"Wait!" Clay calls after us, George is fast on his heels as he tries to catch up with Nick and I. "We can join."
"We never asked for you to join." I pull Nick and I to a stop as I turn to speak to Clay. He has his brows furrowed at my immediate denial of him attending.
"Nick, can George and I join?" Clay immediately asks his friend. As if I have no say in this. It may be my first day but that doesn't mean my feelings are irrelevant. My emotions matter just as much as anyone else's. We all have one goal and frankly you aren't making this any easier dickwad.
"I don't know if you guys would really like to join us in our escapades. You guys like to be straight and narrow." Nick smirks. He keeps his voice hushed though. If anyone or anything catches glimpses of us trying to 'break rules' we will be stuck in our bleak pods for days.
"Can't risk pretty boy's chances at finding someone better than you." I nod my head towards George. George is a pretty boy. He's your stereotypical model faced boy. He's got what some people call pretty privilege. His looks win him what he needs. It makes his job of finding a soulmate pretty difficult. Or at least that's what I've heard.
The prettier you are the harder it is to find your true love. People will manipulate you to get what they want. The manipulators are the ones with broken timers. Never trust a soul with a broken timer. They will ruin you. Your timer breaks when the system thinks you are trying to sabotage yourself and others chances. It can't let you ruin other people's lives. The system is flawed. Because humans are flawed.
"Hey." George holds his hands up in defense, "I've done nothing wrong here."
"It was a compliment." I try to tug Nick away from his friends but he doesn't seem to want to move. He's got other ideas on his mind.
"You've already spent half your time locked away for rule breaking Nick, you really want more time away?" Clay states. "Your timer is running low and if you think this one is your soulmate," Clay gestures towards me, "You might as well give up on happiness."
"Dream!" George whacks Clay's arm. And if I knew I could get away with it I would have probably done the same.
"Clay knows your time?" I look at Nick. Rule number one, no one and absolutely no one is ever to know what time reads upon your wrist. There is no exception.
"Shut up!" Clay clasps his hand over my mouth and pulls me off in a direction with his friends. Nothing like trying to fucking hold me hostage. Hello? Cameras? Someone! Anyone! Save me?!
"Why the fuck does he know your time?" I grill Nick. I knew right away he was a rule breaker but breaking a rule like this could get everyone banished. I'm sorry this is my first day and there is no way in actual hell I'm being banished from this life.
"Clay knows all." Nick says simply. "He probably knows the number that reads across your wrist right now."
My eyes move from Nick to Clay. I shoot a questioning glance at him waiting for a response that never comes. "Well, do you?" I cross my arms over my chest. No way he can read the number now.
"No." Clay says with hesitancy hanging heavy in his eyes. I watch the way his eyes shift down my body as if to read everything of my past, present, and future. It feels intrusive yet at the same time I want to invite him in to do so. Even though he's an absolute royal cunt.
"Well you won't ever know." I roll my eyes as I turn my back to walk away from the boys. If they want to come they can. It's my first day. I would like to break rules and adventure past curfew.
Nick runs to catch up with me, placing his hand into mine. Fire. That fucking fire of another's touch. I could fall in love with it. They teach us about falling in love and what it would feel like. And fuck did I feel that when that fire lit against our skin.
"Do you really not have a lot of time left?" I ask Nick as I take a glance down at the number inked red into my skin. I know it's against the rules to ask but Clay has already let the cat out of the bag. I can't help my curiosity.
"You know I can't tell you that." Nick says as I rest my head against his arm. I feel a comfort in his touch. I know I should stick with my gut that this man is bad news but he's the only person that seems to get it.
"Can you at least tell me if you have really spent a lot of your time locked away for rule breaking?" I glance up at Nick, keeping my head rested against him. Bond. That's what they tell us to do. I'm trying to do just that. It doesn't matter how it happens, it just needs to.
"I mean, I have yes. I break rules because rules are meant to be broken. This life isn't worth it if we can't have fun. A lot of us spend too many years staring at four walls and not living. I want to live. They can punish me as much as they want. I'll get out eventually. I'll get out and find the one just as I should. That's what the timer is for." Nick shrugs as shivers shoot through my body.
The cool wind hits my skin and raises bumps to my body. I'm not used to the change of temperature. Everything in the four walls of our room is the same. Nothing changes. Not temperature. Not colors. Not... anything.
Nick flips his arm around me pulling me into him as we continue to walk further and further away from the bounds of our world. His warmth is enough to whisk away the bumps that lay upon my skin. There is a sense of comfort I haven't ever felt. We don't know comfort until we step out of our rooms for the first time. Until we bond.
"How scared were you to finally get those numbers?" Nick's thumb reaches to run along the red ink in my skin. The touch sends tidal waves of feelings rushing through my entire body. I feel myself light in a life that's been so dull.
"I actually was ready. I mean it was nerve racking stepping out here. But you kind of just appeared. Once you meet the first person it takes all the worries away. Even if you do have to get feisty with some." I laugh a little to myself. "What about you? Were you a little chicken shit?"
"Honestly? I was a baby. I didn't talk to anyone. My first month in the real world I was alone. I didn't get lucky enough to start this world out with a Q. I didn't get any direction. Then one day Clay walked up to me and he helped me along this journey. He isn't as harsh and rogue as he makes himself out to be." Nick smiles as his first month replays within the depths of his mind.
"Is he the one that named you?" I look out towards the fence keeping us all from escaping our world of soulmates. Venture too far, cross the fence, your timer stops. Your soulmate doesn't exist. It's just you then.
"So when Clay and I met I had decided that I would go by Pandas. I didn't want a human name then. I just wanted an alter name and long story short, I picked Pandas and Clay didn't like it. So he did magic and picked Sapnap for me. Now, I really can't even picture myself being called Pandas. Sapnap just... fits." Nick leads us over to a bench overlooking a field past the fence.
The land that's forbidden seems so beautiful. Every part of me is tempted to cross that fence and never look back. Flowers fill the field. Flowers primed and ready to pick. Flowers that could bring such joy and life to one that's been so bleak and dull. The flowers would add color to a room so drab.
"Sit." Nick gestures to the bench. I follow his command, unsure of what he has planned.
I watch him carefully. Studying his every movement, his every step. He takes one step and then another until his hands are pressed against the metal chain link fence separating us from such a beauty.
"Nick." I exclaim but the word, his name, doesn't travel. Part of me wonders if I've just yelled the name in my head. Because every part of me didn't want him to stop. I wanted him to jump and climb up over. Because that would give me the opportunity to do the same. It would allow me to join him. It would allow me to extend my hand into a life so different than what I had spent umpteen years living.
His fingers reach into unchartered land. I feel a lump form in my throat. A part of my mind believes that when his body touches the land it will just disintegrate. That part of him will completely disappear. But that's unrealistic. It's what we've been brainwashed to believe. They don't want us to be tempted into the unknown.
I close my eyes not wanting to witness what will happen anymore. I patiently wait for alarms to sound. I patiently wait for guards to arrive. But the next thing I feel is something being tucked behind my ear.
When my eyes open Nick is sat back beside me. His hand retreating from my face. I reach up and feel a flower tucked behind my ear. The very same flower I see coating the field before me. My lips perk into a smile as I study him. I have to make sure this is real, that he is okay. He risked it for what? A little adrenaline? Me? He had only just met me. I wasn't worth it. Was I? Was this how he intended on finding his one?
"Is this how you win over all your potentials?" I say coy. The words struggle to come out with confidence. A part of me doesn't want him to answer because a part of me wants to feel special. Maybe I wanted to be a bit more like Clay, I needed to have my ego boosted.
"Only one's special enough to chance it." Nick says in a tone so flirty I can feel my heart jump. The dialect is one I'm not used to. I'm used to monotone direction and demands. This is new and inviting.
"So I'm special but not the only one." I reach for the flower but Nick grabs my wrist gently before I can touch. He can sense the distance forming between us. He doesn't want that distance. It seems as though he's had too much of it. He seems... desperate.
"You're the only one I've risked something for." I lower my hand as Nick's green eyes pierce through me. He's telling the truth. At least, I feel like he's telling me the truth.
"I'm not special." I fold my arms in front of me resting my hands on my thighs. The blue pants laid tight against my skin matched the flower tucked behind my ear. He even went far enough to pick a flower that matched. He paid attention.
"None of us are. We are all just here to fall in love. Make babies. And pop out new test subjects for the government. That's what life has come to." Nick chuckles. "I'm just here to make it more than that. Trying to find someone willing enough to do it with me."
"I can't believe you crossed the fence." I shake my head as I rest against him again.
Nick points towards the cameras with one arm as he wraps his other over my shoulders. "Just have to time it right to not get caught. They're in a constant swivel. There is a moment of blind spot. I've spent a lot of time out here. Most beautiful spot I've found." This man didn't seem to be one to enjoy the little things. But I guess he was. This is all a big surprise. I guess I should continue to expect the unexpected.
"Also, no cameras close enough to catch conversations. No bugged lines out here. It's the one place in the land that's free of them." Nick shudders a bit to himself as he speaks of them. I get it. No one likes to be controlled and it's all we are now. We aren't in control of our own lives anymore. At least not until you find the one. And even then you're lucky if you escape.
"Why are you sharing your secrets with a day oner?" I raise my brows as I glance over my shoulder at Nick. He takes a second to answer. Millions of words flood his mind as he tries to concoct an answer to my question.
"Why are you so trusting of me?" He responds to my question with one of his own. But the answer is I don't trust him. Or, well, about this I do. I didn't trust him but the longer I spend with him the more I do.
The answer to the question was to find our soulmate. You have to reach out and take a chance to trust people you shouldn't if you ever want to win. I want to win.
Distant sounds of alarms blare. Alarms that sound our departure and arrival to our homes. The alarms that tell us when to leave and when to return. But the sound doesn't startle Nick. He doesn't flinch. He doesn't move.
"Don't we have to go back?" I question him as I go to stand up. I don't want to leave the comfort of his grasp but I can't get locked away in my home on day one.
His fingers wrap around my hands. His hands completely encompassing mine. I direct my attention to his touch as his voice begins to fill my ears. "I'm the one you trust when it comes to rule breaking."
I feel the touch of a finger under my chin to raise my focus to be on him. Except his hands haven't moved. It's a force. An outside force that's unseeable. I don't fight against it. I follow its command because it feels warm and safe.
My eyes lock with his and all sort of untrustworthiness I have ever had toward Nick flushes from me. He has control of me somehow. It's like he's plucked a piece of himself and planted himself in my brain like a puppet. A puppet in control of me.
"Do you trust me?" Nick asks low as his thumb runs along the back of my hand. His touch is so tender that the sensation almost tickles. Tickle? Is that the right word? I've only ever heard of it, I've never actually felt a tickle.
The silence that follows his question is eerie. That's until the final alarm blares off in the distance again. We have officially missed curfew. There is no other answer than yes. I have no other option but to trust him. "I do."
"Good." Nick stands up and pulls me with him. "I'll get you back to your room. You will live to see another day of this dull and drab world." Nick's eyes shift towards the blue flower he has placed behind my ear.
"There's nothing drab about trying to find the one." I playfully roll my eyes as I pull the flower from behind my ear and take in its scent.
It's the first time touching something alive. Alive that isn't human, I mean. I guess it isn't alive anymore. Nick took its life away but it was once alive. It feels... it feels new. I don't even have words to describe how it feels to be blessed with such a beauty.
I've seen photos of the outside world. But nothing does it justice like actually holding it between your fingers. It makes me closer to being alive. Because this far, life hasn't been living. It's been surviving. It's now time to live.
Nick sneaks us back towards my home. He times everything like it's clock work. He really has done this a time or two. I just hope this time wouldn't be a time he got caught. I've put my trust in him. I just hope he has my back.
"Two-Five-Three-Two-Zero-Two-Two." I hear being called from behind me as the door to my pod slides open with force. The force creates a whooshing sound in the process. My heart drops out of my asshole. If I look down I genuinely feel like I'll see my actual heart laying at my feet.
My startled nature forces a laugh from both Nick and Q. Like this is some sort of silly plan they've both concocted to make the end of my day a bit of a heart attack.
"I see you've made a friend." Q looks at Nick for a second before studying back at my appearance. "Nice touch Nick." Q reaches out and delicately runs his fingertips over the flower Nick has picked for me.
"Q is your guide?" Nick questions as I turn to step inside my home. Both Nick and Q grab me before I take the step. The moment the pressure of my feet hitting the inside of my room is the moment the door locks for the night and their words will have to wait until tomorrow.
"He is." I turn to look at the two of them as I plant both my feet back to the ground outside of my room. I understand their cue to stop me.
Nick chuckles as I respond. I don't understand what causes him to laugh. What's funny about Q being my guide? Is he going to fuck it all up for me? Did I get screwed? Is this all some sick little game?
"What's so funny?" I wrinkle my face in confusion. My nose is scrunched up and my brows furrow in response.
"Q stole my soulmate." Nick shakes his head as he places his hand against Q's shoulder. The height between the two of them isn't that different. But Nick's demeanor is much more authoritative and demanding. Like he should be the guide, not Q.
"Stole your soulmate?" I question as I look between the two of them. There was no such thing as stealing a soulmate. Each person gets one soulmate. You can't steal someone's. If you don't work out they were never your soulmate to begin with.
"He was with Karl." Karl. That must be Q's soulmate. The one that got him here. The one that led him into being my guide.
"And then you came out of nowhere with three days left on your timer and stole him from me. Like I didn't just have two entire years loving him." Nick glares at Q like it still stings. Like the pain is still fully buried deep inside of him.
"That quick?" My face forms a shocked expression as I think about how easy that must have been. Waking up and seeing a three inked red into his skin. Three. Fucking three. I can't even imagine that feeling. I have to suffer for two-hundred-fifty-three days. Q is one lucky soul.
"Karl wasn't your soulmate Nick." Q places his hand on top of Nick's. "But your soulmate is out there." Q glances in my direction. "Both of your soulmates are out there. You might even be lucky enough to be each other's." Q smiles.
"But Nick, you should go back to your room. Your guide will be showing up at your door soon. You've been warned." Q looks through Nick. Like a robot inside him has taken over. Like the human part of him seizes to exist for just a few seconds.
"Goodbye Hyacinth." Nick leans forward and places a gentle kiss to my cheek. His hand reaches up as he pulls away, caressing my cheek until he reaches the flower tucked behind my ear.
Hyacinth? Hyacinth! The flower. He's named me. Nick has named me from our tender moment. A moment where he led me to trust him. A moment where he's shared his secrets. He trusts me.
My eyes widen as the realization hits me. Nick chuckles when it clicks. "See you in the morning." Nick turns and walks away before I can even say a word. I blink once and it's like he's completely disappeared. How has he disappeared so quickly? Was this all just a dream?
I reach out and pinch against my skin. They say that's how you learn if you're asleep or awake. If you feel the pain you're awake. I feel the pain. This isn't a dream. He did just simply vanish.
"It seems you've also got your name. You've had an eventful day Hyacinth." Q smiles. "Don't forget to check your book before bed."
I reach up and run my fingertips along the burning sensation on my skin. Nick's touch always leaves a fire behind. But then again... so didn't Clay's. Maybe it was anyone's touch that lit my body a light.
Q leaves as my alter name begins to roam through my mind. I step inside my room, the white, stark, cold room that I had spent so long locked inside of. But now— now there's a spark of color. My flower, Nick's pick, warms my room to the core.
There is life finally in a place that hasn't known life since the last person left it. You find your soulmate. You leave your pod forever. It gets sterilized and then the next person gets moved in. Nick was right. We were all just test subjects in this world.
I place the bright blue flower against the bright white nightstand next to my bed and rid myself of the first day's wonders. I undress myself of the blue outfit fitted with my number and replace it with more white. Always fucking white.
The book that's going to tell me about my adventures, that's going to lead me along the right path, sits across the room. It lays propped in a clear stand. A journal once empty now is laced with a word on the front. Hyacinth.
I walk over and run my fingers against the embossed surface. I can't believe a word so simple has become who I am. Even my book believes it's who I should be. An object so natural and worldly has become who I am. Who I will be.
My name appears in a matching color to the flower that once laid placed behind my ear. The blue color in the white room reads of blue-ish purple. It's vibrant in a room so dull. It stands out. My book will point me to the one. Was Nick the one?
The book opens when I pull away from the embossed surface. The page is short. I expect a chapter worth of knowledge and all I get is a fucking page. Not even a page. It's a few paragraphs and numbers. I thought this was supposed to guide me. Not some cryptic bullshit.
Day 1 :
Today you got to experience real life for the first time. You got to see the cotton candy clouds drift across the sky. You got to feel the cool breeze graze against your smooth skin. You felt the touch of another human for the first time ever. Your skin ignited. Follow your instincts. Follow your body's guidance. You made friends. You didn't make enemies today. You made genuine connections with people. Hold tight to them. Let them guide you.
Use the tools provided. Everything that happens is placed for a reason. Don't think too hard. Don't look for your soulmate. Just let things fall into place. It is just day one. You have two-hundred-fifty-three days to go. You don't need to figure it all out now. Don't feel stressed to do so. You are trying to make enemies. Don't push your base away. You will need their knowledge. You have surrounded yourself with elders of this field.
0.
1692.
2,555.
68.
Was my book really trying to tell me that Clay was not my enemy? How was he not? All he did was jump down my throat. He was my enemy. I'm supposed to trust this book. But how can I when it says things like this? Clay will be my enemy for good. He started this war. Not me.