TW: mentions of drugs
ARLO P.O.V
There are many theories about the universe. Theories on how it came to exist, whether that be God being the one who created the world, or the Big Bang theory where some shit happened and the boom, the world appeared.
Whatever it may be I truly don't give a flying fuck on how the atmosphere, planets, stars, moecules, atoms, or any other thing that help make the universe came to be.
What I care more about is the theories on how the universe itself teaches lessons. They say that the universe causes certain things to happen in one's life to try and shine light or show someone a deeper meaning.
The universe may prevent someone from getting a job because a better opportunity is on its way. It may make a person move across the world, and even though the person might not want to, they end up loving their life because of all the things that new place brings them.
The universe is meticulous with what it does. Every little thing is meant to teach us a lesson whether it's a big lesson or the finest lesson like don't wear leather pants to a concert that is held in a hot and stuffy place.
Every setback, advancement, new thing, confusing thing, happy thing, sad thing and so on and so forth, is the universe's doing. Everything is because the universe says so.
What I'm confused about, is what lesson I'm needing to learn from Harry. What could he possibly teach or show me? What purpose could Harry have in my life?
I don't get why I'm being tested now, and that the person testing me is Harry. I mean I have avoided talking to him for five years. Now all of a sudden, I'm with him nearly every fucking day.
What the actual fuck is up with that
Like is he here to finally teach me the concept of patients? Is he here to teach me how to get a grip on my anger? How to take more lines without overdosing?
Fuck if I know, but I'm getting real sick of the universe testing me with him. I'm getting sick and fucking tired of constantly arguing with him, or getting ticked off. I naturally get angry really fucking quick, but with Harry he somehow makes me mad faster than anyone I know.
I don't understand what importance he is bringing to my life. I mean I guess he is the only person that I've ever talked to that seems to know and understand what goes on in my head. I can't fully say that is a fact for certain because I've only talked to him in a normal and civil way maybe twice.
It hurts my head to think about. He just runs his mouth at me with no care in the world, and that pisses me rightfully off. It makes me want to shut a locker door on his head multiple times until I see blood trickling down the side of his face.
It aggravates me that he thinks he can constantly say shit to me without repercussions. I don't know why, but I've been letting him off the hook for all those things. I've let him continue life with no punishment.
That's not happening anymore.
I mean it when I say, I will ruin him if he continues to try me. I will not talk to him, but snap at him. I will not be anything other than rude to him because that is what he deserves. He doesn't deserve anything better than that.
He somehow got my guard to come down a few times and that made me weak. I refuse to be like that around him, I will make his ass suffer, I don't care. I'm done playing games with him.
"Are you going to the big bonfire tonight?" Willy asks from beside me.
Him and I are both sitting in my car waiting for the last minute to go inside school. I got a call from him early in the morning from him begging me to pick him up for school.
His mom's car broke down last night, so she had to take her car into the shop. That means for the time being she is using Willy's car to go to work, and run errands. He now has no car, which led me to agreeing to pick him up and drop him off from school. He's giving me coke as payment, so I don't care all that much.
"What bonfire?" I mumble before yawning due to me being up since two in the morning.
Willy scoffs from beside me, I glance over at him to see his jaw slacked giving me an 'are you serious' expression. "How do you not know about the big bonfire tonight. It happens every year!"
"Okay, clearly I don't give a fuck about what goes on, so I wouldn't know what the fuck you're talking about." I roll my eyes as I focus my attention back onto the outside. I watch as people walk into school, some people socialize in their cars, and other bullshit.
"Well miss Arlo," Willy smugly starts, "the big bonfire party, is the one that is held at the beach as a way to celebrate the first lacrosse game of the season."
I contort my face into disgust at the mention of lacrosse. I truly give zero fucks about the sports teams here, but lacrosse is the one I avoid and distance myself from the most.
"I don't like lacrosse." I comment with venom seeping into every word I say.
"Hey." I see in my peripheral vision Willy throwing his hands up. "I definitely don't like or care about lacrosse either, but the bonfire party is where it's fucking at. I don't know why you're so confused about it, we've gone together for the past two years."
If I'm being honest, I vaguely remember what he's talking about. I know for a fact the first time we went together, which was my sophomore year, I was extremely fucked up before we even stepped foot onto the beach. I don't remember much after initially getting there. Last year was the same idea where I was too fucked up to remember anything that happened. I'm almost positive I passed out in the sand somewhere random.
Any time we've gone to the bonfire I was beyond fucked up to even function. It's almost impossible for me to get like that because of how high my tolerance is. What I didn't know though, is that the bonfire party is held in 'honor' of the lacrosse team's first game, but now that I think about it, it makes sense.
I mean if I'm not mistaken, today is the first lacrosse game of the season and apparently there is a bonfire party tonight.
If I go though, it's not because I support them, it's because I have nothing better to do, and there is free drugs.
We don't throw a lot of bonfire parties because they are held at the beach, and the beach is a good thirty minutes away from us. That's a long drive for a bunch of drunk teens and dangerous. Bonfire parties happen rarely. "I guess I'll go." I shrug my shoulders and look back out my windshield.
I have no motivation to be here today. I was up all night fixing what Harry the fuck up Styles didn't do right. I probably would have skipped and not gone to school if Willy didn't need a ride.
Screw his mom for that fucked up car
I could be in my bed right now
"Really? Fuck yeah!" Willy laughs and claps his hands together. I want to drown him in water for being loud right now. "If you can pick me up that would be great. Plus I got us some pills for tonight."
"Pills?" I perk up and turn my attention towards him with interest. "What kind of pills?"
Willy gives me a smirk knowing he's got me hooks and ready to be reeled in. "Bars Arlo, bars."
"Xanax?" I ask eagerly and he nods his head. I really fucking like bars. They chill me out and make me feel mellow like a floating piece of matter. I feel light and as if no problems exist. Plus, any time I take bars, I get decent sleep.
Willy doesn't get them that often because they are really popular and often most dealers sell out fast. The fact he has some makes my dread of being here wither. Going to the bonfire party now doesn't seem as bad, at least I know I'll be fucked up.
"You really love drugs huh Arlo?" Willy smiles with a shake of his head as if he's amused by me.
"I wouldn't say love...but yeah I like drugs, they're nice." I stretch at the last word. Do I love drugs? I don't know, I have no clue what 'love' feels like. I know I've said this, but I'm not capable of love or being loved.
"Whatever you say Arlo." He gives me a smile before looking down at his phone. I huff out a breath of air, leaning my elbow onto my window and resting my head in the palm of my hand.
To my luck, all the lacrosse boys are heading inside the school from the athletic building. Everyday they walk together like some fucking pack of wolves.
They are pushing each other, laughing, shouting, and overall being annoying. If I can hear them from inside my car, they are being too damn loud. They also are all nosy, as they pass my car a majority of them look at me through my windshield. Some quickly look away once locking eyes with me, others don't.
Since today is the first game of the season, they are all wearing their jerseys. They wear them any time they have a home game. If it's an away game, they are required to come to school dressed up in nice clothing, like in suites, or a button up shirt and slacks.
The majority of them pass my car getting closer to the entrance of the school. I roll my eyes at their stupidity. The lacrosse boys I swear lack brain cells.
Just when I think the worst of it is over, I turn to look over at Willy, but before my eyes can meet him, a certain pair of green eyes lock onto mine, almost as if there was some magnetic pull.
Harry's eyes are narrowed on me as he passes my car with two guys I always see him with. His jaw is clenched and I can basically feel the rage emitting off of him.
I'm no different with my expression. I throw right back at him what he's giving to me. It almost seems that's we've come to this unspoken agreement that we are going to hate each other to the fullest extent.
Harry's eyes move from mine and settle on Willy, who is unaware of the stare down going on. I watch Harry as he clenches his jaw tighter and ball his hands into fists. His nostrils flare with anger. He glances back and forth between Willy and I, seemingly becoming angrier each time he glances over at Willy.
Eventually his eyes land back on mine and stay, not wavering away from me I nearly choke at the sight of a dark mark peeking out from the white hoodie he is wearing under his jersey.
It was a bitch to cover the litter of hickeys he left on my neck. I swear I used a pound of foundation to cover all of them, plus I went on YouTube to look up a color correcting tutorial.
This is a reason I refuse to let people leave hickeys on me. Too much effort goes into hiding them.
I continue to look at Harry and he continues to look at me until he is too far ahead to look back without it being noticeable.
"What is his issue?" Willy asks shuffling in his seat to turn towards me slightly.
"Who?" I ask as if I'm not already nearly positive on who he's referring to.
"Uhh, fuck the lacrosse dude. What's his name?" Willy pauses as he racks through his brain to find the name he is looking for. "It starts with an H, I'm pretty sure."
"Harry...Styles?" I question him, even when knowing for a fact that's who he's talking about.
"Yeah, yeah Harry Styles." Willy snaps his fingers with excitement from figuring out the name. "What's his deal? He was giving you the death stare."
I shrug my shoulder, "I don't know." Lie. "He's a lacrosse player, all of them are assholes so obviously he's one too."
"I don't know Arlo." Willy clicks his tongue and he strokes his chin. "The way he was looking at you had a lot of emotion behind it, as if he passionately hates you."
Willy is a lot smarter than he looks
"I don't know Willy, why is it so important for you to know?" I throw a question back at him in hopes he'll drop the topic.
"Sorry, I was just curious, I've never seen the guy look so hard at anyone before." Willy defends himself.
I just roll my eyes and scoff at him as I pick up my phone to check the time. I see that there about eight minutes before class starts. "Let's start heading inside, first hour is about to start."
Willy nods, bending down to grab his bag off of the floor of my car. I press my push start button to turn my car off before opening the driver's side door hopping out. I open the door to the backseat and grab my bag. I close and look to see if Willy's door is closed himself. Once I see it is in fact closed, I lock my car and start the walk to inside the school.
Today is on the warmer side so I decide to wear a thin cropped long sleeve brown top, loose black ripped jeans and my high top platform black and white converse.
I let my bag hang off of my right shoulder as I stuff my keys into the front pocket . I feel all my energy drain the closer we get to the building. School brings me nothing but an overwhelming tiredness and dread.
A large group of students starts to form the closer we get to the front, as most students, like me, wait to go in till the last minute.
Willy and I join the cluster of people. I do my best to avoid touching anyone. I stiffen my body and take strategic steps to achieve my goal. I probably look ridiculous with my uneven walking patterns, but you go to do, what you go to do.
Willy on the other hand is walking leisurely with no care in the world if he bumps into or grazes someone. Willy goes through life with such ease, and carelessness. Nothing bothers him ever, and I find myself envying that at times because it's something I can never do.
I wish I could go through life giving zero fucks. I know I hold this idea that I am someone that gives zero fucks, but that's completely false. To me, giving zero fucks means not caring at all about what happens around you. I can never do that. The trauma I carry holds me back and denies me that pleasure.
It fucking hurts to watch people live the life I desire and dreamed about living as a little girl. It hurts to think back to times when I was young staring out my window making a promise to myself that when I'm older, I'm going to be happy and have fun.
I'm ashamed that I broke that promise I made with that little girl. I let her down, I crushed her hopes and dreams like it was nothing. I took the optimistic little girl who believed that love and happiness exists, and made her into a pessimistic teenager who scoffs at the thought that love and happiness is a real thing.
It's your fault
You did this
This is your punishment
I shake the thoughts out of my head not wanting to spiral before I step foot into school. I hug my arms closer to my body to try and maximize the space around me further.
"Arlo!" I hear my name being shouted from behind me. I look back to see Alli and Nini running towards me with big ass smiles on their faces.
Since it's game day, both of them are wearing their cheer uniforms. Instead of the skirt however, since it is colder than a witches tit inside the school, they opted to wear plain white sweatpants, which is one of our school's colors.
I don't know why but West Peaks probably has one of the most unique color schemes for a school that I've ever seen. Our colors are a creamsicle shade of orange, a soft pastel yellow, a light moss green, and white.
The color scheme is actually pretty and classier than other schools, but it's just such a strange combination of colors.
Every sports team has four jerseys they wear for each of the colors. When they play at home, the main ones they use are the all moss green color jersey with orange, white and yellow detailing, and the orange jersey with yellow, green, and white details.
The other two jerseys are white with orange, yellow and green details, and yellow with orange, white and green detailing. I have no clue why they need four types of jerseys but apparently, they do.
"Uh, hi." I furrow my brows confused as to why they are walking in with me. They usually are inside already and I don't see them until lunch.
Before Alli or Nini can get a word in, Willy speaks up with a cocky smile. "Hello ladies."
"Hi Willy." Nini smiles up at him flashing her perfectly white teeth at him.
"William." Alli says flatly with disinterest. Alli doesn't particularly like Willy all that much. She blames him for getting me into drugs and being an overall bad influence in my life. Nini isn't as hard on him, but that is a given because she literally doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
"Always bright aren't you Alli?" Willy teases her smuggly, cocking a brow up at her.
"They don't call me sunshine for nothing." Alli fires back rolling her eyes. She's lying no one calls her sunshine, but it was a good comeback. "Anyways Arlo, we have business to talk about."
"Business." I now am the one with the disinterested tone of voice. I hate the word 'business' when it comes from them, I know they are about to drag me into some bullshit.
"Yes!" Nini pipes up, jumping on her toes. "We have some very fun business to talk about."
The four of us enter the loud echoey school. We stick to a group as by coincidence, each of our first class are in the same wing of the school right next to each other.
"What's this business we need to talk about?" I ask, trying my best to not sound snappy and keep a calm and collected voice. I'm struggling though because I want nothing for than to tell them to fuck off because I already know I'm going to hate what they are about to say.
"Sooo" Nini drags out. She's probably aware that what she's about to say I'm going to hate, which is why she's dragging it out. "You know how homecoming is coming up?"
Oh god please no
"Yeah." I mumble. I fucking hate homecoming. In a week and a half our halls will be decorated obnoxiously and everyone is going to be talking nonstop about who's taking who to homecoming, who's going to be on homecoming court, and the after party. It's a bunch of things I hate and try to avoid like the plague.
"Well, Alli and I are going dress shopping on Saturday and you're joining us because you are going to pick out a dress as well." Nini informs me with an innocent smile.
Dress shopping...gross
"Nini." I cross my arms over my chest and give her a pointed look. "Why would I possibly need to buy a dress?"
I'm aware what she's trying to insinuate, but I don't want to say it out loud and in reality what I'm thinking is not the reason.
"For the homecoming dance, duh." She giggles with a cheesy smile. "We have to make sure you look incredible and get the perfect dress, boo bear."
"Dance? Homecoming? Who says I'm going homecoming?" I question them. "You know I don't like homecoming week or dances and I've never gone, so why would I this year?"
It's true, I've never gone. The concept sounds like a miserable chaperoned version of what we do any other weekend at parties. If I don't dance at parties, what makes you think I would go to a fucking dance.
"Oh come on Arlo." Alli whines slightly with a pout. "It's our senior year, you have to go to at least this one."
"Yeah, please go." Nini begs as well, giving me her signature puppy dog eyes that make nearly any human fall to their knees and give her anything she wants.
Unlucky for her that I'm a stone cold bitch, and a pouty lip with puppy dog eyes does nothing to me.
Willy snorts out a single laugh, releasing a breath of air. "You two really think you can get Arlo to go to homecoming?"
I roll my eyes at Willy talking as if I'm not standing right next to him. It annoys the fuck out of me when people do that. My parents did that to me all the time growing up, and as the years have gone on, I've developed a real hatred for it.
"Okay, first off, don't talk as if I'm not here." I look Willy dead in the eyes with warning. "And second, I'm not going to homecoming." I direct my gaze towards Alli and Nini deadpanning at them.
"Seriously?" Nini squeaks out, disappointed with my answer. She's now the one crossing her arms over her chest. "Arlo, come on, it's the last year. Just come...for us?"
There's no way in hell I'm going to homecoming. I don't care if she falls to my feet crying and begging me, my answer will never change. "No."
"But-"
"No" I cut Nini off, not wanting to hear her complain about me refusing to go.
"Fine." Alli sighs sadly, "but you have to at least come dress shopping with us. Please."
I scoff at her words. "I don't have to do anything." I absolutely hate shopping and trying on clothes. I know it's quintessential for every girl in the school, to go to a thousand stores, shopping for hours on end, to find the perfect dress, but that sounds like actual hell.
"Ugh oh my god, we know you don't have to do anything." Alli says frustratedly, "we want you to come with us. We know it's not your scene, but just think about it at least."
"Fine." I give in to her request. "I'll think about it, is that good with you?" Alli and Nini both nod eagerly with smiles of victory. "Okay, well my class is right here so bye."
"Bye"
"Bye Arlo."
"See yeah."
All three of them say a form of goodbye to me at the same time. I nod my head once before turning and walking into my first class, to start the day of dire misery.
﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀﹀
I'm constantly finding myself in this position of loathing. Coming to my third hour is getting on my nerves. It's fucking aggravating that I have a class with him.
I always feel this sense of unease when approaching the classroom because I never know what is going to be in store for the hour. Will we fight? Ignore each other? Be somewhat civil? I couldn't tell you because he and I are unpredictable.
Sometimes I wonder why Harry and I hate each other. I think I hate him because he's the only person in the world who bothers me. Not in the sense of annoying me because everyone does, but he's the only one who asks questions even though I make it clear I hate them. He will try and talk to me even though we both know it won't end well.
God he's fucking annoying
I walk slow, to try and avoid being around him for as long as possible. Walking in the halls is no better if I'm being honest.
Since it's the first game of the season, the school is decked out in decorations. Our school's mascot is a viper, so there are cut outs of them everywhere.
Most people are wearing their spirit gear to show 'support' and 'pride' for our school. Majority of everyone is going to the game tonight, but I will not be in attendance. I will be in my room doing lines of coke watching an Audrey Hepburn movie.
I went to one game out of my entire high school experience so far. That was a mistake, I absolutely hated every moment of it. The screaming, chanting, clapping, rowdiness, and all the accident bumps, pushes, and touches made me spiral.
My skin was crawling with disgust the whole time. I remember barely being able to breathe that day from how suffocated I felt.
Walking into class just before the bell rings, I quickly spot Harry sitting down at our table. His chair is touching the legs of the table from how close he is sitting to the edge. I'm assuming this is to create as much distance as possible between us which doesn't bother me at all. The more space the better. If I could have it my way, I'd never be around him.
As I slowly walk over to take a seat, I try to take a few deep breaths to try and calm the anger that seems to spark whenever I'm around him.
A loud scraping sound rings in my ears as I pull my chair back and take a seat. I place my bag on the ground next to me. I shuffle over to my edge of the table to make the space between us wider.
Harry doesn't glance at me once. He sits with his elbow closest to me propped up on the table, hiding his head behind it as he plays on his phone.
I look away and focus on the front of the class where Ms. Jovani walks up to the front of the class to give whatever announcement she needs to give. She's wearing a pair of loose baggy mom jeans, a crew neck sweatshirt with our school name on it and a pair of classic black and white vans. I forget she's young and her style leans more towards what we tend to wear. I think this is either her first or second year teaching here.
"Hello and good morning class, happy Friday. I hope you all are excited for the first lacrosse game of the season!" She enthusiastically says, "Thank goodness the weekend is almost here, am I right?" Some of the kids in the class mumble a yes in response. "If you aren't aware, your first partner project is due today. I posted the submission page on google classroom. I need both your essay and slideshow turned in by the end of class."
She then turns around and grabs a stack of paper and begins to hand them out. "Today since it's a Friday, and we just finished the first big project, the in class assignment is a simple word search consisting of the vocab words for this unit. I want the paper turned into me by the end of class for credit. Also, I do want to warn you that we will have our next partner project starting on not the next Monday, but the Monday of homecoming. I promise you it is not that hard and is minimal work. I will be going into detail and explain what it is at the beginning of class that day."
She places two papers on our table and like normal, Harry slides the paper towards me. I grab it and mindlessly search around for a pencil in my bag.
"Before you start, I'd advise you to please turn in your partner projects now." Ms. Jovani says her last words before turning to the front of the class and sitting down at her desk.
I unzip the biggest pocket on my backpack and pull out my computer. Setting it on the desk, I open up and place my finger on the fingerprint scanner to unlock my computer.
"Excuse me Ms. Jovani." I turn my head, seeing a girl whom I do not recognize. Ms. Jovani nods her head to tell her to continue with her question. "Do both partners need to turn in the essay and slides or just one?"
"Ah, good question." Ms. Jovani for some reason praises her ability to ask a question. "Only one partner needs to turn in the assignment. Just make sure that both of your names are on both the essay and the slides."
A course of okays from the students echo throughout the room. I go to my google classroom and open the ap English tab.
"I'll turn it in." I inform Harry, not bothering to look at him. I don't bother to look at him when saying it and he doesn't bother to respond to me.
When I got home, I rewrote all of his section completely so we wouldn't fail. It irritated the hell out of me because right after we had that fight in his kitchen, I had to stare at his name and work on a screen for hours while what we did a few hours before replayed in my mind.
Unfortunately for me I find myself thinking about what happened between us more than I care to admit.
It's only been less than a day so of course it would still be fresh in my brain, but it shouldn't be to this extent.
I don't waste my time thinking of people, or things more than once, after that I put it in my mental trash can, but with Harry, he seems to consume my mind.
Us fucking did not help at all because now when I think of him, I close my legs at the memory of how is fingers expertly worked my clit, or how he pounded into me so hard I still feel the soreness.
I'm making sure that when I walk I don't make it obvious that I'm aching with actual pain between my legs. He really made sure it was hard to forget.
I also keep replaying waking up next to him...well more like on top of him. We fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed, but somehow the two of us gravitated and met in the middle. It was crazy enough for me to even fall asleep in the same bed at him, but basically cuddling him, that was on another level what the fuck.
I feel like clawing at my skin from thinking about him. I think about him at the most random points in my day. Even before we fucked, I thought about him, it's just now gotten worse.
I wonder if he thinks of me
Arlo...what the fuck
Get a grip
I clear my throat quietly and shuffle into my seat. I hit the submit button to turn in our assignment and close my computer. I place it back into my bag and focus on the word search in front of me.
I finish it rather quickly, setting it to the side, and going on my phone to aimlessly scroll through Instagram. I do this until I hear the bell ring.
The whole time during class, Harry did not one look at me or say a word. He completely ignored me.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
See you in the next one
-iz