After admiring how classy and chic Hisoka's private plane looked. You sat in one corner, and silently gazed out the window. Watching each cloud pass by until the plane changed to cruise mode above the clouds - exposing the beautiful afternoon sun.
It was amazingly tranquil being so high. For some reason you wondered if heaven looked like this. And whether it would feel like this. Pure bliss. Utter stillness.
Out of the blue, a single tear betrayed your left eye. Just before it could roll down your cheek, you felt a finger slide up your cheek - catching the tear before it spilt.
Looking up, it was Hisoka.
"You have been awfully quiet the entire day. Seemingly miles from here. And I catch you crying. What's the matter Y/n?" He asked smoothly while talking a seat next to you on the couch.
Resting your head against the window, you held eye contact.
"I don't know Hisoka..I guess I'm just feeling tired, a bit weak and my body is kind of really aching.." You whispered. Not for any secretive reason. Solely because that was all the energy you could exert with talking.
Looking at you a bit sternly, "Where is it paining?" He asked. Wiping away another tear from your eyes.
"More my shoulders and lower back.." You slugged through that sentence.
Glancing over to Maleeka seated more in front of the plane, deeply engrossed by her cartoons. Hisoka stood up and extended his hand to you.
"Come." He curtly said.
To out of it to question him, you merely obeyed by taking his hand and followed him to the back of the plane, which opened into a private bedroom.
Sitting on the bed, you noticed that Hisoka had carried some sort of prescribed oil before sitting behind you. Almost as if he expected this to happen.
After pushing your hair forward, you felt his finger tips on your back zip.
"May I?" You heard him ask.
Maybe if you were in your right senses you would feel shy and nervous. But You were desperate for any relief right now. It was really torture that you couldn't take any pain medication because of your failing liver.
Slowly pulling down the zip along the extended zip trail that ended at your lower back - exposing black lacy bra, Hisoka methodically pulled down both dress sleeves. Exposing your entire back.
After that. Hisoka rested his finger tips on the bra clip. Giving you the opportunity to resist if you weren't comfortable. However nothing happened.
Taking that as a go ahead sign. Hisoka effortlessly unhooked the bra.
"You want to lay down or sit up?" He asked.
"I'll sit up for a bit then lay down." You replied.
Letting the oil run down your back, you immediately closed your eyes in relief when you felt Hisoka's hands mould into your back. Just by seeing you slouch down instantly at his touch was enough for anyone to see how reliving this was.
Hisoka was far too distracted thinking about how you only going to get worse from now on to take this time to admire your bare body he hasn't seen nor felt this close for seven years. Even though it was just a bare back, the way your toned muscles ran down your back could make a grown man weak.
"I'm sorry for making you do this." He heard you murmur.
"I already knew I would have too." He replied. Causing the two of you to fall into silence not long after.
After 15 minutes of silence and blissful massaging. Hisoka noticed that you started to get drowsy by seeing your body leaning more to one side.
Guiding you, he gently allowed you to lay on the pillow. Although your dress was still unzipped right down and your bra loosely covered the front, Hisoka left it as is. The last thing you need right now is to get up just to dress up again.
Not really looking at your exposed body, Hisoka covered you by bringing over the blanket from the other side. Although he was nervous with having you sleep because it felt as if you could drift into subconsciousness in your sleep, he understood that being asleep as much as you could is better because it meant you didn't have to deal with the pain.
Since the flight was going to be 16 hours, and Maleeka seemed occupied, Hisoka decided to stay on the bed with you to watch over.
Only into an hour or two passing, did he see you begin to stir restlessly in your sleep. Since you turned around to face him, he noticed your face had a pained expression.
Tears?
With several mumbles and stirs, your words finally became audible and coherent enough for him to hear.
"D-do y-you want me to get rid of the baby?"
"It a-was a long time since we last had s-sex. So I stopped taking the pill. T-then when it happened so suddenly after your recovery, it slipped my mind that I was off it. I'm s-sorry Hisoka.."
With his insides suddenly dropping. Hisoka knew what you were dreaming about. Not just dreaming. What memory you were remembering. Guilt and anger bubbled within Hisoka upon remembering the biggest mistake of his life. But fear had to be the prominent feeling right now. This was the last memory Hisoka wanted you to remember. It was too soon. Too raw.
"I'm sorry Hisoka.."
"P-please say something.."
"Y/n get up.." Hisoka mistakenly whispered. He knew exactly what was going to be said after that line. He didn't want you too hear it.
His hand was now hovering just a few inches above your cheek. He wanted to caress you gently to wake you up. He was desperate for you to not remember that. But the thoughts of you being ill and needing to rest conflicted him.
By the time he came to a decision, the damage had been done. He knew he had told you to leave and never come back. Humiliated you. Called you deceitful. Swore to kill you and Maleeka if he saw them again.
" Hiso-"
"Hisoka I never get pregnant o-on pur-"
"I know you didn't get pregnant on purpose Y/n." He replied back to you 7 years later. The way he should've responded to you.
That's when it all ended. No more words exchanged. The last conversation. He remembers watching you walk away. He remembers feeling that red fated thread being cut.
And it was all his fault. He should of handled the situation better. Thought about you and the baby first before anyone and anything.
But you were right. No matter what his intentions were. Even if he wanted to protect you. At the end of the day, he chose everything else over you. You were alone and had to do it all with Maleeka while studying.
"You told me you miss me.. You wanted me to come back home to you. Don't leave me now Hisoka." He heard you continue talking.
'This must be what she thought afterwards.' He mentally noted.
"I know Y/n. I didn't want to leave you." Once again he replied. Trying to give himself some satisfaction of knowing he responded 'correctly' to you. Even though it was too late.
"I'm scared too.. I'm not prepared for this baby just as much as you aren't. But we can figure it out together. Please don't let me do this on my own.."
Ghostly placing his hand on your cheek without getting you up, Hisoka started to wipe away your tears as he listened to your broken 18 year old self talk.
"Yes. We can work it out together Y/n.." He replied lowly.
"Please Hisoka.. I don't want to give this child a broken home like I came from. You don't need to ever love me. Just as long as you are good to her or him.." You said, crying even more.
"Mother.. is that really you?" You suddenly stopped crying as another phase changed.
"Please don't be upset with me too mother.. I know it's all my fault. I shouldn't have been sleeping with someone outside of marriage.."
".. thank you for not being mad.."
"I finally understand your words. Why you would always tell me to not let boys distract me.. I can't go back to school now. I won't be able to study further.. my life is ruined now. How I'm I going to provide for my baby mother? I have nothing and no one.."
"No.. You don't understand. I can't go back to school even though I want too. Hisoka said he would kill me if he sees me ever again. I can't go back.."
"I'm scared of him mother.. Just like how you were scared of father. He scares me too. I've never seen Hisoka so upset before. He definitely meant it when he said he would kill me.. You should've seen the hatred and disgust he has for me now.."
"No Y/n." Hisoka said. Feeling partially uneasy that he was compared to your father. It now made sense why you started to fall out of in love with him. He was truly a fool to think you would love him forever unconditionally. Being compared to your father. A man you detested whole heartedly, was another kind of dislike.
"I understand mother..I will figure this out. I'll love her or him enough. I'll be both the mother and father. I won't ever make her or him feel like they need a the other parent."
And you really did. The second you stepped foot back home and Hisoka saw the two of you. He knew neither you or Maleeka needed him. And it was so obvious that she was a happy child. You two never needed him, and still don't.
"What I'm going to say about their father? Well..l'll tell them all the good things. I'll describe him the way I saw him right before I told him I'm pregnant. Intelligent. Funny. Kind hearted. Misunderstood, but definitely sweet and protective once you understand him. Unbelievably strong. Patient. And definitely charming...Or maybe I won't tell them much. I don't want to remember the good moments with him.. it was all one sided anyways.." You ended off with a sullen undertone.
Closing his eyes, that entire year replayed from start to end. "It wasn't one sided Y/n.. Everything was real between us."
"I'll try and let go mother..he was my first love after all..I'll need time. It just hurts a lot..I thought what him and I shared was different between what he had with other girls. But I was foolish to think he wouldn't kick me out after he was done with me."
Clenching his jaw tight, a blotch of anger and annoyance started to simmer within Hisoka's core. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stand hearing this anymore.
He didn't want to hear this.
He didn't want to dwell on the past anymore.
He just wanted to focus on the present and attempt to rectify everything.
However right now he was questioning everything. Was any of this worth it? Was everything too far gone between the two of you to make right? Was this second chance pointless? It felt pointless right now. And naturally so, this pissed Hisoka off. Even more so because everything to him came easy. You were always and still are the one difficult constant variable he couldn't overcome or get right.
Why should he bother to win you back if you were eventually going to remember and leave again..
There was always some issue. Never just smooth sailing. Maybe it was an indication that you and him weren't meant to be..
"As your mother said. Just let go." He whispered, gazing at you.
"I have to let go too." He uttered to you before slowly retreating his hand back away from you.
Leaving the room before he took one more glance back at you.