The next -and last- morning, everyone was at the hotel restaurant for a big breakfast. Jake and James had told them this day would be special and they needed to eat as they wouldn't eat again before the afternoon. Louis and Harry were sitting next to each other, Eden and River chatting opposite them.
"What do you think we'll be doing today?" Louis asked as he took a bite of pancakes
"I don't know" Harry shrugged, starting to peel a banana "We never know with those two" he gestured toward their teachers at the end of the table
"Right" Louis chuckled
Harry took his phone from his pocket to send Niall a quick text while eating his banana.
Harry: had fun last night? what did you watch
"What you're doing is very sexual, Harolf" Louis said
Harry turned to face Louis, only to see him stare at his lips, and what was between them to be precise. Harry bit and chewed a piece of banana before replying.
"It's not" he rolled his eyes "You're just dirty minded"
"Says the one who asked me to fuck him on a plane" he tilted his head with a smug smile tugging at his lips.
Harry blushed severely before coming with a better reply.
"Says the one who said he dreamt about tying me up to his bed" he deadpanned as though he was unfazed by it.
He wasn't. At all. He had thought about it way more than was good for his sake. The thought had been stuck in his head since then and refused to leave him alone.
Louis reddened from head to toes and looked away, suddenly very interested in absolutely nothing.
"Aw are you ashamed you revealed your dirty secret while you were fucking me?" Harry teased, leaning on his elbow closer to Louis
"Fuck off" he said, obviously blushing, even if he tried to hide it with his hands.
"Come on" Harry chuckled, flicking his ear and bringing his banana back in his mouth.
"Ouch!" he complained, dropping his hands on the table and looking at Harry with knitted brows "I swear to-"
His eyebrows shot up and his mouth dropped open when he saw Harry purposefully sucking on the fruit, hollowing his cheeks obscenely and taking it out of his mouth with a slurpy and equally obscene sound.
"Lost your words, Darling?" Harry smirked
Louis huffed and turned to his plate again, blush creeping on his neck.
Harry's phone vibrated on the table after they finished eating, a bit before 8:30 a.m. he unlocked it and read Niall's text.
Niall: loads of fun yeah
Niall: watched brooklyn 99 this shit's funny
Harry: I hope you didn't watch on my account and messed up my episodes
Niall: ...
Harry: u annoying mate
Niall: sorry xx
"Harry you're coming?" River said
"Oh yeah sorry" Harry said, pocketing his phone and walking toward them
"Where are we going?" Nick asked James
"To San Diego" he smiled broadly "We rented a minivan to go there"
"What are we doing once there?" ed questioned
Jake laughed and shook his head.
"You won't know before we're there" he said "This is our ride" he smiled, pointing toward a black minibus
Harry hopped in first to go to the back. At least eighteen people could fit in there. Louis sat in the back with Harry and all the others sat in the front, at least five seats separated them. Their classmates were already trying to get any little information out of their teachers about their destination or arguing to know who was going to choose the music.
"It's so early" Louis yawned
"Yeah. What are we even doing that requires waking up this early? We only slept like, what, maybe four hours?"
"Three" Louis corrected "And for me two. Yoy snore when you sleep" he said
"Hey" Harry said defensively "I don't snore"
Yes he did, he was very aware of it but it was the only thing he could come up with.
"Yeah yeah of course" Louis rolled his eyes before closing them
Harry frowned and flicked his forehead. Louis snapped his eyes open and immediately brought a hand to his forehead.
"Stop flicking me!"
"Stop being a dick" Harry replied
"But you like dicks, don't you?" he said
"Shut up" Harry rolled his eyes
"Can I sleep on you? Please?" he asked after a beat, looking straight into Harry's eyes.
"Yeah okay" Harry nodded
"Thanks" he replied
Louis plugged his earphones on and put his playlist on shuffle before putting his phone next to him and settling his head on Harry's lap, his legs propped up on the seat to his left. Louis hummed softly as he made himself comfortable. Harry looked outside the window, where the palmtrees scrolled in front of him.
It reminded him of that time when he and Gemma went on a road trip together in Florida. They rented a car and then traveled around for a week, going wherever they felt like going. It was nice, spontaneous and certainly a bit of trouble, but it made incredible memories. They were singing along to Arctic Monkeys, Queen and Bruno Mars or Beyoncé at the top of their lungs, not worrying about anything except where they'd eat the next night.
"You know, it had been some time since I've seen you smile that way" she had told him one night when they were sitting on the roof of the jeep.
"Yeah, me too"
"I know it's still a sensitive subject. your breakup I mean, but, I'm kind of relieved about it" she sighed
Harry turned his head toward her and narrowed his eyes. He was hurt and his sister was... relieved?
"Why?" he had asked, a touch too harsh
She redirected her attention to Harry and smiled gently
"I mean it in the way he wasn't good enough for you. He always was selfish, even as a kid" her lips pursed and she frowned "I know you don't really want to talk about whatever happened while you were with him, but mum and I both noticed how he kept treating you badly, but you know... when you started to cut us off when we told you so, we knew you wouldn't listen and we tried to not bring that up again so you wouldn't just, I don't know. Leave us? You were always tired, and grumpy, it was hard to watch you be this, um, angry? With yourself when you did something he didn't necessarily approve"
"I'd never leave you and mum. I know I was complicated but I guess I was too attached to him. I don't-" he gulped and turned to face the stars above him again "I don't know why I keep defending him. I think I'm not over him yet"
"It's okay" Gemma had said, coming closer and wrapping an arm around Harry's shoulders. Harry put his head on her shoulder and they both watched above them "I'm glad you're smiling now"
Things had changed since then. Harry got over Seth, Gemma moved away, and Harry realized how much he was drained by this past relationship, how unhealthy and shitty it was. He still, as of today, realized that most of it was bad, even if he had tried to convince himself it wasn't.
Nick's voice cut Harry off his memories when he asked "Where's Louis? Did you kill him?"
Harry snorted and looked down at the guy who was peacefully sleeping on his lap. Harry brought his hand to his hair and started to play with it, gently massaging his scalp.
"No I didn't" he smiled, looking up "He's asleep. Didn't sleep much last night"
Nick started to smirk and Harry widened his eyes. It was a misunderstanding. Well, it wasn't but still.
"Not like- we went out until late, you know, you were there" he lied unconvincingly, avoiding Nick's eyes
"Yeah of course" he grinned and turned around, responding to something from the conversation the others were having.
Harry looked down at his lap again, observing the lines of Louis' relaxed face. He had a few strands of hair falling down in front of his eyes, and his lips were drawn into a sleepy smile.
Harry took his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture of him. He was so cute and for some reason, Harry wanted to have a reminder of this.
After a few seconds of watching him, Harry decided to take a nap as well. He let his head fall against the window and closed his eyes, his fingers still playing with Louis' soft brown hair.
...
"I can't do it. Oh my god. I just can't" Harry said, sitting in a corner and shaking his head
It turned out that the surprise activity was skydiving. Turned out, Harry acted tough at first and now was scared shitless when the guy told the group to get ready to jump.
Louis came to Harry and crouched down to get to his eye level.
"I can't" Harry breathed before Louis was even able to talk
Louis had told the others to go ahead and he'd try to convince Harry. Louis cupped Harry's face to make him look up. Their eyes met and Louis' heart skipped a beat. Harry's eyes were watery and he was blinking rapidly.
"C'mon Haz, you can do it"
"We're in the air, Louis. Nine thousand feet above the fucking ground" he looked away from Louis' gaze
"It's okay" Louis said, sitting next to Harry. He heard the other scream and jump at the same time
He knew some shit about fear. When Fizzy was around eight, they went to a waterpark. There was a big diving board -around twelve feet- and she said she'd do it but once up there, she wanted to back off. Louis had held her hand and told her they'd do it together. Fiz knew that Louis was uncomfortable with height, so they kind of overcame this together, and not being alone kind of helped. They both had closed their eyes and squeezed each other's hand before jumping. They had come back to the surface and started laughing about how ridiculous they had been, and they did it again, still together.
"What are you doing?" Harry asked, confusion written all over his face, brows furrowed and mouth slightly open.
"I'm staying with you" Louis tilted his head "I'm not doing this without you"
"W-why?" he breathed, his brows pinching further
"Because, um, this whole trip is about partnership" he said
"I don't want to spoil that for you, you should've jumped with the others. I'm sorry"
Louis reached his forearm and squeezed "Hey, I'm staying with you because I want to. Don't apologize, it's okay" he assured
"Okay" Harry said, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing shakily
Louis looked at him. Harry looked like he was trying to pull himself together and get himself to do it.
Louis got up and held his hand out to Harry "Do you want to try it with me?" he asked hesitantly
Harry looked up to Louis' hand and then his face. He pursed his lips and stared at Louis' extended hand. When Louis didn't see him move, he started to feel stupid and slowly retracted his hand, but Harry grasped it and pulled himself up.
"Okay" he nodded stiffly
Louis cradled Harry's face and kissed him softly. Harry's posture visibly loosened and he wrapped his hand around one of Louis' wrists, kissing him back sweetly. Louis pulled away and looked at him. They both probably looked stupid, dressed in skydiving equipment and still in the plane when everyone had jumped a good five minutes ago.
"Do you trust me?" Louis asked
Harry seemed to contemplate this for a minute, his eyebrows furrowed and his bottom lip between his teeth. After what seemed like forever, he nodded and laced his fingers with Louis
"I do" he whispered, ever so softly that it could barely be heard above the plane's engine
"Let's go. You can do it, love" Louis gave him an encouraging smile and squeezed his hand reassuringly, in a manner to say I got you
A few seconds later, they were at the doors "Let's go baby" Louis said and looked at Harry who already had his eyes on him. He smiled tightly and nodded
"Jump!" Louis screamed, and both of them did, their hands still linked together
...
(Niall pov)
"Do you think they'll end up together?" Niall asked Lottie, who was lying on his torso while they were in Niall's couch, watching the kissing booth 2
"Who? Elle and Marco?" she replied, drawing random patterns with her fingers on Niall's hand, her eyes on the TV
"No, silly. Well, yes, them too but I meant Lou and Harry" he said, playing with with one of her hand
"Oh" she stopped her movements and looked up "I don't know. They seem to like each other a bit more than 'enemies' should, that's for sure, but I don't know. They'd definitely be cute together, but I don't know if Lou would be ready for a relationship"
"Yeah, I guess. Why wouldn't he be ready for a relationship?" Niall asked curiously
Lottie shrugged and resumed her movements placing her head back on Niall's chest.
"Every of his relationship had been kind of shitty, and even if he doesn't tell me, it's obvious he had trust issues since Kyle"
"Who's Kyle?" Niall frowned
"One of his exes. They cheated on him, so he didn't really get involved with anyone after, not emotionally"
"Oh. He talked briefly about one ex cheating on him but he didn't go any further on that"
"Yeah, he doesn't talk about this kind of stuff. He bottles it up and pushes it in the back of his brain, while the consequences stay" she smiled sadly
"Harry's kind of the same, actually, but at the same time so different. He put the consequences back like they aren't there and don't stop thinking about the bad things that caused them, while not acknowledging them" he sighed "His brain works so weirdly"
Lottie chuckled "Yeah, that's not much better"
"It's not"
There was a bit of silence. They both looked at the TV. Elle and Marco were dancing in the competition and Noah was in the audience. This sounded like drama was coming.
Lottie sighed loudly and cuddled Niall closer "I sometimes wish Louis would just open up to me about what's wrong. I want to be here for him like he's always been for me, but he doesn't let himself be taken care of. He always want to take care of us but never the other way around"
"Maybe he needs some time" Niall kissed her forehead "and I think he knows you'll always be there for him"
She nodded "Yeah, probably" she laced her fingers with Niall's "Maybe they'll end up finding in each other what they need. You know, Harry helping Louis face what happened and Louis helping Harry with the consequences, helping each other realize what they deserve and open up"
Niall nodded and pursed his lips. Elle and Marco kissed after their show on the big screen, and Noah left the audience.
"I really hope they do" Niall agreed
...
It was incredible. The feeling of flying, the feeling of falling, the feeling of really feeling alive and aware of everything happening around, even the fear felt good. But the best feeling out of all was the feeling of Louis' hand in his. They had to let go of each other to open their parachute not long after the jump, but all Harry could feel was the thrill and the adrenaline about all this.
Once they landed he took his parachute off and immediately threw himself at Louis to hug him with an enormous smile plastered onto his face.
"You did it Haz!" Louis said cheerily, gripping Harry's thighs after this one wrapped his limbs around Louis's smaller body.
Harry kissed his neck and let out a laugh "I'm still freaking terrified but it was worth it" he said a bit shakily "It's all thanks to you" he added, unwrapping himself from Louis' middle but keeping his arms around his neck.
Louis was smiling, his eyes crinkling, and Harry was grinning as wide, his dimple popping. It was probably the adrenaline that made him lean in and kiss Louis. In public. In front of people other than the one who walked in on them. In front of their classmates and teachers.
Louis didn't seem to care as he kissed him back and squeezed his waist, and Harry didn't stop until someone cleared their throat next to them.
"Ahem" they pulled apart to look at Josh who was shifting awkwardly next to them
"Right. Sorry" Harry said, taking a step back, letting go of Louis and scratching his neck. His face was red and Louis' was as well. Thy met eyes and then quickly turned away, face reddening even more.
"No problem. Just, we're leaving" he pointed a thumb behind himself to their group and left them to join them.
The rest of his class had smirks on their faces, Josh seemingly the only one uncomfortable with the situation. Even though Jake and James seemed surprised, they were smiling. River and Eden wiggled their eyebrows at them when they joined them, walking toward the changing room.
"When were you gonna tell me, you" Eden smiled, letting go of their girlfriend and grabbing Louis' shoulders to pull him in a side hug and a bit away from the others.
Harry shouldn't have listened to their conversation, but he still did.
"There's nothing to say" Louis rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were a bit rosy.
She poked Louis' chest and shook their head, totally ignoring what Louis just told them "I can't believe you lied to me, your dear old ex-girlfriend. Is it for him that we broke up?" she said, faking offence
Louis chuckled and shook his head "Absolutely. I was tired of your obsession with dying your hair, and his is curly. Who wouldn't fall for that? Natural and soft and pretty and curly" he said jokingly
Harry blushed. Even with the tinged of humor in his voice, Harry couldn't help but, deep down -really deep down where he buried his thoughts that he judged he shouldn't have- hoped that it wasn't really a joke, that he really thought that about him. In a way, it was really just hair, but who needed to make so many compliments about hair, right?
Oh god, Harry was going crazy. This jump had damaged his brain and common sense
"Harry!" River said loudly
Harry turned to them quickly
"Huh? Sorry, I was distracted" he said with an apologetic smile
"We figured" they deadpanned, looking over Harry's shoulder where Louis was talking to Eden.
"What were you saying?" Harry asked
"I asked, what was that?" ed repeated
"What was what?" he frowned
"The kiss? The hug? The everything that happened like five minutes ago?"
"Oh. That. Well, nothing"
"No- nothing?!" Nick said, kind of bewildered
He grabbed Harry's shoulders and jabbed his chest playfully
"This wasn't nothing. You smiled so much you could have blinded me with your white teeth. Both of you. And the kiss"
"It was a couple kiss, not a kiss with someone who's just your kind of fuckbuddy. Or your definition of couple and fuckbuddy are weird and different from everyone else's" River added
"And the smiles. It looked like you just, I don't know, but it didn't look platonic" Ed said
There was way too much information for Harry's brain to register, and they were wrong. All wrong. Louis and him were nothing such as a couple or even something close to that, they were not like that. Things between them weren't that way.
Harry shook his head and started to feel sweaty. It had nothing to do with the heat of the californian sun or the jumpsuit they were wearing, but everything to do with stress. His throat was dry and his palms sticky.
Harry didn't like Louis, Louis didn't like him. There was nothing between them except a little of fucking here and there, but nothing more. No feelings, Harry didn't do feelings, not anymore. It was not like that, and it would never be. It couldn't ever be.
"Let's get changed and then go somewhere to have a drink together!" James said happily
They entered the room where they had left their things and changed back into their clothes.
Harry avoided Louis and his gaze all afternoon. He talked to Ed, Nick, and River while Louis was with Eden, Georgia and Josh and Adam. While they were having a drink with everyone, Harry saw Louis' confused gaze searching to meet Harry's, but this one just pretended he didn't see.
He went back to the hotel earlier than the others and took a shower. He couldn't stop sweating, and needed to wash it all off.
When he finished his long and hot shower, he strolled to the beds. They were as they left them this morning, unmade and pushed together to make one big bed.
Harry half heartedly pushed his away from Louis' and laid in it after. It felt weird, cold and empty. He couldn't recall the last time he slept well without Louis beside him, but he couldn't think about that.
This was necessary. The distance thing was necessary. Harry tried to fall asleep, in vain, of fucking course. He didn't stop trying, but his brain was thinking too much and even if he squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could, it didn't help. His thoughts were still running through his head, over and over again.
He didn't even open his eyes when the door opened. He just didn't move, pretending to be asleep. The door closed softly and he barely heard the steps until they were close and he was sure Louis was standing beside his bed. Harry held his breath and stilled completely when he felt the sheets on the edge of the bed dipping. He then felt Louis' hand hovering near his cheek, but then he heard him sigh and walk away.
Even with Harry's confusing thoughts, he still hoped Louis would have done something, anything. Even the barest brush of his fingers against Harry's skin would have been great, would have made him feel better, even if he didn't admit it.
As soon as he heard the bathroom door closing, he let out the breath he was holding. It came out shaky and wet, just like his eyes behind his closed eyelids. He didn't open them and held his tears back. He shouldn't cry, he had no reason to.
Why are you doing that to yourself? a little voice at the back of his head whispered weakly before he fell asleep
He wouldn't cry, he told himself
...