The group were gathered in Monica's kitchen talking about the guy who dropped by earlier looking for phoebe and was supposedly "Her husband."
"This is unbelievable Pheebs. How can you be married?" Joey asks whilst handing Ashley a bowl of cap'n crunch he had made for her.
"Well, i'm not married married."
"How does that work?" Ashley asked taking a spoonful of the cereal.
"He was just a friend, and he's gay and he was from Canada and he just needed a green card." Phoebe explained.
"I can't believe you married Duncan." Monica exclaimed. "How could you not tell me? We lived together. We told each other everything."
"I'm sorry, Monica, but i knew if I told you you'd get really judgmental and you would not approve." Phoebe defended.
"Of course, I wouldn't approve. I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who- hello- was gay. What the hell were you thinking?"
"See, and you thought she'd be judgemental." Ross folded his arms.
"Okay, i wasn't "In love" With him, and i was just helping out a friend." Phoebe shrugged.
"Please. When he left town, you stayed in your pajamas for a month and i saw you eat a cheeseburger." Monica argued.
This made the whole group let out dramatic gasps.
"Well, didn't you?" Monica continued.
"I might have." Phoebe admitted.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Monica turned away.
"Come on, like you tell me everything?" Phoebe asked her.
"What have i not told you?"
"Oh, I don't know. Um, how about the fact that the underwear out on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace?" Phoebe pointed.
"What?" Everyone ran to the window to see.
"Wait a minute...Who told you?" Monica shouted.
Ashley kept her head down still eating her cereal trying to not act guilty.
Monica noticed her. "Ashley." She said in a warning tone.
"I didn't know it was a big secret." She shrugged.
"Oh it's not big, not at all. You, kind of the same lines as, say I don't know, admitting your crush while you were sleep talking."
"I did what?!" Ashley stood up.
"She did what?" The group said in unison.
"So, who is it?" Joey smirked.
"We won't be revealing, will we Monica?"
"We're very close." Monica said through gritted teeth.
"Anyway, on to bigger secrets, Chandler has a third nipple." Ashley shrugged.
"You have a third nipple?" Phoebe asked.
"How do you know?" Chandler asked Ashley.
"I spend three quarters of my life in your apartment. Trust me, I know things."
"You bitch." Chandler said.
"Whip it out. Whip it out." Ross bounced on the sofa.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." The group agreed.
"Come on!" Chandler shouted. "There's nothing to see."
"Oh, it's something." Ashley smiled.
"It's totally useless." Chandler walked away.
"Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples." Rachel said.
"I can't believe you." Joey threw his arms up. "You told me it was a nubbin."
"Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?" Ross asked him.
"I don't know, you see something, you hear a word I thought that's what it was."
"Let me see it again." Joey pointed to Chandler.
"Yeah, show it to us." Ross joined which lead the group arguing at once.
"Joey was in a porno movie." Chandler revealed.
"Hey, be proud of that." Ashley told him "None of us have ever been one. It sounds fun."
"Oh yeah? Let me call my agent see what she thinks about getting us two starring roles." Joey smirked.
"Not the way i planned on that going." Chandler scrunched his face in disgust.
"So what's it shaped like?" Ross asked referencing Chandler's third nipple.
"Is there a hair on it?" Rachel questioned.
"What happens if you flick it?" Joey joined in.
☕️
The gang excluding Phoebe made their way down to the coffee house and were now joined by Julie. Ross, Julie and Chandler were sitting on the couch, Monica was at the counter, Rachel was sitting on one of the arm chairs and Joey was sitting on the other with Ashley in his lap as there were no more available seats.
"So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?" Ross asked Chandler still not over his third nipple.
"Well, yes, Ross." Chandler sat up. "Pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia."
"You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is a sign of virility. You get the best hugs and women dance naked around you." Julie said.
"Are any of these cultures perchance in the tri-state area?" Chandler asked.
"If there is, can i come?" Ashley was intrigued.
"You know, you are so amazing." Ross smiled at his girlfriend and kissed her "Is there anything you don't know?"
"She didn't know Chandler had a third nipple." Ashley shrugged to which Chandler glared at her.
Rachel got up and walked towards the counter near Monica.
Ashley tried to get up to sit in the chair Rachel was sitting in now that it was vacant but she was pulled back down by Joey.
"Joey, what are you doing?" She asked.
"What are you doing?" He replied.
"I'm moving to a comfier chair. No offence, Joe, but your lap is about as comfy as a toilet seat."
"Wow." He touched his chest to act offended. "Well, i'm sorry sweetheart, but I guess you gotta stay on the toilet seat a bit longer."
"Fine." Ashley rested her head on his shoulder.
Joey smiled at the fact he had won the argument and began playing with the ends of her hair.
Phoebe walked through the entrance of the coffee shop wearing a pink and white dress with her hair styled differently. This lead to a bunch of woo hoos from the group.
"Foxy lady." Ross spoke.
"Where you going?" Julie asked her.
"I'm going to go meet Duncan. He's skating at the garden tonight. He's in the capades."Phoebe answered.
"Well, if he doesn't fall in love with you I sure will." Ashley told the blonde to which Joey nodded eagerly.
"I can't believe your dressing up for him." Monica said concerned. "You're setting yourself up all over again."
"Okay, no." Phoebe responded. "For your information, i'm going to see him so i can put all these feelings behind me. And the reason i'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband."
"Women's got a point." Ashley winked at her.
"Oh, darn it, we're all out of milk." Ross flipped the lid of the tin that was now empty. "Hey, Chandler would you fill me up here?"
Ashley giggled into Joey's neck to which he couldn't help but smile sweetly at her.
☕️
The 5 members of the group arrived at Ross's place to hang out but walked in on a bad time as he and Julie were kissing.
"Uh, Julie?" Chandler spoke.
"Yeah?" She smiled.
"Sorry. You had a paleontologist on your face." He pointed at Ross. "But it's gone now. You're alright."
"Hi, everyone." Ross waved.
"Hi." Everyone replied.
Ross took Rachel aside and Ashley noticed so she tried to eavesdrop.
"Oh, listen..." Ross started. "I just...I wanted to thank you for, uh...our little talk before."
"Oh, god, no problem." Rachel answered. "So you're gonna go with the waiting thing?"
"Well, I was going to. But after I talked to you, I talked to Joey." They both looked at Joey, but he pretended to look of into the distance as if he wasn't eavesdropping aswell.
"What..? What did he say?" Rachel asked.
"Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it." Ross told her. "So I thought about what you said and I thought about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight,so..."
"Somebody getting some, huh?" Ashley asked.
"Well...yes." Ross said nervously.
"It's been a couple months for me." Ashley told them sighing.
"You upset about that, sweetheart?" Joey asked her.
"Joey." Ashley said in a warning tone.
"It's gonna happen eventually, why not speed up the process?" Joey shrugged.
"I wanna build up the anticipation." Ashley walked away before Joey could respond with a another flirty comment.
☕️
It was later in the night, the group had ate and were sitting in Ross's living room talking.
"What is this in my pocket?" Chandler ran towards them. "Why, it's Joey's porno movie."
"Hey, pop it in." Ross told him.
"I'm fine with it. I mean, if you're okay watching a video filled with two nippled people." Joey teased Chandler.
"Great. People having sex, that's just what I need to see." Rachel said in a monotone voice.
"What's wrong with people having sex?" Ross poked her playfully.
Rachel cleared her throat. "Well...well, um, you know these movies are offensive...and, uh, degrading to women...and females...and, uh...and the lightings always unflattering. And...Monica, help me out here."
"Hell, I want to see Joey." Monica spread her arms across the back of the couch excitedly.
The video began to play and the group danced along to the background music.
"So, is there like a story or do they just start doing it right...? Oh. Never mind." Julie spoke.
"Okay, now, wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test i've ever seen." Chandler joked earning a smirk from Joey.
"All I say is, she better get the job." Monica laughed.
"Looks to me like he's the one getting the job." Ross replied.
Joey shushed everyone. "Okay, here i come. Here I come. See, i'm coming to fix the copier. I cant get to the copier. I'm thinking "What do I do? What do I do?" So I just watch them have sex." He smiled "And then I say...Wait, here's my line."
"You know, that's bad for the paper tray." Joey spoke from inside the tv.
"Wow. I'm sitting beside a real porn star!" Ashley smiled excitedly.
"Yeah you are, baby." Joey grinned.
"Wait, wait, wait, you see me again. Hang on. The guy's butt's blocking me. There I am. There I am. There I am. There I am."
☕️
After a couple hours, the group of friends were still in Ross's apartment only now they were a lot more tired than before.
"you know, it still smells like monkey in there?" Monica asked Ross as she left the bathroom.
"Well, that saves us a conversation." Julie laughed.
Chandler looked at Ashley and saw she was actually starting to fall asleep on Joey. He realised it was time to go. "Well, listen, this has been great but we're officially wiped, especially Ash."
Ashley who was too tired to even reply just let out a few mumbles in gibberish.
"We should go." Joey patted Ashley's shoulder to gain her consciousness.
"No, I mean...no." Rachel objected. "Come on, you guys. I mean...Come on. It's only 11:30. Let's just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore."
"Rachel, that's all we do." Monica argued.
Joey was now holding Ashley stable by wrapping an arm under her. "Yeah, look at Ash, she can't even keep her eyes open."
"I so can. I'm doing it right now." She protested with her eyes still fully shut.
"Look, we're gonna leave but we'll see you all tomorrow." Joey insisted and practically dragged Ashley out the door.
"Joe?" Ashley spoke softly once they were outside.
"Yes?" He answered looking down at her with loving eyes.
"I don't have my keys with me to get into the apartment, can I stay in yours tonight?"
"Of course." He smiled. "But you're sleeping in my bed."
"I'm too tired to even argue." She laughed gently.
AN: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter :) Thank you so much for reading.
I really enjoyed writing this episode, it's one of my favourites.
~Hollie </3