Living up to his word, for the remaining week you were in hospital, Hisoka never left your side. Day and night.
You couldn't understand how he didn't go crazy or ever complain about sitting in one spot for the entire day for hours on end, yet alone for days. Although it was awkward at the beginning, you grew accustomed to his silence and fixed stares. Accustomed yes, but you still accepted the fact that you and Hisoka needed to clear the air.
"Mum, do you think you can do it?" Maleeka asked, peering at you and down at the long corridor ward.
With a deep inhale and exhale, you convincingly attempted to smile. "Probably. But we won't know unless I try huh?"
Tightly gripping the arm rests of the wheel chair, you mustered the strength to pick yourself up, however almost immediately, you could feel your strength depleting drastically.
Seconds from reverting back onto the wheelchair, you felt a strong arm wrap around your back and a hand, supportively holding underneath your arm. Halting your fall.
"W..what?" You murmured with a confused undertone.
Peering over to your side, you met a pair of yellow eyes softly gazing down at you.
"..Hisoka wh..?"
"You know me. I hate being in debt to someone. Consider this me returning the favour for you helping me walk up those stairs seven years ago after my recovery." Hisoka smoothly brushed off to not make his gesture seem like a big deal.
Blinking blankly, you amusingly huffed before contently closing your eyes. Feeling rather emotionally touched by this odd man's care.
Sliding your forearm back against his hand, you effortlessly slipped your fingers in between his finger gaps. Securely interlocking hands.
With a bit of nerves simmering in your core, you looked back up at him - searching for reassurance in those still eyes whether it was okay to hold his hand.
Staring at his hand in yours for a few seconds, Hisoka looked forward down the corridor instead of at you.
'Warm..'
'Your hand is warm again..' Hisoka couldn't help but mentally acknowledge with gratefulness. There was nothing more disturbing he has experienced than feeling your cold hands touching his skin last week or two. Cold hands that represented death was taking over you.
The hand that was seconds away from reaching out to Itachi. Ready to be pulled into the light. Gone forever..
Not just to a different country for years to study. Gone for good out of his life. He just wasn't ready for that even though he always acted indifferent or bitter.
Before your nerves got the better of you and convinced you to pull your hand out of his - thinking he was feeling uncomfortable. You felt his fingers rest against your skin. Completing the hand-hold.
And although you saw Hisoka looking dead straight down the ward. Just by feeling how tightly he held your hand back, a mental conversation was being exchanged from him to you.
Convincing you that you will be able to walk down this corridor. Nor do you have anything to fear because he's right next to you. He will be your pillar of strength if you need it. That he's right next to you to keep you upright if your body gives out. Just like how you refused to let him kneel in failure that day he had to walk up those stairs as his final task.
However, most importantly, the way he held your hand sincerely expressed that he doesn't mind interlocking hands with yours because he could sense your stress. If anything, it indicated how much he wanted it. How much he missed your touch. Any and every part of your body. He held you in such a way you could've sworn it felt like he was trying to keep your life anchored to this world. Afraid that death will come for your soul again.
Well, that's what it felt like he silently was saying. Your mind could be playing nasty tricks on you because of your feelings for him. Even though you were one of the people that genuinely knew Hisoka. The man was still a master of deception and making women feel or think what they desperately want too.
Although you knew Hisoka changed, your traumatised 18 year old self still couldn't help but feel wary and protective of your heart that constantly got hurt by him back then. It was your trust and belief that he felt the same way you did that got you hurt.
"You ready Miss S/n? If you can make it to the end of this corridor You free to be discharged." The doctor mused You out of your compelling thoughts.
Reluctantly taking your eyes off Hisoka's defined face, you looked ahead and nodded in silent response.
Before you could take your first step, you felt another hand slide into yours on the other side. A much tinier and softer hand.
"I'm here to help you too mummy." Maleeka sweetly replied. Copying her father's kindness and support.
Maybe you weren't over analysing and imagining if Maleeka could also telepathically hear Hisoka say 'I'm here Y/n. You don't have to do things alone anymore.'
Refocusing, you slowly started to take your first steps since the surgery. It was hard and a bit wobbly as expected. But knowing you were secured in the strong arms of Hisoka made you feel fearless. Like you could do anything and it'll be okay because he was by your side.
"If your heart is beating too fast or it's paining, please don't push yourself. That's just your body telling you, you need to rest more." The doctor said, seeing that you stopped three quarters of the way while breathing in slightly heavily.
Strongly clutching onto Hisoka's hand more than Maleeka because he had a high pain tolerance, and obviously you didn't want Maleeka to know you were battling. You intensely sighed. Resting your head against the side of Hisoka's upper arm for a few second break.
"I know doc." You hoarsely whispered the reply. And you weren't just saying that. You genuinely knew that your body needed more time to recover if you couldn't do this. You were a doctor and a surgeon after all.
"My mummy is a strong and a badass! She can do it!" Maleeka proudly commented to the doctor.
As if you needed to hear something as simple as that, you huffed amusingly before removing your head off Hisoka's shoulder and desperately mustered the strength to continue.
"Language Maleeka." You tiredly disciplined.
"But badass isn't a swear word though." Maleeka protested. Slyly getting your mind off this walking and possibly pain she smartly knew you were feeling.
"Yes it's not, but it just sounds vulgar when a child says it." You explained.
"Hn, but Grimmjow says it all the time and says worse even." She low-key protested.
Glaring up at Hisoka partially unimpressed, the Joker merely lightly smirked, "I can't change who Grimmjow is. She's bound to pick up on his language since she sleeps over a lot there." He replied. Words smoothly slipping off his lips. It was obvious that Hisoka was low-key avoiding your eyes for some reason. It bothered you because it made you feel like you did something wrong to upset him. But once again, you shoved it all down.
You were going to deal with the issues the two of you. Just not right now.
It wasn't nice to say, but things were far more simpler when you didn't have any memories. Makes you wonder whether you should of pretended to not recall your memories, just so you could have a peaceful life with Hisoka.
But you weren't deceitful nor manipulative. You wouldn't dare fake your memory loss to run away from your problems. It wasn't fair on Maleeka either.
Taking in deeper breaths, you slowly began to walk away. Clutching onto Hisoka's hand even tighter to cope with how strained your chest felt. You had to make it too the end. Staying in hospital was so distasteful and boring. Inch by inch you were nearing to insanity by being confined to the four walls and that blaring heart monitor that beeped 24/7.
"You almost there mum!" Your daughter cheerfully encouraged.
Step by step, you finally reached the end. Sighing excitedly in intervals. You let go of Hisoka and Maleeka's hand to gingerly stroke back your clutched hair in sheer disbelief. Then covered your face with your hands to stop your joyful tears from escaping.
"I did it.." You praised yourself quietly.
Having flashbacks of your life and near death experience, made you wholeheartedly grateful for this moment. Who would of thought that a simple action such as walking could mean so much.
Removing your hands, you looked up proudly to Hisoka. Smiling.
"I did it. I don't need to stay here anymore." You said rather loud by accident because you were far too happy.
Returning your smile, "You shouldn't be surprised. I keep telling you are far too strong." He indifferently commented. Indifferent, but there were traces of happiness for you lurking within his tone.
Transitioning into a grin, "Y-Yeah." You said, dying into a quieter tone because you were getting hypnotised by his enchanting yellow eyes that were strongly fixed with yours.
Slowly trailing down from his eyes to Hisoka's lips in a rather jittery manner. Back and forth. You dryly gulped. Trying your utmost best to prevent yourself from getting sucked in deeper into his alluring abyss those beautiful eyes put you under, additionally, that intimidating presence he naturally has.
Analysing you, Hisoka could tell this moment was going to turn intimate. He wasn't oblivious to your wandering eye, eyeing out his lips every few seconds. He knew you were being drawn to kiss him out of happiness and enchantment. And naturally so. You and him always had the habit of kissing each other for almost everything back in high school. It was practically second nature to be so affectionately physical.
And this wasn't one sided.
Hisoka lived for these physical moments. He too, was being drawn in to kiss you.
But before he could cup the side of your jaw and croon his head down too kiss you, Hisoka saw you distancing yourself from him and permanently look away. Killing off any intimate mood.
He would be lying if he said that this didn't bother him. Especially because he was someone that was obsessed with being physical with you. His expressive language was physical contact because he wasn't the best communicator. So being denied of you irked him.
For countless of hours through the week he wondered why this tension existed. He kept thinking it was because of your declaration of love for him. A declaration he didn't return. Were you upset about that?
Maybe you regretted telling him you love him?
Or was it possible that you truly didn't let go of the grudge you had towards him because of the abandonment.
Or were you just uncertain of how to pick up where you left off with him.
He just didn't know. And the Joker desperately wished you would speak to him. However, he knew to be patient with you. Your recovery was first priority.
"Thank you for helping mummy." You warmly said and knelt down cautiously to tenderly hug Maleeka.
Standing back up, you turned around again to face Hisoka.
"A..nd, thank you for being here every step of the way Hisoka..I'll try and not trouble you so much anymore." you whispered, awkwardly elevating your arms to hug Hisoka. Slowly snaking your hands around his snatched waist as you ghostly rested your face against his chiseled chest.
Although the action felt tense, feeling him against you was so serene. So right..
Stiffly exhaling lightly, Hisoka lifted only one hand to press gingerly against the back of your head. One arm was friendly. Using two arms to hug was intimate. And that's what he was avoiding right now.
"Trouble me all you want. I can handle it." He smoothly said with a vague amused undertone. Not wanting to make this anymore intense and weird than it already unnecessarily was.
Breathlessly chuckling for a few seconds, you removed your arms and stepped back. "Yeah, you are someone that can handle a lot of things." You acknowledged. Recalling everything he confessed. It was selfish of you to think that the pain was one sided. Even though he put the spanner in the works by kicking you out. He too, was left alone. Abandoned. Hisoka was the one that had to imagine how his daughter was doing. He was the one that missed out on all the important milestones in Maleeka's life. To hold her when she was born. Experiencing those exhausting but bonding moments of getting up at 3am to tend to her cries. Feeding her, only to fall back asleep on the couch with Maleeka cradled in his arms. The memorable stress of being unsure of why the crying won't stop. Slipping a dollar underneath the pillow every night after she loses a tooth. Her first birthday. Her first words. The joy to witness Maleeka take her first steps. There was just so many memories he missed out on. His pain was valid too. He was hurt too.
Hisoka was the one that had to let go of you for the sake of uplifting his friends like he promised when they were kids. Take them to newer heights even though he wanted nothing more than to be with you.
And besides, you were far too old and exhausted to hold a grudge against him any longer.
Riding on that mentality and train of thought, "Hisoka." You called out.
Holding his hand, you strongly stared into his eyes. "Later on..you and I.." Trailing off, trying your best to fight off your jitters.
With a dry gulp, ".. Can we talk?" You finally asked.
"..."
"When you are ready." He agreed with a rather still but concerned undertone. Maybe apart of him was considering that you wanted space from him. That you weren't ready. So he was dreading it.
Nodding your head thankfully, "I'm going to go sign the discharge papers. I'll see you in a bit." You informed.