Analia Rayne ||
I look around the room of guys.
It's fine, Lia.
You got this.
Yeah.
"It started two years ago," I began, "I was only 16 working at the club."
"Isn't that illegal?" asks Elijah.
"Yeah but the manager let it slide since I was in desperate need of some cash," I said looking at him. He nods his head. I continue.
"When I started working at the club I didn't really think I would get into that stuff. I was never the type of girl to even drink," my eyes start tearing up just thinking back.
I use to be so innocent.
So innocent to the point where even the smell of alcohol made me want to vomit. I use to hate drinking, use to hate it when my friends drank, and use to hate it when they took drugs.
Now, look at me.
What a hypocrite I turned out to be.
"The thought of drinking use to make me sick to my stomach but that changed one night," I say now leaning back against the chair.
I look around to see they're all looking at me. Expect for Ryder he's looking at his feet but I can tell he's listening.
"It was a normal night at the club, well was supposed to be. My friend- a girl I knew from there, Charlotte, " I correct myself before Ryder says that Charlotte isn't my friend again.
Ryder's eyes shot up from his feet and his fist clench. He knew Charlotte gave me the drugs at the club but he didn't know she was the start of it all.
No.
She wasn't the start of it.
I was.
It was my fault.
"My nerves were through the roof. I'm pretty sure I suffer from something and still do to this day but I needed something to relax me," their faces change understanding what I mean.
If you saw the pictures of me from before it all you wouldn't believe it was the same girl.
I whip out my phone and scroll all the way back to show them a picture. I finally found a picture and turn my phone around to show them.
Their eyes widen. Gio looks from the phone back to me.
I don't think I look that different in all honesty. My hair was brown in the picture, a nice caramel color. My skin was more tan than now, I also looked more alive than now. My style was completely different. I use to wear dresses 24/7. Cute flowery dresses that flowed when I walked. You can say it's the typical "good girl, gone bad" but in reality, I wasn't that much of a good girl. It was just drinking that made me sick. I also really enjoyed my dresses.
"I know, different girl," I put my phone away and they all lean back waiting for me to finish.
"Don't worry, I still had my humor, that yet you guys still haven't had a taste of," I laugh a little to lighten the mood up, "Only thing that bothered me at the time was drugs and alcohol," I say looking at Ryder hoping he's listening.
To my surprise, he's already looking at me. We make eye contact for a second before I clear my throat and keep going.
"Charlotte had seen me freaking out while she was snorting her lines. She told me it was a good way to get my mind off of everything. Good escape."
I start choking on my words and calm myself down. I'm not going to cry in front of guys.
I'll be more pathetic than I already am.
I look up to the ceiling to keep the tears from coming down and breathe out.
"She kept telling me it was only a one-time thing and that it would never happen again. I believed it was too. I believed that this wasn't going to be happening again. But it did. At least five hundred more times," I emphasize on the 500 part, that catches Ryder's attention.
I might be a little petty, just a little.
I continue, "I don't really blame Charlotte for any of it. I mean she didn't know I was going to end up being addicted to it, no one did."
"What we're you trying to cope from?" asks Ryder sitting up. He leans on his knees and his hands hang in the front.
"You don't have to say if you don't want to, Ana," says Gio reassuring me.
I should tell them maybe they'll understand more.
I shake my head and say, "It's fine. I should talk about it, honestly. It's been a while since I've talked about it out loud."
I sit up straight and straighten my dress out.
They're gonna think I'm even more pathetic. They're gonna put everything together and think"oh that makes sense why she turned out like this."
"When I was 15, my father passed away."
All their faces immediately turning into shock, then sympathy. Not pity. Sympathy.
~~
Flashback 3 years ago.
"Bye, dad! I love you too," I get out of the car and make my way towards the school building.
It's mid-winter and there's ice all over the ground. It snowed a couple of days ago. Dad and I built a snowman and had a snowball fight. Mom joined in later after Dad convinced her.
I turn around and wave at him one last time before entering the school building.
I make my way towards my group of friends by their lockers. Grace runs up to me and enfolding me into a bear hug.
"I missed you so much, Lia!" she says screaming it.
"It's 8 in the morning, Grace. Be quiet," I say rolling my eyes.
She freezes.
"I missed you too, Grace," I give her a smile and her smile reappears on her face. She grabs my wrist and pulls me to her friends.
They're not really my friends. I just hang out with them cause Grace hangs out with them.
"Look who's here!" says Grace showcasing me to her friend.
"Hey," says one of the guys, named Chase, not lifting his eyes from the phone.
"Hey little one," Logan rests his arm on top of my head.
I'm 5'4. All the guys are like 6ft tall already.
"Get your arm off of my head," I say moving out from under his arm and letting it fall.
He rolls his eyes. I hope they get stuck in the back of his head.
Another one of the guys speak, "Hey," he says softly. I like James, he's not like these other guys who are dicks. I don't understand how he became friends with guys like them.
I've always found James cute. Maybe cause of how nice he was or his dark brown fluffy hair that did it for me.
The bell rings snapping me out of my thoughts. I feel an arm linking around my arm and pulling me away.
"Bye guys! See you guys at lunch!" says Grace waving at them. We head towards our first-period class, Art.
I'm not very good at Art. I think I lack the creativity in my head.
"Good Morning, Grace and Analia. Please take your seats," says Ms. Georgia. She's the definition of a sunshine. We take our seats that are right next to each other and wait till the class fills in to start the lesson.
35 mins later.
The bell rings and I grab my bag from the floor. Grace and I walk out of the classroom and head to each other's second period.
Grace keeps talking about how good her project was in class. We had to recreate a picture of a fruit bowl. Hers came out nice just like the picture. Mine came out all discombobulated.
It was close enough.
"Alright, this is we go our separate ways. I'll see you in fourth period," says Grace waving and walking to her class.
I have English now.
English is my favorite subject.
I love writing and reading. I only like reading what I like and when I'm not obligated to.
On my way to class, I pass by a classroom hear someone crying. I take a few steps back and peek into the classroom.
It's a teacher.
"I can't believe he's dead. He was just on his way to work and then he gets into a car accident," she sobs into her hands. One of the other teachers is trying to calm her down by rubbing her back.
"I told him not to go to work due to the fact the roads weren't good. But he kept insisting saying that his job wasn't that far. God. Why did I let him go?" she sobs even more.
I feel so bad for her I can't imagine what she's going through.
"The other guy in the car. They cant even make out his face because that's how bad the accident was," she says sniffling.
"I pray for that family," the bell rings and I realize I'm about to be late for my class.
I run to my English class and make it just in time.
"Ms. Rayne," Mr. Black says with a serious tone.
"I'm sorry I got caught up in something," I say trying to regain my breath.
I should work out more.
"It's fine. Take your seat," he says smiling at me and patting my back.
I sit down and he begins the lesson.
15 minutes later.
I'm in the middle of writing my essay when the Principal comes in.
He nudged his head for Mr. Black to come outside.
"I'll be right back everyone. Keep working on your essay," he walks out of the classroom.
We have to write an essay about what life means to use and why we have struggles in it. I'm only on my second paragraph. I keep staring at the window looking at the snow piles.
Dad would love these snow piles.
Cant wait to go home and be under 20 blankets watching a movie.
I hear a gasp come from outside the classroom and Everyone turns their attention to outside the class.
Wonder what's going on out there.
Mr. Black comes in with color lacking from his skin. It looks like he's seen a ghost.
"Ms. Ry-Ryen," he says choking on his words.
"Your mother is here to pick you up," he says giving a small smile.
Wonder why she took me out early.
OUU! I bet she's gonna take me to the pet store again. This one day she took me out of school early to go. I loved it.
They had this spot for smaller animals and there was a ferret. I fell in love with one of them and named him Rosco.
I miss Rosco.
I pack up my work and put it into my backpack and leave the classroom. I wave Mr. Black a goodbye.
"I'll lead you to the front of the school," says the Principal.
We walk to the front of the school. The Principal keeps looking at me. Weirdo.
We make it to the front and I see my mom's car. I bid my goodbyes and skip to the car.
I open the car door and see my mother.
Her eyes are all puffy and red like she's been crying.
"Mom, what's wrong?" I ask hopping into the car.
"We'll talk when w-we get home, honey," she takes the car out of park and drives.
I was hoping we would go to the pet store again.
We make it to the house and I hop out running to the front door. It's freezing outside. My mom opens the door and the warmth from the inside hugs me.
My mom makes her way to the couch in the living room and sits down.
"Honey, come and sit down. I need to tell you something," she says patting the couch for me to sit.
"Okay."
I start becoming nervous. Did I do something wrong? Did she find my secret stash of Justin Bieber's photos with his body out?
I hope not.
I sit down on the couch taking my backpack off and setting it on the floor.
"Analia," she begins.
"Your father-" she chokes on her words and breathes in and out.
What's going on?
"Your father on the way to work from dropping you off."
"He- um got into an accident honey," she says.
Worry starts filling my body.
What accident? Why type of accident?
"He got into a car accident," she says holding back tears.
No.
"Is he okay? What are we doing here?! Shouldn't we be at the hospital with him?!" I say shooting up from the couch and running to put my shoes back on.
"Analia, honey wait!" she gets off the couch and grabs my arm.
"What do you mean wait mom!? We can't wait!" I try to grab the doorknob but she stops me from yanking me back.
What's with everyone and yanking me?
"Your dad didn't make it," she says falling onto the ground crying.
What.
I freeze at her words.
He didn't make it?
"Your father passed away."
No.
No.
No.
Not him.
My whole world starts crumbling down. This has to be some sick joke of theirs. He's gonna pop out from behind the wall and say "I got you!". I turn around and look behind her. Where is he?
"The police officers couldn't make out his face at first. He got hit pretty hard. He took most of the impact," she sniffs, "after taking a DNA sample, they found out it was him. I was on my way to work leaving the house and I got the call. I'm so sorry, honey."
I look away from behind and look at her.
She's serious.
She's not joking.
There's no way.
He was just here.
He just dropped me off.
He just told me he loved me.
He just waved at me.
The river of tears starts flowing in.
I break out into sobs and fall to the floor. My mom grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. She cried even more making me cry even more.
Not only did I lose my dad but my mom lost the love of her life. Her forever best friend.
My forever best friend.
He's gone.
I cant handle this. I just cant. It's too much. The air is getting too thick making it harder for me to breathe.
"He dead," I say into her shoulder.
"Huh?" she says taking her head out of mine.
"He's dead. Dad is dead," I keep repeating it.
"Yes, he is honey," she says grabbing my face caressing my cheeks.
"He's dead."
"He's dead."
"Dad is dead."
"Analia?"
"He's dead. Dad is dead. He's gone."
"Analia? Honey?"
Her voice starts to mumble.
I can't hear anything.
I cant hear her. I cant hear the birds from outside the window chirping. I cant hear the ice cracking from the window. I cant hear.
I love you, Analia! Have a good day at school!
Those words repeating themselves over and over in my head.
"Analia!" she snaps me out of my trans.
"You cannot fall apart, okay? I know it is hard losing your father, honey I know," she wipes my tears that keep falling.
"But we can't just stop. We only have each other now. I know it's not how it's supposed to be but-" I cut her off and jump up from the floor.
"You're right it's not, mom. He's supposed to be here with us! He's not supposed to be dead! He promised me would drink hot chocolate tonight! He promised me would watch movies! He promised me, mom! Now he's gone! He broke his promise!" I say yelling and sobbing at the same time.
"Analia, baby. You need to calm down," she says putting her hands out.
"Calm down?! Dad is dead! How can I be calm about that?! He's dead mom! The love of your life is dead! and you're telling me to calm down? You should be freaking out!" I say shoving my hands at her.
"I cant. I have to be strong for the both of us," she says standing there now.
"GOD! WHYD HE TO WORK!? I should've told him to stay," I say looking up. The words sounding familiar.
Oh my god.
The teacher.
Her husband was in the other car.
My dad was the guy she talked about.
I'm the family she's gonna pray for.
My mom grabs me and pulls me into a hug. I try pushing her off of me but she grips onto me tighter.
"He's dead mom," I say still fighting her.
"I know," she rubs my head trying to calm me down.
"Why?"
"Why'd did he have to go? It's not fair," I stop fighting her and just fall into her.
"Life isn't always fair, honey," I can tell she's holding back tears. She really wants to be the strong one.
I collapse once again to the floor and hugging my mom back.
He was just here.
He was just here.
End of flashback.
Gio's holding my face caressing it. I don't know when he got up from the couch and came to me.
"Princess? You alright?" he says still holding onto my face.
"Huh? What happened?" I look around and see all the guys are surrounded by me. Expect for Ryder and Anderson they're both sitting on the couch. I look over at Ryder, and his face is written with guilt all over it. He nervously plays with his fingers and looks up at me. He looks away once our eyes meet and goes back to playing with his fingers.
Hm.
"You kind of blanked out on us when you're were telling us everything," Gio says.
"Oh. I haven't talked about it to anyone in a while so maybe that's why," I try laughing it off while wiping my tears from my face.
When did that happen?
I feel a hand grab my shoulder, "You sure you're alright?", says Lincoln.
"Yeah, it's just a lot happened tonight so."
"Yeah you're right, a lot has happened. How about we call it a night? It's about to be 1 in the morning anyway and we all need to be up at 9 sharp."
I nod my head agreeing. Gio gets up from me and sticks his hand out to help me. I take his hand and stand up. All of a sudden a wave of dizziness hits me and I stumble a little. Gio tries catching me but before he could Ryder shoots up from the couch and grabs me.
He grabs me by the waist keeping me up straight and has a grip on my arm.
I look up at him and he's already looking at me.
He stares into my eyes. His eyes are saying a million things, but they're mostly saying how sorry he is. I can tell by how his pupils are dilated. His eyes are softer and filled with concern. But they're mostly filled with how sorry he is.
Just as I was about to "it's okay", he lets go of me and walks away to his room.
"I guess Ryder agrees on that too," says Gio scratching the back on his head. "Here, I'll take you to your room. Make sure you don't fall again."
"Thanks, Gio," I grab onto his arm and walk to my room. We make it to the front door of my room and I turn around.
"Goodnight guys. Sorry again for tonight," I say with a small smile.
"Don't be sorry, kid. We understand. No one is mad at you," Lincoln says standing with his hands in his pockets. I nod and walk inside my room with Gio.
I let go of him and go to one of the boxes that says PJ's on them. I haven't unpacked all my boxes yet, haven't had the time to. I turn around see Gio's still there. He really is going to stay.
I walk into the bathroom and take a quick shower. I need to get this disgusting feeling off of me. As I wash my body, I feel the icky feeling slowly sliding off of me, falling into the drain under me.
I get dressed and walk out and Gio is asleep on my bed.
I laugh to myself and throw my dress in the hamper in the corner of my room, and slide into bed.
Sleepover time.
I turn the lights off with the cool remote switch they have. Wish I had one of these in my old house. I tuck myself under the covers and just lay there.
Today was a very stressful day, too stressful. I run my hands across my face and puff out air. I look over to where Gio is laying and see his eyes are wide open.
I jump a little and Gio talks, "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I was just thinking."
"I thought you were asleep?" I say questionably.
"I was then I started thinking. About you," he turns to the side and faces me. "You're strong, you know? You probably don't think so, but you are," he starts getting up from the bed.
"I don't think I could've survived all that, like you did. You're also not alone, not anymore. You have us guys to be with you through it all. So need anything come to us. Well, come to me first since I'm your best friend now," he finishes.
"Don't let Ryder hear you say that," I say laughing.
"Shush, he might be listening," Gio shakes his head and laughs. "Alright well, you're in bed, nice and safe. So I'm going to head out."
He walks to the door and says, "Goodnight Analia," and walks out. Before I could even say thank you for his kind words.
I turn to my side and close my eyes. I want this day over with.
But, Gio's right I have them now. I don't need to keep this all to myself anymore. It might take some time to tell them everything but over time it will get easier. I wanna talk to Ryder. I just don't want to start on the wrong foot with them already when I just got here.
I flip and turn in bed trying to find a spot. Having trouble finding a spot I grab the remote and turn the TV on.
I don't think I'm going to bed tonight.
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Words: 3763
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I'm really iffy about this chapter but I think it's good! Hope you guys enjoy it.
GIO IS MY FAV I SWEAR!
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