I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
I'm a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky
barbie girl- aqua
TW// Vulgar language, emotional abuse, explicite content
"I've seen you gotten a little chubby haven't you, finally getting that appetite back huh" I gave up on smiling an hour in trying to be that nice girl my grandmother tried to rise and teach me to be.
These people were as bad as I remember it made what Harry did for a living innocent.
The words they spoke were a stab to my side, to my heart, to every part of my body and they did it with those pearly white teeth they bought when they started to get yellow, I just wanted to punch them and break every cent they had spent on it but I held my ground. I saw the joy my grandmother had just by me being here, ripping that away would be selfish of my part, I knew this mattered to her more than anything.
"Oh Charlotte dear, smile a bit more. A beautiful girl like yourself shouldn't be frowning" I wasn't frowning I was scowling at her like as if she took my favorite toy from me, and yet the woman had no idea she was insulting me to my face "Isn't that right hun, you much rather see this gal of yours showing that pretty smile"
Harry on the other hand was ready to punch someone in the face no questions asked and not a single fuck to my grandmother, without my okay he was had the angry scowl set on high and intimidating.
The woman who calls herself my aunt was now realizing how much she let her mouth run by the looks on our faces.
"It was good seeing you dear...I-I should find my husband" I held the same face as she hurried along giving us glances as she ran out of our line of sight. I finally let out a breathe that I was holding in since she jumped out of nowhere to tell me how good I looked after finally getting rid of the sick in my head.
"Please tell we can leave, I am very close on choking one of your family members if they make one more bad comment about you" Harry gruffed out glaring a waiter away who was holding a plate of quiche which I really wanted to eat, helpless I just sighed in return turning to him.
Grabbing my very virgin sangria I took a small which finally made me realize it's suppose to taste sweet and not with the taste of anything I had in a flask, I offered him some as he accepted taking a large sip almost drowning it all.
"Go ahead honestly makes this more entertaining though" I grinned making him roll his eyes at my teasing "Plus these are my grandmothers relatives, not related to me what so ever"
Honestly they were just strangers I see at parties like this, people I've grown use to not care about that also don't care about me. It was all stunts they pulled when they come together, each one wanting to be better than the other until ones is the superior, the one who rules all which it's that much.
They throw money around, cars, trips even their spouses around like it isn't anything, as if it had no valeu. When I see them, I don't think they are real people or any part of relation with me, their just mannequins with big smiles walking around the room for a few hours.
"How did a beautiful girl like yourself get a shitty family huh?" He breathed out pulling me closer as pushing strands of my hair out of my head as he leaned down a bit, his breathe smelled a bit of tequila and mint which just drove my mind to overload "I mean...I'm pretty sure June tried to raise you right but still came out a little weird"
My jaw popped open at his words pinching his side as he let out a laugh trying to push my hands away but I kept pinching his love handles but not hard enough since my moron was laughing like I was tickling his side.
"Say it again that I'm weird momma's boy"
He giggled pressing his face to mine, lips grazing my jaw as he tried to get ahold of my hands "You weird Charlie Martin, honestly you're the only one I've met who eats french fries with ice-cream"
"REALLY?!" I whispered gasped looking at him not believing that he threw that at my face after promising me he wouldn't judge "you promised you wouldn't judge, seeing a lot of judgement pink boy"
"Come one, the pink is all Jack"
"Sure...pink underwear" I snorted as I looked up to see him give me a playful glare grabbing my waist and pulling me to him as he pursed his lips in a pout as if I had hurt the big man's feelings, I smoothed his dress shirt as I fixed his collar pulling him a bit down "Truce? Anyways...you look good in pink, so delicious"
He looked at me with such adoration my heart nearly melted at the sight, his fingers creased the apples of my cheek as he pushed the hair that flew out of the slick hairstyle to behind my ear just cupping my jaw as he lifted my head up. The look of love is something I still haven't gotten use to, not really, it was weird to know he loved me.
To feel it every time he touched me, it always overloaded my body with such joy it was hard to even make a sound.
"I love you" Weak to the knees, that's how I felt every time he looked at me.
"Say it again"
"I-" He kissed my lips "Love" And again "You" He mumbled against them and I was thankful for myself for clenching onto him for support cause I knew I was near melting into a huge puddle on the floor.
I opened my mouth but as always...I froze, like a coward that couldn't even respond back. I loved Harry.
I really did, my bones ached for him on how much I loved him but I didn't understand why I couldn't do it. I opened my eyes feeling my throat constrict from my own thoughts as I was comforted by his green eyes that only made me feel light, weights being pushed off my shoulders.
"I-"
"Do my eyes deceive me or is Charlie Martin domestic?" Good God.
I laughed letting my head fall to Harry's shoulders letting out a loud sigh as I was interrupted before turning to see who the person was, I should have known honestly it was them.
"Almost didn't recognize you cuzz, without the bottle of whiskey in hand...You almost look normal, well almost, still dressed as a high fashioned slut"
Anyone would feel offended by that, Harry was expecting me to feel offended and make a scene by thrusting my foot down her throat but all I did was laugh as I lifted my finger up to my cousin. Met Allison Hugh Conrad the III, basic bitch that came from my mother's sisters first marriage. Dressed in all white with blue eyes and blonde dyed hair, almost the epidemy of perfection of my family.
Expect she made Stormy Daniels look like a saint.
"Ally? Oh my God, I didn't even notice that was you! Did you file down your horns since we last saw each other" She let out a laugh giving me a 'I deserve that' look but I wasn't really done "Thought you weren't coming, did you finish sacrificing all the virgins to get those tits?"
"Ha ha ha, fuck you by the way...you know these are from daddy"
I walked over to her to hug her actually greeting her like a normal person and not like a bitch, but we've been doing this since we were young which there was no reason too since it was fun just to insult each other. Allison wasn't so bad as the rest of her half brothers or mother, she had an attitude problem with some people but I actually liked her.
I mean, if there was a fire and she was in it, I'd consider saving her instead of just standing there and watch. It has to count as something right?
"Shit, you look better than me" She hissed pulling away raking her ocean eyes down my body before looking at my face with an annoyed look touching her own face in return, I laughed knowing she really hated that I was the hotter cousin tonight "Maybe I should quiet the powder too huh...to bad it's a little bit to fun in the weekends when I'm bored"
I leaned forward "It's the makeup, still feel like shit"
Cheers to sobriety who still makes me throw up in the morning when I need something to cut off the edge.
"So when were you going to tell me you started to be all nice girl on me Charlie? Seriously, I made so many promises to my friends that you'd show up at some parties. If I knew you were....hooking up?" Ally rose an eyebrow to Harry, her blue eyes watching him as he looked at her back. Theirs eyes flashing with recognition but neither said anything, I was going to push that aside for now afraid she knew him from somewhere that I really didn't want to know.
"Dating, we're dating" Harry spoke up as I bite my lip smiling like it's the first time he's said I was his, still feels new.
Allison choked on her own spit looking at me with wide eyes trying to get confirmation as I discreetly fixing my eyebrows showing the ring he had set on my fingers, signaling that our relationship was much more than a high school dating thing.
Everyone's reaction to me is the same, shocked and confused. I spent the whole time saying I'd never settle down or date someone because it wasn't for me, being with one person for a long time wouldn't be something that would interests me. And I was so fucking wrong. I just needed to wait to met Harry for me to realize that maybe I wasn't interested in other people because he wasn't them.
"Allison this Harry, Harry this is my cousin Allison. My mother's sisters kid, which makes another fucked up kid in the mix" I let out a pained oomph as her elbow connected to my ribs at the jab I had given her not finding the humor that much funny.
She had mommy issues if you hadn't
"I'm surprised you managed to stay with my idiotic cousin but not shocked, she has a few tricks up her sleeves and I know how this sex crazed bitch is in bed" Harry made a face looking at me clearly thinking what wasn't what he thought it was, she was blonde to such a point it hurt....
It's okay, it must be hard for her form big words like that.
II massaged my temple pulling a face at the words "Ew...this isn't sweet home Alabama" I smacked my boyfriends chest causing him to laugh as Ally just rolled her eyes at me "Why do you make it seem like we had sex every time you say that"
"Not my fault, it just come out like that"
"Just like your face"
Ally elbow connected with my ribs again as we glared at each other "This is what I'm talking about, such a child. You this is what you're dating right"
"I know, I love that part of her even if it's a bit eccentric" I gave my boyfriend a side glare daring him to say a bad thing about it "What baby? Don't worry, I find it endearing the way every part of you...and very much attractive, I mean who doesn't like a little bit weird in their lives"
I rolled my eyes at his sappiness moving my hands to mock his speech as I made a face teasing further as he grabbed me by the waist to pull me to his chest just causing both of us to laugh.
"You're so annoying"
I showed my teeth smiling like a little child "You love me Dimples, can't take it back now"
Harry pulled a dreading face making me sneak a pinch at his arm, his lips pulled into a wide smile as he dipped down to quickly claim my lips to his not even bothering to make it PG when his tongue slipped my lips, before his teeth nipped my lower lip.
"I don't know if I should be happy for you or simply disturbed that you actually have feelings that don't come between your legs"
The moment was ruined with her words as I growled turning to her with an unimpressed look seeing a small smirk on her lips, she really wanted to bother me didn't she.
"How about I get you girls some drinks?" Harry kissed my lips quickly whispering me a good luck. Traitor, left me with the second evil spawn in this ball.
"Fuck, I can't believe your actually doing this" I rose my eyebrows as she gripped my arm pulling me towards her, wide blue eyes looking at Harry who went towards the bar, whispering as if he could hear us "I mean smart, sleeping with the enemy to get your ticket saved...something I should have thought of"
I blinked confused not really following her what she meant, and the tightness my stomach was beginning to feel told me it was nothing good which caused a huge shift in my mood from smiling ear to ear to a another glare.
"Come on Charlotte? You really think you can fool me by saying your in love with a man who kills for a living, I'm stupid but not blind" Allison scoffed pushing her hair off her shoulder giving a subtle look back at my boyfriend as my fists clenched together not to make a wrong move here.
I gritted my teeth "What exactly do you think I'm doing?"
"Getting your ass saved darling"
"Don't fuckin call me that Allison" I hissed with a quick movement my arms were gripping her arms tightly not caring how close we were, insulting me, my boyfriend and dare saying that pet name that just made my blood boil "How do you even know who he is?"
"Really? Look who are our parents cuzz, hiring some mafia big shot is what keeps me alive now and days, just like you're doing so don't fuckin snap at me" She tried to tug her arm away but I held it tighter keeping her close to me, not done with this talk "You can't say shit for sleeping with a Raven just so you can get your name off that list...you just like her selfish. Do you even think about other people Charlie? Or do you forget my name is on that shit too, maybe you didn't even care"
I was slapped in the face on the new information "How did you get on it?"
"The same way she did" She rolled her eyes as if it was obvious, but I didn't know the half of what my- of what she did behind closed bothers, behind my back and never told a soul... "Better hope opening your legs to him helps, betraying your own family. Even I'm not that much of a bitch"
She was opening her mouth on something she didn't know shit about and was putting the blame on me for being with Harry, if only she knew that- You know what. She doesn't need to know, I opened my legs, she opened her mouth.
"Then you better hope you don't end the same way Natasha did...cause if I were you I'd fuckin run darlin" I whispered putting every ounce of venom in my voice, done with people saying things about me that weren't true just because they were scared, intimidated by everything. Her name is on that list not because of me, whatever she did, it's on her.
And I'm still going to save her ass in the end.
Her red lips were wide open stunned that I had the courage to even say that to her, to say the truth. Well, sober me has had enough of people trying to push me down and since I can't drink their words away, all I have left it just to bite back harder. I released her making her stumble back seeing Harry come back with a confused look on his face as he looked between us trying to figure out what happened on the 5 minutes he left.
I grabbed the cup from his hand slamming it on the table in front of her lifting my chin and pushing my chest forward.
"Have a drink, I have a feeling you'll need it more than me...might help to stop the shit falling out of your mouth on the way" With that I grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him away, far away towards the corner of the room where the doors were as I glared down my relatives who dared to smile at me.
I stopped trying hard not to rub my face in frustration remembering I had caked my face with makeup that I didn't want to ruin at the moment, I could feel Harry's confusion but he didn't say anything just waiting for me to calm down, his hands cupping my jaw as he smoothed the sides of my cheeks. Those big green eyes not really following what happened.
"You know her don't you" It wasn't a question but a statement, she knew he was in the mafia. Allison knew exactly who he was and yet I didn't know he knew her.
His nose flared up with a frozen look before opening and closing his mouth not really knowing how to tell me and that just fueled that it was more than them being acquainted from a simple thing but much more.
"Don't you dare lie to me"
"I wasn't" He shot back quietly at my impatient "Honestly didn't know she was your cousin, if I knew I would have said something Charlie. She was a job back at London, I had to bodyguard her after shit went sideways after something she didn't brief me on but from the other 5 guys with me, I understood it wasn't pretty"
"Explains why Allison is on the list...how did I miss that?" There was a lot of names...I couldn't possibly know one by one on the tip of my tongue as if I had burned the names in my head, I had just skimmed through them.
Harry pulled out his phone quickly sending a text to someone with a pursed lip as his face twitched in thought as he stuck his thumb between his teeth and began to bite the nail, now that worried me. Percy is known to bite his nail when something it bothering him with a burning fire and I can see that it was the same for the man in front of me.
"What? She lied?" I asked.
"No...her name wasn't on the list, I never saw it. You know Jack and I studied that list to find any clue, not once did I read her name which means..." My stomach sunk as my shoulders deflated with a sigh not liking this at all, what a shitty night "...the list has been updated"
"Fuck"
Harry nodded sighing "Fuck indeed baby"
I bite my lower lip looking around to see everyone laughing and having fun while my mood had been entirely destroyed by this whole shit, I saw my grandmother looking around probably searching for me in the crowd causing me to internally groan. I wanted so badly to leave uncomfortable with every single person in here, so done on wanting to face my demons.
"Start the car, we're getting out...I know it'll be selfish to leave like this but I really can't" My voice was just done holding back my emotions as it was laced with guilt and emptiness just as done like me.
Harry grabbed my chin lifting it up with a warning scowl "Hey, you're not selfish for not putting up with your family that doesn't deserve you...you were brave and selfless to have come here" He whispered, in the might of this all, he always knew what to say to calm my nerves.
His words bringing me a bit of peace that I wasn't the worst person in this place, that I wasn't the selfish whore everyone kept referring me to.
"Go get the car running...I need to tell her that I'm leaving" I clenched his dress shirt in my fist as I looked up as he nodded leaning forward to press a tender kiss to my forehead "I'll be quick okay, go go go"
My heels clicked along the floor board as I clenched and unclenched my fingers really regretting the decision of wanting to say goodbye to my grandmother like she'd even know I was gone at this point on how packed tonight was, but she'd be upset I didn't say a word at all since the start of the night.
I didn't care now.
They think they can stare, talk about me, undress me with their eyes as if I wasn't there. It hurt.
It physically hurt that my own blood has the guts to do that to me as if I was nothing more than just an object for them to ridicule, I was just a doll they could poke around as I had allowed them to use and abuse me, I kept my mouth shut for years...sitting in silence because this all what I deserved.
For them to touch me the way they did knowing I wouldn't matter to them moments later, it didn't matter how out of my mind I was. I was just a barbie toy to them. I never noticed how much I hated the way they talked to me until I realized how I allowed Allison to view me as if I was just something people used. I had let everyone step on me to focused on what is in my mind to acknowledge the people in the real world...I was focused in the past.
I let this happen.
"Charlotte? Is everything alright?"
I turned to her my chin held high as my lip trembled betrayed by my own thoughts that caused the swarm of emotion "I hate them...I knew they would be horrible- I just didn't think I would be ripped bit by bit of my dignity"
"What did they say...where's Harry?" Her heels clicked towards me as she looked worried, afraid of what had happened to me.
"We're leaving, I can't take one more second this bullshit. A charity for people who were abused and they come and say-" I held my tongue knowing that I wasn't the same, this wasn't for me. All this wasn't for me, it was for people who had actually been abused. I gritted my teeth trying to control the storm of emotions that seemed like a hurricane in my head just breaking every coherent thought in my head to shreds.
She opened her mouth but was interrupted by an old man who's eyes glued to my body not even hidding the fact he was staring "Evelyn, I finally found you. I am here to thank you for the invite"
"Baron Amos, I'm so glad you came. It's a pleasure to have you here" She fixed her posture trying her best to kiss the ass of the most wealthy man in this place seeing the big red gem on his pinky finger which is worth more than the country itself. Her eyes gave me a side glance silently telling she would make this quick so we could talk but I just wanted out "You remember my granddaughter Charlotte. You met her when she was only fourteen but I assume you recall her"
The eyes again. I hated how it felt.
"The other girl...Daniel's kid I can see, his face perfectly" I held the disgust I felt knowing how much I looked like my father, how everyone says that when they see me not knowing how much it made me hate myself.
"Very much grown...I can see it clearly, I assume in your early twenties?"
Wouldn't you like to know.
"She is twenty two, the now second eldest of the family with her two brothers. Jason will turn twenty six soon and Percy is just now seventeen...I assume you'll met them soon since your in town." By the look on his face he didn't give a fuck to the ages of my brothers, just my own since he made a face twisting it in a disappointment making me laugh internally. He looked like he was dug from a graveyard as fresh corpse and he thinks twenty two is a lot for him.
"Is that to old you Baron?"
And there goes my mouth
His lips turned up in a snarl "I see that mouth of yours still runs wild...the trouble it can get"
"My apologies Amos, Charlie has a tendency of speaking her mind and I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you in anyway" Oh I did mean to insult him. I turned to her with a deathly glare hating the way she had to kiss ass like this instead of being that bitch I grown up wit that didn't take shit from anyone.
What have the times done to you Evelyn Martin, back in the day she would have grabbed the tie on his neck and shoved it in his mouth to silence him. Now look at this.
"I certainly hope not, a man in my wealth, my position can easily afford to this girl in her place without so much of an effort especially being insulted to my face like this" Our eyebrows shot up in surprised at his crude comment, his very much powerful meaningful words. The thought of a man who thinks punishing will make my mouth screw shut but oh was he wrong, probably in the start of the year but not now.
Men in power...always think they can do anything they want.
"Baron...I do hope you are not insinuating in my presence that you will abuse my child in such an event. And I kindly ask for you to retract your words before more insults will come to your person" So much mean words in such a polite way, small cracks on her face were breaking of the persona she wore today. How can someone put two faces on every morning and not get tired of it, she amazes me.
The old bastard looked pale at the vemon her words were laced in, making sure he knew what she was capable, he tried to puff out his chest to still show that he got a dick between his legs as if it mattered right now. If it did...oh baby, her dick was bigger. The head held up high with a pout did not bother just caused her to let out a small smile.
"Remember Amos and I do hope you didn't forget that insulting my family is directly insulting them, you know how much you need them... if they turn their backs on you now" She had leverage but I didn't quiet understand it, I wanted to question but the old man started a fit.
"You dare try to use that on me with the small comment I did that could help you, if my words offended so grandly your family. I'm surprised you let this disgrace come in this house, in this family after what she has done to the name" I stepped back when he spat at me surprised from his sudden outburt of words that were more truth then anything.
"Think I don't know the stories Evelyn. I've seen over the years girls like this, opening their legs for anyone that ask...showing off their bodies, all they need a man to put them in their place and how how things work"
I had bumped into mine as the man continued to piss in his pants, I looked over my grandmother who gave me look gesturing her head to him with a small nod. Like I needed permission to end this mans life spend yet it was nice that she had my back.
"A man you say, is that man you?" I asked innocently watching his face flush red as he mumbled gibberish not being able to answer me "If I wanted to waste 5 seconds of my life with a cock I'd talk to one of your grandsons and lord know that they have nothing between those legs just like you"
"You little"
I leaned forwards with a grin "I've been with woman who know how to fuck better than a man could ever...especially that sister of yours" I flicked my eyes to the side seeing his well built, still hot as fuck sister, well half sister. Her legs long as the eye can see and ass that you just want to sleep on.
Mrs Robertson, everyone wanted a taste of the milf next door and let me tell you it is as good as the smile she threw at you. Little old sixteen year old me was in heaven to be in the same bed as her.
"Hey Ms Robertsoon " I called just to twist the mans fury even more and to not see the face of my grandmother who didn't know I had sex with a woman 20 years older than me...well there is so much she didn't know.
"You fuckin bitch, you think this is funny! Don't think I will let your mouth run like this...wait until your father hears about this then you'll know what's good for you" My body froze at the mention of my father, the screams in my head echoing making me feel out of breathe. And in a blink of an eyes the man was choking but not from me even though my hands were inching towards the knife on my leg.
He had awoken the devil to play, her hands wrapped around his tie until it was choking him as he turned red from suffocation and it didn't stop her from yanking him closer, her eyes had darkened completely pissed at the treat he utter near her which scared even me since I never seen this side of her so up close.
"Threaten my child in front of me again Amos, I swear I will sue you for every penny that your worth and you know I will win from anyone you hire. And when you're broke with nothing to sit on I will make them hunt you down and make you suffer...exactly how you picture hell is like" She hissed in his face twisting the tie as his face grew a shade of blue and purple while his mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air. Nobody around were oblivious to what was happening here and should keep it that way.
Without a word she let go of him letting him stumble back before grabbing my arm dragging me out of the scene as anger still fell from her body with each loud step not even caring to put a smile on her face when she passed people.
"Is this what they say to you? Why haven't you told me about this Charlie?"
I snorted at that. I never told her because would she actually believe me when I did especially in how I was a few months back, I was barely myself at that point hanging by a thread. Everyone around me knew that most of the words that came from my mouth were just mumble of intoxication, most of what I said were pushed to the side.
This, they just push it to the side like did every time I opened my mouth.
"After Natasha died...nobody believed me anymore so what was fucking mattered if I did tell the truth, I lied myself into a place that I fucked myself over. I'm just paying for what I did" I fucked myself over and over again, at the time I really didn't care.
"What matters if I say something now or not"
Grandmother eyes had widened and I knew it was because I said her name, how naturally it left my lips, it had become now something I said way to much as I was still not liking that fact. I think it also scared her that I admitted for my own fault so much unlike me it gave her whiplash.
"Charlie..."
"Charlie!" I turned to see Harry looking like he saw a ghost then I had realized it must have seemed like I left him behind, I saw his shoulders relax as he jogged towards me his hands already on my body seeing the small hint of distress in my face "What happened? I thought you- fuck"
"Sorry...this happened" That just peaked his interest looking between my grandmother and I trying to figure out if she had done something to have made me upset but I just pressed my head against his chest.
It was a sign of defeat. I was beyond done at the moment.
"I don't think you're finished Charlie Martin, not one bit" I lifted my head in confusion as I pulled my eyebrows together "I did not raise you to give up for a bunch of preppy assholes with money, I rose you to the brave woman you are today that came here with courage even though you did many questionable things. You are still that brave girl"
"What are you going with this?"
She smiled gesturing to the stage "It doesn't matter if they believe you, it matters what you say...and I don't think you should keep them inside anymore" I swallowed harshly knowing this was far beyond what I had wanted to do today, and if I was going to what she was leading on too, a shot was necessary.
I could feel my stomach crunch as bile rose to my throat just afraid as if I was a kid again which just made me feel even more sick to the stomach, my eyes looking around seeing the people pass us whispering to each other, the looks on their faces judging me without anything happen.
I felt like screaming.
I felt like screaming at them...
I ignored Harry's calls for me when I my feet took me into the direction of the stage my head held high as I passed people not giving a shit if I had a mean on my face, it's not like I was going to smile my way there. I had gotten to the DJ booth the man just regulating the sound as my eyes scanned his table seeing a mic as I quickly picked it up throwing him a smile as I lowered the music leaving him confused on what I was doing.
I turned on the mic as I placed it right next to the sound box causing a loud screech to echo the room causing everyone to let out a startled yelp making even myself cringe at the loud sound, I laughed in the mic as I pulled it away walking towards the center of the stage.
"Fuck me, that was louder than I thought" I sighed looking around the crowd to see their curious eyes on me, I pushed my hair aside trying to give them a big smile and not a repulsed look "I assume everyone here knows me but for those who don't know me I'm Charlie Martin, well maybe you might know me if I had a joint between my lips" I looked at Harry as I felt like this was a bad idea but he just nodded at me giving me a look to continue.
The sand, the waves...the feeling of his hands on mine. I took a deep breathe in and out.
"You must be wondering why I'm up here with what I ranked up over the years, drug abuse, having sex with strangers...being very vulgar with my words, I know I'm the worst person to be up here to talk in this type of event right? That's what I thought in the start" I laughed shaking my head watching them murmur between in each other so confused on where I was going with this making me rake my teeth on my bottom lip "But then there was a few that made me seem so much better of myself on how disgusting they were with me, I expected a few harsh comments...which I did, didn't expect people to degrade my person to a point I can question myself"
The murmurs stopped as silence drew in, their eyes focused on me.
"Imagine my surprise when I got here and I was ridiculed head to toe on how I dress and present myself to other like a whore...but I never heard a complaint when you asked for me to take it off for you "The men in the room had a fuming silence knowing they were the ones to criticize my outifts then whisper in my ear how much they wanted it off in their rooms "then criticize my sexuality assuming it was a cry for attention to piss my parents off like I used drugs at the time, but fuck- I think your wives and daughters can attest that it wasn't a phase when I fucked them in your beds..." If lights were shined on their faces most of the woman here would be scarlet red on how embarrassed they were as if I said each of their names to everyone, not that I'd out the poor girls who needed a out from their asshole viagra taking husbands.
The way most people in the room where glaring me down as if I was saying so vile and crude, as if I was describing in detail how I fucked each and every girl I was with along with a power point presentation. A bunch of hypocrites, how they can say anything they please to me without a care but I can't do the same as I call them out.
"Oh can my favorite, the people who had the nerve to tell me that my father should have beaten me black and blue to keep me in line, then I wouldn't have turned out like the whore I am today...words like that was the reason why I snorted cocaine in the morning"
Half of the truth, it wasn't just because of their words although the cocaine gave me a way to not even pay attention really towards them.
"But do you want to know a secret?"
You promised
Her voice echoed in my ear as my held my breathe, in the back of the room I could see her as real as ever which caused the hairs on my neck to stand- Her eyes were glaring daggers at me as she stood there in the dark watching me. Just like last time she looked older than the last time I saw her with the same worn out clothes.
Her eyes were daring me to open my mouth and for a split second I thought about not saying anything but I wasn't going to live in the past anymore, I smiled at her, for the rest it would seem as it was for me and not a daydream of mine.
I did promise.
But you aren't here for me to keep them anymore...
"Daddy did beat the shit out of me when I was growing up ended up in the hospital so many times that I can barely keep track of them after a while but I must not have gotten my arm broken when I was out of line for playing in the halls, or choked hard enough when I looked at him, if I did maybe it would make me to be a better person like you all suggested he do to me. Maybe if I had kneeled in front of him like a good girl he told me to be I would throw myself to every guy or girl I see right? I mean that's what everyone keeps telling me...after all I was just a child that didn't know better, but a good punishment would make me a quick leaner right"
Silence spoke so loudly I could hear a pin fall down in the mix of the crowd, Natasha wasn't there anymore I just watched her open the door giving me one last look and walking away for me to eaten by the wolves all by my self. I wanted to say more but I couldn't the words were stuck in my throat as always, just right at the tip of my tongue as all the courage I had vanished.
"Anyways...don't forget to open those wallets like you opened your mouth, and have a wonderful evening" The sarcasm dripped from my voice at the last words as I turned around dropping the mic where I stood and walking out not giving a second glance to anymore. I had to turn my head away from the passing shots from the waiters who walked around me as I headed towards the exist.
I didn't care about anything over that the urging pressure that got caught in my throat, the burning and uncomfortable sensation my body was putting me through as all my emotions wanted a field day outside for once not longer wanting to be trapped in the depths of my mind.
The cold air finally hit my skin as I literally made a run for it towards the grass area of my former backyard where nobody would see me, hear me or even try to follow me through. My feet discarded the heels as it felt the wet and cold feeling of the grass as I slowed down feeling like I had ran a mile at in these 5 seconds since my lungs were constricting so tightly I was choking gasping for air.
But the more I inhaled the more I felt like I was suffocating and the uncomfortable urge in my throat began to grow until I couldn't handle it and the only feeling I had was to scream and I did.
I put everything in that one scream, every single pain they caused me, every bruise, words, touch. I put everything that hurt me for so long into one blood curdling scream until my throat felt raw and painful, I screamed until I didn't have a voice anymore. My knees gave out as I fell to the soft grass as I heaved catching my breathe, the relief I felt was different like I took of so a bad from my shoulders.
I mean...I did take years of pent up frustration off my chest in a span of 20 minutes. And I couldn't help but feel like I should have done that sooner.
A hand curled around my shoulder causing me to jump to the side flinching as I grabbed the knife from my tight and pointing at them "Hey hey hey it's just me"
Harry rose his hands up in defense as he looked more panicked then me "Jesus fuck Dimples, don't sneak up on a person that's having an emotional meltdown" I can confirm that he made me pee a bit in my underwear seeing that I was out of balance to where I was, to focused on myself to hear what's going on around me.
I felt his fingers brush with the skin on my arm hesitating with touching me again afraid I'd flinch from him, I could see he was pushing the hurt that caused him to the worried one he was looking at me with. I threw myself in his arms holding him as tight as I could just wanting to be held in a comforting way, feeling safe in his arms enough to push away the rising memories in my head.
"You okay baby? I know that took a lot for you to tell them...to share like that" He whispered in my hair pulling me to his lap so I was held like a baby, pressed to his chest as he rubbed my back smoothly just enough to calm me down.
His touch was all I needed.
I let out a sigh pressing my face to his neck "I didn't say half of what I wanted to say honestly, I just wanted them to suffer like I did growing up...I'm done hiding what I know, what I've been through" I mumbled in his neck inhaling his sent trying to calm myself down again, the crunching in my stomach started again as I held onto him tighter.
"I promise you that they will suffer, they deserve so much more for what they did to you Charlie"
"I use to tell myself that I deserve what I got when he'd hit me because that's what they told me every time when I was in the hospital...after a while I didn't care if they hit me or not, I was use to the pain. I trusted them, ya know, to be my parents and love me like everyone's parents did but I never understood why they did that to me" I pulled away from him with shaky hands avoiding his eyes knowing I'd crumble under their gaze, I licked my lips trying to find the right words seeing that today was the day I need to get a lot off my chest...not just the bad "Then the person I loved more than anything betrayed me, that hurt more than anything they did to me...I told myself that I deserved that pain too"
"You were a child Charlie, nobody should have hurt you or touched you the way they did" Harry forced my head up as he held my face in his hands, his eyes soft yet hard not angry at me but with them.
With the people who fucked me up.
"Trust means more to me than love...and I trust you with my life Harry, I trust you with everything I own" Those green eyes just looked at me with my confession, just staring for a few seconds collecting themselves from the sudden hit of whatever he was thinking about.
I loved Harry but that wasn't enough, love was easily won sometimes when trust was earned, given to the person as if they were literally giving you their life. That's how it felt to me, that I wasn't only giving him my heart but my whole person.
It was me baring my scars and pain.
"I love you"
It was whisked along the wind, my voice nearly getting consumed by the sound of crickets the pure vulnerability in my voice was evident, I was just the girl underneath the shell of pain for Harry finally taking my foot from the door to be all in this even more than before.
"I know"
-
sooo....what'cha think?
I mean we all understand a bit more why Charlie hates her family right, I mean, I kinda wanna set fire to the whole thing.
Honestly this is how Charlie felt the whole time, and I don't blame her.
Also I would like to add for my part that I would like you guys to know that you may address me as she/they, and that I love the support you guys have given me and this book.
Many people still suffer in silence from domestic violence not only from female victims but from all genders, if you do see signs of these types of abuse please help and support them more than anything. Especially with Covid-19 and the lockdowns with increase more cases of domestic violence. Use your voice and lend a hand to them.
If you know someone who is suffering or can't speak for themselves, don't just sit there and watch, help them.
A list of all domestic violence hotlines from all the countries around the world.
Albania – 116 117 and (04) 22 33 408Honduras - 114Philippines - (63) (2) 926 7744Algeria - 021 92 60 76Hong Kong - 18281Poland - 8011 200 02
Andorra – 860 345
Hungary - (36) 80 20 55 20
Portugal - 800 202 148Angola - 244 2 322295Iceland – (00 354) 5611205Puerto Rico - 787 724 1596Antigua & Barbuda - (268) 463 5555India - 1091 / 1291Qatar - 4679444Argentina - 0800 666 8537Indonesia - (0274) 553333Romania – (40) 264 598155Armenia - 0800 80 850Iran - 07862 733511/0808 2000 247Russian Federation – 8 800 7000 600
Australia - 1800 737 732Iraq - 110Rwanda – 3512/ 3945Austria - 0 800 222 555Ireland - 1 800 341 900Saint Kitts & Nevis – (869) 469 1887Azerbaijan - 493 7039/ 498 0092
Israel - 1 81 800 292 333Saint Lucia – 202Bahamas - (242) 328 0922Italy - 15 22Saint Vincent & Grenadines -
(784) 456 2161Bahrain - 17262237Jamaica – 929 9038Samoa – (685) 22640Bangladesh - 109
Japan - 092 513 7333San Marino – 800 738 738Barbados - (246) 435 8222Jordan - 00962 6 5687037Saudi Arabia - 1919Belarus - 8 801 100 8 801Kenya - 2726300 9Scotland - 0800 027 1234Belgium - 0 800 30030/1712
Korea, Republic of (South) – 1366Senegal – (221) 33 941 44 11Belize - 222 4343Kyrgyzstan - 281 455Serbia – 0 800 100 600
Benin – 8062540376
Laos - 856 21 214 30 1/2Seychelles – 248 224 455Bhutan - (975) 2 332159/334751Latvia - 37 16 72 22 92 2
Sierra Leone – 240 215 Bolivia - (591 4) 663 8517Lebanon - 00961 3 829 809Singapore - 1 800 774 5935Bosnia & Herzegovina - 1264/1265
Lesotho - 266 9 32 58 23Slovakia – 112
Botswana - (267) 3900516/7659Liberia - 443 739 1413Slovenia - 080 11 55Brazil - 180Liechtenstein - 42 380 02 03Solomon Islands – (677) 26999Brunei Darussalam - 673 340524Lithuania - 88 0066 366
Somalia – (252) 90768248Bulgaria - 02/981 76 86
Luxembourg – 352 407 335
South Africa – 0800 150 150Burkina Faso - 226 31 30 52Macedonia - 070 141 700/075 141 700Spain – 016
Cameroon - 267 220 52 94Malawi - (265) 835 745 / 751 657Sri Lanka – (94 11) 4 718585Cambodia - 1288Malaysia - (60) 03 7960 3030 /
7956 3488Sudan – 9696Canada - 1 800 363 9010Maldives - 3329329Suriname – 47 0380/8268Cape Verde - 132Chile - 800 104 008Mali - 223 23 13 09Swaziland - 95China – 110Malta - 179
Sweden – 020 50 50 50Colombia - 01 8000 52 2020Marshall Islands - (692) 625 4296Switzerland – 044 291 46 46Cook Islands - (682) 21133Mauritius - 119 or 233 3054Syria – 00963 11 3120447Costa Rica - 911Mayotte - 0269 61 29 49Taiwan – 113Croatia - 116 006
Mexico - 01 800 911 25 11Tajikistan – 6 05 10Cuba - 106Micronesia - (691) 300 8396 / 330 5263Tanzania – 255 51 2861111Cyprus - 1440Moldova - 0 800 88 008
Thailand – 02 276 2950Czech Republic - 2 51 51 13 13Monaco - 377 92 05 95 05Tibet - (91) 1892 221 527/198Democratic Republic of the Congo -
(267) 220 52 94Mongolia - 976 50990505Timor-Leste – 670 (390) 321534Denmark - 45 70 20 30 82
Montenegro - (382) 40213086 / 68024086Tonga – 22 240Dominican Republic - 809 200 1202Morocco - (212) 2 82 64 00/01Trinidad & Tobago – 800 7283Ecuador - (244) 7347/6945/7649Mozambique - 800 112 112Tunisia - (216) 71890011/22953782Egypt - 202 257 87089/76792Namibia – (081) 127 1002/3Turkey – 155/156/183
El Salvador - 126 or 7608-680Nauru - (674) (444) 3883/3881Turkmenistan – (993)12445469/3915England - 0808 2000 247Nepal - 543 111/527 334Turks and Caicos – (649) 946 2801Eritrea - 291 1 185636Netherlands - 0 900 126 26 26
Tuvalu – (688) 20411Estonia - 1492New Caledonia - 687 27 13 60Uganda – 256 (0) 753 781 122Ethiopia - (11) 124 2998/123 0777New Zealand - 0900 842846Ukraine – 0 800 500 335 or 386 (mobile)
Fiji - 679 3313 300Nicaragua - 118United Arab Emirates – 2 4475333Finland - 080 005 005/0800 02400Niger – (227) 74 12 55United Kingdom - 0808 2000 247France - 39 19
Nigeria - (234) 0704 761 828/845United States – 1 800 799 7233Georgia - 112
Northern Ireland - 0800 917 1414Uruguay – 0800 4141Germany - 0 8000 116 016
Norway - 800 40 008Vanuatu – 24000Ghana - 233 244 846 701Pakistan - 051 925763 32Venezuela – 0 800 6853737Gibraltar - 20042581Palau - (680) 767 2452Viet Nam - (971) 34 36/31 43Greece - SOS 15900Palestine - (970) 2 295 614 6/7/8Wales – 0808 80 10 800Grenada - (473) 440 3788Panamá - 147Yemen – 967 1 415814Guatemala - 2285 0100/0139Papua New Guinea - 3260011Zambia – (260) 1 25 52 04Guyana - (592) 227 3454/225 4731Paraguay - 021 452 062Zimbabwe – (0)772 1000 49/502/601Haiti - (509) 2 45 5174/4221Perú - 100
I love every single one of you guys, I hope you all are safe and okay. If you need anything my dms are always open here on wattpad and on twitter.
-iz