UNEDITED
21. Open hearts
It was still pouring rain by the time they packed up the rest of the basket and ran back to the truck. Their laughter filled the silence of the streets, the first night of the festival ending much earlier than planned due to the sudden downfall. Jasmine's hand was firmly grasped in Carters', the basket gripped tightly in his other hand as they beamed at each other. Her dress stuck to her body, outlining her figure and complimenting her even more than it already did.
Carter tossed the dripping basket into the back seat of the truck, before running his hand through Jasmine's hair and placing a fervent kiss on her lips. She was downright giddy, and so was he. He rounded the truck and she hopped into the passenger's seat. The clock gleamed: 9:20pm, oh, it's not too late, I don't have to be back for a bit.
"Shall we get you dried off at my place before I drop you home?" the truck gave a low rumble as Carters' hand released the key in the ignition.
"Sounds like a good idea, I'd rather my dad not ask more questions," she strapped the seatbelt on and slumped into the seat, soaked and starting to get chilled as Carter drove the truck out of the parking lot. She reached to turn on the heat but realized Carter had already done so. With the truck in a comfortable silence, and one hand on the wheel, Carter's other slid over to grasp her thigh. Warmth spread through her, radiating out from the point of contact from his hand.
The town was eerie quiet for a summers night, but as the rain was still hitting the windshield, Jasmine guessed that it had scared everyone off, like themselves, for the rest of the evening. His fingertips were gracing the skin just below the hem of her dress, drawing lazy circles over the soft skin of her thigh, his palm planted on the soaked material.
Jasmine watched as the truck pulled into a familiar driveway, only a single light from one of the upstairs rooms was on. The street was fairly dark and they climbed out of the truck, a comforting silence with only the sound of light rain and their breathing could be heard. Carter rounded the truck, embossing her in a kiss. Their lips pressed tightly together, Jasmine locked a leg around Carter. He picked her up in one swift motion, holding her like a koala bear, in the way she once tackled him to the ground. With one hand holding her, the other reached up and gently plucked her glasses from her face, folding them over the neckline of her dress, brushing a thumb gingerly over her cheekbone. Jasmine lips pressed up into a small smile as she titled her head into his hand, giving him a side long glance. Without saying another word, she kissed him feverently, her tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. Carter carried her to the door as she kissed his cheek, forehead, neck. He sat her down only for a moment to open the door and slip them both noiselessly inside.
Carters room was exactly the way Jasmine had remembered it from the first time she had wandered in, soaked to the bone before as she was now. Her toes traced over the worn floor, moving towards the bathroom, but a hand at her waist, making her pause. Carter placed a gentle kiss at the base of her jaw near her ear, his breath warm in her ear. The hairs on her arm stood up, a chill spiking through her. He traced a finger starting at the base of her jaw down her spine; her stomach writhed, back arching slightly at the touch.
Jasmine turned to face Carter, his hands gently moving her to the motion. Her hands tangled into his hair while his roamed the plains of her back. She felt a tug at her zipper, enthralled in a kiss and unaware as her dress dropped to the floor. The pads of his fingertips and calloused hands were a rough yet gentle caress against her bare skin. Her own fingers prodded at the buttons of his shirt, the belt at his waist.
Soon their clothes were left in a pile on the floor, bodies pressed as close as they could be.
"I love you," Carter whispered to her lips. Jasmines barriers had already come crashing down. She felt as free as a bird. Free to be herself, to show every barren and scarred inch of herself. A single tear trailed down her cheek, a breathless huff as she exhaled every worry and fear and was simply there.
In the moment.
Not afraid of everything they'd become, everything they could be as she pressed her forehead to his, and breathed in every inch of him.
"And I you."
*
"So," Carter drawled, his eyes set on a lazy finger tracing over the curvature of her hip bone. The sheets pulled over her body, even though every inch of her had been laid bare.
"So?" Jasmine replied, watching every movement of his finger across the sheet, her head on his shoulder, palm sprawled across his chest, legs entangled between one another.
"What're your plans after senior year? You're so smart, you have to be planning on applying to top colleges," he complimented, eyes rising to meet hers.
"If I had it my way, I'd take a year off to travel. See the world, capture it's beauty. Maybe do some freelancing to make ends meet." Jasmine sighed thinking about that, that would be the dream, but it would be 'a waste of her intelligence' if she didn't go to a top college. "What are you thinking? Does your mom want you to go to Harvard like your brother?" Jasmine tucked a stray curl behind his ear before nestling under his chin.
"Like I could get in," he scoffed and the tracing stopped as he ran a hand through his hair, displacing the curls Jasmine had just set in place.
"Hey," Jasmine scolded, frowning at him poking a finger right in the centre of his chest, "I'm sure if you retook the SAT's in the fall and bump your grades just a bit you could do it, you're smarter than you think."
"Maybe," he paused, eyes roaming over the blank ceiling above, "but I don't think I want to go there. Honestly, I don't know what I want to do."
"I don't really either,"
"At least you've got a plan." Carter said, eyes moving back to meet hers. Jasmine thought for a moment, her turn now to drawl slow circles over the planes of his chest.
"Take a year off!" She exclaimed. Carters face was that of utter confusion before it slowly shifted into something else.
"I—what would I do?"
"Work, volunteer, do something you enjoy. Come visit me in whatever country I happen to be in at the time." She smiled rolling onto her back, breathing out the idea.
"I don't think my mom could take that," before Jasmine got the change to ask the question waiting on her tongue, Carter continued, "she wants to see me well set up for the future, I take a year off and run all over the world and she'll think she's dealing with Carmen all over again." He pressed a kiss to Jasmine's forehead, a silent way of saying he didn't want to talk about it. "So tell me, where would you go first?"
"Paris." Jasmine answered without hesitation, sensing Carter's unease about the thoughts she likely stirred and just has happy to move onto another conversation. "It's always been Paris, without a doubt."
"And why's that?" He fingered one of her stray locks, twirling it around his finger as she turned into him.
"It just, I guess it has this allure to it. The old world charm, the sights, I think it'll be beautiful to photograph. It's the perfect epicenter of Europe, take a train anywhere else from there." Jasmine mused the idea of taking a year off every few weeks, it called to her like a whisper on the wind, but one that she knew she could never answer.
As if reading the thought on her mind, Carter asked "So why can't you travel for a year, if it's what you want to, just do it, right?"
"My mom—" Jasmine paused. "It's complicated." She shook her head and nuzzled into his shoulder. That's what she resulted to anytime someone asked her about things that she didn't want to explain. It's complicated. If your parents are still together, why doesn't your mom to live at home? It's complicated. Where's your mom? It's complicated. Why are you the one taking care of your sister? It's complicated. So which college are you going to after high school's done? It's complicated.
"You've never talked about your mom," Carter mused, placing a finger underneath her chin, tilting her face towards his.
"She's in the hospital," though Jasmine's face was titled towards him, her eyes glanced anywhere but there.
"Oh, she's sick? Does she have cancer or something?" Carter asking, genuine care laced his tone.
"She's sick, but not with cancer." Jasmine replied. A tightness welled in her chest, her throat closing in, begging her not to say anything more. No one knew. No one needed to know. Not even Ashley or Emilia. They knew the basics, but nothing more.
"What's she sick with?" Carter asked, hoping he wasn't prodding to far, but wanting to give Jasmine the support that he knew she was lacking, her eyes always told him everything, and right now they were brimming with tears. Bridged to fall and stream down her face at any given second. His thumb graced her cheekbone, willing her to look at him, just a single glance, just to let go, tell him everything, give it to someone else to help bear, even for just a second.
But she gently pulled her chin from his grasp and it into her the palms of her own hands from propped up elbows.
"She's mentally ill. And actually in a psychiatric containment centre at the hospital right now. She..." Jasmines words faltered, but Carts just took one of her hands in his own, rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand, patiently waiting for her to continue, not speaking until she was done or ready to be done. "We think she tried to kill herself back at the beginning of the summer, so she's been there ever since."
"I had no idea." Carter shook his head.
"No one does," Jasmine breathed. "She also abuses us—Pey and I. But Peyton more than me. I think she sees glimpses of the past with me, so she's kinder to me in a way. But Pey, my sweet angel, she doesn't deserve to suffer through everything she has. My mom was never like this when I was younger, it's just...manifested in the last few years." It took a second for Carter to register what Jasmine was saying, but it suddenly all made sense; the random bruises she would show up to school with, the days where she seemed to not talk to even her friends, not that he had ever paid very close attention to her. But she certainly was visible to him.
He didn't know what to say. At a loss for words his mouth gapped, and then closed. Then would open again as if to say something, but close again thinking there was nothing quite right to say to what had just tumbled from Jasmine's lips.
"You don't have to say anything. I didn't expect you to." Jasmines words were quiet, a sort of remorse hung between them.
"Thank you for being able to share that with me." Was all he said before tears streamed down Jasmine's cheeks.
"I just don't know what to do anymore." Jasmines words were a stream and jumble more than a sentence. "I can't leave Peyton, and I can't keep hoping mom's going to get better when these doctors have done nothing to help and she keeps getting worse." In that moment something shattered in Jasmine, her whole life was here, on the line, open for Carter to see. Whether Carter accepted or rejected that, there was nothing Jasmine could do to control or hold back any of it anymore.
She sobbed into his chest, a soothing hand running over her hair and down her back, repeating the motion until her sobs turned into nothing more than tears and the tears into nothing more than sniffles. Until even the sniffles were just a shallow, empty whimper.
"It's okay," Carter soothed. "Everything will work itself out. It always seems to do that." He continued running a gentles caress over her silky locks. "In the meantime, I know your sister is everything to you, and I'm not saying abandon her, but" he paused, doe eyes moving slowly to gaze up at him in a wide, broken glance.
"Next year, you need to do what's best for you, and your life. And if that's pursuing your passion, and photography and travelling the world, do it." His finger moved another stroke to tuck some stray strands behind her ear.
"You've got a gift that deserves to be shared with more than a camera lens and not tucked into some albums in an attic." He tried to sound earnest, and hoped it showed.
"Thanks," Jasmine managed a smile and placed a kiss on his cheek. She loosed a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, her body relaxed, she hadn't realized it had been so tense either. Carter held Jasmine, understanding that for a few quiet moments, that's all she needed. Comfort and someone to take care of her, like she took care of Peyton.
"Shit," Jasmine swore, glancing at the clock that rested on Carter's bedside table, then realizing the word that just escaped her lips.
"It's 10:50pm, my dad's going to freak." She hadn't texted him all evening and began scrambling out of the sheets. Carter quickly grasped her waist with both hands, tugging her back down, he pressed a kiss, firm yet gentle to her lips. Jasmine giggled and smiled into the kiss.
"I love you. Really." Carter said earnestly, his eyes pleading for her to understand, hers already filled with a distant, glazed fog.
"I love you too," Jasmine smiled, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Seriously though, we need to go," she laughed, pushing him off, grabbing her, now only slightly-damp dress off the floor and running to the bathroom to change.
As Carter's truck pulled up to the driveway, Jasmine could immediately sense that something in the house was amiss. The house shone with a soft glow. The red neon of the truck read just past 11:00pm; there shouldn't be any lights on in the house. Carters lips grazed her own in a goodbye before she gingerly climbed out of the truck, waved and walked towards the front door.
She sucked in a breath, ready for the stern, but unimpressed father awaiting her in the kitchen beyond the door. After everything that was tonight, she hoped he was asleep and wanted nothing more than to go climb into bed for a solid night's sleep. Her walls were nothing but a pile of rubble and stone. And she was okay with that. Exhausted from it all, but okay.
The door opened before she could even reach for the key in her purse. Her dad stood in the doorway, hand still grasping the handle, his face was wary, not mad, not unimpressed. One of worry and concern, his forehead lines drawn tighter than usual. As Jasmine neared the front door, she noticed a shadowed figured sitting at the kitchen island.
Her mom was home.
A/N
okay what? a little love, a little steam, a few walls breaking, our baby is blossoming into a full grown adult! who let that happen?!!
it's bittersweet to announced that we're nearing the end of the book.
How many chapters do you think are left?
i'm excited to finish but also sad since this book has been such a process. i feel like ive literally grown up with this book having written it on and off since....what...like 2015? omg that's crazy. thanks you if you've stuck around for this long, that's insane and i'm so thankful!
Read, comment, vote, follow, and HER MOM IS HOME???
-love, nessa