It was a week before the wedding, and damn was your nerves skyrocketing.
The mansion was almost fully decorated. And of course, only with money was it possible to have a temporary church be built out on the yard near the lake.
Sitting outside his room by the pool side - which was the only area that wasn't decorated or moved around. With Sebastian and Grimmjow, conversing over the trading ring.
"How is she feeling?" Grimmjow asked Orihime that walked out the room and towards him, sharing a seat with him.
"Still a bit light headed. She keeps drifting off to sleep and waking up. But as long as she remains laying down it's okay. I don't know why she's so anxious and stressed about everything. Everything is going smoothly and is almost done." Your now best friend concernedly spoke about you.
Exhaling his smoke, "That's because Y/n thinks and prepares for the worst cast scenarios."
"What kind of worst case scenario could she be stressing about?" Orihime asked.
Pulling on the cigarette bud, "Maybe she's stressing about Hisoka having cold feet. The longer the wedding drags out. The more time Hisoka has to change his mind." He answered as the smoke released through each word.
"Oh.. Now I feel bad for making her have this entire wedding. I should've just let the two of you be. Court marriage, that's it." The ginger said with a much saddened undertone.
And she was right.
Having a wedding is inviting problems.
"Why would I have cold feet towards someone that has had that ring on her for seven years?" Hisoka silenced all rumours about him.
"Maybe she's getting cold feet?" Grimmjow suggested.
In response, Hisoka peered over his shoulder to look at your laying self sleeping on his bed.
"No. Y/n will never not want to marry me." Hisoka cockily stated with much ease. He knew you and how much you love him.
Without a shadow of doubt, there will never be a day Hisoka will expect you to stop loving him and want to walk away. Although... a few months agin you did do that..
"She has been acting distant towards you though." The forever observant Sebastian spoke.
"Yeah, I noticed that too. Some days she's snappy, other days she's quiet and uncomfortable. Edgy. Are you sure you didn't do anything that might of pissed her off or hurt her when you left for a week to take care of business?" Grimmjow suspiciously asked.
Now glaring at the blue haired, "If you implying that I slept with a woman on my trip then you are mistaken." An annoyed Hisoka answered.
" I wasn't implying anything. I just know some guys enter a bachelor phase before the wedding." Grimmjow traded carefully because he could tell one wrong word would of triggered Hisoka.
"Well Grimmjow, I'm not entering nor will enter that phase. I don't desire any other women. And besides, I used up my bachelor phase in high school with meaningless sex. Sorry to disappoint your party bandwagon."
Taking another sip of his beer, Grimmjow scoffed. "Nah, that is a bandwagon I wouldn't jump on. I'd be pissed off if you messed around with another woman. You know I see Y/n as my sister."
"Then can't you dial your obnoxiously loud voice down so your sister can sleep." An exhaustedly annoyed voice commented from behind.
"Y/n! You should be in bed resting! Oh god, your face it more flushed. The fever never break yet?" Orihime sprung up to motherly place her backhand against your forehead.
Sighing, "Not yet." Your raspy voice answered.
Partially turning his head around, Hisoka studied your body from the corner of his eyes. Indeed it was apparent you had a fever. Your eyes were teary, cheeks flushed, and it was obvious that a throbbing headache was bugging you. You looked weakened but tense.
Tense around him.
"Y/n." He sternly said. Noticing again, how your body stiffened tenfold by just uttering your name.
"Yes?" You causally tried to pass off through your slightly blocked nose.
"What is the matter? No more beating around the bush. You are hiding something from me. " Hisoka wanted the issue to be addressed right now. Not caring if there were people around. If anything, he wanted them to be around to prove a point that you weren't getting wedding jitters. Well, mainly to rub it in Grimmjow's face. Your love has always been and will be unquestionable towards Hisoka and that was brag worthy.
"W-What? What makes you think that?" You enquired with a startled undertone.
"You are distant with me. And when you are with me, you are scared, extra stressed and nervous. Are you hiding an illness from me? Is your body rejecting your transplant?" Hisoka laid down his concerns.
"N-No.." You uncomfortably answered. But because you did, it convinced everyone that you were lying.
After a few long seconds of silence, you exhaled deeply as unintentional fever-tears slid down your face.
"I am scared of you Hisoka." You whispered distantly. Agreeing with his prognosis.
The Joker narrowed his eyes at you a bit surprised that you were. Yet alone confess to him that you were.
"Why?"
And boy were there so many reasons to be scared of him. Was it the fear of him hurting you again? Getting physical with you? Did he do something that offended you? He was a mafia leader, his life was dangerous and so was he. There's so many reasons to be scared of someone, so the train of thoughts and guessing would be never ending if you didn't answer him.
"...Because I don't want history to repeat itself."
"You are being vague Y/n." Hisoka impatiently spoke. Internally, he cursed at Grimmjow for potentially putting doubts in your head that he was seeing other girls if you heard him speaking about that earlier.
Nothing had to be more annoying than to be accused of 'cheating' when it was the furthest thing from the truth.
You didn't know whether it was how Hisoka's presences made you feel or it was your illness, but the lightheadness flooded your brain and your heart ached from how hard it thudded against your chest.
Yes you were feeling ill and stressed, but you had to talk and get this over and done with so you could go back to laying down. You felt far too weak to socialise the whole night.
Looking down at the floor, you nervously fidgeted with your fingers.
"I'm pregnant again Hisoka.."
"And before you cuss at me and tell me I'm a deceitful woman that's trying to trap you. I am on the pill and I didn't miss a day. The pill works 99% of the time. But I guess..we fall underneath that 1% bracket." You calmly explained, but it was obvious that you were nervous based off your subtle undertone.
After hearing that bombshell land, Grimmjow silently pulled the cigarette away from his lips, and looked over to Orihime - fearful and nervous for you. Everyone was there the first time Hisoka found out you were pregnant, and damn were they shocked and quite uneasy to be around Hisoka back then.
That day was the first time they saw Hisoka genuinely get angry. Not even angry. Extremely pissed off. He even downed a whole bottle of alcohol and had the nerve to slam the glass aggressively against the wall as you cried - begging him calm down and not end the two of you forever.
However, unlike before, Hisoka remained quiet. Unsure by the others whether he was quiet before he exploded again. Or quiet because he didn't know what to say.
Placing his bottle of water down, Hisoka stared mindlessly at the purple lit up pool.
"How far along are you?" The Joker finally spoke. But his stern and distant undertone wasn't comforting.
Swallowing painfully due to your sore throat, you prepared for the worst.
'Get out my fucking house.' A memory internally echoed.
Although you could now financially support yourself and kids because you were a qualified surgeon. It still destroyed your heart once again to know Hisoka was going to toss you out his house like garbage again.
Being with you was easy.
When a child, now children were brought into the equation. That is what made Hisoka overwhelmed.
"..A-Almost three weeks."
"Is this also why you are sick?" He calmly asked another question. Unnerving you even more because of his lack of reaction.
"Y-yeah. Pregnancy sickness varies with every woman and with every birth. With Maleeka I only felt sick three m-months into my pregnancy. Only vomiting, loss of appetite and dizziness. Pregnancy also weakens the immune system, so.. That's why I have the cold." You nervously explained.
You wanted to assure him it was hiding the pregnancy from him that made you distant, not the wedding jitters. But you weren't sure if he still wanted to marry you after this.
Shifting more back on the long pool chair to make more space in front of him, Hisoka effortlessly took your hand and pulled you down to sit on the empty space in between his legs.
"You shouldn't have kept this from me for so long Y/n."
"Hisok-"
"I know." He cut you off sternly. Not wanting to remember his past mistakes.
"Will your heart and liver handle this pregnancy?"
All four looked peculiarly at Hisoka. His response and body language was far from hostile or negative. Instead, here he was, worrying about your health. Not disregarding you like a dog.
"I'm n-not sure actually. It should." You timidly tried to convince.
But what Hisoka said in response shocked everyone.
Sabastein couldn't help but softly smile at his leader. It was truly amazing and surreal to witness Hisoka come so far for you.
You really were his end game that made him softer. Well, softer for only you. Hisoka still was hard and emotionless with everyone else.
"I will take care of you Y/n. You and our unborn child. Don't worry."
Words that instantly made you cry.
And unlike seven years ago, you weren't crying because Hisoka hurt you. You were crying because his words expressed he still wanted you and that he was happy with this pregnancy.
Not long after, you felt his strong arms creep at your sides from behind. His one hand slid up your torso to push you plush against his chest before it slid back down to protectively hold your stomach.
Both hands defensively shielding your tummy.
Peering over your shoulder, Hisoka rested on it as he looked down at you.
"When will you start showing?" He asked you ever so quietly with a thoughtful undertone.
"...I-In 12 weeks or so." You stiffly replied, definitely not expecting this affection from him.
"Must I get your wedding dress altered or will you still fit in it next week?" He asked as his way of letting you know that he was still going to marry you. Completely burying any doubts and concerns lurking in your mind.
Emotionally smiling, you placed your hand over Hisoka's. "I should still fit in it. But you can have the taylor on standby next week." You replied. Feeling rather bittersweet about Hisoka's reaction.
"Well then. Firstly, congratulations to the both of you. Seeing that all is good. We shall leave so you and Hisoka to enjoy this moment alone." Sebastian warmly said before standing up - motioning Grimmjow and Orihime to get up too.
"Kind of wanted to stay, but okay." Grimmjow whined.
Bending down to hug you tightly, Grimmjow and then Orihime congratulated you and Hisoka too before leaving.
After spending a few minutes outside in blissful silence, Hisoka saw your eyes started to grow heavy from tiredness. And he could feel your body press heavier and become less controlled against his chest - indicating sleep was knocking on your doorstep.
With you in his arms, Hisoka carried you bridal style back onto the bed. He would've laid down on the pool chair to allow you to sleep. But because you already had the cold and your immune system is compromised. He wasn't going to take the chance and let you sleep outside.
Since you had a fever, Hisoka only draped the thin sheet over till your elbows, joining you from behind underneath the sheet.
Still refusing to remove his one hand from your stomach.
Even though there wasn't a baby bump yet, just knowing his seed was existing and blooming in your womb triggered a sense of affectionate protectiveness over you.
"Thank you..." Hisoka heard you tiredly murmur.
"For what?"
".. Being here." You answered as you placed your hand over his again.
"I feel sadly happy. This.. I'm not used to this. I have always dreamt about having this. For my entire pregnancy with Maleeka I craved to have someone, you, lay with me from behind and hold my tummy. Happy that I was pregnant.."
Even though your eyes were still closed and exhaustion was over powering you. The waterworks couldn't help but subtly turn on.
"I desperately c-craved for pregnancy affection Hisoka..It was hard d-doing it on my own with barely anything to survive. So.. Thank you for being with me this time."
Hisoka remained silent as he listened to your sorrowful words. He couldn't imagine how you dealt being more sick than you are right now and alone.
He understood to a greater extent why you hoarded so much angst towards him initially.
You honestly deserved the highest level of respect. Respect Hisoka truly had for you since day one in high school. You were and still are so independent and strong. It sucked that you didn't need him for anything, but he subconsciously admired how you could hold down the fort solo.
He never thought he would ever worry nor care about trusting someone, or having faith in a person. But if anything ever had to happen to him, he knew wholeheartedly that you would run everything seamlessly and take care of his children and raise them to be people can't mess with.
Staying silent, Hisoka put the aircon on 16 degrees for your fever and quietly watched you fall asleep as your tears dried.