(Disclaimer!: Avalon knows that what is written here is plain stupid and um... formatted a little like a YouTube video. BUT. Avalon advises you to just go with it. Without further ado, Avalon presents to you the oneshot story thing or whatever the fuck it is. (Please don't hate Avalon when you facepalm yourself halfway across the globe. K byyyeee :3))
"Reiner, you know my uncle?"
Eren asked.
"The one who owns a clothing store?" Reiner asked
"Yeah, he told me that he's gay and he wants to come out but doesn't know how," Eren stated. "So can you help me with that?"
"First of all," Reiner smirked. "I always knew he was gay. It's just a gay senses tingling thing. Secondly..." Reiner paused for a effect, "I've been waiting for this. Meet me at my place after school. Invite the others," he whispered before tiptoeing away.
✎✐
*Commercial music starts*
Ymir walks out from behind the curtains and dramatically falls. "Help. I'm gay and I can't come out."
"It's okay, fellow queer," Reiner said as he walked out from behind the curtains. "Help is here! And now, here are three creative ways to come out!"
By Reiner Braun (ft. Ymir (because she is also gay (canonly gay)) (also features Sasha and Connie as the very important characters: Parent 1, and Parent 2!))
(Warning: prepare for facepalming galore)
"So the normal way to come out is the boring way," Reiner stepped aside as the curtains opened revealing Ymir standing in front of Sasha and Connie who were dressed like formal Englishmen. They both were holding a teacup and Connie even had a monocle.
"I'm gay," Ymir stated.
Sasha and Connie gasped dramatically.
"Why Ymir!" Sasha said in a fake British accent. "That is not how ye mum raised ye now is it?"
"Now as you can see," Reiner stepped back in, "Ymir was scorned by her parents, and they even abandoned her. So this is definitely not how you want to come out. Let's move on to way fun way number one!" Everyone pointed to the chalk board that was behind them.
"The Walk-out Closet," Reiner oohed.
He stepped aside to reveal Ymir walking through a cardboard rectangle that represented the door of a closet. Again Sasha and Connie gasped dramatically.
"Well at least that was creative," Connie shrugged, also speaking in a strange accent. "Therefore we aren't abandoning you."
"Next," Reiner stepped up. "Is using the factor of irony... We call it, the Lol Nope!"
Ymir walked down to Christa from the small stage. "I'm straight...
UP GAY!"
"And for the last one," Reiner smirked, "which is my personal favorite... the Rhymer! Which I will demonstrate myself."
Reiner cleared his throat. "'I swing the other way, so I am really gay.' or... 'I like things up my rear, because I am queer.' Or...
Today is the day,
I have one thing to say,
I was born this way,
I'm totally gay."
"Tada!" Sasha and Connie popped out from behind Reiner as he gave his audience of four a thumbs up.
Bertolt facepalmed. "Reiner, no..."
"It also works with bi's-," Reiner continued.
"Hi hi, I'm bi," Ymir recited apathetically.
"And here's a combination of all three," Reiner stated.
Ymir walked out from the cardboard cut out door. "I'm straight. Ha. That's a lie. I'm bi," Ymir recited. "Although I'm actually gay," Ymir rolled her eyes.
Bonus round!
"And here are fun things to say if you're gay," Reiner winked. "You know the saying 'bros before hoes'? Well that can apply to you if you're gay.
Now if you're a lesbian like Yqueer, here, then you can say 'hoes before broes'. Or even better: 'chicks before dicks.'
And if course, that phrase can always be manipulated. " Reiner walked up to Bertolt. "Besides, dicks before chicks!" He wrapped his arm around the furiously blushing Bertolt.
"I swear, Reiner!" Bertolt covered his face. "Just stop!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN:
...
The things that come into my mind in the middle of the night...
Fuck it, it's being published.
(I'm sorry you had to go through that.)
If I survive this week I'm going to California for spring break. Bitch.
Jk I love you all.
Byyyye