"Don't worry, Ris, she'll come", Jason comforts me, patting my shoulder.
I pout, my face must look sad, and I'm losing hope. Luna hasn't shown up still, and this is the third period. Worry is boiling in my body and my head hasn't stopped making bad scenarios in which she is hurt.
I think about yesterday when I saw her with her dog whose name is Scar. I still wonder if his name has something to do with the scar on the right side of her beautiful face. Her bloodshot eyes and her eyelids were heavy, barely opened as her expression was holding fatigue and exhaustion. At least, I saw her again, this time without that Manuel guy, and she didn't seem hurt, so I just hope he didn't do anything to her. If he is her boyfriend why would he do something bad to her? He could be abusive, yes, but maybe he is just jealous and didn't want any male around his girlfriend. But customers, and making money aside from his watch, those words again start playing in my head.
If I hadn't been at practice, I would have definitely run after her not letting her walk away just like that.
"She will come", Austin's voice snaps me from my thoughts. "She has never missed literature class so far. Never." He shakes his head as he wants to show me how sure he is that she will come.
I shrug, sighing and turning my head to the door. My gaze is glued to them, expecting her to pass through them. And indeed some blue material shows up, but when the whole frame comes into the picture I realize that it belongs to Mrs. Morgan and her navy blue skirt that is bouncing with each step she makes.
"Good morning, kids", she greets us, and a couple of students greet her back, murmuring, but I just sigh, bowing my head as hope leaves my body and mind.
"She's not coming", I mumble to myself sadly, my head falling on my backpack that I still haven't put on the chair.
Jason catches my unhappy gaze but doesn't say anything, and neither do I.
"Okay, let's see who's missing", Mrs. Morgan says as her glance falls on Luna's spot, and it lingers there for a few seconds, sadly.
After she wrote who's absent, we again started discussing the work we were doing in yesterday's class. Anna Karenina. She asked us some questions and other pupils seemed not interested and bored, while on the other side Austin was hardly trying to come up with some good answers and Mrs. Morgan tried not to tell him that he kept giving the wrong ones, probably realizing that he is the only shot for her not to speak everything herself, so she just smiled politely, nodding as he stuttered, and kept repeating the words he had been using in all the sentences he has said so far. At least he is trying, unlike the rest of us.
I sigh, and lay my chin on the table and turn my head to the direction in which Luna's seat is. It's empty and I feel something in my chest squeezing it. It's sadness and despair lingering as I continue watching the chair without her sitting on it. Usually, she'd be asleep with her headphones in her ears. But she's not here now, and her headphones are broke due to Ms. Roger. I close my eyes and start to doze off when I feel someone's jerking me hard.
"Ris!", Jason hisses, not moving his eyes from something. Someone. I follow the direction of his gaze, and I widen my eyes when I see who is the person he's watching.
She, in beige creamy sweatpants and a winter black jacket with sunglasses and the hood that is hiding her brunette locks. Both Mrs. Morgan and I are looking at her in awe with opened mouths, silent and surprised.
Luna is the one who breaks the silence, as well, as our surprise. "Sorry for being late, I didn't really want to be here", she states and goes to sit on the chair which I was looking at mere seconds ago, mourning that it was empty. But, now it's not.
"Luna..."
She takes her jacket off, but only half of it, keeping it on her arms, while the sibilating material is embracing her body.
"So what have I missed?", she asks with a raspy voice, taking her books from her black backpack, as well as her jacket, and a little torn, with some badges. I haven't seen her doing that... The whole week. Never actually. Well, guess there is a first time for everything.
"It's literature. She's always..."
"Active on it, I know", I cut off Austin who probably sensed my puzzlement.
Everything that I found out about her I have memorized, unlike her who couldn't remember my name. I wonder if she has it memorized by now. As she can sense my thoughts, she turns her head to me and when our gazes lock, she puts her sunglasses lower on her nose and rolls her eyes. Guess, that she has it memorized, I chuckle to myself.
"Are you okay?", Mrs. Morgan asks, causing Luna to turn back to her, and I find myself wishing that she was staring at me longer. Or rolling her eyes longer, whatever.
The teacher leans in her chair, probably being in shock just like the rest of the students. But when I turn to look at them, I see that they look as they did before Luna rushed into the classroom as the tornado. Guess, that they are used to this, or just don't care.
Only Jason and Austin seem to look surprised as me, and we share glances, both of them shocked, not understanding what is going on, except Jason is frowning, too.
"I am, Mrs. Morgan, thanks for asking." I found sarcasm in her voice.
"So, what have I missed? Structure of the novel, I guess, and maybe a little bit of Tolstoy's biography?"
"First of all I have to ask you to take off your glasses and hood", the teacher demands sternly, though her expression is still a soft one.
Luna bites her lip, and even if I can't see her eyes, I guess that they are on the floor, unsure what to do or say.
"Um... I prefer keeping them."
"But..."
Before I can think why she wants to keep her sunglasses on, the loud shriek from behind snaps me.
"No way! You always tell me to take my sunglasses off, Mrs. Morgan! No way she's keeping hers!", Katy yells from behind. We from the front row turn to her and see that she got up, raising her little finger in the air, with a long fake nail, angrily threatening.
"Katy, please, calm down, and sit", Mrs. Morgan orders, and Katy against her will, does what she's asked to.
Luna turns to her, slightly, putting her sunglasses down on her nose, just how she did with me beforehand, sending her a death glare, and before I can catch her eyes, she puts the glasses back.
"Luna, you know those are the rules. Take them off. And the hood, please."
I just know that she's rolling her eyes right now. She sighs, mumbling something impossible for me to hear nor understand and her hands pull her hood off her head, revealing her brunette hair. Then they touch her glasses and take them off, too. Her eyes are focused on the window, and I can't see her, but I know that she is frowning.
"Jesus Christ, Luna!", Mrs. Morgan squeaks and I open my mouth, worried, wondering why did she yell like this. From my seat is impossible to see her, plus her head is turned to the windows and all I can see is her back and her brown hair.
Then she turns, rolling her eyes, sighing. "I did what you asked. Can you tell me now what have I missed?"
I gasp, widening my eyes when they catch the purple bruises on her forehead, and dark circles under her green eyes. But they are more focused on the bruises, in every color from black to purple, green, then over yellow and green.
What the hell happened to her?
Jason jerks me, probably wanting to tell me to close my mouth and stop staring.
"What happened to her?", I mouth to him, and he just shakes his head. I turn to Austin who shrugs his shoulder.
"Don't ask me. I don't know."
"Um... Yes, I can." The teacher gets up, trying to collect herself and not stare at Luna's bruises just like me. She scratches her neck and tugs her curly blonde strand behind her ear.
"I was just asking them if they could describe me Vronsky in a couple of words."
Luna immediately raises her hand high in the air, and I chuckle at the sight, while at the same time her face enlightens. She looks so cute, and her bloodshot eyes are shining with some strange sparkles from unknown reasons. Must be that she loves to read, and discusses books, why would she stay awake only during this period, then?
"Yes, Luna?" Mrs. Morgan sits in her chair behind her desk, again, her voice seems slightly irritated as he gives Luna the word.
"Oh, Vronsky is a dick."
Jason bursts into a laugh, and I look at him for a brief second, sending him a look that says what the hell is funny, and then turn it back to Luna.
"Language, Luna, please", the teacher demands. "Explain, please."
"He acted as if he loved her so much when in fact he didn't see her real struggle. Close to the end, she sends him a letter, asking him to come back because she has to tell him something important, but he dismisses her and doesn't even think about what that could be. If he came back then, maybe Ann wouldn't kill herself."
I rest my elbow on the desk, and my chin on my palms, staring at her, absorbing everything she is saying. I didn't miss the nickname she gave the main character. It's adorable, as well her little rambling with absolute certainty is, but my eyes keep leaving her face and focusing on her forehead where the bruises are. They are huge, and most importantly they look fresh. They must have been made yesterday. But since I saw her twice yesterday, and I don't remember her having them, I'm assuming they have been made during the night. What the hell happened during the night?
Suddenly I feel anger in my veins, which makes me squeeze my fists and I want to hurt the one who dared to touch her and give her pain. I already said that no one could touch a woman like this, let alone her.
Jason is the one who stops my fists from clenching, and my nails from digging in my palms.
"Stop it", he hisses. "Calm down, maybe she fell", he whispers in my ear, as he slowly lets go of my hands when he makes sure I stopped squeezing them.
"I doubt", I mumble, but focus on her talk again, which continues when Mrs. Morgan asks her the next question.
"So, you are accusing him of Anna's death?"
"No." She shakes her head, and her short hair which comes just above her shoulders, cascades.
"I'm just saying that might be one of the reasons why Anna died, how he was glued to work and didn't dedicate himself enough to Ann. And let's not forget what he did to Kitty."
What did he do to Kitty? Oh, Boris why the hell didn't you read the damn book?
"He was just playing with her. The poor girl's heart was broken. Seems that he got through both relationships", she makes air quotes with her fingers which nails are painted black, "unharmed. Both of these women suffered, yet he didn't at all."
"Don't you think that he was devastated at the end after she died? He decided to join the war..."
"Yeah, I hope he regretted how he treated Ann. Because he wasn't the greatest husband material if you ask me." She shrugs with one of her shoulders, and her glance passes through the classroom and it catches my eyes already glued on her. It stops, lingering on me, and her eyebrows knit together, and she quickly averts her gaze.
"Just imagine what would happen if he didn't meet Anna. First of all, she would be alive, second Kitty would be broken because he would ruin her life when he would leave her, telling her that it was all a game. He did her a massive favor, leaving her, and sometimes some person has to leave in order to make access for the better one to come. And in this case that was Levin. "
Levin. I note the name in my notebook, and circle it, studying it. Okay, so she hates Vronsky, but she likes Levin and thinks that he is better for Kitty. Noted.
"Okay, nice, Luna, well, he had some pressure on his back, and his family wasn't complete, but we are going to focus on that later. Can we now talk about Dolly and Stepan's marriage, and their fight which is the reason Anna came into Petersburg?"
Luna again raises her hand, and Mrs. Morgan's gaze searches for someone else's hand in the crowd. Fortunately for me, there's none. I catch Jason holding Austin's right hand, squeezing it hard.
"What are you doing?" I point at his large palm holding Austin's wrist.
"Making sure he doesn't raise his goddamn hand because you want to listen to Luna." He rolls his eyes as if this was obvious. "Her answers are better than his, anyway. She speaks facts, not what some book or internet says, as he does." He glances at Austin, who is rolling his eyes.
"I have another hand, you idiot." He waves his left hand, and before he lifts it, Jason quickly takes that one, too, and the boy with glasses whines.
"Fine! I won't say anything, okay!", he gives up.
I shake my head while looking at the rugby captain. He's unbelievable.
"What? You don't want to listen to the moon?" He cocks his eyebrow, the amused grin dancing on his lips. "I think you should. She's a smart ass." I frown at his profanity for her, although he just wanted to praise her. "See, I told you she'd come."
"Silence over there!", Mrs. Morgan shushes us, and I raise my eyebrow, still looking at Jason. "Okay, Luna, I'm listening."
"Dolly should have left that prick. The only thing he cares about is money, fame, and reputation. Dolly is giving herself for her kids, sacrificing herself, so the house is tidy and that there's always food for them and Stepan, while he cheats on her with his kids' keeper. I mean... "She shakes her head. "She deserved better. Men just keep ruin women's life. See what Vronsky did to Kitty? She had been ill for months because of him. Then Anna as well."
What is she talking about? Why is she so hard on us? Does this have to do with that Manuel guy?
"And Stepan. Men are only arrogant assholes who can be a pain in women's ass..."
"Luna, language please, or I'll have to throw you out."
"See? If I were a boy, you would never tell me that, and threaten to me." She huffs, crossing her arms against her chest, and if she wasn't talking bad about my kind, I would focus on how cute she looks while pouting her small lips and knitting her grey brows that are dancing with anger.
"Luna...", the teacher trails off, trying to calm her down, but she looks as if she was preparing for a storm. No, as if she was a storm, trying to ruin every rule that has been put in this school, in this world, sick of us men, who... Obviously, someone of my kind hurt her. Manuel. Manuel hurt her. I...
"Yeah, this book is just proof of how men are possessive and arrogant. I mean, think about Alexei."
"Who's Alexei?" I turn to Austin's whispering, while Luna leans on the table, with her elbows resting on it, preparing for more arguments. She clearly enjoys this, and I, to be honest, would if I knew who dared to give her these terrible bruises, and made her lose hope in the male's kind.
"Anna's husband."
"Isn't Vronsky her husband?"
"No, dumb idiot." Jason pats my shoulder, strongly. "Even I know that! Vronsky was her lover with whom she cheated on her husband."
"Oh." Is all I say, as I continue listening to Luna. For the hundredth time, I wonder what made her think so shallow of us. I squeeze my fists, again, when the thought of someone hurting her appears in my mind, as an optional one.
I glance at Austin who is trying to note something, and I remember that maybe I should be doing the same. But, I'm too busy absorbing Luna's features. Anna can wait, she's always there, and I can read it whenever I find time for it when Luna is rarely here, and I have to take this opportunity and try to understand why she thinks of Vronsky this badly. Was he really that bad? I don't know. I guess that I should really read that long book. Maybe then I can understand Luna's point of view better. If this enormous novel is an answer to this mysterious girl then I'm willing to read every damn line, and even between lines.
Then, I realize that he is noting everything Luna is saying since Mrs. Morgan can't find a chance to speak at all because Luna took her word. How is he so sure that she is right and that she didn't say something wrongly?
"All he was doing was making sure Anna didn't ruin his reputation and acted the way he wanted her to act. She was like his... puppet. Yeah, puppet!", she exclaims, when she finds the right word. "She didn't have an opportunity to say what she wanted, to do what she wanted, she always had to obey him, and when she cheated on him, he still thought that he could control her, still thinking about only his reputation. He didn't have any feelings. Any.
He can't love. None of them can. Stepan as well. He was only looking for excitement and satisfaction in a pretty woman, bored of his old woman, who got old earlier than she should have, because of the jobs she had to do all by herself. Men do nothing in life, then control us, trying to tell us how to act, so we don't ruin their appearance like we are only puppets who are following them blindly."
When she finishes her statement, she isn't out of breath, as I assumed she would be. No, she's huffing even more, even stronger, as her chest moves up and down, revealing how the storm in her body is just starting to increase.
"Okay, Lu..."
"Alexei took all the air from Ann, by squeezing her weak body and doing everything to get her back, by using her son, threatening her with him, not giving her divorce. But she didn't want to come back to him, as she shouldn't", she mumbles the last part to herself, "and the idiot had a hard time admitting that he had lost. Because we are just a game for them. They are all competing who's gonna get into women's panties faster."
"Luna, lang...", the teacher tries to order her for the hundredth time today.
"What, I'm not allowed to say panties, now, please Mrs. Morgan." She scoffs, shaking her head, and tugging some of the hair strands behind her ear.
"After that, it's all a game for them. Women are a game for them. They keep doing the same thing until they realize that they are too old and need to settle down. So, they find a victim, a young and naive girl who doesn't know anything about life and whom they can manipulate, who can't disobey because they are rulers. Women can't disobey. And if they do that, they call 'em bitches and whores just like did to Anna. "
"Lan..."
"I know, language!", she exclaims, irritated.
I can't stop blinking like an idiot, realizing that she thinks the exact same way I did when I was at Jason's and he asked me was that my first time drinking. I partly agree with her, but I wish she could see that not everyone... That I am not like this. I don't want to get into her pa... Whatever. I am not like those people who hurt her. No, it's obvious that they did, otherwise, she wouldn't hold this rage and be raising her voice at Mrs. Morgan who didn't do anything to her. But, I get her, she needs someone to snap at, to tell them what is laying on her chest, and try to get the load off her heart.
"I don't think that you are talking about the book, anymore, Luna", the teacher remarks, sadly and concerned. "Let's..."
"I am! I am talking about the book!", she yells, and Mrs. Morgan bounces, and I share looks with Jason and Austin who are, as well as I am, puzzled, confused, and not sure what the hell is going on with her.
"Anna was naive, too, her aunt brought her to Alexei and made her marry him. She didn't know anything then, she thought that Alexei loved her, and when she finally experienced the love, they accused her of cheating and talked bad about her, which made her mind think bad, as well about herself, and see the devilish side of herself, believing that she was just like they called her, and those idiots ruined her, well already unstable mental health, and killed her. "
"Is she right?", I ask Austin, knowing that he must know if she's right, though I don't doubt her at all. I'm just confused about what she's actually referring, because I, as well as Mrs. Morgan, think that this is deeper than this book.
"Yeah, about the rumors that started when Anna and Vronsky's relationship got exposed. And about how they killed her, well, I guess she is right."
I turn back to her, frowning and starting nibbling the apex of my pencil, the bad habit of mine, just how mom bites her nails, I bite pencils.
"Remember the moment when she went into that theater or whatever that was. How that lady told her all those hateful words?", she scoffs, and I frown even more. What is going on with her? How do I help her? Is she... Is this the part when she is going to start laughing only to burst into tears? Please, God, don't let that happen.
"I believe that none of you read the book, anyway. You have no idea what I'm talking about. Whom I'm talking about. Right?" She turns to us, and I try to catch her gaze, praying that she will lock gazes with me, but she doesn't. I want to say that I read the book, even though that will be a massive lie, but I still want to reassure her that not everyone and everything is like she thinks. That there are a lot of exceptions.
"I can talk like this till tomorrow, but you wouldn't understand the shit I'm saying, right ?", she yells, half-scoffing, while her eyes shine, revealing the tears they are holding behind. Don't cry, please, I'll fight everyone who hurt you, please.
"Luna..."
"No, Mrs. Morgan." She shakes her head, turning it to our teacher, her voice not raised anymore, soft even, on the edge of breaking. "You teach us all these things when in reality no one is listening to you, accept that. Nor me. Do you realize that nothing, but really nothing has changed since Anna's time?
Men still act the same as Stepan, women still forgive them the way Dolly did for the sake of her kids, society still insults the women who cheat, never the men who do the same, though. Many people say that if Anna lived nowadays she could easily get a divorce and be happy with Vronsky. But, I don't think that."
Of course, you don't, Luna.
"Maybe it would be even worse. People are getting worse each day, each second. They just want to insult you, to hurt you both mentally and physically, to take your strength, till you decide to leave this world...", her voice breaks as she bites her lower lip, probably to stop her tears from falling and buries her head in her shoulder, hiding her face.
Both mentally and physically. What does she mean? Did someone hurt her? Did someone punch her... Did some man try to... No way this bitterness in her voice could be present without the reason. Something had happened. Something... Bad.
Though I agree with her talking about insulting and how people love to do that, I am perfectly aware of them. I experienced that. I'm just hoping she didn't have to experience it, as well.
"Luna..." Mrs. Morgan approaches her, but Luna just shakes her head and opens her mouth to say something, when the high-pitched voice from behind cuts her off, startling us all.
"Oh, Anna is a bitch, just like you." Luna turns on this, frowning and I can see her eyes shining with anger, and it looks like thunderbolts are in them instead of pupils.
"Just like you. How can you say that we are worse? Maybe you are worse? Have you ever thought about that, hm? Who cares about some bitch being happy after she cheated on her husband."
Oh, no, Katy you should stop. My eyes dance between the two girls who are obviously enemies in high school, and I can't decipher Luna's face, as well as I, can decipher Katy's who is trying to insult her, just how Luna described it beforehand. I'm not sure if she is angry, because the thunderbolts I read previously, are now slowly vanishing, giving space for rain.
"You are right, though. Things would get worse if she was alive now. You know why? Because no one loves the cheaters. And those kinds of people are the worst ones. Not the ones you thought were the worst. No, they aren't. Because men give us all and do we appreciate it? No, I don't know whether you do, but due to your speech, I assume you don't. Yet you are defending that... that cheater. Who cares about her mental health? About her death? She deserved to die. Good riddance she died. How did she die again... " The black-haired girl whose lipgloss is shining under the sun that is coming through the window, visible even from the front row puts her finger on her chin, pretending to think.
God, this isn't going to finish well. I just hope she doesn't harm Luna, because she looks like she's about to jump on Katy any second. Or not, wait her chin is trembling. No, no, don't cry. I squeeze my fist wanting to stop this, to stop Katy, but I'm useless, helpless.
"Um, she jumped from the train, right?" Katy's eyes scan the classroom as if someone is going to answer her. But in fact, we all stare at her shocked, looking at her petite frame in a short shiny skirt coming just above her thigh, only covering her butt. I just want to mention that it is so inappropriate for school, hell it is even inappropriate for New Year's eve, let alone a class.
My lips are parted, my gaze focused on Luna, whose eyes are again burning with fire, and I'm surprised how quickly they change between the storm, thunderbolts, and rain, merging them all in one, all in two green circles. Her eyebrows are dancing, revealing her nervousness, and I, again hope she doesn't jump on Katy, and when my gaze catches the teacher's, I see that she is hoping the same thing as I am.
"Yeah, I guess she did, since y'all are so quiet. So, guess what, Luna? You should do it, too. You should jump from a train and die. Yeah." She nods, crossing her arms against her crop top which is revealing more than it should be revealed, again inappropriate just like her skirt, if not even more than it.
I look at Luna, sure to see her angry, waiting for her to jump on the girl who is provoking her any second now, to slap her just how she did on that party Jason told me about, but instead I see a tear rolling down her cheek, and her chin shivering, the storm behind her orbs now gone for good, only rain present. A lot of raindrops. Before I can process what is going on, she grabs her backpack and storms out of the classroom.
No!
"Luna..." Mrs. Morgan glances at Katy who is still standing, grinning, satisfied that she succeeded in whatever she wanted to do.
Then she runs after Luna, leaving us alone, after shaking her head in Katy's direction. The classroom is peaceful, still in shock of what has happened. The obviously evil black-haired girl makes sure that her skirt isn't wrinkled, but before she can sit with that stupid grin on her face, I jump from my seat, without thinking, heading to the corner where she is, with Khalid and his toxic bitches, as Jason once, well, usually says.
"Why have you told her that? Huh? Why?", I yell at her, causing her to step back, approaching the wall, her back touching it, when she realizes that she can't run away from me, focusing her face full of make-up, built with the foundation wall that is probably full of pimples, wrinkles, and all other things, back to me.
"I asked why!"
"Bro..." I hear Jason's voice, and feel his presence behind me, but I decide to ignore it, and surrender to the anger that is overtaking my whole body, and mind.
"She deserved it..."
"Deserved it?", I repeat, disgusted. This girl is... Calm down, Boris, she is still a woman. "And by what? What did she do to you? Huh? Nothing! She did nothing to you!", I snarl, and then Khalid appears in front of me, his body covering Katy's tiny one.
His hands fly to the collar of my shirt, but before they can even brush it, someone jerks them. It's Jason.
"Don't you dare touch him!", he hisses, and I stretch my neck to look at his tall figure. "If you do, you know what will happen. You know what happens when people disobey me."
I gulp, feeling intimidated by his threat, but that quickly vanishes as the picture of Luna whose tears are wetting her soft cheeks appears in my mind.
"Move!", Jason orders Khalid, pulling his body with only one hand, as he knows that I want to approach Katy. I want to thank him, but his glance isn't focused on me, yet on the guy with black skin, while he is huffing, frowning, and seeking with rage, still holding his collar tightly with both his fists.
"You haven't answered me", I hiss to Katy, trying to sound as Jason did beforehand with Khalid, but I fail miserably. I'm not Jason, and dad has told me countless times not to pretend to be someone else. But, right now I feel as if I really am this person; a person who threatens other people and gets angry. But, I never was that kind of person. What happened now?
But, not in a million years, I would touch Katy in a bad way and hurt her. She is a woman. And no woman should be touched harshly by a man. No matter how evil they are.
"She... She..."
I hate this chapter for some reason. Though, I like the drama at the end. What do you think? I hope I didn't bore you with Anna Karenina.
I'm curious have you read the novel? And if you have, do you agree with Luna in some areas?