She was the light and I was the darkness
Ever dripping putrid by nature
She illuminated me
By illumination it revealed what I reviled about myself
But still she loved me
Still she cared and caressed me with her warmth
The darkness receded
But that was just appearance
Like a jester joking but dead
Making others laugh so their tear stained eyes could not see mine
It never really disappeared from me
Only condensed into an impenetrable orb
An orb of malice, anger
Hatred, self-loathing, and depression
A lesion upon the soul of a man once good
Once so kind so gentle to all things
Hardened to an edge I have become
And yet she is still there glowing
Glinting off my edges
Pushing that putrid thing inside farther into the recesses of my being
Is this good?
Or has it just constricted all that vileness into a bomb
A bomb that wants to ignite
It wants to detonate so badly
At times I want to let it out
Let the rage take hold of me
DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY
Like a little boy that lost his favorite toy
Throwing an unbridled fit
Red faced teary eyed wild hair
Flailing limbs begging to connect with something
But that glowing ember keeps it in check
Like water separating oil
She keeps that obsidian orb away from who I was
And who I am
She keeps me a good man
An honorable man
What a burden has been placed upon her
Always having to glow
Always having to be ready to take action
Snuffing the flame that threatens to detonate
Here I am just a man
A man so full of disappointment and hatred for himself
But a woman, no not a woman a goddess
A saintly goddess so self-sacrificing
As to put herself in the path of this poison
Never worrying about her own toxicity level
Just to keep this man whole
Just to keep this weak man whole
This man of emotion and self-destruction
She keeps me whole
She keeps me grounded in what is
And what will be
If I can just stay the course
If I cannot destroy myself
If I can just become who I was
And stay as I was
A good man
An honorable man
HER man.