Monica, Ross, chandler, Joey, Ashley and baby Ben were gathered in Monica's apartment.
"Who da Wenny-Benny boy? Oh, you da Wenny-Wenny-Benny-Benny boy." Monica cooed at Ben who was sitting in his car seat but was soon lifted out so he could sit on her lap.
As soon as he was sat on the brunette's lap he began to cry.
"Oh, don't cry. Don't cry." Monica pouted but Ben didn't listen. "Why is he still crying?"
"Let me hold him for a sec." Ross said while taking the baby off Monica. "There we go."
Immediately Ben stopped crying.
"Huh? Huh? There we are." Ross smiled.
"Maybe it's me." Monica shrugged.
"Don't be silly. Ben loves you." Ross reassured her.
"No, he loves Ashley. He hates Monica." Joey laughed.
"Joey!" Ashley exclaimed hitting him over the back of his head.
"Ow, that hurt." Joey rubbed where she had hit.
"It was supposed to." She replied.
"He's just being Mr. Cranky-Pants today." Ross spoke in a baby voice.
"You know, I once dated a miss Cranky-Pants. Lovely girl, kind of moody." Chandler looked at Ross.
"Shame that didn't work out." Ashley took a sip of her tea.
"There we go, all better." Ross was about to hand Ben back to Monica but when he was back in her arms he began to cry again.
"Can I...Uh...See something." Chandler ran over to Monica and lifted Ben off Monica. As soon as he did this the baby stopped crying once again. Chandler then started to move Ben to and from Monica but each time the baby was held near her tears started forming in his eyes.
"Cool." Joey smiled.
"He hates me." Monica stood up. "My nephew hates me."
"I told you." Joey rolled his eyes.
Once again Joey was hit over the back of his head by Ashley.
"That hurt more!" Joey shouted.
"Supposed to." Ashley shrugged.
"What if my own baby hates me? What then?" Monica waved her arms about.
"Do you know how long it's going to be before you actually have to deal with this problem?" Chandler tried to comfort her. "You don't even have a boyfriend yet."
Monica crossed her arms and gave Chandler a glare.
"Joey, she does not look fat." Chandler looked at him.
This earned an eye roll from Ashley. "Men." She simply said while shaking her head.
☕️
A little while later the same members of the group were still in the purple apartment, but they were now sitting around the kitchen table.
"Here you go." Monica handed Chandler the pie she she had previously made.
"Oh, hey, Mon." Chandler moved the basketball he was holding towards Monica and Joey let out fake cries imitating Ben.
"Aren't you going to hit him?" Ross asked Ashley while eating Monica's pie.
"I've given up." She sighed.
"That is so funny." Monica laughed at Chandler and Joey. "Let me see that." She lifted the ball out of Chandler's hands and threw it out the window.
Ross began to make weird noises from across the table.
"You okay, Ross?" Joey asked.
"I don't know. Ugh..." Ross replied. "What's in this pie?"
"I don't know." Monica answered "Butter and eggs and flower and lime and kiwi..."
"Kiwi? Kiwi?" Ross now raised his voice. "You said it was a key lime pie.
"No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special."
"That's what's gonna kill me." Ross pointed his fork at the food. "I'm allergic to kiwi."
"No you're not." Monica exclaimed. "You're allergic to lobster and peanuts and..."
Ross let out a grunt.
"Oh, my God." Monica gasped.
"It's definitely getting worse." Ross spoke but was starting to become harder to understand.
"Is your tongue swelling up?" Monica asked him.
"Either that or my mouth is getting smaller." He whined.
"Get your coat." Monica told him. "We're gonna go to the hospital."
"Is he gonna be okay?" Joey asked concerned.
"Yeah, he just needs a shot." Monica answered.
Ross didn't like this idea. "You know, actually it's getting better. It is. Let's not go. Anyone up for scrabble?"
"If Ash helps me then sure we can." Joey looked at the brunette woman.
"Joseph, we are not playing scrabble at a time like this." Ashley spoke sternly.
"Jacket now!" Monica commanded Ross.
"But what about ben? We can't bring a baby to the hospital." Ross asked.
"I'll mind him. He loves me, I love him." Ashley smiled.
"Thanks, Ash." Ross returned the smile.
"We'll also watch him." Joey put an arm around Chandler.
This earned a laugh from Ross "I don't think so."
"What? I have seven catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids." Joey defended himself.
"Ross, just get to the hospital and worry about yourself, we have everything under control." Ashley reassured him.
"Okay, if you take him for a walk, bring his hat. There's milk in the fridge and diapers in the bag."
"Hat, milk, di... Got it." Joey nodded his head.
"Let's go." Monica told Ross.
Ross began to speak but now his tongue was so swollen only Joey could understand. Seconds later the Geller siblings had left and now it was only Chandler, Joey, Ashley and baby Ben.
☕️
Joey and Chandler had convinced Ashley to leave the apartment and use Ben as a way to lure girls. She only agreed because she thought it was good for Ben to get some fresh air.
The three were walking down an avenue, Joey pushing a filled pram, Chandler holding a filled baby carrier and Ashley holding Ben.
"You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?" Chandler asked.
"I'm telling you, it's gonna be worth it." Joey assured him. "It's a known fact that women love babies. Ash, tell him."
"I hate to say it but, Joe is right. There's just something about it I can't describe. Fits in with the whole sensitive category." Ashley sighed.
Joey looked over his shoulder and seen three girls talking.
"Aim him at that back of babes." Joey told Ashley. "Actually one of us better take him other wise they'll think Ash is the mother."
"Fine." Ashley rolled her eyes and handed the baby to Chandler.
"No, no, wait. Forget them. We got one- hard left." Joey pointed out a women walking towards the three.
"Give me the baby." Joey told Chandler.
"No, i've got him." Chandler said.
"Come on, seriously." Joey whispered.
"Oh, seriously you want him?" Chandler spoke sarcastically.
"Hello." The woman cooed at Ben now that she was near.
"Hello." Joey and Chandler said in unison.
"And who is this little cutie pie?" The woman asked.
"Well, don't think me immodest, but...me?" Chandler said earning a laugh from the woman.
"You want to smell him?" Joey asked.
"I assume we're talking about the baby now." The woman smiled.
"Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head." Joey spoke softly.
Chandler lifted Ben's hat off and held Ben towards the woman which she happily gave a huge sniff.
"I think my uterus just skipped a beat." The woman held her hand at her chest.
"What did i tell you?" Joey whispered to Chandler and Ashley.
"I think it's great you're doing this." The woman grinned.
"Well, we are great guys." Chandler chuckled.
"My brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?"
Joey laughed but soon understood what she meant.
Ashley stepped forward. "Hi, i'm the mother. He's the father." She pointed at Joey. "And he's the uncle." She pointed at Chandler. "No adoption here."
"Oh, I am so sorry." The woman apologised.
"Don't worry about it." Ashley waved her hand. "I would've thought the same." She laughed.
"Well, i have to go. It was nice talking to you all." The woman walked away.
"What was that?" Ashley asked the two.
"Hey, if you want to have a baby with me so bad just say the word, sweetheart." Joey smirked.
"Joe, we've been over this way too many times." Ashley rolled her eyes.
☕️
Twenty minutes later, the trio were still out on the look out on the look out for girls.
"That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we want to pick up women we should just go to the park and make out." Chandler groaned.
"I don't know why you're still hooked up on this." Ashley said. "So the woman thought you were a couple...What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is that I haven't had sex in 4 months." Chandler answered. "Taxi! Taxi!"
The taxi Chandler had hailed was beginning to pull up.
"Hey, hey, look at that talent." Joey smirked when he spotted two women a little down the street from them.
Chandler also seen them and told the taxi that was now in-front of them that he was just practicing.
"Come on." Joey dragged Ashley and Chandler.
"Wait!" Chandler shouted at the bus that the two girls were getting on.
☕️
They got on the bus and sat next to the women.
"Hey, you." the brunette cooed at Ben. "He's just adorable."
"Can you tell him that? Because he thinks he looks too pink." Chandler joked.
"So what are you guys out doing today?" The blonde woman asked.
"Oh, we're not out. No, no." Joey answered. "We're just two heterosexual guys hanging out with the son of our other heterosexual friend."
"Are uh, any of you with her?" The brunette questioned pointing at Ashley who was staring out the window not listening to conversation at all.
Joey looked over at her. She was twirling her long brown hair around her finger, her bright blue eyes watching the street go by. Joey wondered what thoughts were going through her head.
"Earth to Joey!" Chandler snapped his fingers in the man's face.
"What?" Joey finally regained awareness.
"What were you looking at?" Chandler asked.
"Uh, I just thought we forgot Ben's bottle but i remembered it's in the bottom of the pram." He tried to come up with a lie.
"Oh, there's our stop." The brunette woman pointed.
"Get out of here. This is our stop." Joey smiled.
"You guys live around here, too?" The blonde asked.
"Yeah. We live in the building by the...sidewalk." Joey answered.
"You know it?" Chandler spoke.
"Look, since we're neighbours and all what do you say we get together for a drink?" Joey grinned.
The women agreed.
Once the three members of the group and the two women were off the bus they were deciding which bar to go to.
"So, do you wanna go to Markel's?" The brunette asked.
"Oh, sure. They love us over there." Chandler answered.
"Hey, where's your baby?" The blonde questioned.
The three looked in the pram only to see it was empty.
"Alright, who was carrying him last?" Ashley asked the two.
"Not important." Chandler scrunched his face.
"Chandler Muriel Bing, I am going to shove this pram so far up your..." Ashley began.
"...Okay!" Joey held her shoulders. "If we run maybe we can catch up."
The three looked at each other and immediately started running as fast as they could towards the moving bus.
"Ben! Ben!" Joey shouted.
"Oh, that's good! Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord." Chandler said breathlessly.
"Stop the bus!" Joey screamed.
"Wait!" Ashley shouted.
Three turned the corner of the street and were now faced with three buses all looking the exact same.
☕️
Joey, Ashley and Chandler were stood at a pay phone dialling the bus company's number in hopes that they had Ben.
"Pick up! Pick up!" Chandler chanted with the phone to his ear "Hello...Transit authority? Yes, hello i'm doing research for a book and I was wondering what somebody might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes, I do realise that would be a very stupid character."
Joey gripped the phone off Chandler.
"Hi. Here's the deal. We lost a car seat on a bus today. It's white plastic with a handle and it fits on a stroller. Oh, and there's a baby in it." Joey spoke on the phone. "He wants to talk to you again."
"idiots." Ashley mumbled.
☕️
Once they received the location of where Ben was, they hailed a taxi and practically sprinted to the reception in the building.
"Hi." The three said in unison.
"We're the people that called about the baby." "We lost the baby!" "Get us the baby." Ashley, Chandler and Joey said at the same time.
"Is he here?" Joey asked.
"He's here." The man spoke sternly.
They all gasped out of relief and went into a group hug.
"I'm assuming you're the mother." The man pointed at Ashley. "And one of you is the father." He pointed at Joey and Chandler.
"That's me." Joey gave a cheesy grin and wrapped his arm around Ashley's waist pulling her closer.
"Yep." Ashley also gave a bright smile and nestled into Joey's side.
The receptionist directed the trio to the room where the missing baby's were kept.
"Hey, ben!" Chandler spoke once they entered the room.
"Oh, Ben!" Joey spoke to a different baby.
When they realised what was going on they both gave a confused look.
"Please tell me one of you know which one is our baby." Cha doer stood with his hands on his hips.
"All baby's look the same." Ashley whined.
"Well, well, that one has ducks on his t-shirt and this one has clowns." Joey pointed at the two infants. "And Ben was definitely wearing Ducks."
"Okay." Chandler let out a sigh of relief.
"Or clowns." Joey continued. "Oh, wait! That ones definitely Ben. Remember he had that cute little mole by his mouth."
Ashley bent down to lift the baby out of the crib "Hi, my little ben." She smiled. "Well, the mole just came off."
"What are we gonna do?" Chandler asked.
"We'll flip for it." Joey decided. "Ducks or clowns."
"Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?" Chandler shouted.
"You got a better idea?" Joey replied.
"Call it in the air." Chandler said while grabbing a coin out of his pocket and threw it up.
"Heads." Ashley spoke.
"Heads it is." Chandler responded once he caught the coin.
"Phew." Ashley sighed.
Chandler held her by the shoulder "We have to assign heads to something." Chandler brother his teeth.
"Oh, right!" Ashley answered. "Duh."
"Why don't we do ducks for heads because ducks have heads." Joey rubbed his forehead.
"What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday?" Chandler asked concerned.
☕️
After a little while longer of arguing on which baby pick, they finally decided on the one wearing clowns and were now back from their day out. They were entering Monica's apartment.
"Aw, my little nephew." Monica smiled while making her way over to the baby. "Come here, little one. Aw, there's my little baby."
She lifted him out of the carrier.
"Hey, my little boy." Monica spoke to him now that she was holding him. "Hey! He's not crying." She exclaimed.
The three who were standing at the door exchanged worrying looks.
"Hey, he's not crying." Chandler fake smiled.
Joey and Ashley let out nervous chuckles.
Seconds after Ben began to cry.
"Yes!" Joey cheered.
Ashley hit him on the arm.
"There's still pie." He tried to cover for himself.
Ross left the bathroom. "Oh, i'm here. I'm here." Ross lifted Baby Ben off Monica. "How's my little boy, Huh? You want daddy to change your diaper?"
Ross made his way over to the chair so he could properly change Ben.
"So, did you have fun with your uncles Joey and Chandler and your aunty Ashley today?"
"Oh, yeah. He rode the bus today." Joey smiled.
"Oh...Well...Big boy, riding the bu..." Ross stopped. "Hey, I have a question. How come it says "Property of human services" on his butt?"
They all let out nervous laughs.
"You...You are going to love this!" Chandler chuckled.
"Can you hold Ben for a sec?" Ross handed the baby to Monica and began to chase after the trio.
Joey put Ashley behind him and began to hold out his arms so Ross couldn't get to her.
"Come here. Come here." Ross commanded.
"Stay back! I've got kiwi!" Chandler waved the pie.
"Run, Joey and Ash, run!" Chandler shouted.
AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter :)
~Hollie </3