke this shit?
"I didn't peg you as someone who smokes," a small voice says from behind me and I don't even have to turn around to know who it is.
"I don't," I answer her, without turning.
I strike the lighter again, as she comes up beside me.
Why are you following me?
She giggles. "What are you, the Jamaican Augustus Waters?"
The fuck name so, miss?
"Who?"
I'm not in the mood, but I won't tell her to go back inside.
Unless she pisses me off.
"He's a character in one of my favourite movies," she says. "The Fault in Our Stars."
I don't have a clue who or what she's talking about, but I chuckle nonetheless just to ease the tension.
My phones pings again. Only this time it's with a text I'd rather wasn't sent to me.
Jessica, the rass yawh try?
Her text is simple, but what it says holds so much power.
Yuh just a know say yuh love me when it too late...
I can feel my jaws ticking as I stare at the four words on screen.
I. Still. Love. You.
I try not to react. I know what she's doing.
It won't work this time.
"What's she like?" Ashley's the one to speak again. I didn't even realize she was watching me.
She's been doing that since night, and now I don't know how I feel about it.
What does she find so interesting about my face?
Or maybe it's my body?
She's been like a tick in my side since night.
Quirking a brow, I finally look at her. "Who?"
"Miss Complicated."
I chuckle, but it couldn't have sounded any more forced. Ah boi
"Lowe that..." is all I say on the matter.
After all, it's none of her friggin' business.
I'm trying not to be too harsh because she seems genuinely interested, but I don't like her talking about Amanda.
I must draw the line somewhere.
She turns, facing forward, and mumbles an almost inaudible, "Sorry."
I too turn and look out into the brightly lit parking lot.
The silence which lingers between us is deafening, and the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Why did you follow me out here?
She doesn't say another word, and neither do I.
Through my peripheral, I watch her take covert glances at me every now and then.
She really is cute and the timid aura which surrounds her pulls me to her.
Now I feel bad for shutting her down like that.
Maybe she's just trying to cheer me up?
I can tell that my face does nothing to conceal my sour mood, so it's easy for her to know I'm upset.
"Thanks," I say simply, not intending to expound on what exactly I'm thanking her for.
Only if she asks me to. Which I hope she doesn't.
She doesn't say a word.
Ashley visibly shudders as a slight wind passes between us, and I glance at her.
She wraps her arms around her body and rocks backwards on her heels.
I rock sideways and nudge her with my shoulder.
She looks up at me and blushes.
"Yuh cold?" I ask her, looking her dead in the eyes, watching her intently.
Of course she is. Dressed like that, who wouldn't be?
She smiles, then confirms my suspicion by saying, "A little bit."
"Yuh want go back inside then?" Inside is much warmer, and way cozier.
I didn't expect her to say no, so when she does, it catches me off-guard.
I smile.
Yuh nuh cold then, man.
A yuh buddy she want fi warm her up...
"Don't move a muscle," I say, pushing the thought to the back of my mind, and walk away from where we're standing to grab something from my car which is parked nearby.
I can feel her watching me, like a hawk, but she follows my command and doesn't move.
She seems to take well to directives.
Good.
I make it to my car and back in no time, only this time I return with my sweater in hand.
She smiles when she notices what I'm carrying, and turns to face me, shaking her head.
Without even realising, I find myself smiling too.
This feels different.
Everything feels easy with her. She's quiet, simple, caring, and attentive, and seems like she knows what she wants. Plus, she beautiful too, so that's a welcomed bonus.
In a lot of ways, she reminds me of someone.
I sigh.
And you just had to make this about her, didn't you?
Ashley isn't my usual type, but I'll admit that there's just something different about her that seems to pull me in.
I don't know what it is.
And I'm not even sure if I want to know right now.
Fuck yuh want fuck off the people dem pickney a that.
Chuckling to myself, I go behind her and drape the soft material over her bare shoulders.
The cloth covers her hair, which is down, and I carefully ease it away from her neck, so that the zip doesn't snag the strands.
When my hand touches her skin, she shivers and turns to face me, so that she's trapped in my embrace.
Big, bright eyes stare in mine, and it feels so fucking intimate having her in my arms like this.
We stay like this for a while, just looking into each other's eyes.
As far as I see it, I could easily fuck her right now, but that would be too easy.
Although I know that's what she wants.
That's the real reason why she followed me out here.
It's obvious.
Too bad I won't oblige her this time around.
And kissing her isn't an option either.
If I kiss her, it will fuck everything up.
I know I said I needed a distraction tonight, but not like this. Not while she's drunk.
Not when she's so vulnerable.
What kind of a man would I be if I took advantage of women who weren't even sure of themselves, and what they're doing?
I prefer them sober and willing.
That way they won't regret anything. And I won't have to feel guilty.
Before I can move, Ashley pushes herself up on the tips of her toes and leans in.
But a wha the...
Shadow the rassclaat brakes.
As if by reflex, I brace my hands on both of her shoulders to steady her, gently easing her off of me. I make sure to hold her gaze when I say, "Hey, take it easy. None a that."
Were she of a lighter complexion, I know her face would be flushed right now.
Ashley looks away, as a car's ignition revs and the headlights shine brightly on us, and I can tell I see the gleam of tears in her eyes.
Fuck!
I chuckle to lighten the mood, but I know that the damages of my rejection have already been done.
Oh well.
So it go sometimes.
A time and place for everything.
She's a good girl. And I don't want to give her the wrong impression.
I can tell her feelings are hurt, though.
Hopefully, she's drunk enough to forget by morning.
Patting her shoulders like a child, I kiss her on the cheek to cheer her up.
She looks up at me and her bright smile returns.
"When you're sober," I say, by way of consolation.
Her smile gets wider.
"Come," I tell her, taking her by the hand which fits perfectly into mine. "I'll take you home."
She trails behind me, as I lead her to the car.
The alarm beeps to indicate that it has been disarmed.
As Ashley climbs up into the passenger side of my truck, I catch a glimpse of her pussy from behind and swallow hard.
Hopefully, I don't end up regretting this.