Many emotions and feelings that have been suppressed and forgotten gradually began to wake up as he held her inside his arms.
His heart was squeezed so tightly inside his chest that it was painful, making him feel breathless. After a few minutes, he clenched his fists and pulled away from her, returning to his makeshift bed on the floor.
"Jia'er, you should sleep too. I'm sorry for disturbing your rest."
His voice was low and soft, with a hint of anxiety. It was as if he was afraid of startling a small animal and cause it to accidentally flee.
"Ah...yes. Good night."
Song Jia was stunned for a beat before responding to him. She didn't know how to react.
She was almost sure that she was facing Zhao Cheng, but he behaved very differently from her expectations. It made her become confused on what kind of attitude she should show him.
Song Jia laid back down in the bed, but she couldn't sleep. There were many questions running in her mind. She couldn't wait for morning to come so that she could confront Nova and finally get some answers.
"Jia'er?" Thee silence was broken by his tentative voice and a rustle of sheets. "Are you still awake?"
"...I am."
Song Jia had already closed her eyes, but she could hear him moving on the ground. It seemed that he was trying to sit up...?
"Jia'er...can I hold your hand?"
Zhao Cheng clutched his head as he spoke, trying to make his voice sound steady. He wanted to appear normal in front of her, but any loss of contact seemed to trigger some kind of panic attack from him. Shortly after he forced himself to stop hugging her, there was ringing in his ears as his vision began to swim.
He endured it as much as he could, but as his panic had reached its peak, his survival instinct kicked in and the words came out of his mouth before he could stop himself.
Song Jia opened her eyes. He wanted to hold her hand? She remembered the crazy things this man had done after she 'passed away.' She felt that...it didn't seem to be such a difficult request.
"Alright."
Song Jia held out her hand, and he quickly laced his fingers through hers, their palms meeting. The shape of her hand perfectly fit his as if every joint and fine muscle had been designed to match.
Zhao Cheng didn't lie back down on the makeshift bed. He continued sitting down, looking at their joined hands. It was such a simple thing, to be able to hold her hand.
But like a pebble being thrown into a still lake, it created endless ripples in his heart. He could feel her pulse, beating steadily and rhythmically, reminding him that she was alive.
A long time ago, he held her hand like this too.
He was much more mature now, having gone through despair and vicissitudes of life. Just holding her hand, feeling her existence, this was more than enough for him.
They say that a person who loves the other is the most humble. He was afraid that if he showed how much he wanted her, let loose of the desperate desires locked deep inside his heart, she would leave him without hesitation. He didn't have any qualifications to appear in front of her, so he was like a coward without any confidence.
Just staying like this...just let him stay like this by her side.
This was enough.
He gently squeezed her hand.
He would never let himself become greedy for anything more than this.
"Goodnight."
Song Jia slowly closed her eyes again. She could feel his gaze on her face like it was a physical touch. Out of an impulse, she suddenly opened her mouth.
"It's strange, but this feels a bit familiar."
He froze. "Wha...what?"
"This...you holding my hand." Song Jia playfully swung their hands back and forth. "It sort of feels like déjà vu."
Happiness burst out inside him like fireworks. Her words told him that she hadn't forgotten him completely, that in some corner of her mind, there were still traces of him left there.
Even if it was only the tiniest bit.
Before his happiness could overwhelm him, a part of his mind that could still think clearly reminded him why he didn't want her to remember their past life.
Like somebody had thrown a bucket of cold water over his head, he woke up.
He said to her as lightly as possible, "It must be because I held your hand before."
Xu Jinhai didn't have Zhao Cheng's memories. But this didn't mean that the same restriction applied to him. Although it was mostly vague and blurry, like watching a play underwater and trying to guess what each actor was saying, he could still sometimes peek into Xu Jinhai's day to day life.
Of course, he only paid attention to his interactions with Song Jia. Other things, he didn't have the interest to watch.
Song Jia inwardly raised an eyebrow. Was this only a correct guess, or could he actually view the memories of his other 'personality,' Xu Jinhai?
"That must be it."
Song Jia nodded. She stifled a yawn and curled up. She had been used to sleeping in a spooning position. It already became a longtime habit of hers that even with no one by her side, she still had to act like a 'little spoon.'
"You're tired." Zhao Cheng's voice was gentle but very firm. It exuded strength beyond his years. "Go to sleep."
"Mm. I know."
Song Jia's mind began to drift away. Before she completely fell into the warm lull of sleep, she dazedly thought that Zhao Cheng had lived a life she hadn't been a part of.
Her last memory of him was still that of a teenage boy, but he had already grown up to become an emperor that fiercely made his whole kingdom rise up to glory.
And, in that same fierce and determined manner, to also make it fall into hell.
This was a Zhao Cheng she completely didn't know. His hand was solid and dependable as it covered hers, and she could feel the warmth of his body heat as if it was going to sear her skin.
With all sorts of thoughts running in her mind, Song Jia fell asleep.
...
The next morning, she woke up and found Zhao Cheng leaning his head on the edge of her bed, fast asleep.
He was still holding her hand.
The moment she woke up, his eyelashes also trembled. Song Jia held her breath. She actually didn't know if it would be 'Xu Jinhai' or 'Zhao Cheng' that she would face.
The man's glacier-blue eyes found her face, and his lips unconsciously lifted up into a smile. His hair was tousled, and a red mark from the mattress was imprinted on his cheek.
"Jia'er."
Song Jia felt complicated. Zhao Cheng was behaving so oddly that she couldn't find it in herself to alienate him, and at the same time, she was also worried for Xu Jinhai. As a transmigrator, she had an idea about how their hosts felt to be possessed by somebody else.
While some hosts accepted them, other original hosts, like Li Jia, fought to take control of their body.
Although Zhao Cheng and Xu Jinhai shared the same soul, the two of them lived very different lives. It was almost the same as body possession.
Song Jia shook her head.
"Let's just go and find Wen Yu."
Let Nova take care of this problem. After all, he was her boss. Since she was an employee under him, she had the right to pass him this hot potato.
"Wen Yu?" Zhao Cheng frowned. He had seen this cat-demon from Xu Jinhai's memories because Jia had been close to this demon.
He was also disturbed that this cat-demon's surname was called 'Wen,' which reminded him of Wen Heng Zhi.