Adrian's pov*
I need to calm down. Amelia wouldn't do this. What if it's all a misunderstanding? But if it was, why didn't Amelia tell me about that guy straight away?
I have two pictures of them. Sent from a strange number. One with Amelia's eyes closed and her hand on her chest, and the other is kissing the guy. I was so hurt when I saw it, I felt My heart shatter into a million pieces. I can't believe she would do such things. Especially that I saw her crying on my front porch. This is a misunderstanding. And I need to fix things with Amelia.
I wipe my tears away and wash my face so I could kinda calm down my puffy eyes but it was no use. I looked like I was crying and at this point I don't even care to hide it anymore. I walk out of my room and approach hers.
How the fuck am I so stupid? I completely trust Amelia. Why did I lash out at her like that. I hate that I made her cry.
I knock on the door, I didn't hear a response but I put my ear close to the door and heard faint crying. God what have I done.
"Amelia, I want to talk to you." I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
I hear shuffling around the room and I even heard a thud but then after a few minutes she opened the door, her eyes were dull, there wasn't any light in them now. Not like when she's happy or when she sees me.
"What do you want Adrian." She kept her expression stern and her eyes were on the floor. They were red and puffy, just like mine.
"I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself, that wasn't fair. I should've heard you when you wanted to speak. Just like you always hear me." I look at her and she doesn't even look at me. She looks at the floor.
"Why don't you ask whoever sent you that photo. You clearly trust them more than me to believe them over me." She mumbles, trying to contain her tears.
"It was sent to me anonymously. I was just mad. But now I'm calm and I want to hear you out."
Her eyes met mine and hers immediately fill up with tears.
"Look me in my eyes Adrian and tell me you believe I cheated on you." She whispers with tears in her eyes.
"I don't believe that you cheated on me Amelia. That's why I want to hear you out." My own eyes start to water.
"It doesn't matter what happened Adrian, but I didn't cheat on you. That kiss you thought I had with that fucker was forced on me, just like everything else. Apparently men forget something called consent when it comes to me." She whispers the last sentence, barely able to talk between her cries.
"I'm so sorry I didn't give you a chance to speak Amelia." I pulled her into a hug and she just held her hand on her face.
"All I freaking wanted when I got home was your hug, and now I can't enjoy it." She cries and my heart hurts. She's hurt because of me. What happened to me protecting her?
"I'm so sorry baby. I'm so fucking sorry." I whisper to her as I hug her tighter. She hugs me back and I hear a sigh of relief come out of her.
God I'm so stupid.
Amelia's pov*
God I missed his hugs. When he said he wanted to talk I immediately put on a sweater, I don't want him to see what I've done. I can't stay mad at him even if I wanted to. Because he's the only one that can get me through this shit. He's the only one who understands me. He was just hurt when he saw the photos, he didn't say anything to hurt my feelings, he didn't do anything. I was the one who hurt him so I shouldn't even get mad at him.
I feel pain in my stomach and I immediately pull away from Adrian. He looks at me confused, I run to the bathroom and puke again. I didn't even know what I was puking. I only ate a donut and cereal. Literally. But it hurt and I kept puking in the toilet. Adrian joined me in the bathroom and held up my hair. He started rubbing my back soothingly. After I was done throwing up I stood up and wiped my mouth with napkins. My legs were weak so I sat down on the bathroom floor again. I leaned my shoulder against the wall and Adrian sat next to me. He pulled me close and put his arms around my torso.
It felt really hot and I started sweating. But I was too tired to care to be honest. I have no idea what's wrong with me. But it felt good to finally be in Adrian's arms. He's my favorite person in the whole wide world. "You're so stupid." I lean in closer to Adrian. "I know baby I'm so sorry." He whispers while kissing the top of my head. "You are my favorite person Adrian. Don't ever think I would replace you. I've lost trust in men a long time ago. You are the only one I trust. You and your chipmunks." I chuckle but immediately stop when it hurts my stomach. "You are my favorite person too. You are like the only person I can tolerate." Adrian laughed breathly.
After a few exhausting minutes I drifted away in Adrian's arms.
Adrian's pov*
She fell asleep in my arms. I just wanted to watch her but the floor was too harsh and I had to put her in bed. She is sweating like she's been running a marathon. I lifted up her sweater to see if she had anything under and she did so I took it off for her. She groaned and hugged herself.
I put her in bed, put on the AC and pulled the duvet over us and I snuggled up close to her.
☆☆☆☆☆
I wake up to Amelia whimpering and crying in my arms. She gets panic attacks a lot and I help her with them. I tried convincing her to do therapy but she instantly refused. I don't know why but she seems to cower away in the mention of any doctor.
"Baby wake up its a dream." I whisper as I sat her up. She snaps out of whatever memory she's having and breathes deeply. I pull her close and she calms down.
She sleeps a lot. I'm no doctor but I know she has severe depression. I asked our mafia doctor and he said there is a huge chance she's suffering depression.
"Amelia, you need to start therapy."
"No! I'm okay. Everything is okay Adrian. Everything is fine. I told you, I'm just fine." She nods violently.
"Just 4 times a week. For three weeks. And if you think they aren't working you can stop. Amelia you need this." I look at her and she sighs defeatedly.
"If the doctor isn't nice I'm killing them." She narrows her eyes at me and I nod.
☆☆☆☆☆
Two days after
Amelia's pov*
"How are you Amelia." Dr. Willson asks with a warm smile.
"I'm okay." I mumble while fidgeting with my hands. I tend to do that when I feel awkward with myself or nervous.
"If any of the questions I ask makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and we can skip it and answer it later. It's totally fine to speak to me. I won't tell anyone and this isn't intended to make you feel uncomfortable in any way." She smiles reassuringly.
I nod, returning her smile with a small one.
"Okay Amelia, when did you start having panic attacks?" She asks.
Oh so we are already in deep.
"After..." God how do I word this?
"Like 3 months ago." I nod my head, satisfied with my answer.
"Why did you have them? Panic attacks come from either a traumatic memory or a lot of stress." Oh for fuck's sake.
"When.. I'm sorry I will speak I just don't know how to word this." I sigh, looking down at my hands. Quite ashamed.
"Just pretend I'm not here Amelia. Think of it as if you are talking to yourself." Dr. Willson smiles and I nod.
"It all started 3 months ago, when I got kidnapped. A lot of traumatizing things happened that night and I still remember every single thing that happened that night to this day." I take a deep breath in and prepare myself for my own words. "They raped me, there was two men, they raped me and beat me till I was unable to move. My legs didn't function well after that and I had to sit on a wheelchair for a week and a half I don't really remember the exact time but I got tired and started walking on my legs. Even though it hurt and my whole body was bruised" I feel tears streaming down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry." I mumble as I wiped my tears with my sleeve.
"It's okay honey. You don't have to apologize." She smiles sympathetically.
"I know this question may seem hard to answer so you can take your time, why did you try to kill yourself Amelia." She asks with a concerned face.
I was overwhelmed with emotions back then and I really didn't know how anything can get better. I'm just gonna say that. She seems nice, plus she said she won't tell anyone.
"The night before I tried to kill myself.." I gulped and looked at Dr. Willson.
She nodded and I continued. "A guy tried to.. rape me but I got away from him and I locked myself in the bathroom till the next morning. I broke down and told my friend everything that happened and she left the room to deal with the guy. He got what he deserved but before that, I was overwhelmed with emotions and I was confused, sad and I really didn't know how things would ever get better. I really didn't know when this nightmare would end." I cried but managed to keep my voice even.
"How many times do you get nightmares and and panic attacks?" Dr. Willson asked.
I sniffled and looked down at my hands. "Like 4 or 5 times a week. Usually Adrian helps me when I get them but it's kinda getting out of hand, sleep used to be my favorite thing to do. I still sleep a lot but I dread it a little now. Knowing that those two men who raped me will be waiting to torture me in my dreams. I used to use sleep to escape reality but now. I can seem to find a way to escape." I try to contain my hands from shaking but I don't think it was very useful. I take in a deep breath and look at Dr. Willson, still with shaky hands.
Dr. Willson writes down everything I said then looks up at me with a warm smile.
"Amelia. Why did you do this to yourself." She asks and I give her a confused face. I immediately check to see if my cuts are showing. I was wearing a white sweater with long sleeves but I looked down to see my cuts bleeding through the sweater.
Shit.
I start to panic. No one was suppose to know!
Dr.willson glances at my leg, which was bouncing up and down nervously. I didn't even know I was doing that.
I sigh and a new load of tears appear in my eyes. "Three days ago, I was in college and something stupid happened, which led me to turning back to self harming. I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. I stopped doing it after about 3 weeks of my rape, and I promised myself that I would find other ways to deal with my emotions. After I went home from college that day I had a little disagreement with Adrian, we never fight. Like at all. So it really affected me. So I didn't really care to make it look 'accidental'. I just didn't care. All I wanted to do was to get my sadness out and at that time, it seemed like it's the only way out of the feeling of hopelessness. Adrian used to be the solutionto my problems but.. when I felt like he wasn't with me, I wanted to end this once and for all. But I promised my family I wouldn't and that's the reason why I'm alive right now. " I sniffle then i look up at the doctor. She looks at me with sympathy. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry. I ju-" tears started pouring out so face it was almost unnatural. "can I get a tissue?" I ask, trying to calm myself down.
The doctor gave me a tissue and I blew my nose.
"Ok honey. I'm going to prescribe you some medication that will help calm your nerves down, this is for your panic attacks and I will also give you some sleeping pills. They should help you with the nightmares. But they do have side effects like being unable to focus." Dr.Willson says.
I nod. "The next session is on Sunday. It will be harder since we are taking this step by step. But how do you feel after today's session Amelia?"
"I feel lighter actually, thank you Dr.willson." I give her a little smile.
"Call me Linda sweetie. I'm going to talk to Adrian about your medication. Do you mind?" She asks.
"Not at all." I stand up and walk out.
Adrian came here with me since I clung onto him and he agreed to go with me gladly.
"Adrian. Dr. Linda wants to talk to you. I will wait here." I tell him.
He nods and walks inside.
Adrian's pov*
I walk inside and Dr. Linda is standing there waiting for me.
"Yes doctor?"
"She was hesitant to open up to me at first, which is totally normal since it's the first time. But she answered all my questions, she does have severe depression, just like you expected. The sad news is that I have to tell you this, it's a big rule of ours that everything the patient says to us stays between us but that rule is forgotten when it comes to their health. Amelia has been self-harming. She said that you used to be the way she coped but when you weren't with her, she self harms to get out all her emotions. She is suffering very severe depression Adrian. I noticed she is very fidgety and shaky through out the whole session. She will need some stress relievers to help her with her fidgeting problem. She will need medication to help with her panic attacks and I prescribed her some sleeping pills for her nightmares. This should help well with the therapy." I was completely shocked by what I heard.
"Thank you Dr. Linda. Where do I get the medication?" I ask. Trying to look not as shocked as I am.
"I will write down the name for you and you should find it in the local pharmacy." Dr.Linda nodded and I thanked her again after giving me the names.
I walk out and see Amelia sitting on the chair infront of Dr.Linda's office.
She stands up when she sees me and I immediately pull her into a hug.
"She told you didn't she? You can trust me my ass." Amelia said, but her words were muffled in my chest.
"I understand baby, I'm not mad. I understand. Just come back to me when you feel the need to let out your emotions." I stroke her hair and I pull away and look at her.
She had tears in her eyes and she gave me a small, sad nod.
I kiss the top of her head and we walk out of the building.
How did I not notice how serious this is? She's been suffering from severe depression. And started self harming because of me. God I'm the worst.
I'm ruining my own bright light. My Amelia.
~~~~~
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