#DS4Unadorned #MAAAD #DaggerSeries
CHAPTER 2: TYPHOON
MIREIA'S POV
Tahimik kaming kumakain ni Axel. His whole focus is on the food in front of him. Me on the other hand ay nag mu-multitask sa pagkain at sa panonood sa kaniya. Nakakatuwa kasi siyang pagmasdan. Katulad pa rin siya noon na parang nawawala ang lahat ng bagay sa paligid niya kapag may pagkain sa harapan niya.
He almost look too cute and adorable. Except it's hard to focus on those facts when he's only wearing a towel.
"Hindi ka pa rin nagbago no? Food is life ka pa rin."
Napatigil siya pagnguya at napatingin siya sa akin. He suddenly looked shy, but he continued chewing. "Everyone likes to eat."
"Not like you do. You don't just like food. You love it. Parang first love mo lagi ang kaharap mo."
Sunod-sunod na napaubo ang lalaki. Pinalo-palo pa niya ang dibdib niya na para bang nabubulunan siya. Mabilis na binuksan ko ang isa sa bottled water na nasa lamesa at inabot ko sa kaniya iyon.
I watched him gulp almost half of the content of the bottle. Nangalumbaba ako at napangiti nang mapatingin ako sa adam's apple niya na gumagalaw sa ginagawa niyang pag-inom. Who would have thought that an adam's apple could look hot?
"You okay?" I asked.
"Y-Yeah."
Inilapit ko sa kaniya ang kalahati ng cheese cake ko. Para kasing kulang pa ang pagkain niya.
"That's yours," he said.
"And I'm giving it to you. Madami na akong nakain."
Nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya. "Are you on a diet?"
"I do watch out what I'm eating, but I can't say that I'm on a strict diet. Though a lot of people can argue that I should be on a stricter one."
Lalong lumalim ang gatla sa noo niya. "Why? There's nothing wrong with you. You already look beautiful."
Warmth enveloped me and I couldn't help the grin that spread on my lips. "I know right?" Napaawang ang labi ni Axel na ikinatawa ko lang. Para naman siyang bago nang bago. Kahit noon pa man ay may angking kahanginan na ako. "But I'm a model. A lot of people expects us to be in one size. I get it though. Mas madali lalo na kapag may fashion show kapag iisa lang halos ang sukat ng lahat. And the clothes need to look like they're draping. That's why most models are tall and skinny with small chest and bum. Mga kategorya na hindi ako pasok."
"You're tall and skinny," he muttered, clearly ignoring the other things I said.
"I'm tall-ish and curvy." I waved a hand up and down in front of my body as if showing him what he can already see. "I'm five foot and seven inches. Almost eight actually. But that is considered short in the modelling world." Itinuro ko ang dibdib ko. "And my girls wouldn't let me be called skinny. Most models need a push up bra. These two will cause an accident if I even attempted to push them up more."
I can see him starting to get uncomfortable again base on the deepening red on his face. "T-They won't go away even if you don't eat."
"They're immune to shrinkage, yes. Believe me I tried."
"Don't."
Inangat ko ang isa kong kilay. "Hmm?"
"They're perf- okay. They are okay the way they are. Don't listen to those assholes that want you to change."
It didn't escape me that he was supposed to say the word "perfect". Ang haba ng hair Mireia! Axel Dawson thinks that your vavaboom looks perfect. But even with him saying that, I don't feel like I'm being objectified. His eyes always stays above my neck. Hindi ko siya nakita kahit isang beses na tumingin ng mas mababa pa roon. A real gentleman.
"So..." I started when silence shrouded us again. "Back to the cheesecake. You should eat it. Madami naman na talaga akong nakain. Sayang naman kung matatapon lang."
Tumango ang lalaki pero hindi na siya nagkomento pa. Axel can go for hours without talking if I will let him. I don't want that because I like hearing his voice. I always loved his voice. May it be talking or singing. I can remember the last time we saw each other. Pakiramdam ko naririnig ko pa rin ang boses niya na kinakantahan ako ng gabi na iyon.
"Kahit noon mahilig ka talagang kumain no? Pero bihira kitang makita sa cafeteria. Akala ko maselan ka lang sa pagkain pero lagi mo namang inuubos ang mga dala ko."
"Wala akong pambili."
Napakurap ako. "Ha? Mayaman kayo ah."
"My parents are strict when it comes to money. Ayaw nila na bigyan kami ng maluwag na renda pagdating sa pera kaya sakto lang ang binibigay nila sa amin na pangkain. Sometimes they give us an increase if we deserve it."
"Ako nga one hundred lang ang baon ko no'n ang dami ko ng nabibili na pagkain. Pero ikaw lagi kang may baon na food. Kung may baon ka rin na pera paanong wala kang pambili?"
Axel dropped his eyes and he focused on the cheesecake in front of him as if it can give him the answer to global warming. "May pinagkakagastusan lang ako noon," mahina niyang sabi.
Nagkibit-balikat ako. Maybe he's into collecting things before. May kakilala nga ako noon na kalahati ng baon ay napupunta sa ipon niya dahil ipambibili niya raw iyon ng mga libro.
"Kung sabagay mahilig ka naman talaga sa lutong bahay," sabi ko sa kaniya. Surprised colored his eyes and I just raised an eyebrow at him. "You told me that before. You loved your mom's food. Lagi mo siyang pinapanood magluto at ikaw din ang number one na taga-tikim niya."
He didn't say anything but he just keep on looking at me. Sa pagkakataon na ito ay ako naman ang nakaramdam ng pagkailang. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at binalik ko ang mga mata ko sa labas ng bintana kung saan humahagupit pa rin ang bagyo. Take control of the situation Mireia. Mas malakas ka pa rin kesa sa bagyo.
That's true though. If there's one thing that is greater than my attitude, it would be my confidence. Typhoon Mireia, enter Axel's Area of Responsibility right now.
"I wasn't expecting you to be one of the brothers of Belaya's man." I said the first thing that came into my mind. "Nabanggit niya ang pangalan ni Pierce noon pero akala ko nagkataon lang na parehas kayo ng apelido. I haven't met all your brothers." Napatigil ako nang may maisip. "Hindi ba niya ako nabanggit sa inyo?"
"She did."
He wasn't just interested to reach out to me. "Oh."
"Hindi ko alam kung naaalala mo pa ako kaya hindi ko na lang sinabi sa kaniya na kilala kita. You left without saying goodbye that night after you told me that you will be going to the convent, and I never saw you again after that."
It took every bit of my strength to bury again the things that I kept locked away from a long time. I plastered a smile on my lips. "Pwede ba naman kitang makalimutan? You were my number one crush. Baka nga ikaw ang nakalimot sa akin. You're one of the few people that I like, Axel. Of course I wouldn't forget you." I intentionally didn't touched the subject of me telling him I wanted to be a nun. Dahil kapag binuksan ko ang topic na iyon ay kinakailangan naming pag-usapan kung bakit ako nagsinungaling.
"Gusto rin kita." Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "I mean-"
"So may gusto ka pa sa akin?"
"Ha? Hindi iyon ang ibig kong sabihin-"
"So wala?" tanong ko.
"W-What I meant was-"
"Hmm. Meron nga?" Akmang tatayo na siya mula sa upuan pero natatawang hinawakan ko ang kamay niya para pigilan siya. This. This I can handle. "I'm kidding. Sit down, Axel."
Hinayaan ko siyang magsimula ulit na kumain at gaya ng inaasahan ay kumalma na siya ulit dahil doon. He looks like a cute bunny. If a bunny could be as big as him that is. I let him have his peace bago pa siya magkaroon ng indigestion sa pangungulit ko.
When he was done, he looked up to me. "Do you want coffee?"
I don't. I prefer tea. But I would take anything kahit pa mainit na alcoholic drink ang ihain niya sa akin basta lang marinig ko siyang magsalita at makita kong nakatutok sa akin ang atensyon niya. What a contradiction. Gusto kong layuan niya ako pero gusto ko rin na pansinin niya ako. Only for today. I can have just this day.
"Sure."
Inangat niya ang maliit na coffee pitcher na kasama sa inorder niya at sinalinan niya ang dalawang malinis na mug. Maingat na ibinaba niya ang isa sa harapan ko.
We sipped our coffees quietly for awhile before I speak again. "So..."
His eyes went to me. He looks like he's bracing for whatever will come out of my mouth again.
"Have you seen me on a magazine before?"
"Dati."
"Anong magazine? Vogue? Harper's Bazaar? Marie Claire? Elle?" sunod-sunod na tanong ko.
"Basta dati pa 'yon."
Umangat ang sulok ng mga labi ko. "Kung matagal na eh di iyon 'yung mga panahon na calendar model pa ako. Alin ang gusto mo ro'n? Iyong nasa bathtub? Swimming pool? Kotse? Billiard table?"
"A-Ano?"
"Ano bang favorite mo na month?"
Mukhang umiikot na ang utak niya sa mga pinagsasabi ko at wala sa sariling sumagot siya. "December-"
"Ahh. 'Yung ribbon lang ang suot ko. Nice choice."
The table shook when he knifed up from his seat. He looks like he's about to walk out. Akmang maglalakad siya paalis pero kaagad siyang bumalik at nagmamadaling nilagay niya ang mga pinagkainan namin sa food trolley.
"I-Ibabalik ko lang 'to sa baba."
"You can just leave it outside of the room. They usually collect them," sabi ko.
"Hindi na. Busy sila masyado kaya dadalin ko na lang."
"You're just wearing a towel, Axel. Baka magkaroon ng stampede sa reception."
He blinked at me. "Right... I'll... I'll just take these outside then."
Pagkasabi niyon ay nagkukumahog na siyang lumabas ng kuwarto. Naiwan akong natatawa na lang. Tumayo ako at inayos ko ang lamesa na pinagkainan namin bago ako lumapit sa pula na korteng puso na kama at pabagsak na humiga roon.
Yesterday and today have been a wild ride. It's not even half of the day and it felt like so much already happened.
Sinong mag-aakala na ang taong gustong-gusto kong makita pero wala akong balak hanapin ay muli kong makakaharap? I accepted what happened years ago. Tinanggap ko ng parte na lang siya ng nakaraan ko. Sometimes when I look back, the thought of him will always make me smile. He's that comforting memory. Iyong alaala na mas kaya kong balikan kesa sa iba pa. But sometimes... the thought of him also hurts me.
If there's one thing that hurts more than a failed relationship, it's to fail on something that you didn't even have. It's the agony of regrets and what ifs.
Tinukod ko ang siko ko sa kama at isinandal ko doon ang baba ko nang marinig kong bumukas ang pintuan. Axel hesitated for a few seconds when he saw me before he forced himself to step inside the room.
"Sa sahig na lang ako matutulog," mahina niyang sabi.
There's only a love seat sofa in the room aside from the bed. Kahit ako hindi ko magagawang mapagkasya ang sarili ko sa maliit na sofa na iyon unless matutulog ako na nakaupo. The floor on the other hand would be too uncomfortable.
"Don't be silly. The bed is huge."
"No... the floor is okay."
Pinagkrus ko ang mga binti ko at kita ko kung paanong iniwas niya ang mga mata niya sa mga iyon. "Does it bother you?"
"What?"
"Tayong dalawa lang dito," sabi ko.
Kumunot ang noo niya at nagtatakang tinignan ako. "I know."
"In a motel with one bed."
"I can see that."
"Basa ang mga damit natin at naka-robe lang ako habang tuwalya lang ang suot mo."
"Yes."
He looks really confused which threw me a bit. Not that I would do this on another man, not this hardcore teasing at least, pero kung iba siguro baka gets na gets na kung ano ang iniimply ko at hindi man lang sisiguraduhin kung seryoso ako o hindi. But Axel is not looking at me like he knows what I'm talking about, and he doesn't look like he's in on the joke. Mukha lang siya talagang naguguluhan sa takbo ng usapan namin.
"We're both young, energetic, and the night is long," I continued.
"I know how old you are. We went to the same school. We also fought through a storm and pushed your car ourselves so I know you're lying about being energetic. And the night is not that long. Technically it's already morning. Ilang oras na lang may araw na." Nang mapanganga ako ay lalong lumalim ang gatla sa noo niya. "I don't get why this is all relevant to me sleeping on the floor."
Oh my gosh.
"Axel..."
"Yes?"
Bakit pakiramdam ko nakatingin sa akin ngayon si Lord at umiiling habang minaminusan ako ng puntos? Oh my gosh times two! Inosenteng tao lang ang hindi maiintindihan ang jokarot ko. That's what my cousin calls it. Joke na panghaharot.
"Axel nakailang girlfriend ka na?"
"What?"
"How many women have you kissed?"
"Anong kinalaman no'n sa pagtulog ko sa sahig?"
"Nothing. Just really curious. You know... my brain doesn't run like normal brain does. I'm born curious. Kapag hindi mo sinagot ang tanong ko hindi ako makakatulog. Kapag hindi ako nakatulog magkakasakit ako. Kapag-"
"A few," mabilis niyang sagot.
"And how many girlfriends did you have?"
"I'm too busy for a relationship."
So he dated, but he didn't really commit into a relationship. "Have you... ever stayed in one of your ex- I mean... those women that you kissed. Have you stayed at their homes?"
Nagsalubong ulit ang kilay niya. "May sarili akong bahay. Why would I stay with them?"
"Kahit ilang oras lang?"
"I didn't see the need to."
"Kahit Netflix and chill... uhh... moments?"
"Wala pang Netflix noong panahon na iyon."
Wala pang Netflix... then his last date was years ago. Oh my gosh times three.
Pinagmasdan ko ang lalaki. I really want to ask him. Pero kahit na balasubas ang bibig ko at walang filter, hindi naman kaya ng pagkatao ko na basta na lang magtanong ng mga ganoong bagay. Hindi ko na rin kailangan tanungin. Sinasampal na ako ng katotohanan.
"Sleep beside me," I said after awhile. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko nang mapahikab ako. "I'm serious. It's fine with me."
"W-What?"
Naiiling na kinuha ko ang isa mga unan at nilagay ko iyon sa gitna ng kama. Sumuot ako sa ilalim ng kumot at inunan ko ang ulo ko sa mga kamay ko.
"Just sleep here. I don't bite," I winked at him. "Hard."
Muling nagkulay kamatis ang mga pisngi niya at akmang kukunin niya ang isa pang unan para ilagay talaga iyon sa sahig pero mabilis na hinawakan ko ang dulo niyon para pigilan siya.
"Kapag natulog ka sa tabi ko, mananahimik na ko. Kapag natulog ka sa sahig, gagapangin kita. Your choice."
"Mireia-"
"On the count of three. One... two... thr-"
Napapangiting muli kong sinandal ang ulo ko sa mga kamay ko at pumikit ako. Siguro dahil na rin sa pinagsama-samang pagod, puyat, at pagkabusog ay pakiramdam ko hinihila na ako ng kagabi lang ay napakailap sa akin na antok.
Sa loob ng ilang taon, pakiramdam ko kapag mga ganitong oras ay ako na lang mag-isa sa mundo. The world is peacefully sleeping while I always lie awake wherever part of the world I am at. Kahit gaano ako kapagod ay hindi madali para sa akin ang makahanap ng tulog.
I thought it was because I'm too busy, my mind is too active, or because I'm stressing a lot. Then I realize that it wasn't all because of that. It's because I'm missing the one important thing; the sense of security.
But now in this tiny hotel room, with a man that I couldn't say that I still know like the way I did before, there's a calm in me that is dragging me deeper and deeper, my body getting heavy as the seconds passed by.
That's why I could only mumble his name when I felt a hand at the back of my head, gently lifting it. Sa sumunod na sandali ay naramdaman kong lumapat ang ulo ko sa isang malambot na bagay kasabay ng pagbalot sa akin ng init na nagmumula sa kumot.
I wasn't sure of what happened next... I was losing the fight against the sleep that keep on pulling me. I couldn't know for real if I really heard him or it was just my memory playing tricks with me. But for some reason, I thought I heard him singing. The words so familiar because it's the same song I heard him sing that night... the last time I've been with him.
"You're the one I wanna hold. I won't let another minute go to waste. I want you and your beautiful soul."