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34
"I am telling you Dad, I don't know." I whine, laughing when he makes an unhappy noise.
"Well, what did you do?"
"Literally just what I said before."
We were driving back from the audition. He has asked me again, how it went.
I have no idea how it went.
It wasn't really like that.
There was a huge group of us, we basically just did workshops and mini performances all day.
Everyone did great.
Like everyone was so good.
The chemistry between everyone was so good as well.
But like, there are thirty spaces and at least fifty people were here today.
So how can I say that it went well when I have no idea how they can judge it?
It was so good. So fucking fun. But I don't know if I stuck out, you know? I mean I did good. I sounded so good when we did the recording workshop. But so did a lot of people.
I don't know.
Things are weird.
Rayne sits forward from the back seat. "Okay but were there judges?"
"It's complicated." I say.
Somehow my dad convinced Rayne to drive up with him.
He didn't want to be alone for seven hours so forced Rayne for company. I told them they didn't need to come and pick me up. They didn't agree.
We left at four. The audition finished at three, it was half eight in the morning till three, like a pretty regular school day.
I was exhausted.
We ate some food in the city and then hit the road seeing as Scarlett was throwing a party and I said I would be there.
It'll be at least eleven by the time I can get there. But I don't really mind. It will be nice to see my friends. And by eleven everyone will be pretty drunk and playing catch up, although slightly dangerous, is pretty fun.
"What do you mean complicated?" Rayne asks.
"Like the judges or I guess interviewers were the workshop leaders, you know? So they were running the workshops, instructing us, but were also taking notes. Watching us."
"So did they give away anything?"
I shake my head. "No they were actually all rather nice. Like not like the typical stuck-up judges you'd expect. Not like Scarlett's audition where she literally just had to dance on a stage in front of four people who had zero emotion. These people cheered and laughed and complimented basically everyone."
"Well how many compliments did you get?" He asks.
I laugh. "Rayne, I don't know."
"You're useless." He sighs, collapsing back to his seat and I smile, shrugging.
"I told you, I have no idea how it went."
"But you don't think it went bad?" My dad prompts.
I shrug. "No one did bad."
"Hmmm." He asks. "Where did you eat lunch?"
"We got an hour rest. So like a big group of us went and got some food from the main cafeteria place, which was free by the way which was cool, and then we walked around the uni a little until it was time to go back."
"How was the campus?" Rayne asks. "Nicer than the sports uni?"
I shrugged. "It was very, I don't know, it felt like you had to be someone special to go there. The sports uni was more modern and sort of- I feel like they turn you into something special there. Do you know what I mean?"
He hums. Like he does know.
We weren't too far from home.
Which was nice. Because my ass was numb.
The last few days in preparation for this was so busy, so focused, that I hadn't really talked to anyone.
But my friends messaged me this morning saying goodluck.
Which was very sweet.
Rayne's phone has been ringing this whole ride and he keeps ending the call, instead of picking it up and no matter how many times I look back and ask with my eyes who the hell is calling him, he won't tell me.
But my father is also curious. So he asks this time. "Who is that?" He chuckles.
"No one."
"New love interest?" my dad asks, fully being nosey and not caring about it.
I grin, looking back at Rayne.
I somehow got to ride shot gun. I think it's because Rayne doesn't really care about that anymore.
I however feel the need to be superior and sit up front.
"Nah." Rayne says. "It's no one. Don't worry."
"Would this nobody we offended at being called a nobody?" I ask, amused.
Rayne rolls his eyes. "Probably. Yes."
I laugh. Cocking my head. Asking for more information.
He rolls his eyes again. "Their name is Mason."
I rest my head on the seat, curious.
Rayne shakes his head. "Nope, no more info."
"Why?" I complain. I look at Dad. "Dad doesn't mind talking about boys. Do you Dad?"
My Dad chuckles. Shaking his head. "Nope."
"See exactly."
Rayne shoots a look back at me. "How about you Lottie. What about the boys in your life?"
"I have no boys in my life." I smile sweetly back. "Stop turning this to me."
"You sure about that?" My dad asks.
I look at him, my face scrunched up. Yes I am sure.
I look back at Rayne.
"Oh sorry I forgot you're seeing a girl right?" He chuckles. "How is she?"
"Rayne. Who is Mason?" I ask.
He rolls his eyes.
I haven't really seen Solana all week.
Which I don't know how I feel- because we had such a good date. We did. But I wasn't sad that I haven't seen her again yet.
I am seeing her tonight, or I should be anyway.
So I think I am just going to see how it goes.
"He's just a guy."
"A guy?"
"No he's a mate. Like he's straight."
I raise an eyebrow at him.
"Mostly." Rayne mumbles.
I laugh, pulling a face at him and even my dad glances in the mirror to see him.
"Yes. Yes. I know. Seeing a straight man is a bad idea. Believe me I know this, done this before. But it's not me doing the chasing-"
He points to his phone.
I pull a face now. Like a weirded-out face. Because he really has been getting non-stop calls all evening.
"He's drunk. Hence the phone calls."
"Oh god." I say. "Block him, ghost him."
"I am a grown up, I can't just ghost people Lottie."
I shrug. "Why not?"
"Because it's rude. Plus I am a nice person."
I look at Dad. "You think ghosting makes you a bad person?"
"Depends on why you're ghosting someone."
I nod, looking back at Rayne. "Ghosting stalker Mason doesn't sound like a bad idea."
He shrugs.
"So, is that the only person in your life?" I ask him.
He gives me a bored look.
I groan. "Talk to me."
"Fine. No it's not."
"Who? Who?" I ask excited.
"There are a few." He says quietly, pulling a face at me when I grin more.
"Any soul mates in the mix?"
"Sadly no."
I pout. "You need to find your soulmate."
"Yes. Thank you for that Lottie."
"I am just saying." I mumble, turning back around. "I want you to be in love."
"Are you in love?" He chuckles.
"Nope and I am enjoying not being in love." I say.
"Exactly, me too. I just got out of a relationship too."
Hm. I look at him. "Yes but I feel it in my soul that you have a soul mate that you haven't met yet."
"Oh God." He mutters.
I grin. "I mean it."
"You sound like Emersyn."
"My role model."
"Oh man." He says, the same tone as before and I laugh.
I look back. "You said you weren't in love with Sawyer at the end though."
He shrugs. "And? Does that mean I have to search for love now?"
I don't know. "Shall I find you someone?"
"Lottie." He chuckles. "Figure out your own stuff."
I pout, looking at dad. Dad glances at me. "Don't get me involved." He chuckles. "I am happily married; I don't know about this stuff."
"Yeah yeah, gloat all you like." I look at Rayne. "You wanna find your soulmate?"
He shakes his head. "Nope. Not for at least six months, I have plans with a boy to go on a romantic vacation in the spring, don't wanna mess that up yet."
I laugh, shaking my head at him and I sit back facing the front.
"How far away are we?"
"Another forty-five minutes." Dad says. "You want running home first?"
"No, it's ok. I'll just get changed at Scarlett's."
"Okay." He says.
...
We pull up outside Scarlett's, us all pretty tired.
I look in, the house looks packed. People are loitering about out the front, I can see the lights out the back. Meaning people are out there too.
"Isn't it too cold to be outside?" My dad asks. "Your mum would throw a fit."
I shrug. "Drunk teens don't care."
"That's how people freeze to death." Rayne helpfully chimes in.
I throw him a look.
He shrugs.
My dad makes a concerned sound.
"So you're staying at Scar's, yeah?" He asks.
"Yeah, don't worry. I won't come home tonight."
"Okay." He says. "You can. You don't have to stay out-"
I said to mum I would stay out because I was going to drink tonight.
She said that that was a good idea.
As long as I was safe.
I was safe here, so.
I nodded at him. "I wanna stay here. Don't worry."
"Okay. Let me know if you need a lift in the morning." He says. "You have driving, remember?"
I pull a face. Over the past week my mum's been trying to convince me to resume driving lessons. The first one is on Saturday. Tomorrow.
I am not happy about this.
We shall see how I feel tomorrow. Then I'll see.
I nod at him.
"Okay, goodnight." I say, opening the door. "Thank you for bringing me home. For supporting this."
He nods. Not saying anything more and Rayne swaps with me as I grab my bag out.
I jog up the path to Scarlett's house and I smile at people when they say hello to me, but mostly I squeeze through bodies and look around for Scar.
She calls my name as soon as she must have seen me, making me turn around and spot her sat comfortably on the kitchen counter.
She wasn't with Blaise, which surprised me.
I looked around, actually there are hardly any guys here.
"Are you looking for dick?" She asks bluntly when I walk to her.
I laugh, looking back at her questionably.
"I tried to keep it a guy free party. Like I don't know- some bonding for us girls. But people are slowly getting drunk and texting guys to come over. I'm sorry."
I laugh again, smiling at her and I shake my head. "Don't apologise."
She shrugs, she was slightly drunk already. Well when I say already... it was ten past eleven and people started coming at nine ish.
She lifts her arms to say hello so I laugh and hug her, then leaning between her legs, I turn around to see everyone.
"Who is here?" I ask.
"Everyone female who we like."
"We like everyone, no?" I ask.
"Mia was not invited. And that group of girls who seem to hate us for no reason didn't get an invite. Everyone else I personally messaged."
"Wow ok." I laugh.
She gasps. Nudging me forwards so I turn around and look at her.
"How was the audition?"
I groan, shrugging. "It was neither good or bad. Like I couldn't tell."
"That's-..." She pauses. "Okay well that's ok."
"Mhm." I hum, turning back to the other side. "I need a drink. I just wanna forget about uni and stuff tonight."
"Yes." Scar says. Jumping down from the side. "Shots and then you can go and get changed."
I smile back, agreeing and we walk over to Kim and Sasha who were stood pouring shots and I mooch in the middle of them, grinning when they say hi.
We do shots. We do. And believe me I think I probably should have drank more water today because I've only done two shots and I am stepping away with a slightly woozy brain.
Ok.
Scar grabs my hand. "Hey, I know where Solana and her friends are, you wanna-?"
I just nod. Smiling at how friendly Scar is being.
I am not even sure where we stand right now. But I think we're ok. Like this week we have been good, getting on easily.
To be fair I have only been spending lunches with her.
That's all I really see of her.
And right now.
Scarlett pulls me through her house and it wasn't long before I was literally pulled to bump into Solana. She was stood at the table, they were all playing a drinking game. She grins at me when I step back and apologise and I look at Scar and glare and she just shrugs, walking over to some guy called Reagan who was welcoming her with an open arm.
I narrow my eyes at it in confusion.
But decide that that's none of my business, I guess. Her and Blaise are so complicated.
Solana touches my arm, bringing my attention away from Scarlett's slightly strange behaviour and I turn to look at her.
"Hey." She says. Her voice soft.
Hey. Ah. I forgot how freaking pretty she is.
I smile back, our eyes locked.
"Hi." I say, my voice the same.
"You wanna go get a drink?" She offers. I look at everyone else, who had resumed the game and I nod. Yeah I don't really wanna play something so high energy.
Plus, it was loud in here.
And I think there was a proper hello in order. One we promised to each other valentine's day.
I look round to Scarlett and she was just pretty innocently talking to the guy from school, he was in soccer too I think, but was pretty quiet.
I wasn't sure her talking to him was a good idea. But then she's allowed to have friends and whatever rumours come as a result of her being friendly are insignificant as long as she is just friendly.
"Yeah, give me a second." I say. "I need to get changed."
I call Scarlett's name. "Scar where are my clothes?"
"Upstairs in your usual room."
Ah the Nathan room. The room I usually stay in when I come here.
It's fine.
I swallow and nod, turning back to Solana.
"I am going to get changed because I've been sat in these clothes for hours."
Her eyes widen. "Shit your audition was today. How was it?"
I laugh. Because everyone rushes out the question once they remember. "It was ok."
"I will meet you in the kitchen?" She asks and I nod.
Then as we split to part ways, I feel uneasy, like I don't wanna go up there alone so I reach over and grab her hand before she can step away.
She looks at me.
"Can you come?" I ask. "Do you wanna come?"
She nods, watching me carefully. Surprised.
I think she thinks I am inviting her upstairs.
I shrug.
I sort of am.
So we walk through the crowd, our hands joined just slightly by a locked finger as I lead. We get to the bottom of the stairs and people part away for us.
Girls part.
Because there are mainly girls here.
I laugh at how Scarlett really did try and make this as least problematic as possible tonight.
That's pretty cute.
There were more boys though now, slowly coming through the front door. Solana and I sneak upstairs, me leading her quietly along the upstairs hall and to my room.
I hope no one is in here.
I swear to god.
Please Jesus, be no nakedness as I open the door.
I push the bedroom door open and let out a breath of relief when I see a very untouched room.
"You were scared someone else was gonna be in here, weren't you?" She laughs, following me in.
I let go of her hand and I nod. "More like two people, if I am being honest."
"Oh god." She laughs and she goes and jumps onto the bed, kicking her shoes off and looking up at the ceiling.
"I am so bored of partying." She says.
I only just got here.
But I cock my head. "Are you ok?" I ask.
She sits up, looking at me. Solana nods. "You never said hello to me this week."
I nod, turning around to see the options of clothes I had put in my bag that I gave to Scar. I sift through them, the bag rested on the dresser.
"I am sorry. I was super freaking busy. I saw you when you showed us the costumes though."
We had tried on some of the first draft costumes for the play this week.
"Yeah but we never said hello."
I smile, my back to her. I pick a pretty comfy outfit from my bag and start to take off my big sweater.
The one I had been wearing in the car.
Solana sits there. "You know, someone asked me out this week."
I look over my shoulder, smirking back at her. "Who?"
"Some kid called Tyrone. Or it could have been Tyler actually."
"Well what did he look like?" I ask amused. I turn back around so my back was to her, then I pull my dress up, deciding I didn't care and I just undress in front of her as she sits on the bed. Her eyes watching.
"Does it matter?" She laughs.
I look over my shoulder, my hand coming carefully to unhook my bra because the dress I was putting on really didn't need one and I just needed to get it off my body.
Her eyes glance down, my bare back exposed to her now. My legs still covered by tights which were also easily revealing my underwear to her.
She looks back up, trying to keep eye contact.
My arms are covering my front mainly, so she couldn't really see anything anyway.
"Huh?" She asks.
I laugh. "You asked if it mattered. It only matters if it was Tyler, he's a weirdo."
She shakes her head. "Nah pretty sure it was Tyrone anyway."
I turn back and try to take off my tights in the least clumsy way. Slowly. My back still to her.
I should have put my dress on my now.
But I was hoping she would stand and come over.
I-
I have been thinking that me and her could hook up tonight, in all fucking honesty. I have been thinking about this.
"What did you say?" I ask.
Solana gets off the bed and I smile to myself.
Looking down at dress in my hands, waiting patiently to see if she would come over.
"To the guy?" She asks.
"Mm?"
Solana steps up to me and her fingertips graze my spine, my body tensing at the touch for a second.
Then I smirk.
"Did you say yes?" I ask and I turn around. My hands dropping the dress instead of putting it on and she meets my eyes immediately. But her hands come and gently grip my waist.
She nods slowly. Then a small smirk plays on her lips as I lean back on the desk, perching to see what she would do.
"I said yes." Solana confirms. "To a date."
"Nice." I whisper. "Free food?"
"Yeah... plus he's fit."
I smile, amused.
She glances down, her eyes becoming darker slightly when she observes my skin and then looks back up to meet my eyes.
"Lottie?"
"Mm?" I hum, my hand lifting to touch her neck softly, the side, just grazing my fingers along her skin and she steps forward, nudging between my legs and I sit up on the desk properly, pushing my bag to the side.
"You drunk?" She asks.
I shake my head. "You?"
She shakes her head. "You wanna...?"
I nod, smiling a little at the way she was breathing.
I lift my other hand up, pressing it gently against her chin and angling her lips down.
She searches my eyes. "Hey." She whispers.
"Hi." I whisper back and she steps forwards more, her hands spreading my thighs as I easily wrap then around her as soon as her lips touch mine.
Ok, oops. This may have happened quickly.
But I was fucking hot.
And so was she.
Solana kissed me, her lips pretty soft but fast as we sunk into the feel of being pressed up against someone.
Her hands pull me closer and I kiss back harder, my lips parting to deepen the kiss and she breathes out, her hands sliding up to touch my skin more, closer.
I pull back, looking down and laughing freely when her hands were fully just cupping both my tits.
She looks up at me sheepishly.
"Boobs." She whispers.
I grin, leaning forwards to kiss her very quickly.
"I need a shower." I admit. "I have been rushing around all day and have been hot and sweaty."
She leans forwards, kissing me softly, her lips dragging one of mine between hers and I heat, leaning forward and into her touch more.
But I was serious.
I wanted to shower.
"I don't mind-" She says and I laugh shaking my head at her, slumping back.
"You wanna hang out here for a while?" I ask.
She nods, her eyes bright with the same shared mischievous energy.
"Go shower." She says. "I'll go down and grab a bottle of something and then when you're out of the shower we shall play a few games? Yeah?"
I smile, lifting my hand from where it was to back to her face.
"You're really hot. By the way." I admit shamelessly.
Solana grins, shaking her head. "You're literally sat here topless."
I shrug, grinning back. "I was just getting changed."
"Go shower." She laughs, nodding to the open bathroom door.
"Okay. You can.. like join me if you wanna. After you go find booze?"
She shakes her head at me, amused, turned on I think.
She pulls away from me and I just hop of the side and stand there, in all my blanket nakedness.
Solana nods to the door to the bedroom. "Can we lock it?"
"Yeah, lock it when you come back up."
"Okay." She says, her head shaking in amusement, and I head to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and turning the shower on.
I felt like I smelled. I didn't, like I am pretty sure I don't. But I just felt like showering.
So I started to shower, my hands in my hair as I massaged shampoo into it. I wondered if there were ways to be safe with girls.
Obviously with a guy you would use a condom.
But I just mean with girls, it's not that simple is it.
There's not really a way to protect you from anything. I keep showering, the steam honestly relaxing me so much.
Nathan and I could never shower together. He said I would have the shower too hot.
This is the first time doing something with someone with knowing we are definitely over.
I like it.
How myself I feel.
I hear the door open and I know I feel it's her. But I don't want to chance it, so I look back over my shoulder and she smiles, her eyes racking down my body.
I watch her as she slowly undresses and when she opens the door I step back, pressing myself back against the shower cubical.
She looks nervous. Like her lip is drawn in anxiously and I lift my hand up and take a hold of her hand, pulling her under the water.
She was fucking beautiful.
Like genuinely I'd drop to my knees right now, hell.
My smile widens at my own brain. I need to chill out.
"Are you ok?" I ask.
She nods, stepping forwards and we both let out a breath when our bodies press against each other under the water.
"No use your words. You look worried." I say.
I want to kiss her and stop talking for a while.
Honestly.
But let's make sure she's ok.
She nods again. "Sorry, this is the first time I've been close to someone since my ex."
I smile, shrugging. "Me too."
"Let's take this slow. Easy." Solana says.
I nod. Agreeing.
I turn around, letting the water wash out the shampoo and Solana lifts her hand to my back again. And then she presses a kiss down on my shoulder, sweeping all my wet hair over.
I press myself back against her.
Her lips cool against the temperature of the water.
She leaves soft but slow kisses along my shoulder, trailing up to my neck and I just sigh.
Ha.
Ok.
Right.
Taking it slow didn't last for very long if I was being honest.
We fell into long kisses, wet lips and fast touches as we drained the house of hot water. And then we stepped out. Not bothering with towels as we ended up on the bed.
The door locked and the noise from the party muffled as it hums into the room from downstairs. The room hot from the shower, our bodies, the energy.
It was heated, fun. It was just fucking fun honestly.
And as it got slowly quieter down stairs, we were just laid next to each other on top of the covers. Her eyes drooping. The quarter bottle of vodka which she had also filled with lemonade being passed between us every now and again.
"You're good aren't you? if I go out with other people?" She says.
I nod, turning to look at her. "Yeah, but I wanted to ask you about how we do safe sex, like with girls..."
She laughs at me. Her eyes affectionate. "Baby gay."
I scrunch my nose up and she rolls over, leaning on her elbows and she looks down at me.
"Are you seeing anyone else?" She asks.
I shake my head. "Not really but I-"
I mean I was feeling like doing whatever I wanted.
I don't know why I was feeling like that- I just mean I can't rule out. I don't wanna rule it out. You know?
I am allowed to have fun.
She leans down and I smile before she kisses me. Which makes Solana tut, pressing a quick kiss to my lips.
"Okay. So if we were to use any sex toys."
My eyebrows raise in curiosity and she laughs at my face.
"Aren't you tired?" She chuckles, shaking her head at me.
I am tired. Yes. But I have a high sex drive ok, sue me.
"Anyway, penetration things you should just put a condom on it."
I nod. That's pretty fair enough.
"And wash everything between sessions. You know?"
"Okay." I whisper. Gazing up at her. She knows so much.
She takes a swig of drink and lies back down on her side, close to me, looking at my side profile as I laid on my back.
"And other simple things like washing hands before and after."
I nod, understanding.
Thinking I should probably wash my hands now.
I laugh at myself, feeling the blush rise to my cheeks as I think about the shit we just did.
Holy.
"And then there's stuff like you shouldn't do anything if you have any cuts on your mouth or lips. Just incase."
I nod.
"Oh and there is a dental dam. It's a weird latex thingy. I have never used one. But we can if you'd feel more comfortable. Like if we start seeing other people too?"
"Okay." I whisper. "Have you ever been tested?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "Only once, I did it with my friends. She wanted to get tested but was too scared. Was all clear."
"I got tested when I found out he slept with someone else." I say. "Because I wanted to be sure."
I didn't know if it was just her.
You know?
I sit up. My hair unruly. Honestly, I feel slightly gross again.
"I might jump back in the shower." I admit. I lean over to my phone and check the time. "It's quarter to one."
"Gosh." She says. "My friends are gonna be worried." She leans over to her own phone and lays on the bed, replying back to them I assume.
"I am gonna shower again." I say. "You wanna join?"
"Yeah sure. Give me a second." She says. "Oh." Solana looks up. "Didn't we already use all the hot water?"
I shake my head. "Nah it will be fine by now."
"Okay." She says, sighing and getting up. So I unscrew the lid of the drink one more time and drink a bit of it, watching her in delight as I stands up and stretches.
I almost feel like averting my eyes. Damn.
I put the bottle down and as she turns to lead the way into the shower I get off the bed and very happily follow.
We didn't do anything in the shower.
Just showered. I felt a little drunk. It was very strange. I have never showered drunk or tipsy before. So when we get out, amusement easy between us as we got redressed, I leant back against the counter and watched.
It's weird.
The first time I saw her I wanted her, like honestly. She's stunning.
I wonder if that is how it happens.
If you have the balls, that you can get anyone you want.
Probably not anyone, right? Like people who are in committed relationships wouldn't-
Well I suppose I wouldn't want anyone in a committed relationship.
I am not like that.
OK, says the girlie who was tempted to close the gap between Rowan and I earlier this week.
I roll my eyes to myself.
I was just- touch deprived.
And he was being very touchy.
Okay, he wasn't. Like anyone else, that wouldn't have been that touchy. But for Rowan, the shit that he kept doing when we were at mine was on another level. Like-
I don't know.
Him and India aren't even together, not properly. If they were then I wouldn't have ever been tempted. Right?
I was in a weird mood then.
"You ready?" Solana asks, walking up behind me and she takes over tying the straps up behind my neck. I bring my damp hair to the side, more, giving her space.
She ties it up and then she gently touches the spot on my neck.
"You bruise easily."
I lift my hand to my neck, turning around. "Did you leave a mark?" I say scornfully.
She smiles, it's sheepish. "It's hardly visible."
I roll my eyes, letting my hair go. It's going to go wavy.
I yawn, nodding to the door. "Scarlett is going to kill me. A little over an hour to get ready is not-"
Solana laughs. "Just tell her we were going slow."
I laugh back, going to the door and Solana catches up with me, her hand on my back as I walk out the room.
She then drops her hand as we walk down the stairs. But I don't mind. I kinda like it, honestly. I feel powerful with the knowledge that I was just pretty good upstairs.
Like I did well.
I was proud of myself.
Ha.
I wanna go tell Scarlett.
Actually no.
No Scar.
Sutton.
I lift my phone and send a rather blunt text to Sutton.
Lottie: Hey I just had sex with a girl, be proud of me, I did good
I look back out as we reach the bottom of the stairs and Solana says a quiet "I am gonna go find my friends. You wanna come?" She asks.
I shake my head. "I am gonna find Scarlett. Then I'll find you?"
"Okay."
We part, walking in opposite directions and I go and find Scar. She was stood next to that guy Reagan again, not close. But just chatting. Like my Scar was smiling, laughing, nodding along with whatever he was saying.
"Hiya." I say, walking to her.
She looks up surprised. She looks down me, her eyes flicking to my neck after the initially body scan and then back up to my eyes.
She gives me the look.
Which makes me grin and shrug, not really having much to say.
"Reagan leave us." She says.
"You can't just dismiss me." He chuckles. "If you want to be alone, go somewhere private."
She turns her eyes cold to him.
"Scar you don't scare me."
I just look at him shocked.
Who is this guy?
I mean I know him from school but very low key. I don't know him well.
I just stare between them, their little stare off.
I walk past them and pour myself a drink.
Somehow, she convinces him to leave and I don't look back at her. I feel uneasy. Like I don't want her to hurt Blaise.
I don't want her with Blaise. He's an ass, even though I know why he's an ass, it doesn't mean he's secretly a nice person. Like he can be horrible.
The whole blackmail thing on the forefront of my brain.
But I can't help but ask.
"Tell me you're not doing anything behind Blaise's back?" I say quietly as she comes to stand beside me.
"What?"
"Like promise me you are just friends with that guy, Reagan?"
She pulls a face. "Yeah, he's in my French. We sit together. That's all."
I look at her. "So you haven't?"
She looks offended. "Lots you're the one sneaking upstairs to get freaky, not me."
I nod.
"Why would you even- like- you hate him. Right?" She says.
"Yeah but I've been cheated on. It fucking sucks. So don't do it."
"Woah, I wont. I haven't. Blaise and I are fine at the moment."
"Good." I say, looking back up at her. "Where is he?"
She shrugs. "I didn't invite him."
I laugh. "You didn't invite your own boyfriend to your party?"
"Well I wanted to spend time with you. Plus it started off as no boys so-"
I smile. She's pretty sweet.
"You just hooked up with-" She looks across the room and I follow her gaze to Solana sat with her friends on one of the couches. "Didn't you?" She asks.
I shrug coyly. "Secret."
"Boring." She laughs. "You wanna do another shot?"
I nod. Because yes I do. And then I wanna dance.
"Why isn't anyone dancing?" I ask.
"Oh because I put calmer music on. My brain was hurting."
"Well take another shot, numb the headache and dance with me?"
"Fine." Scar laughs and we start searching for tequila. Because tequila is the best thing to do shots of.
Seriously.
It's so fun.
I get the salt and I cut the lime and Scarlett brings back the bottle of tequila.
"Who wants-" I call out and Scarlett quickly shushes me, laughing when I cringe away from her hand over my mouth.
"There's not a lot left. We don't share unless they ask, remember?"
Ha. That was always our rule when we were started going to parties.
I nodded. Ok. Cool.
So we do shots. We dance. We pull more people to dance.
Solana and her friends finding us and we dance in a huge group. Like mostly girls really, a few couples in amongst us. But pretty much everyone inside the house joins us in the living room to uncoordinatedly jump in beat to the music.
Everyone just letting loose at one o'clock in the morning, drinks being brought to me pretty often by various different friends. Always people I trust though. And we all just dance, laugh. It's actually one of the best nights.
I mean obviously because of the fun stuff upstairs, but also because everyone seems just so happy, so easy going tonight.
Until I bump straight into the girl.
Like Nathan's girl. Estelle.
Or well ok, the girl he cheated with and the girl we did stuff together with.
I just pause, freeze a little, wide eyed.
I wait for it to hit me.
Like the pain.
The usual pain I feel when I think of her.
But it doesn't.
It doesn't fucking hit me and maybe that's because I am drunk or maybe it's because I am actually almost over it. She looks mortified. But I am fine. Like no pain.
But whatever the reason is, I just laugh, grin and turn back around and grab Scarlett's hand, dragging her with me as we stumble through the crowd and into the kitchen.
"Was that...?" She mumbles a little. "I didn't invite her. I swear-"
I wave it off. My eyes a little blurry because alcohol really affects my sight for some reason. I rub them, walking over to the sink and I cringe at whatever mess was inside of it.
Don't think about it.
I grab a glass and fill it and empty it and fill it again with water.
I want some water.
"Blaise is here." Scarlett mutters, looking down at her phone. She looks around. "Somewhere."
"Oh." I say, leaning against the side. "I am fucked."
"You look it." She laughs. "Are you ok?"
I nod. I am good. Just drunk and tired.
I yawn. Cringing at the way my mouth tasted.
I had a really freaking long day.
I take a sip of water and she lifts her hand to ask for some and I hand it over.
"Let's go outside." She says. "It's so hot, Blaise is probably out there."
"Ok." I say unhappily about going out of the warmth.
I see a guys jacket laid over the side and because I wasn't thinking and because I thought I'd be cold I put the familiar jacket on and follow Scarlett outside with my glass of water.
I am drunk.
The cold air hitting me and making me feel a hundred times less ok.
Oh man.
Just pretend you don't exist.
You're a fly.
Not real.
I am not real.
I nod.
Is anything really real anyway?
Nothing so far has been real.
"Blaise." Scarlett says. "He's not allowed here anymore."
"Yeah I know. I'm trying to get him to leave." He mutters and I open my eyes which I haven't really realised were closed.
I look at a very drunken Nathan.
"I got a lift over with Gav and that." Blaise says.
Nathan and him are sat on Scarlett's deck.
We had come out the back door.
I just stand there looking at them, swaying. They are. Or me.
The whole world. I am very drunk. God.
"I got a lift here." Blaise says. He sounds drunk too I think. His eyes slightly glazed. "They were supposed to just take him home but instead he got out to come and see her and I couldn't stop him."
I wrap the jacket around me tighter.
"You can't tell me where I can and cannot go." Nathan says, his words so slurred that I don't know if I got that right. But when I slowly look at him, my eyes slightly blurred also, I realise he was addressing me.
I pull a face. "Ok."
I turn to go back in.
Scarlett catches my hand, pulling me to stay with her. "She's really drunk too." Scar says. "I can't just let her go."
"I am sorry." Blaise says to her.
I look at him.
His eyes are on me.
Oh he's looking at me.
Was the apology to me?
I just stand there confused.
I don't give a shit if Nathan is here.
His new girl thingy is inside anyway.
He should just go in.
I don't fucking care.
"You have a hicky." Nathan says quietly. "The fuck?"
My eyebrows raise and I lift my hand to cover my neck. The jacket. I wrap it tighter around me, covering myself.
"The aud- the audacity you have Lottie-" He slurs.
"Oh God." Scar says. "Nathan stop it now."
"Go back in, take her back in." Blaise says.
Scar pulls my hand and wiggle my own out of it.
I stare at him amused. Nathan. The asshole.
"What Nathan? Audacity?" I say, my brain flicking to irritation very fucking quickly under the influence of alcohol. "Say it, I dare you."
"The audacity to wear my jacket with another person's mark on you."
Oh.
I press my lips together.
I giggle.
I didn't know it was his.
Oops.
Whoopsies.
I take it off and I lazily toss it at him, most of it landing on the damp ground.
"Get a life Nath."
I turn around to walk away and he lets out an angry breath and Scar lifts her hand to pull me inside again.
"Me?" He chuckles. "Me-"
I whip back round because he's so annoying.
"Why do you try and ruin everything?" I ask openly. "I was having a good night. Why are you here?"
"I wasn't here to see you." He says his voice so unnecessarily nasty.
"Yes you were." Blaise chuckles. "Calm down. Lottie go inside."
"No why?" I laugh. "You think he'll go for me again? He wouldn't dare."
Nathan just looks up at the sky, shaking his head.
As if I am the unbelievable one here.
I am done here.
Like I genuinely- just-
My day is ruined.
So I pull my hand out of Scarlett's and I push past her, walking back into the house.
I had such a good night and he just turns up and ruins my mood.
I fucking hate him.
Genuinely.
Like I don't even resent what he did to me.
I just can't believe I loved him so much.
I shake my head, feeling the pressure build in my chest or throat or heart or head and I push through people and just end up walking back out the front door.
I have my phone.
I sniffle.
It's fine.
I will call a cab. Okay I don't have money.
I am upset.
Like genuinely I just am sick of him existing.
I know he was drunk. That I was drunk.
But I genuinely just don't like him.
I press my phone on, rubbing my eyes and rolling them when my hands spread wetness down my cheeks.
I wasn't that upset.
I don't need to cry.
I am just drunk and emotional.
And cold.
I am fucking cold now.
I sniffle again, reading the message from Sutton.
Sutton: Get it girl, you safe?
I laugh out loud at the irony in that as I walk away from Scarlett's house.
It was two ish now.
I press call.
Because what else was I gonna do?
"Lottie?" He says. "Missy, drunk calls whilst I'm at work are not-"
I swallow. "S-sorry. I didn't know you were working."
"Lottie?"
I don't say anything. My eyes screwed together.
"What's happened? Are you ok?"
"I am ok. I am just walking home." I say. I laugh. Tearfully. "Can you talk?"
"Um. Yes. Give me a second I will- yes."
"Hey." I say.
"Where are you Lots?"
"Walking home."
"Yes but where."
"Can you come and get me?"
"No I am so sorry." He says. "I will lose my job, wait I can get someone else-"
"No it's ok. I am just cold. But I'm fine."
"You crying?"
"Nope." I mean I was.
Just a little.
"My day got ruined."
"What happened?" He asks. "Where are you?"
"Walking home from Scarlett's."
"Okay." He says. "Stay on the phone."
"Okay."
"What happened?"
I shrug. "I was having a good night then Nathan turned up, as usual, ruined it all."
"He doesn't have that power Lottie. You need to stop giving him that power to ruin your day."
I laugh.
Because I am trying.
"Lottie just wait there, yeah? Where are you?"
"I dunno near Elmwood Road."
"Okay stay there."
"You coming?" I ask, sitting down on the concrete path.
"Yes. Well- I mean no but yeah."
I don't know what that means.
I close my eyes.
I am fine.
Alert.
No one else is around.
I open my eyes to make sure.
"I am gonna call my brother." I say. "Get him to come and get me."
"I-" Sutton says. "Just- I am texting-"
"Sorry for calling you. I hope your work is ok." I say.
Thinking I really should call Rayne.
Like I can't just sit here.
I end the call, thinking safety is more important than calling Sutton and I scroll down on my phone and I press on his name.
I wait for it to ring.
It rings to answer phone.
I know he's usually asleep by now.
But well.
I ring again.
Hoping to wake him up.
He answers after the third ring.
"Lottie." He says pretty alert, I think sitting up in bed. "I am here. What's wrong?"
"I need a lift. Somewhere to stay? I- I told Dad I wouldn't go home drunk."
He shuffles around. "Ok."
"Ok?" I say quietly. Closing my eyes again. "You're coming?"
"Yes. Where are you? I'm in the city so I'll be at least half an hour. I am sorry I went somewhere-."
"It's ok." I say quietly. "I am just here."
"Where is here? What's happened Dots?"
I shrug. "Nothing I over reacted, walked out. But he's there and I don't wanna go back in."
"You near Scar's still?"
I nod. "Yeah."
"Go back in. I will come and get you. But go back in for me, yeah?"
"No." I whisper. "I don't wanna."
"You are drunk. I am telling you, as a sober person, that you should."
"I hate him."
"That's fine. Go and hate him inside the party. Go and fight him if you like, I'll come and finish the job in half an hour."
I laugh. Leaning my head back against a wall I was sat against.
"It's ok. I am not that far."
"Lottie." He says stressed. Then I hear him talking to someone. "No I am not trying to sneak out." He chuckles. "My sister needs some help. No you're not coming."
"You with a boy?" I ask quietly, amused.
"Nope."
"A girl?" I gasp. Even though I heard a man's voice.
"I hate you." He laughs. "I am just getting dressed ok?"
"Okay." I whisper. "Love you."
"Yeah." He laughs. "Love you too. I would love you more if-"
A car pulls up beside me and I freeze a little. My body tensing as I listen to Rayne tell me to go abck to the party again.
The opposite door opens, and someone gets out and I-
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
"Er Rayne..." I say. "I-"
Rowan walks around the car and he crouches down infront of me and I let out the most relieved sigh of my fucking life.
"Rowan you just fucking scared the life out of me."
"Lottie, what?" Rayne asks.
How did he get here so fast?
"Why are you here?" I ask. "How are you here?"
"Sutton." He says, sitting down in front of me. "You scared him."
Wow. Okay. I look around. Yeah, we're very close to Rowan's road I guess.
"Who are you talking to. Who is there?" Rayne says loudly, fully going into protective mode. "Lottie-"
"No, no it's ok. It's Rowan. Like I am safe." I say, looking at the guy sat crossed legged in sweats and a t-shirt in front of me.
He must be cold too.
"The guy from the other night?" Rayne asks.
"Yeah. I am ok now." I say gently. "Like you don't need to come and get me."
"Like hell I don't. Who is this?"
"He's my friend." I say. "I am ok, I will text you when I am home. If I need you, yeah?"
"Lottie." He complains down the phone. "Don't hang up."
"But I am good now."
"Put me on the phone with this boy. Right now."
I shrug and hand Rowan the phone.
He looks at me wide eyed.
"My brother wants to speak to you." I whisper.
He takes the phone hesitantly and lifts it up to his ear.
I lean my head back against the wall again. My eyes closing.
"Yeah no, I'll take her back to mine." He says. "I haven't been drinking, I don't drink."
"I swear she's safe." He says. "I can give you my address if you want to come and get her?"
"Okay." He says. "I'll text it."
He hangs up on Rayne, then does some shit on my phone.
"Lottie. People are ringing you."
I open my eyes. "Who?"
"Scarlett? Solana? They're asking where you went."
"Just say I am with you." I mumble sleepily.
"I don't think that's a good idea." He says quietly. "Okay come on you, let's get you in the car."
I look at him as he gets to his feet, my neck craned to look at him standing above me.
"I forget you don't want anyone to know we're friends." I say.
I start feeling sad again.
"Sorry." I whisper, looking down.
"Lottie?" He asks. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah." I say. I sniffle. "Y-yeah, I am fine."
"You're..."
I start getting up, asking for his hand for help and he offers it hesitantly. Not at all as comfortable as before.
I close my eyes and I feel myself squeeze a tear out between them.
"Why are you crying?" He whispers and holds my hand more, turning me around and then opening the car door.
I shrug.
Because I am emotional God damn it.
"Should I text your friends saying you left but you're ok?"
"Just tell them I'm safe." I say.
I sit down in the car and he makes sure my legs are all in and then he closes the car door.
"Where are your shoes Lottie?" He asks. "Your jacket. You are freezing."
I shrug. "I don't feel too good."
"Ok." He says, he turns back, and he leans into the back. "I grabbed you a bucket and water. What do you need?"
"Wow." I say, leaning my head back on the seat comfy. "You are so fucking nice."
"Yeah, answer me."
"Just water."
"Okay." He says and grabs me the bottle. I take it and he opens my phone and texts my friends.
I want to ask him how he knows my password.
But I don't really bother.
I just pull my seat belt on and close my eyes again.
"Lottie." He says, turning the car on and getting my attention.
"Yeah?"
"Are you hurt?" His voice is strained, slightly cold.
"What?" I ask. "No. I am just drunk."
"Okay." He says. "You worried Sutton."
"Sorry."
"You don't need to-" He sighs. Shakes his head at me.
"I am really sorry for this Rowan."
"Stop it's fine."
I just close my eyes again, feeling the tears come back.
Sometimes when I am drunk and emotional it just doesn't stop.
Like genuinely not until I go to sleep.
"You ok with coming back to mine?" He says. "Or would you like me to take you back to yours?"
"I can't. I am drunk and my dad-"
"Okay." He says softly. "Your dad wouldn't be awake though."
"I don't have keys."
"Okay."
I wrap my arms around myself, shivering. He flicks the heating on.
"Is there anywhere else you'd like me to take you?" He asks.
I can feel the pressure in my throat grow again.
He doesn't want to take me to his.
I stare down.
My eyes filling. Damn it. Get a grip Lottie. Fuck.
"Lots?"
I close my eyes, another few tears escaping my eyes.
I feel sad.
I need my rings.
Or a fucking hug.
"I don't have anyone else." I say.
"Lottie." He frowns.
"Sutton isn't available." I say. "I don't have any other friends like you or Sutton."
"That's not true. You have loads of friends." He says as he drives.
"Not people I trust."
"You trust us?"
I nod. "I trust you."
"Then why are you crying?" He chuckles. "Are you good or?"
I laugh, shrugging. "You don't want to be my friend."
"What?" He laughs. "Lottie."
"I am drunk." I say.
"Yeah you are."
I hate everyone.
But him in this moment.
I don't know why I hate everyone.
I just really do.
"Emotions suck."
"Right." He agrees. "Lottie are you comfortable coming back with me?"
"Yeah." I say. "But can we lie down somewhere. I need a minute."
"Yeah we can. Let's just get home first, ok?"
"Okay."
"Drink your water. Sip it." He instructs.
"Okay." I whisper.
I let out a breath.
A 'ok I am ok now' breath.
I am ok now.
Rowan's POV.
-
Jokes- it's the end of the chapter.
But his POV next chapter:)
Thoughts about this chapter though???