Standing against the front door of Hisoka's place. You grew silent and tense.
Feeling your demeanour radiate an uneasy aura, Hisoka turned around to look at you. "What's the matter?" He asked.
"It's.." You thoughtfully trailed off for a few seconds.
"It's just a bit..weird being back in your house now that I remember everything.."
Upon processing your words, Hisoka clenched his jaw subtly out of humiliation and frustration with himself. He would never forgive himself for kicking you out. It truly haunted him everyday.
Although nothing could change the past, the present could be filled with actions to try and rectify those mistakes if the person really cared.
And Hisoka did care.
Walking closer to you, the jester extended out his hand in front of you.
".. Would you like to stay with me? If not, I have an outhouse near the lake in the back if you want it. Or, I can get you your own house away from here. " He stated. Realising that he didn't even ask whether you would be okay with staying with him. He just drove you here.
The assumption was there because Hisoka didn't consider this house just his.
You have always lived with him.. He assumed this arrangement was standard.
Peeling your eyes off the spot you and Hisoka got into a hurtful altercation because of the pregnancy, you looked up into Hisoka's amber eyes. Contemplating.
But obviously the decision wasn't hard. You and Hisoka were parents of a child. A broken home was the last thing any child needs.
And of course, the most important reason. You love Hisoka. You didn't want to be apart from him even though things between the two of you were awkward and tense.
Half heartedly smiling, you shoved down your concerns and smoothly slipped your hand in his.
"I want to stay with you Hisoka." You murmured.
Feeling oddly relieved at your answer, Hisoka securedly enveloped his hand around yours before leading the way to a bedroom on the ground floor since walking up the stairs will exert too much strain on your new organs.
Laying you down on the bed, Hisoka slipped off your shoes and stacked up the pillow behind you so you could sit up comfortably.
"You don't.. have to. I can do it." You stammered. Smiling rather fondly at Hisoka's gesture.
Not really responding to you, you merely huffed humorously. "This prediction is ironic isn't it? Seven years ago I was the one trying to settle you down into bed after your discharge. I guess you finally-"
"Repaying the debt." Both of you simultaneously said. Completely in sync.
Holding your ghostly smile, "Thank you for this.." You timidly murmured.
"Are you hungry? Akira made dinner already." He asked, standing up right next to your bedside.
"I'll eat just a little bit." You replied.
Leaving and returning a few minutes later with a bowel in his hand. Hisoka stood next to, clearly contemplating about something in his head.
"Thank y..ou?" You said quizzically, confused as to why he didn't hand the bowl over to you.
From the bowl, Hisoka blinked blankly at you for a few seconds before sitting next to you on the edge of the bed.
Looking back down, Hisoka lifted up the fork with poise before bringing it just before your lips.
"You.." Halting your sentence, you studied the Joker's face. It was hard and unreadable. Maybe bits of stress and uncertainty lingered, but it was too difficult to tell.
"I can do it.." You whispered, with a tinge of pink staining your cheeks from his kindness.
However, even after your words. Hisoka didn't budge. Not a single change in movement. He continued to wait for you to take the food from the fork.
Biting your lip and looking shyly down, you gave in and leaned forward to take a bite. Forcing down your bashful blush.
"Where's Maleeka?" You lowly asked, trying to move away from this weirdly sweet moment. You weren't used to this. And you knew for sure as hell Hisoka wasn't used to this either.
Despite everything you and him did and shared. Not once has Hisoka ever fed you. It was always you feeding him. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Random snacks. Or after sex sessions when you needed a refuel and he just tagged along to eat from you.
Sitting on tall his lap, straddled around waist or intimately seated close next to him - feeding Hisoka proudly like a king. Indeed in the beginning he always demanded you feed him, but quickly over time you got into the habit because you rather enjoyed it.
Staring into his beautiful alluring eyes, either in silence or during playful banter the two of you would converse in.
Hisoka was always most vulnerable when you were feeding him. Those intimidating and aloof ways of him would dissolve into nothingness. You would say it was in those times Hisoka became verbally expressive and 'interested in your life' per say.
Gently - oddly enough, he would caress the side of your thighs or hips. Hypnotically staring into your eyes as he would ask you; how your studies were going. If you were experiencing any unbearable withdrawals from the Aderell. How Itachi was feeling. How you were. What were your plans for the day. Was your body okay.
If not about you, he would talk to you about his plans. The plans he had to take over the underworld completely one day. Hisoka would actually ask for your input and opinions about his businesses.
He would confess his concerns with his dealings. Talk about his enemies to you.
You truly were his confidant.
And the best part about it all, you didn't know about. Hisoka took all those conversations seriously and remembered them. Knowing you were smart and skilled, he ended up implementing your ideas. Ideas that helped him become the top dog currently. You were behind his success far deeper than you would ever know. That's why he was so indebted to you. Besides the obvious reasons of having feelings for you.
Hisoka is someone that never forgets those who helped him along the way.
"She's showering." He finally answered. Picking up more food with to feed you with.
Chewing and swallowing methodically, "Thank you for looking after her while I was...Gone off the rails." You gratefully said with a partial underlining sense of embarrassment. Recalling all this month's events.
Again, he didn't respond. Only because he didn't do as much as you gave him credit for. Most of the time Maleeka was with Orihime and the others. Especially with Killua. But more so, even with your memory loss, you hit it off with Maleeka immediately.
Once again, the only thing Hisoka ever did was provide a house for someone.
"Can I ask, how did Maleeka find out you are her father? Well, besides the obvious hair and eyes similarity you and her share." You asked, desperately trying to initiate conversation.
Smirking lightly at the memory, "She found a picture you still kept of you and I. The one taken from senior dance. Putting two and two together she figured out I must be her father." He finally answered.
"And how did she go about telling you she knows?" You asked, taking another bite.
Growing eerily quiet, Hisoka brought the fork down and distantly stared into blank space.
"She.." He unintentionally trailed off. Uneasy about bringing such emotive words up right now.
'And I agree with all the good things she said about my dad. I can now understand why she fell in love with him and was insanely happy with him. You are a great guy Hisoka.'
He didn't have the courage to tell you exactly that. To utter the word Love again. It was too uncomfortable for him because emotions and words like that weren't common in his orbit. And to be frank, he didn't want to remind you of your confession to him last week. Still uncertain if you were now regretting telling him you love him. He had to be cautious.
"She came out and bluntly said it. That she knows I'm her father based off how intimate we looked in the picture and our physical appearance similarities. And because you supposedly told her so. Hence I mustn't dare try to deny it." Hisoka smoothly lied with ease.
Processing his words, in return you merely grinned, believing him. "She is very blunt and sneaky. Sorry about that." You said.
Not responding to that either, the two of you fell into partial comfortable silence once again as Hisoka continued to feed you till all the food in the bowl was gone.
Even though you didn't have much of an appetite, having Hisoka feed you made you hungry. Maybe you were fond of this man doing something as feeding you because he never does.
You now understood why Hisoka would always say the food tasted better when you fed him. The same concept applied right now. It tasted so good from him his hands, You shyly asked for seconds.
Amusingly smirking at you, Hisoka left to get more.
After feeding you those seconds, he placed the bowl on the bedside and gazed into your eyes. "You should bath before you fall off to sleep." He stated indifferently.
"Y-yeah I should actually." You agreed, wanting any hospital germs off you.
Draping your legs off the bed, you were prevented immediately from standing up by Hisoka holding down against your shoulder.
"With my assistance. You can't be alone with the bathroom."
With a partial heartbeat increase, "Hi..soka.." You murmured in between your fluster and discomfort.
"I'll be fine, really." You timidly protested.
"Y/n." He uttered more sternly. Staring down at you with hard eyes.
Halting, you pursed your lips, looking nervously away. "Hisoka..we not.."
"You know.."
You trailed off, smothering underneath your apprehension because this situation was rather awkward.
"I don't want you to s-see my body.." You truthfully admitted. Sighing lowly in defeat and embarrassment.
"An-nd! I know you going to say I shouldn't be embarrassed because you've seen my body several times. But this is just a personal matter okay.."
"And I have this terrible wound running down my chest. Covered in staples. In addition to another wound running across my stomach because of the liver transplant too..I don't look pretty a-anymore.." You sadly said. Fidgeting with your fingers rather dismayed.
Softening his gaze, Hisoka removed his hand off your shoulder, only to scoop you up bridal style effortlessly into his arms.
"H-Hisoka."
"I won't look. Just like on the plane, I'll turn my back to you. I'm not leaving you alone in the bathroom." Hisoka curtly informed you while walking to towards the in suite bathroom.
God, like a ton of bricks it crashed down on you. You recalled what happened on that plane. Specifically in the shower. You couldn't understand how your amnesic self could have sex with a 'stranger' so freely. How humiliating and embarrassing.
The only self assuring matter about that situation was, at least you had sex with just Hisoka. And not every Tom dick and Harry that said they were close friends with you. And thankfully it was the man that took your virginity in the first place. It was still hard and weird to imagine you having sex with another man.
Sitting you down on the built in shower seat. Just like before, Hisoka sat down on the edge of the shower.
Slyly glancing to the wall-to-ceiling mirror you hadn't realised was there, Hisoka watched you strip down your dress. Effortlessly falling to your feet.
Dazed eyes hovering up and down the mirror, he studied your tattered body. Indeed those wounds were highly noticeable and massive. He could understand why you felt self conscious about anyone seeing.
'You still look pretty though..' Was Hisoka's last mental thought before closing his eyes for good, seeing that you were about to take off your bra and panty. Even though he didn't see any problem with your body and seeing you naked. He respected your wishes. And of course, just in case you caught him looking through the mirrors reflection.