POV: your a ticking time bomb. Some swear you've been okay for weeks but in reality you've just been holding it in
Your POV:
"get the fuck away from me!"
My supervising officer, Natasha, stared at me. She stood there watching me as I rocked back and forth on my bed. My mind screaming at me. I couldn't take it anymore. It's just all too much. The faking happiness and saying the bare minimum of what was going in my head so they deemed it as me 'opening up' but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Natasha watched me "Y/N where is this coming from?" I laughed and threw my body back on the bed "I outsmarted Natasha Romanoff" she looked at me "what? Y/N what are you talking about? you were fine yesterday"
That. That's when I lost it. I looked at her "I was not fine yesterday I was dying! just as I've been the past five months but you don't see that right? you don't know how I've been. When I say I've had a rough night I mean I stayed up all night terrified to have another nightmare. I can't eat, I can't sleep, hell I can't even think for myself. M-My mind constantly runs and I can't shut it off. It won't stop. I-I feel this constant weight on my chest. Like my body is swallowing me whole a-and I can't live with it anymore. It's too heavy and it's too painful and it's too much s-so please just leave........j-just leave"
Natasha's POV:
"no" she looked over at me and cried "w-what do you mean no?" I gently sat down on her bed "no. I'm not leaving you when your like this honey" Y/N growled "I'm not talking to you" I nodded "that's fine by me but I'm staying, I'm your S.O. and I'm not leaving". Y/N laid there, knowing there was no point in trying to get me to leave. I pulled out my butterfly knife and began to play with it. Doing the movements that had become muscle memory over the years. After a couple minutes I felt Y/N watching me and I continued to play with my knife. Y/N quietly whispered "I-I'm sorry Nat" I nodded and secured my knife patting beside me "it's okay, come talk to me" she came and sat beside me and I gently tucked some hair behind her ear "is it starting to get a lot?" she teared up and nodded then whispered "I-I just exploded" I gently pet her head "what can I do to help?" she shrugged and I whispered "okay, we can go shoot off a couple mags, go on a run, watch a movie? I can give you a hug or we can go scream in the field"
Y/N contemplated for a couple minutes while I stroked her hair until she whispered "y-you'd really give me a hug?" I nodded and gently stood up, pulling her into a hug. It was only when she sunk into my arms and cried I had then realized how much this young woman needed physical touch. After a couple minutes I realized she wasn't gonna let go of me. I gently tapped the backs of her thighs and whispered "jump up darling" she jumped and I gently picked her up, wrapping her around me. I began to carry her out as she whispered "w-where are we going?" I rubbed her back in soothing circles and whispered "my room honey, I was thinking we could watch a movie together while you calm down a bit, you want that?" she nodded and I smiled carrying her to my room. I laid her in bed and climbed in beside her turning on the tv. Y/N nervously watched me and I smiled at her "you can come cuddle, I don't bite". Y/N came and laid her head on my chest as I rubbed her back.
About and hour into the movie I felt her fully relaxed and she tugged on me. I paused and looked at her "yes honey?" Y/N looked up at me "a-am I allowed to take a break from training?" I nodded "I'd have to run it by Fury but I'm sure he'd be okay with it. Do you know why that happened?" Y/N shrugged "it's always almost been inevitable for me. t-the exploding.....I-I just have no idea how to say how I'm feeling....it's like my tongue gets so heavy in my mouth and no matter how hard I try to talk nothing comes out" I rubbed her back "okay honey, I'll work with you okay?" Y/N nodded and laid on me.
After a little while she whispered "y-your not as scary as they explained you at the academy" I laughed and nodded "yeah they really like to paint me as a hard ass" Y/N laid on me "I never believed them anyway" I smiled and held her "happy to know I don't scare you. Just don't get on my bad side and you'll be okay" she nodded and laid there then looked at the time. It was getting late, not that I cared. She could sleep with me tonight. Besides, I loved her company. "you know I don't mind if you stay right?" she looked at me "r-really?" I nodded and rubbed her back "yes it's okay" she watched me "what about the team?" I laughed "they'd be stupid to stick their noses in my business" she nodded and cuddled into me. I rubbed her back gently as she whispered "I-I like you"
It was barely audible but I still heard it. I rubbed her back and whispered "happy to hear it. You wanna be mine?" Y/N just looked at me shocked and I laughed "hello? earth to Y/N?" she looked at me "are you drunk?" I shook my head "no darling, why do you ask?" she rolled her eyes "because the hottest woman alive just asked me to be hers" I smiled "one, don't roll your eyes at me detka. And two, you heard right, I want you to be mine" she shyly nodded and whispered "okay" I smiled "okay your mine?" she nodded and I kissed her head "I will protect you with every cell in my body my love" she blushed and cuddled into me and relaxed while I gently stroked her hair and whispered "and if you ever have to explode like that again I'm here okay?" she nodded and whispered "babe?" I smiled and rubbed her back "yes darling?" Y/N hid a blush and whispered "you know the knife thingie you were doing?" I nodded and rubbed her back "yes honey" Y/N smiled "could you teach me?" I nodded "of course love" she smiled and relaxed into me.
I stroked her hair and rubbed her back until she fell asleep. I watched her and made sure she was safe. Knowing now that I could fully protect her and keep her safe.
As always: I love you all 3000 and thank you