NAMJOON
When our alarms go off in the morning, Malia very reluctantly removes herself from me. She sits up in bed and goes to shower before coming back in to get dressed. While she's in the bathroom, I put my clothes back on.
I look around her room to make sure that I have all of my things. I open her bedroom door and she follows me out. When we step into the hallway, she gives me an awkward somber look.
"I'll see you later."
She walks away with her head down before I can reply. I rub my face on my hands as I walk up the stairs. She's anxious, nervous. It's written all over her face.
I hate this shit.
++++++
MALIA
Avoiding side glances from people was not how I intended to spend my day. But that's what I'm doing.
To add to my annoyance, I have to make it to the library in this winter weather.
Why can't it be spring already?
I pull the doors to the library open and step inside. I think of what happened the night before with each footstep. My adrenaline was up the entire time. It happened and was over so quickly that it feels like I imagined it.
I sit at an empty table and pull out my textbooks and laptop.
"Can I sit with you?"
Namjoon's voice is sturdy apart from the bustle of people coming in and out of the building.
"Yeah."
He pulls the chair back and sits down. He takes out his books and laptop as well as his notebook. His hair is fluffy on his head today. He must have washed and blow dried it before coming to class.
The longer he sits across from me, the more I question myself. People look at us as they walk by. Namjoon pays them no mind, not registering their glances or blatant stares.
Less people are looking than I thought.
When the Twitter gossip page was updated about what happened that night, the replies and quote tweets went crazy. So much so that I had to take a break from reading them.
People were saying all kinds of things about him, about me. Many people were saying that I'd be stupid to be with him. They said that regardless of whether he changes or not, he isn't worth the drama... that he isn't worth anything he's offering me.
I don't think that's true.
He isn't the way that they're portraying him to be. He isn't the type of person they're assuming that he is. All of the posts were suggesting that he did everything simply because of his college status.
I don't believe that. Not entirely, anyway. Namjoon isn't mean and being an asshole isn't built into his personality. That isn't how he functions on a day to day basis.
The guy in front of me squinting at his textbook... that's Namjoon. He rubs his eyes and tries again to read . It doesn't help.
"Namjoon?"
"Hm?" He looks up at me.
"You should probably put your glasses on."
He blinks at me then looks around. He realizes that he isn't wearing his contacts either and can't see.
"Oh yeah." He reaches into his bag and pulls out his eyeglass case. He puts them on and then nods. His eyes meet mine as he smiles shyly.
"Thank you."
"Mhm." I hum as he turns his attention back to his textbook. He begins to take notes as he reads. Immersed into his learning, he doesn't catch me staring at him.
This is my favorite part of him.
When he's lost in himself, in his learning. When he's so caught up in talking about things that interest him that he doesn't realize that he's rambling.
When he's just comfortable.
Something in the book must frustrate him because he smacks his teeth and starts typing on his laptop mumbling in Korean. I understand nothing that he's saying but I can see in his face that he's irritated.
His eyes double take to me as I smile.
"What?"
"Why are you upset?" I question.
"I'm not. This shit is just confusing. It's way more than what my professor taught us today. If I knew that I was gonna have to teach myself, I wouldn't have even gone to class today."
My smile grows and he licks his lips as he scrolls on his laptop.
"Do you need help?"
He stops scrolling and side eyes me. His tongue runs along the inside of his cheek.
"Yeah."
I pull my chair over to him and he shows me what he's confused about. It's something that I understand so it isn't hard to help him.
Halfway through explaining, he stops listening. Instead he's staring at the side of my face as I talk.
"Are you listening to me?"
"Kind of."
I side eye him and he recants.
"No, not really."
"Namjoon~." I groan and sit back in my chair. He smiles at my frustration.
"I'm sorry. Your voice is very distracting. And you smell good. Like oranges and stuff."
I snort and put my head in my hands. He cannot focus to save his life which makes absolutely no sense to me given his choice of hobbies.
"I got the first half understood. It's whatever you've been explaining for the last four minutes that I missed."
"You've been staring me in the face for four minutes?" I deadpan and he narrows an eye.
"You're really pretty."
He says it quietly and my face warms, forcing me to look away.
"Thank you. But can you focus please?" I ask and he hums in agreement.
For the next hour or so, Namjoon and I study together. He eventually gets the hang of what he didn't understand and finishes the module on his own.
We stay until we're both done with our work. He still manages to finish before me yet waits for me to get done.
On the way back to our suite building, Xavier sees us. He walks over and Namjoon's body language shifts. I want to tell him that he doesn't have to be that way, that Xavier doesn't like me in that way.
But last time I tried that, he didn't believe me.
"Hey, Lia."
"Hi." I hug him as he reaches his arms out.
"Namjoon." He speaks to him in acknowledgement. He gets a hum in reply. It doesn't seem to be unexpected because Xavier continues talking as if it never happened.
"They're having an event at the bookstore today at 5. It's a Cocoa and Comic thing they do every year." His eyes move to Namjoon who is purposely forcing his eyes away from the conversation.
"I bought two tickets for us but I found out that I can't go." He brings his eyes back to me.
"Why not? We haven't hung out in a couple days."
"You don't need to see me every day, Lia." He rolls his eyes playfully and I shove him. He laughs and pulls the tickets out of his coat pocket.
He holds them out for Namjoon to take. He looks at his hand and then at his face, reaching for them.
"Thanks." It sounds a bit bland but better than the usual tone he uses for him.
"Yeah. Have fun." He offers a small smile as he walks off. "Get in the suite before you catch a cold, Malia." He shouts.
"Yeah, yeah." We start walking to the suite again and Namjoon is quiet the whole time. When we get to the building, he holds out the tickets for me.
"Here. I know Camryn and Tyrell will be free by five. One of them will go."
I stare at the paper in his hands and bite the skin of my lip. "You don't want to go with me?"
He inhales and breathes out, dropping his hand by his side. "What do you want from me, Malia? You don't want me around anyone else, but you don't really want me around you either. You asked me to leave you alone but you won't let me. I'm just trying to do what you're asking of me."
He's half ass done anything that I've ever wanted him to do. The only thing that I've really ever wanted him to do, he did on his own time. It's stupid that when I asked him to leave Chloe alone so that I could feel secure being with him, he didn't.
But now that I asked him to leave me alone, he's perfectly okay with that one.
"You've never done it before. Why start now?"
THIRD
He looks done with this conversation as soon as it starts.
"I know what I did and I'm trying to be better in general. I have to start somewhere." Namjoon explains his very valid point.
"Why does it have to be with leaving me alone?" She questions. He snatches the key from her and opens her suite door. They walk inside to continue their debate.
"Because you asked me to."
Malia throws her bag down onto her bedroom floor. She doesn't know how she is supposed to feel. She's upset that he's not speaking to her as much as he usually would. But she's also upset with herself for wanting him to. All of this feels very confusing.
She takes the tickets out of his hands and calls Xavier. Namjoon stands there for the duration of the call. When she hangs up, she turns to look at him.
"You don't have to go. He said he'll come get me."
Namjoon looks at her with an unreadable expression on his face. He can't figure her out and it's really messing with him.
"O..kay." He says, standing there for a few seconds more before opening her door. He leaves the suite and walks to his own. Midas and Tyrell are playing the game when he walks in.
They turn to greet him and he ignores their looks as he sits in the recliner.
"You good?" Ty asks looking from him to the tv screen.
"Why did she tell me to leave her alone if she doesn't actually want to be left alone? What was the reason?" He says suddenly.
Midas and Ty both snicker as they press buttons on their controllers.
"She doesn't want to have to tell you what she wants." Midas says from his own experience with women. "You're just supposed to know, apparently." He rolls his eyes.
Namjoon blinks and looks at him. "I'm not a mind reader."
"Neither are we."
"So y'all just be getting in trouble for shit y'all don't know?" He screws his face up
"... yeah." Midas says and Tyrell starts laughing.
"That's stupid. Why can't she just tell me? Isn't that a part of the communication? How the hell am I supposed to know she wants me around her if everything she does is telling me to leave her alone? That doesn't even make any sense."
He rants to himself causing Tyrell and Midas to side eye each other. Small smiles overtake their faces before they look back at the screen.
"You got it, you got it bad." Tyrell starts singing and Midas snickers. Namjoon smacks his teeth as his friend belts out the Usher song.
"If you miss a day... something, something... your whole life's off-track."
Midas joins him and Namjoon can't help the amusement that it brings him. They really know how to distract him when they need to.
A|N
T minus four plus the epilogue(s)