Featuring my OC Tullaina
Warnings: OOC Fíli under the influence of dragon sickness, angst, angst, angst (I'M not SORRY), Kíli being a good friend
*
Complete and utter silence. Only the soft sound of paper sliding over paper could be heard when she turned a page every few minutes.
Tullaina savoured these rare moments where she could spend some time alone, curled up with a book in one of her many secret hiding spots.
When they finally settled down in Erebor, she had spent her first few months exploring the mountain, in search of quiet little nooks and corners like this one.
Her quiet time alone was short-lived however. Hurried footsteps could be heard in the distance, coming closer at an alarming pace.
"Tullaina?" A familiar voice called out.
Tullaina sighed. One less secret hiding spot, so it seemed.
She spotted Kíli standing beneath the high window sill she was resting on, his eyes wide with worry.
"Tulls! Come down from there," he shouted, waving at her to spur her on. "Come on, hurry up!"
"What is it?" she asked him, and she jumped down with practised ease. If he was trying to persuade her into pranking Thorin again, by Durin's beard, she was definitely going to give him a piece of her mind. A very pointy piece. In the form of an arrow in his butt.
"It's Fíli," he breathed.
Her blood ran ice cold and she was certain the color had vanished from her face. There were so many reasons why Kíli could be distraught about his brother's well-being and each and every single one of them was bad.
She followed her best friend through the corridors of the mountain, all the way to the Royal wing. The guards stationed there nodded at her when they passed, they knew her well, she was courting the crown prince after all. Tullaina had refused a room in the Royal Wing, feeling as if she didn't deserve it, and instead settled for a chamber with the rest of the Company, a few hallways further down. Once Fíli and her were married, she was going to relocate to the royal chambers, but for now, she felt more at peace where she was.
Kíli halted in front of Fíli's chambers.
"Will you finally tell me what's wrong?" Tullaina asked him. "Is he hurt?"
He was completely fine this morning, he would spend the entire day doing his royal duties. That could hardly be considered dangerous, but you never know. He was a Durin after all.
"It came true..." he said, his voice low, as if he was telling her a secret. "He wanted to try it, even though Uncle said it wasn't a good idea. But you know him Tulls, he always wants to prove himself. A-and it went well, he didn't feel anything at all the first few times he went there but now... You have to get him out of it, Tulls! He'll listen to you!"
"Kíli, what are you talking about?" she questioned him. Why couldn't he get to the point for once in his life?
"It's the dragon sickness..."
She didn't wait another moment, her hands flew to the doorknobs and she pushed the heavy double doors open. It could not be true. He couldn't... he promised.
Fíli stood leaning over his desk, in full regalia, something he normally hated. When he had to wear it to formal events, he never stopped complaining. How it was too heavy, how it made him stand out, he didn't like being the center of attention, ... Now he seemed to wear it with pride.
He was studying the documents in front of him as if his life depended on it. His facial expression was stoic, but his eyes were full of fire.
"Fíli?"
His head snapped up and his eyes darkened as soon as he saw who dared to disturb him. Tullaina had to fight the urge to take a step back. This wasn't her Fíli. Kíli was right...
"You!" he hissed. "What are you doing in my chambers? How dare you come in here!"
"Fíli, I'm your friend," she said, carefully choosing her words. "I've been here plenty of times. On your invitation. We're-we're courting, remember?"
"It's Prince Fili to you."
"Excuse me?"
"You've heard me."
"Fíli- prince Fíli," she corrected herself, making a small curtsy, even though she didn't like how he was talking to her. It was best not to antagonize him when he was like this. Kíli was right, she might be the only one to snap him out of it. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me for a walk? Some fresh air will do us both some good."
He snorted, but it sounded off. "I know what you're trying to do," he said, pointing at her while he rounded his desk. "While we're away, my brother has the chance to snatch the documents and gather information. He's setting you up to this, didn't he? He is jealous, he always has been. But I'm not letting him take my crown," he mumbled the last words to himself, before he crossed his arms behind his back and started pacing back and forth.
"You don't mean that!" Tullaina gasped. She never heard Fíli say one bad word about his brother before. Well, that was a lie, but it was always in jest, he never meant it.
He strode towards her until he was standing right in front of her. She balled her fists to keep her composure. This was Fíli. He would never hurt her, even if he was under the influence of the gold. He would not hurt her.
"You're working with him, aren't you! You conspire against me!"
"I would never do that, Fíli. I love you!"
He swirled around at her words. His voice changed, it deepened but instead of being warm like honey, it felt as if the room turned colder with every spoken word.
"You don't love me! What a fool I was! Oh, you tricked me into believing you loved me, while in reality you're in love with the crown! With Prince Fíli!" he shouted, opening his arms to show himself in all his royal glory. "Not with Fíli, son of Dís!"
"Please, Fíli! This isn't you, it's the dragon sickness. Please, you have to wake up! Open your eyes!" Tullaina pleaded. In her head she kept repeating that it wasn't the real him, he didn't mean what he was saying.
"Oh but my dearest Tullaina, my eyes are finally open! Isn't it odd that you never told me you loved me until after we reclaimed Erebor? Not before I officially earned my title?" He tilted his head. "You want the gold, don't you?"
"No!" she cried, now fighting back the tears. She wanted to leave, before Fíli could say something that really hurt her but Kíli was counting on her to fix this. She had to stay, she had to try and get him back.
She looked at him and smiled, trying to put him at ease. He always said how he loved her smile.
"Remember when you told me you loved me for the first time? How nervous you were? And the kiss we shared? It was definitely not our first kiss," Tullaina chuckled. She pleaded with her eyes for him to remember that moment, to remember how he felt. His feelings for her should be strong enough to bring him back.
Fíli was struggling. She saw it and her heart filled with hope. He was coming back to her.
"Do you remember our first real kiss?" she tried. "You wanted to show everyone I was yours."
The corners of his lips twitched and the wrinkles around his eyes scrunched a little. He remembered. Just as Tullaina thought he was back to his own self, he shook his head and the darkness in his eyes returned.
"Our courtship? You can forget about that! Who would want you," he mocked her. "You don't even look like a proper Dwarf! You're lucky we're allowing you to stay here. You know you don't belong!"
"Fíli, that's enough!" Kíli's voice boomed from the doorway.
He had seen how Tullaina slowly lost her composure, the tears silently rolling over her cheeks, her lower lip trembling and he could no longer stand there and do nothing.
He watched her bow to Fíli, straighten her back and although her voice was shaking, she spoke with enough confidence to get her message across. "I have loved you since Ered Luin. I've always been there for you, every step of the way, like you were there for me. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. So if your Highness wants me gone, out of his halls and his bed, I would not dare go against his wishes."
Tullaina turned around and dashed out of the room. When she passed Kíli in the doorway, he saw how devastated she was. It broke his heart and he couldn't help feeling responsible for it. It was him who pushed her to do this, he knew it could go horribly wrong and still he thought it was a good idea to involve Tullaina. He really thought she would be the key to break the spell.
He turned to his brother, who was still standing in the exact same spot, his expression emotionless. Kíli felt rage burning in his chest. Fíli promised he would never hurt her. When he confessed his feelings for Tullaina to him, that was Kíli's only condition. Don't hurt her. At least now he could keep his promise to him.
"Dragon sickness or not, I swore to you that if you'd ever hurt Tullaina, you would have to deal with me," he roared while making his way to Fíli. "And I always keep my promises!"
He swung his right arm and his fist collided with Fíli's cheekbone before the Heir of Erebor had the chance to react.
Kíli expected him to blow up after that, but to his surprise Fíli stood frozen in place. After a few seconds he slowly lifted his hand and touched his cheek, wincing when his fingers made contact with the skin beneath his eye.
Fíli stared at his younger brother in disbelief. Kíli noticed how his kind blue eyes had returned. The darkness was gone. His brother was back.
Then something happened that Kíli never witnessed before. Thick, wet tears formed in Fíli's eyes before he closed them, causing the tears to fall. It didn't take long before Fíli was sobbing. Kíli didn't hesitate and hugged his brother in an attempt to comfort him.
After a few minutes Fíli seemed to calm down and finally opened his bloodshot eyes.
"What have I done?"