Hudson
Hurling my hoodie onto the couch, I walk into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I was out with my skateboard and missing the girl who is supposed to be learning to ride hers.
When I walk back into the comically spacious living room, I spot my parents enter from the hallway that leads into the back garden.
"Oh," I falter in my steps, looking at them after nearly two months, "When did you guys come back?"
Two months.
Two months they were gone and they only called once.
"An hour ago," my mom smiles as she walks up to me and hugs me, "How have you been?"
An hour ago? And they didn't bother calling me or texting to say they're home? Whatever.
I hug her back with as much willingness as I would eating glass for breakfast or riding my board without the wheels.
"Good."
She lets me go.
"Be ready by 8 tonight. We're having dinner with a very important client and I want you there." My father doesn't even spare me a glance as he speaks to me.
A little disappointment aches my chest at his dismissive attitude towards me. Will it hurt him to say hi? Or pat me on the back or something? Mom is at least a little motherly. My father would rather chew on grass than show a little affection towards his one and only son—his heir.
Whatever.
"Why?" I ask, dropping onto the couch and manspreading.
But both of them are too busy talking to each other and tapping away on their phones to realize I asked them a question. It always goes like this. On the rare occasion we're in the same vicinity as each other, they barely even pay attention to me.
My father walks out of the room.
"You'll be so happy, I just know it." My mom says as she follows my father, leaving me alone...yet again.
Why did they have me?
That question bugs me with every breath I take.
If they were going to let nannies raise me, send me off to a private high school abroad and abandon me so they could travel all around the world—business or not—why did they have me?
I was like an accessory to them. One they used only when they needed it. Family pictures. Business dinners. Charity events.
They gave me all the money in the world but never bought anything for me. It was like they were allergic to gifting their son anything. I bought my own car, my own clothes, my own school books—with their money obviously—but I couldn't give two fucks if I was spending their money.
Hell, I deserved it with the way they treated me.
Never once did they attend a volleyball game of mine in high school. Or attend parent-teacher meetings. Or—this is my favorite—attend my high school graduation. Nobody came. I was left there alone, standing alone like an idiot whilst other children hugged and took pictures with their proud parents.
Fuck this.
Throwing on my hoodie, I grab my phone, car keys and walk out of the house.
<3 <3 <3 <3
"Hey." I smile at her, immediately feeling my chest easing from the irritation that seeing my parents caused.
Blair looks up from her sketchbook, her blue eyes widening a little as she finds me standing in front of her work table.
"Hi." She says hesitantly.
I drop myself onto the wooden highchair and slump my arms on the table. I drink in her frustrated expression, my stomach fluttering as I notice the new color to her hair. It's very subtle but I see it.
"Your hair looks good."
Blair looks shocked at my words. I'm thinking she thought I wouldn't notice. Silly girl. She's all I notice. She mumbles a quiet thanks before going back to ignoring me and scribbling in her sketchbook.
"You look like you want to murder someone." I playfully say to her.
I want to go back to how we were before I fucked up. But I know that possibility is too far. And I'm a little afraid that she might never want me again. I swallow down the panic and keep my eyes on her.
I don't know what it is about her but whenever I look at her, into those breathtaking blue eyes, I feel calm.
Blair sighs, dropping her pencil and grabbing some kind of book that has various colors pieces of material in it.
"Yeah, the guy who dropped outta my show at the last minute." She mumbles as she goes through the book.
"Was he going to model for you?"
"Yeah and now I have to find someone else, get their measurements, and readjust the clothes. It's like the universe hates me." Blair finds the material she was looking for and grabs her pencil to scribble back into her sketchbook.
That dickface. Whoever it is, he better not show me his face or I'll go old school and shove his face down a toilet to give him a swirly.
Her fashion show is coming up. She's been preparing for it for months. I remember how stressed she got when her shipment got delayed and she had to reorder the material or when she lost a sketch of a design so she had to redesign it. I was there for it all, by her side—making her smile, making her laugh, annoying her. I wanted to make her feel comfortable.
I hate seeing her unhappy.
"I'll model for you." With a warm smile, I lock my eyes onto her.
I'm her friend and this could be my way of making it up to her. Not saying that I don't have my work cut out for me for my Make-Blair-Forgive-The-Loser plan. But this could be my first step in showing her how much she means to me.
"What?" she looks up from her work, bewilderment lacing her expression, "No, you can't."
"Why not?" I grin, cocking up my brow.
"Because, you're..." Blair stutters.
"Come on, let me do this," my voice softens, "I know how long and hard you've been preparing for this show and I'd hate for you to get a bad grade for it."
All I want is her happiness and her success in her studies. She's a damn good fashion designer and I'm not letting one measly mishap bring her down.
Blair chews on her bottom and I force my dick to lay low at the sight. She's so naturally seductive that it's painful.
Blair locks eyes with me and I see the hesitation but I also see the need for her to do good on her fashion show.
"Okay."
Blair
"Hey, grandma." I hug her, melting into her warm arms.
"Hi, my baby," she kisses my crown before letting me go, "How was class?"
She asks as she grabs the cookie jar and a glass to pour me some milk. I slump down onto her kitchen chair, throwing my head onto my arms.
"Terrible, grandma." I coo out with a pout.
"Oh, sweetie." She rubs my head, my eyes closing at her relaxing touch.
She places the glass of milk and plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table and takes a seat in front of me. I grab a cookie and take a bite. My mouth explodes with the delicious taste of the flavor. Grandma Célestia makes the best cookies in the world.
As I take another bite, my thoughts drift to Hudson and his offer to model for my fashion show. My heart swells at his thoughtfulness. And he even noticed I lightened the highlights in my hair. It's subtle, difficult to tell but he noticed it. He always compliments me in his annoying, flirtatious way.
We can be friends. We are friends. All I have to do is hold back any urges and focus on myself and my show. I have nothing to apologize for, he does. If he wants to fix this, I'm going to want more than just an apology. But even the thought of giving him a second chance puts a weird taste in my mouth.
What he did to me...
I can't look past it. No matter how much I like him.
And I'm going to be honest, after what happened, my feelings have lessened.
I don't take shit from men. If they do something that gives me an ick, I walk away. And I can lose feelings so fast. The men I have been with, even precious boyfriends, I have never felt something deeper for them. The physical attraction is there but it takes me so long to genuinely feel love.
I sometimes think I'm coldhearted or that I just hate everyone and everything but then...
There's Hudson.
"What's wrong, dear?" My beautiful grandma rubs my arm.
"Nothing."
"Uh oh, I sense boy trouble." She playfully says, grabbing a cookie for herself.
"It's nothing, grandma."
"Doesn't look like it's nothing to me. You look like you're fighting a war against your heart and mind," she looks at me with loving eyes, "Tell grandma what's wrong?"
And I break.
I tell her everything.
Nolee
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
My heart is thundering in my chest as I stare at all the small boxes on my bed.
"Nolee, is everything okay?" Lia walks into my bedroom, her eyes frantic.
"What's wrong, girl?" Blair steps closer to me.
I may have texted my best friends in panic and given them a heart attack but I needed them here.
With shaking hands and a nervous stomach, I look at them.
"I think I might be pregnant."
"What?!" Blair shrieks.
"How?" Lia says but then realizes her stupid question, she smiles and waves it off, "Ignore that."
I almost break out in a smile from her adorable reaction but I'm so close to having a mental breakdown.
"Are you sure?" Blair asks, eyeing the pregnancy tests all over my bed.
"No, I don't know," I moan in frustration, "But I haven't had my period for over a month now and I'm scared."
I've never missed my period before so this is terrifying. I've always been so careful with my birth control and ever since Zack and I have started having sex without a condom, I've been on the shot so I don't know what's going on but I'm terrified.
"No, don't be scared." Lia rubs my arm and I move a little into her embrace.
"Have you done these pregnancy tests yet?" Blair asks, picking up one of the six boxes I bought.
"I haven't done them yet..." I mumble, lost in my thoughts and shaking nerves.
"Come on, let's do them." Lia takes my hand and Blair grabs the tests and they both walk with me into the bathroom.
"I'm scared." I whisper as I watch Blair open the tests and hand me one.
"It's natural to be but just keep a calm heart and mind." Lia warmly smiles.
Her words provide a little comfort and I inhale a breath of air and allow my nerves to relax a little.
"If it's positive, you have a choice to keep it or not. If it's negative, then we'll throw a party because let's face it kids are ew." Blair scrunches her nose and her words make us laugh.
They step out of the bathroom to give me privacy and as I do all six tests, my mind goes haywire with thoughts.
What if they're positive and I'm pregnant? What if Zack gets angry? Or dumps me? I'll kick his ass, that's for sure. What if they're negative? Will I be happy? Sad?
I'm not prepared to have a child. I'm still too young, I'm focusing on my education and I have a social life that I'd like to uphold without having a crying kid in my arms that poops every five seconds. And a kid is a lifetime commitment. I need to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially stable to have one. And I'm barely one of those things.
And who wants to birth a child and bring them into a world that is slowly being destroyed? The climate is deteriorating astronomically. The oceans are rising, the arctics are melting—it's unfair to leave a child in a world like that.
But there are also the good parts. It'll be my kid. My beautiful, adorable baby who will have the cutest smiles and my eyes. It'll be a piece of me. I can dress her or him in cute baby clothes, bathe them so they have that amazing baby smell, play with them just to hear their addictive laugh.
Ugh, snap out of it, Nolee.
My mom is going to kill me if I end up pregnant.
Oh, god. My mom is going to kill me dead.
I chew on my bottom lip as I wait and wait for each stick to show its result. My heart thunders with each passing second.
But then a singular pink line appears on each of the sticks like magic.
And I exhale like I've been holding my breath forever.
Thank goodness.
"Nolee, you okay?" I hear Lia ask as she softly knocks on the door.
I rush to the door and tug it open, looking at my girls with a relieved smile.
"They're all negative."
They both sigh in relief.
"Are you okay?" Lia asks.
I know she's wondering if I'm okay with not being pregnant. She's so sweet. I love her.
"Yeah. There was no chance in hell I would've been able to take care of a child. I can barely look after myself," then I gasp, "And, oh god, Zack."
I almost forgot about him. He deserves to know even if the tests came out negative.
"Does he know?" Blair asks.
I shake my head.
"No, but I know I need to tell him."
<3 <3 <3 <3
Zack walks out of the sports building with his duffle bag and wet hair. He's just finished practice and I wanted to go grab something to eat with him so I texted him before I got here.
But first, I need to tell him that he almost became a daddy today.
Zack catches me standing against his car and smiles with his dimples. He grabs my jaw when he kisses me and I inhale his freshly showered scent.
"Hey." He caresses my bottom lip.
"Hey." I smile up at him.
He opens the back door of his car and chucks his bag into the backseat.
"Where do you wanna go eat?"
I walk over to the passenger side and open the door.
"In-N-Out?"
"Okay." He says as he climbs inside.
"I need to tell you something." I tell him before he can start the car.
"What?" Zack turns to look at me but then his eyes soften when he notices my nervous expression, "Is everything okay?"
I look into his honey eyes for a moment as I gather all my thoughts and calm my nerves down a little.
This can go two ways, either Zack gets mad or Zack understands. If he gets mad, I'm kicking him in his balls because the audacity of men, ugh.
"I took a pregnancy test today," I quietly say, playing with the Tiffany's bracelet around my wrist that he gifted me, "Well, six to be exact."
My heart pounds against my ribcage as my words echo around the car.
"What?" Zack sounds bewildered but the confused kind.
"It was negative. I haven't had my period for over a month so I got scared but after checking up with my gynecologist, it was just a scare. My period stopped because of stress. I wanted to tell you because, well, we're kinda in this together, you know." I nervously laugh towards the end of my speech.
After taking the pregnancy tests, I wanted to be completely sure so I went to my gynecologist and all the tests turned out negative so I was in the clear. She asked some questions and from my answers, she concluded that it was stress-related and now that I think about it, she's right.
I've been so focused on my studies, what with midterms and assignments that I was overworking my body, and I often forgot to eat.
Zack is quiet. Really quiet.
Nibbling on my bottom lip, I stare at him look out the front window of his car, completely lost in his thoughts. But he doesn't look mad or frustrated. He looks almost...lost in serene wonderment.
"What's wrong?" I softly ask, my worry and panic getting the best of me.
"Nothing, just imagining what it would've been like if you were pregnant and we'd have a kid together," he says before locking eyes with me with a warm smile tugged on his lips, "And, I kinda like the picture."
My womb flutters, as does my heart.
Zack twists in his seat to face me. He grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers together as his other cradles my cheek.
"Nolee, you gotta know that I'm all in. You are it for me and if babies are involved so be it. It'd be with you. If that test was positive, you have to know that I would've supported you like crazy. I would've been there for you, whatever your decision, whether you wanted to keep it or not," he caresses my cheek with love in his eyes, "But we're too young and we have our whole lives to look forward to and I don't wanna have to share you with anybody let alone a snotty, poop monster so I'm kinda relieved it came out negative—please don't kill me, woman."
His last words make me laugh and all my panicked emotions wash away.
"No, I'm relieved too. We're not ready for that."
"I love you." Zack whispers against my lips.
"I love you, too."
Our kiss is gentle but it still makes my body ignite with fire. Every kiss with him is euphoric. As he breaks the kiss and leans back against his seat, he tilts his head to gaze at me with playful eyes.
"Damn woman, you need to change your birth control."
I scoffed, amused.
"You need to start wearing condoms."
He groans.
"You know they don't make sizes for me."
"Please, that tiny thing, as if." I tease him.
I'm obviously lying but it still makes him growl as grabs me by the neck with his arm and tugs me into his side as he ruffles my hair.
I laugh as I try to push him away.