Daryl eventually had to get back to work and he made me clean up the broken glass from the bottle and then pick up Judith and RJ.
"Hey," I faked a smile as they came barreling towards me. Even they didn't look too happy to see me. I sighed kneeling down, "what do you guys say about some ice cream?" I watched RJ's face light up, and even Judith looked slightly happier to see me. I told them to sit down at a table while I grabbed them their cones. "Chocolate with sprinkles," I smiled handing Judith hers. I let them eat for a couple of minutes before I took a deep breath, "look I'm sorry about how I've been acting the past few weeks. I haven't been there for you guys. And I'm going to do better. I want you to know you guys mean the world to me, and I'm sorry I've been a bad sister, I hope this ice cream makes up for a small part of it. I love you both so so much. Enough for dad, Carl and your mom." Judith smiled, "it's okay Leah. You're still my favourite sister." RJ nodded with ice cream over his face, "I love you Leah."
When we had finished our ice cream, I had a small dinner and then Daryl sent the two of them to get ready for bed and pointed at the chair, "I'll be back in a minute."
I sat down curling my knees up to my chest. When he came back out he sat down beside me pushing a piece of paper in front of me. "What's this?" I whispered picking it up. "A release of your duties. Temporarily." I bit my lip, "I got fired?" He shook his head, "no you got temporarily released. I spoke to Mercer, we both think it's best... until you get better." I bit my lip, "what am I supposed to do all day?" He sighed, "I'm trying to get you in with this therapist. Mercer recommended her." I scoffed, "fuck that," getting up from the table and storming into my room slamming the door behind me.
That night I couldn't sleep I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to sneak out and steal another bottle of vodka. My face was burning up, and eventually I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going to throw up. I stood up even though my entire body was shaking, and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I began to cough quietly at first but it got more violent, I was gasping for breath trying to make my stomach stop turning.
"Hey, hey," Daryl whispered coming in and quietly closing the door behind him. He grabbed my hair softly rubbing my back. I couldn't shake the sick feeling almost the entire night, and he didn't leave my side. Eventually I pushed myself back, "I'm such a fucking loser." He shook his head, "addiction isn't a joke, and neither is depression. And it isn't a good mix, I've seen it before." He helped me stand up and I realized it was light outside again. "Sit down, I'll make you something to eat." I shook my head, "I'm not hungry." Daryl turned to me, "Leah, eating isn't an option. You look like shit, you need to eat." I watched Judith walk out from her room all dressed for school. "Are you even trying Leah?" She whispered. I bit my lip, "what, of course I am." Judith shook her head, "it doesn't seem like it. It feels like you hate us." I shook my head, "you know that's not true." She shook her head, "then why won't you let us help you." I knelt down to her, "Judith, you don't need to worry about me I promise." She sighed, "I'm not a baby, I know you're lying to me." I stood up, "this does not concern you, get your brother and go to school please." She glared at me, "fine."
I gave RJ a quick hug goodbye and then turned to Daryl. "She should not know about this," I whispered. Daryl sighed, "Leah have you looked in a mirror lately. She's right, she isn't a little kid Leah, she can tell somethings wrong." I looked down not knowing what to say. "It doesn't make you weak to talk to someone." I shook my head, "I don't want to."
He turned to me, "I can't help you, if you don't want help." I bit my lip, "can you just stop. Please. My head is pounding, and I can't do this right now." Daryl turned to me, "you can't do this right now? Really. How do you think I feel?" He grabbed his uniform for work and I started to walk back to my room, "I'm sorry I'm such a fucking burden." We both slammed the doors at the same time and I collapsed down in front of mine trying to calm myself down.