Making your way down the small corridor, trying your best to keep quiet. Watching your every step. You see the sun beginning to rise through the giant window alongside the walls of the corridor. You had never been to Wakanda before, Nat and Steve used to tell you stories about how beautiful there was. Before it all got destroyed by Thanos's army. You had snuck into the aircraft with Peter. You promised Tony you wouldn't let him on board.. Yet another promise you had failed to keep.
Yet here you were mesmerized by the beauty of Wakanda. Your eyes glowing the exact color of the sky before you, your reflection blending seemingly into the skyline. Instead of walking down to Buckys room you decide to go outside.
—
You find a tree with a view over the forest. As you let your head rest against the bark of the tree. You feel at peace. And just for a moment there's nothing else in the world but you. Then why won't your head stop pounding?.. why won't the voices stop screaming?
You close your eyes and remember what your mother always told you when things seemed hopeless. It's the very words engraved into her gravestone.
Even when the world gets the best of you, there's always a greater good somewhere up there, it doesn't have to be a god. It can simply be the people you once loved
You don't believe in god, there was a time you did. But after all this, how could any god have let all this pain happen to you. But you believe in love more than anything.
You fold your hands and turn your head up to the sky, as you gently close your eyes.
"Hey mom.. I really miss you" you cry out. "I don't know what to do anymore, I just wish you were here"
"I'm here sweetheart"
You open your eyes, and everything around you has changed. And there she is, standing in front of you as real as the tree you're sitting under.
"Mom?"
"It's me, I'm here"
She reaches out a hand gently stroking your cheek. Wiping away the tears falling down.
"Why is all this happening to me?"
"I can't tell you that, all I know is that you're gonna be just fine. Everything is gonna go exactly like it's supposed to"
"It doesn't feel fine"
"Come walk with me"
She reaches out her hand, and grabs onto yours.
"I don't know what to do" you cry.
"Yes you do, you always do"
"I keep messing up mom, I hurt the people I love"
"No... You just need to accept yourself. All the flaws are what makes you so beautiful"
"Tony hates me"
"Tony is so much like your father, you're his weakness, that makes him so tough around you."
"What should I do?"
"About what?"
You don't want to close your eyes, nor let go of her hand.
"Is it about the boys you love?" She asks again. "You're torn I can tell."
"I shouldn't be, I'm in love with Loki, we're getting married mom" you whimper.
"Y/n love isn't written down in black and white, if it was you would have married that soldier your father was so crazy about."
"Yeah no wonder Tony hated him" you chuckle.
"Love is making breakfast for your daughter at 2 am in the night because she's had a terrible nightmare. Love is driving your son to the rehab facility at midnight, while he's screaming at you in the car. Promising that this was a one time thing, and claiming it was all your fault. Love is putting yourself first when you need it, so that you have energy to put others first when they do. Love is blind, uncontrollable, careless. Love is you y/n. My dear sweet y/n"
You close your eyes as she speaks, a wide smile grew on your face.
"Hey are you okay?"
You open your eyes again. Bucky is standing in front of you and you're right back under the tree. Alone. You look up to the sky and wipes the tear from your cheek.
"I'm fine" you chuckle. And this time you really mean it.
"Can I sit?" He asks gently, you simply nod your head. "I'm really sorry about last night"
"Don't worry about it"
"I was way out line, and I'm truly sorry about it" he says sadly. You grab onto his hand, holding it tightly. "If I could I would take it back"
"Would you?" You question. "Take it back"
"I mean every word I said, but it was not my place to say" Bucky opens up another beer, drinking it slowly. You sigh deeply.
"You could probably start by cutting down on the alcohol" you're getting worried. He just laughs it off.
"Buck I'm serious.. drinking isn't gonna bring the old Steve back you know"
"You're right.. but it's all I have right now" he shrugs.
"You have me, maybe not in the way you want but, you do have me" You look at him, resting your head on his shoulder.
"I know" He smiles kindly
"I miss him.. so much"
"I do too"
"I'm gonna marry Him Buck" you say confidently.
"Yeah, well at least I tried to stop you right?" He chuckles.
"You should know damn well by now no one can stop me once I want something" you smile. You've missed this, just talking to him, no yelling. Just enjoying each other's company. Bucky takes a deep breath.
"He's one lucky bastard" Bucky shrugs.
"I think I'm the one that got lucky actually, at least that's what it feels like" your expression slowly shifts. As you look at Bucky chugging down the rest of his beer. "Do you bl-" you stop yourself for a second. "Do you truly blame me for what happened with Steve" you ask hesitantly. "It's okay if you do, I just really need to know"
"No.. I don't y/n" he answers calmly. "But every time I look at you, all I see is his face" a tear falls from his eye. "You remind me so much of him"
"I do?" You chuckle.
"You're both a pain in my ass" he grins. "But you're also the best people in the entire world. You're kind, selfless, giving." He smiles as he admires you. "But I gotta admit, his ass was a bit better"
You jaw drops, as you hit him on the shoulder. "Have you been looking a lot since you know that?" You chuckle.
"Oh yeah definitely, but you're far more beautiful than that old bastard"
"Thank you Buck" you sarcastically.
"In all seriousness, im sorry for kissing you"
"It's okay, I'm just relived you don't hate me" you mumble. "I can't lose you too"
"You're never gonna lose me y/n... Till the end of the line right?" He chuckles.
"Till the end of the line always" you smile. "Thank you Buck, I needed that more than you know.
"Now come on, we need to get you ready for the procedure" he shrugs, quickly standing up. He reaches out his hand helping you up on your feet. Together hand in hand you walk into the laboratory. Shuri and Sam are waiting.
"Did you sleep?" Sam shrugs.
"Sure did" you say, winking at Bucky.
"Alright let's get this started" Shuri says.
You lay down on the table, as your hands and legs once again gets tied down. This time it isn't just with ordinary leather straps. These are made of vibranium. They have to make sure this time it will take a lot more energy from you to break free. As Shuri is prepping the things, you feel yourself getting more nervous. Bucky sits down beside you grabbing onto your hand.
"Hey it's gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine" he reassures you.
"Just don't go okay?" You breathe heavily.
"I would never"
You close your eyes exhaling all the air in your lungs.
"I'm ready" you say.
As soon as you rest your head on surface, a metal device wraps around your head. But you don't feel scared, whatever happens it's gonna be for the better. As a small needle pierce through your right temple you scream out in pain.
"Bucky hold me down" you cry out, as the fluid injects into your body. Bucky uses all his power to hold you down, while you use all yours to not tear this place apart.
"I think it worked" Shuri sighs in relief.
"How do you feel" Sam asks.
"I don't know, I feel the same I think"
"James you need to bring her to Ayo right away, there's no time to waste" Shuri demands, untying you from the table.
"Thank you so much for all of this" you give her a hug.
"You did well y/n, just remember that you're in control, not the stones... not hydra.. you" she whispers.
"I know, But I'm not alone anymore" you smile as you look around.
You were never alone