3 days had passed and all we did is enjoy our vacation to the fullest as much as possible.
Sa loob kasi ng tatlong araw halos nasubukan na namin lahat ng activities na available sa isla. Kabilang dito ang scuba diving, jet ski, riding a banana boat, snorkeling, and a lot more.
Sinubukan nga din namin ang surfing but don't expect too much dahil sa aming dalawa ni Linus walang marunong nito. Though we did our best to stand up in the surf board but of course as expected, we always ended up falling straight in the sea, harshly.
But from all the things we tried, parasialing is the best. It is currently my favorite because I like the way I am being glided up in the air at a gradual pace plus the feels of floating in the air is so surreal. I can't wait to do it again.
Right now, we are listening to the priest. Yes guys may malapit na simbahan dito sa isla at minsan lang magkamisa dahil buwanan lang kung dumating ang pari o kaya naman kapag may special occasion lang.
Ang swerte nga kasi nasaktuhan pa namin ang dating ng pari.
"Once you fall in love, kakayanin mo lahat-lahat, yung sakit, selos, sama ng loob and the truth na kahit masakit na, mahal na mahal mo parin sya. Because true love never surrender, it always find a way to understand the pain." Makahulugang wika ni father.
Unintentionally, I looked at Ander's way. Seryoso lang syang nakatingin sa harapan, nakikinig kay father. Para syang nahulog sa malalim na pag-iisip.
Nang mapansing palingon sya sa gawi ko, agad kong inilipat kay father ang tingin ko. At mula noon hindi na pa ulit ako nagbaling sa iba, nakinig nalang ako kay father ng mataimtim hanggang sa matapos ang misa.
Nagising ako nang makarinig ng katok. Kinusot ko ang aking mata at nagunat ng bahagya bago tumayo para buksan ang pintuan.
Ang bihis na Linus ang bumungad sa akin. Tinignan ko ang relo para i-check ang oras. Magaala-singko palang ng umaga. Bakit ang aga ata ng lakad nya.
"Good morning, love. Sorry for disturbing your sleep. Magpapaalam lang ako. I'll be gone for hours. It's very urgent."
"Ohh okay. Take care." He gave me a peck in the lips before taking his leave.
Nang malawa ang kanyang pigura saka ko lamang sinara ang pinto. Nilock ko din ito. It's a habit i guess. Nakasayan ko kasi laging nilolock ang pinto ko. Ayaw kong may basta bastang pumapasok sa kwarto ko ng walang permiso.
At isang dahilan kaya nasanayan kong magloack ay dahil ayaw na ayaw kong naiistorbo ang tulog ko. I swear, you wouldn't want to see be becoming a beast.
Kakahiga ko kalang sa kama nang may narinig nanaman akong katok. Ano naman kayang nakalimutan ng lalaking yun?
Tinatamad, bumangon ulit ako para buksan ang pinto. Bakit kasi nilock ko pa yung pinto. Naiistorbo tuloy beauty rest ko ugh. Nga pala kakasabi ko lang 'it's a habit'.
But far from what I expected, hindi si Linus ang bumungad sakin kundi si Ander. He was leaning on the door frame wearing a muscle tee and black short. In short he looks simply attractive.
The heck I'm thinking about. Erase erase. It's a relief that he couldn't read my mind. When his eyes landed on me, he immediately fixed his posture.
"Ano nanaman ang kailangan mo?" Medyo pataray kong tanong. If you're wondering why an I being like this toward him... well gurl maging ako ay hindi ko alam. So don't even bother asking.
His forehead creased. "Is that how you treat your ex lover?"
I raised a brow, trying to look more bitchy. "Don't answer my question with a question. Again... ano ang kailangan mo?"
Unexpectedly, his eyes glared at me. What did I do? Nagtatanong lang ako. "You know what Semillia Zia Dolora... I had enough." He crossed his arms to his check. With that pose, he looked more intimidating.
"What do you mean you had enough. Narealize mo na ba ang katangahan mo? Will you stop bothering me now?" I asked, sounding a little hopeful.
How I wish na tigilan na talaga nya ako. Dahil kung hindi... hindi kona alam ang maaring mangyari sa mga susunod na araw.
"Really, Semi? Katangahan talaga? If loving you is stupid then so be it. Tanga na kung tanga pero mahal kita, Semi. Mahal kita."
Mabilis na kumabog ang puso ko. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I can't bear looking at his pair of eyes, piercing at me.
Damn this man. Bakit may ganitong effect parin sya sakin. Kung dati gusto ko ito ngayon hindi na. If only this attraction could stop.
Oo inaamin ko na may attraction parin ako kay Ander dahil kung hindi ano nalang ang ibig sabihin ng nararamdaman kong ito, right?
"No. Ander just stop please. Mali ito. I am in a relationship with your brother. Please think about that." Nagmamakaawa kong wika. "Alam mo, sa tingin ko naguguluhan kalang."
"I am not, Semi. I am hundred percent on my senses." He retorted. He sounded so sure and I hate it.
"Then why are you doing this?!" Hindi ko napigilang magtaas ng boses. He was a little taken aback but it was only for a second.
"Do I have to repeat it again? Ilang beses ko ba kailangan sabihin na mahal kita para maniwala ka." Ako lang ba or parang napakalungkot ng boses nya. It's kinda painful to hear.
"Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita." Sa lalim ng aking iniisip hindi ko namalayang sobrang lapit na pala nya. As in 2 inches nalang at maglalapat na ang aming ilong.
Masuyo nyang hinawakan ang kabilang pisngi ko."I am still freaking so in love with you... and I so so so badly wants you back." A tear wants to escape from my eyes but I never let her. I can do this. Hindi ako pwedeng bumigay sa kanya.
Tandaan mo, self. Matagal na kanyong tapos ni Ander. Wala ng ikaw at siya. Wala ng kayo. Si Linus. Si Linus ang meron ka ngayon. Sya lang dapat ang mamahalin mo ngayon.
"So please, don't push me away." Yumuko ako para hindi nya makita ang makulit na luhang tumulo sa mukha ko. I secretly wiped it before looking at him again.
Umiling iling ako. "No, Ander. This is still not right. I can't hurt your brother. He is special to me. I love him so please just stop." Tinanggal ko ang kamay nyang nakahawak sa pisngi ko at humakbang palayo.
"Believe me, Ander. It's for the better." With that, I left.
Nanghihina akong napaupo sa sahig. Sa sobrang tamad kasi ng katawan ko ngayon, hindi na ako nakaabot sa kama.
Hinayaan kolang bumuhos ang lahat ng luhang kanina kopa kinikimkim. I really hate this situation. How the hell did I ended up in this fucked up situation. Ang mas malala pa ayaw akong tigilan ni Ander kahit ilang beses konang sinabi.
Hindi nya ba nakikitang nahihirapan ako? Hindi ba nya naiisip kung gaano na ako kaipit sa sitwasyon. Bakit kasi hindi nalang naging totoo ang sinabi nya nung una. Sabi nya naka move na pero maya maya lang hindi pa pala tapos balak pa ako balikan.
Sa tingin nya ba ganun ganun nalang yun. Nahihibang na sya kung ganun! At isa pa kapatid nya si Linus for godness sake! I repeat, kapatid!!!
I sighed matapos kong punasan ang aking mukha gamit ang aking kamay. Tumayo ako at dumaretso sa kama. I closed my tired eyes and laid in bed, my front facing the bed.
Sa bawat araw na lumilipas, mas lalong hindi ko na nakakayang matagalan ang makasama si Ander sa iisang lugar. He is suffocating. Being with him now is like walking barefooted on a buch of shattered glasses.
Ilang oras na ang nakalipas pero hanggang ngayon wala parin akong ganang lumabas o tumayo man lang. Just thinking na kami lang ni Ander ang nandito sa mansyon ay hindi ko matanggap. Sana dumating na si Linus dahil kung hindi baka mamatay na ako dito sa gutom.
'Breaking news... A gril named Semillia Zia Dolora died due to hunger.'
It is a very stupid and dumb way to die. Baka imbis na maawa sa akin yung mga tao baka pagtawanan pa ako.
Mataman kong ninanamnam ang katahimikan nang makarinig nanaman ang pagkatok. I groaned in frustration. Not again.
Umagang umaga palang pero ilang beses na akong nakatanggal ng katok. Pag ako takaga naasar sisisrain ko na yang pinto.
Isinantabi ko muna ang aking inis bago tumayo. Ngunit bago ko mapihit ang pinto, napatigil ako. I'm having second thoughts if I should open the door or not.
Who could it be this time? Hindi naman siguro si Ander right? Let's just hope that it isn't him. Lord, if you are listening to me right now, please grant this wish of mine.
With a heavy sigh, I hesitantly open the door slowly. I just realized how tensed I was when I felt relief washed over me when I saw Linus' face.
"Hindi kapa bumababa? It's already 8:30am. " His calm face turned worried as he scanned my face. I think he notice that I still have my messy bed hair for I didn't bother fixing myself since I woke up.
I hid my shock when I realized something. Damn, I must have look like shit in front of Ander later ago, with my messy hair, morning breath, and creased pajamas.
"Did you eat your breakfast?" Umiling ako.
"Ohh that's new. Hindi mo naman ako kailangan hintayin." Nakangiti nyang ginulo ang buhok ko. "Tara na nga. Mukhang wala ka pa sa mood. Gutom lang yan." Hinawakan nya ang kamay ko para hilahin.
"Wait hindi pa ako nag-aayos!" Pigil ko sa kanya.
"You look fine. Still pretty." I blushed but I really need to fix myself.
Sinighalan ko sya at tinanggal ang kamay nyang nakahawak sakin. "Sinasabi mo lang yan kasi girlfriend mo ako. Ni hindi pa nga ako nagsusuklay at nagsisipilyo!" I blurted out.
Iniwan ko syang tumatawa doon. Agad akong pumunta sa banyo to do my thing. Nang makuntento ako sa aking itsura, lumabas ako na ako ng banyo.
"Bakit hindi kapa bumaba." Turan ko kay Linus nang makita syang matamang naghihintay sa kama.
"I was waiting for you." Tinanguan ko sya. He stood up and walked to me.
He held my hand and kissed my check that resulted my cheeks to turn red. "I really like it when you blush." Sinamaan ko sya ng tingin at pabirong hinampas. Tinawanan nya lang ako.
Haway kamay kaming nagtungo sa kusina. Kusang napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang makita ang eksenang nasa aking harapan. Ander is wearing his muscle tee behind the black apron wrapped around him.
He professionally chopped the ingredients one by one. Then after that he gently put all the ingredients l into the pan. He picked the chopsticks beside him and started cooking.
"This might take a while. Better to take your seats, my dear costumers." We, Linus and I were waken from our reverie when we heard his baritone voice.
I looked at Linus' direction and saw him intently looking at his brother with an amused face. I guess he was more shocked than me.
"Brother, is that you? Bakit hindi mo man lang i-ninformed na sanay kana palang magluto. How and since when?" His voice was oozing enthusiasm as he asked his lil' brother.
"While in California, I urged Manang Lolet to teach me how to cook basic Filipino dishes." He answered his brother's question without losing his focus as he cook.
"But I didn't stop their. Since Manang Lolet only specialize Filipino dishes and certain dishes from other country, I thought myself how to cook other foreign dishes." I watched him when he flipped the ingredients in the pan. He look so professional while cooking.
And also... hot. With those tiny sweats lurking around his face... hmm mmm. I'm already full. The hell I'm thinking! This is a sin! I looked away when I noticed his mischievous eyes looked with my sinful ones.
"And currently I'm into Korean cuisine." He said, carefully plating the dish. I didn't dare looked at him because I can still feel his piercing stare.
Also remembering our confrontation earlier, I somehow felt bad I kept pushing him away but my mind is full of sinful thoughts about him. And because of that, I myself hate myself.
Isa isa nyang nilatag sa mesa ang mga inihanda nyang pagkain. Linus offered help but he rejected it. Kahit sa paghahapag lang ng pinggan at kutsara hindi nya parin hinayaan.
Alam nyo... his actions surprise me. Why? Because Ander, the not so smiley person since we met in this island is acting so sweet, caring, and cheerful. His smile never left his face at all!
I can't help but suspect him. What's with the sudden change?
I watched him arrange the tablewares. When his eyes met mine, his smile widened, causing his eyes from almost disappearing.
I creased my brows and stopped myself from looking at him. Good thing Linus is busy admiring his brother to not notice anything strange between us. Baka pagsuspetsahan pa kami.
Pero why do I have care right? There's nothing to be afraid of because surely there's nothing between us. Wala akong dapat ikatakot. Well except for not telling Linus about my past with Ander.
I sighed. Bahala na nga. Hayaan ko nalang sya sa kung ano mang pakulo nyang 'to. Wanna play the sweet card, Ander Mikolo Goscicki? Then, fine. Bring it on. I'll show you that it dosen't have an effect on me.
Really, self? It dosen't have an effect on you?
Shut up, mind! You're not helping!
After eating, bigla nalang umalis si Ander then si Linus naman nakatanggap ng tawag. I guess it is very important 'cause it made him excused himself yo go to our room.
So wala akong choice kundi mag-isang magligpit though wala naman akong angal dahil si Ander naman ang nagluto then nakikainnlang kami. Pero aaminin ko. It kinda disappoint me. Akala ko pa naman all the way ang sweet card ni Ander.
Nang matapos akong maghugas ng pinggan nag-isip muna kung saan ako pupunta. Ayaw kong istorbuhin si Linus kaya pumunta nalang ako sa likod ng mansyon kung saan kami nag-inuman nung isang araw.
While walking, I noticed Ander's figure standing very close to the pool. He was staring at the water.
Watching him, my mind fired question.
What will you do self? Will you confront him again? Do you think he'll listen this time? What would you say? Will you try to make him quit his act? But are you sure it's an act? Aren't you just too assuming?
"What are you doing here?" My face remained calm as if I wasn't shock. I looked at him, not minding my reddened face. "Don't tell me you came here just to admire my handsome face." Napangiwi ako sa kanyang tinuran.
"How boastful. Hindi ako pumunta dito para makita yang mukha mo."
"Really? The way you stare at me a moment ago says otherwise."
"You're imagining things, Ander."
"No I'm not. I know your stares, Semi. Matagal na kitang kabisado. From your eyes, smiles, likes, and dislike."
"But things never stay the way it was before..." Bravely, I intensely looked at his eyes and took a small step forward so I can make sure he'll hear every words I'll say. "because in this world change is constant and no one or anything can stop it." I said with a low and stern voice.
Hindi sya nakatugon. Natalili lang syang tahimik habang nakatuon ang kanyang mata sa akin. His eyes is blank but I know deep within those eyes lies his emotions. I wanna see through but at the same time I don't.
Nang mapagtantong wala talaga syang balak magsalita I talked to break the silence. "And what with the sudden change of attitude. Hindi ko naniniwala dyan sa akto mo."
Mula sa kanyang seryosong mukha, napalitan ito ng pagtataka. "What act?" Nakakunot ang kanyang noo at bahagyang nakatagilid ang kanyang ulo pakanan.
"I know you know what I mean."
"Listen, Semi. Wala akong alam sa sinasabi mo. Naguguluhan ko. Enlighten me." Pinanliitan ko sya ng mata.
"Oh come on. Huwag na tayong maglokohan. Kanina lang sinabi mong 'you want me back'." I said, emphasizing what he said earlier this morning. "Then suddenly your attitude changed."
I stop for a while before continuing. "Since you came back you barely show emotions. You barely smile and laugh. Pero kanina while eating you showed the opposite. You even cooked and served while smiling."
"So... Is that wrong? Wala akong nakikitang masama sa ginawa ko. I learned how to cook and basically I just want to show it especially to my... brother." He sighed.
"Look, Semi. I'm sorry if you got it wrong. Hindi lahat ng ginagawa ko connected sayo." Napakurap-kurap ako. Fine medyo tinamaan ako doon. Maybe I'm really just assuming things.
Shame instantly ruled my system. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Well this is damn embarrassing.
"Se-" hindi nya natuloy ang pagtawag sakin dahil sa pagdating ni Linus.
"Bakit ganyan mukha nyo. Nag-aaway ba kayo?" Salit salitan nya kaming tinitignan, naninimbang.
Umiling ako. "No. Nag-uusap lang kami." Bubuka ang kanyang bibig para magsalita pero inunahan kona sya. "Tara na, Linus. Gusto kong maglakad sa dalampasigan." Hindi ko hinintay ang kanyang tugon. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay at hinila paalis.
"Love, are you okay?" Naglalakad kamj ngayon ni Linus sa dalampasigan gaya ng sinabi ko.
I smiled before facing him. "Oo naman. Bakit mo natanong?"
"Wala namam. Ang tahimik mo kasi."
"Don't mind me. May iniisip lang ako." Alam kong gusto nya pang magtanong pero hindi nya ginawa. He respected my desicion. He always does.
I glanced at him. Diretso lang ang kanyang tingin habang naglalakad. Matamang hinahawi ng hangin ang kanyang buhok, adding plus points to his heavenly appearance.
'I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I'm sorry for not trusting you enough, for not telling you things that you should know.' Wika ko sa kanya sa aking isipan.
Patuloy lang kami sa paglalakad habang naghahari ang katahimikan. Tanging huni ng mga ibon at tinig ng pagpaspas ng dagat ang aming naririnig.
Huminto lang kami ng marating namin ang isang parte ng isla na kung saan may maliit na kubo at sa may gilid nito may forest green na hammock.
Walang salitaan kaming nagtungo doon. Nauna syang umupo sa hammock at kalaunan ay hinila ako para makaupo sa kanyang tabi.
Nang maayos akong makaupo, ipinatong ko ang akong ulo sa kanyang balikat. We savored the peaceful moment while our gaze is focused at the sun slowing drowning in the sea.
"Mahal mo ba ako?" Basag ni Linus sa katahimikan. Nang balingan ko sya ay natingin din pala sya sakin. He asked again when I didn't respond immediately. "Do you love me enough to marry me and be with me for a lifetime?"
Seryoso ang kanyang mata. Pansin ko ang tinatago nitong takot habang hinihintay ang aking tungon. "Is this a proposal?"
He avoided my eyes and sighed. "Forget it. Don't answer. Let's just stay like this for a while." He said leaning his head onto mine and resting his hand on my thigh while slowly rubbing it.
I closed my eyes, removing all my undesired thoughts.