Criticism spot! :)
Crutchie's POV
When I woke up the following morning, I immediately felt a weight on my chest. I kept myself close to Jack, wishing he didn't have to sell. He began running his fingers through my hair, looking down at me.
"How are you doing?" He asked, speaking quietly. I looked away and considered lying, not wanting to be a problem. "Hey, you can tell me." Jack added, understanding what I was thinking.
"Not good," I finally answered, feeling as though I could break down. "Race was right, I shouldn't of seen her."
"You know, I think it's good you did." I looked back at Jack, confused. "You were able to get all that stuff off your chest and tell her how she made you feel." I nodded, realizing he was right.
"Can I just... Stay home today?" I asked quietly, trying to do my usual puppy-eyes. I could ell it worked right away, as he sighed in defeat.
"Alright, fine." He sat up and rubbed his eyes, standing a few seconds later. I sat up as well, stretching a little. "I'm sure Race will be here soon, do you want to try moving your hand or not?" I took a deep breath, looking down at my left hand.
"Sure," I answered, feeling beyond nervous. He noticed this, buttoning his shirt and walking to me, kneeling down.
"We don't have to. We can skip it for today." I couldn't help but smile, feeling loved.
"I think we should try." He nodded, and as though on cue Race called out to us.
"You fellas awake?" He asked, making Jack laugh a little.
"Of course we're awake by now, come on up," he joked, and Race showed up just a few seconds later.
"Hey! How're you feeling by the way? I mean, are you getting some strength back finally?" He asked, sitting across from me.
"Yeah, I think so," I answered, looking at Jack for a moment as he sat next to me.
"That's good," I put my arm out for Race, trying to prepare myself to be let down for the third day in a row.
"Just take a deep breath, okay?" Jack said, smiling kindly at me.
"Whenever you're ready," I took a moment and looked back to my hand. To my surprise, I finally was able to close it just a tiny, tiny bit, making the two nearly jump for joy. I wasn't even able to be happy, though still feeling too upset about last night. "Try opening it," Race asked, and I had about the same results. I looked up at Race to see him smiling at me, but I couldn't do the same back. He understood why, thankfully, so he wouldn't bring it up. "I'll be back tonight, okay?" I nodded and Race left without another word, leaving Jack and I. I looked back at my hand, feeling exhausted.
"I'm sorry you can't even be happy about this," Jack said, pushing my hair back.
"It's okay, it's not your fault." I looked at him, trying my very best to smile. "You should get to the square." Jack sighed and stood up, clearly wanting to stay.
"I guess," he looked at me and smiled one more time before disappearing down the ladder, leaving me to my thoughts.
I turned to watch the rest of the sunrise, studying the colors as they filled the sky. I sat for quite a while, part of me wishing I had gone with Jack so I wouldn't be alone all day. After ten minutes of staring at the sky, I went to grab my journal when the ladder shook, catching me off guard. Jack appeared at the top, holding a blanket.
"What're you doing here?" I asked, chuckling a little at him.
"I brought you a blanket!" He said, proud of himself. He draped it around my shoulders and knelt down in front of me, smiling. He then pulled me into a hug, holding me tight. "I'll be home tonight. We can talk all night, or do whatever you want. I love you so much." He pulled away from me and kissed me on the head, rushing down the ladder before I had time to say anything back to him.
I wrote in my journal for a bit before I grew too tired, so I decided I'd take a nap. I laid down and bundled up in the blanket Jack had so kindly brought me, surprised when I noticed it smelt like him, probably from him carrying it. I smiled a little before falling asleep, no longer able to keep my eyes open.
I woke up from some noise below, meaning people were starting to get back from selling. I couldn't bring myself to sit up, feeling as though someone was holding me down. It wasn't too long before the ladder shook, Jack soon at the top. He walked over to me and sat down, pushing my hair back.
"How're you doing?" He asked, smiling kindly.
"I dunno," I sighed, sitting up.
"You know, I still gotta finish that backdrop," he said, making me smile. "Wanna head out now?" I nodded, and we took off.
I sat and watched him paint for a while, finding it relaxing. He'd look back at me every now and then to see how I was doing, probably expecting to see my asleep one of these times. Despite how calming it was to watch him, I still felt as though there was a huge, overbearing weight on my chest. Eventually, Jack stepped back and looked the backdrop over, proud of himself. He turned to me, smiling.
"Whattya think?" He asked, wiping his hands off with his rag.
"I love it," I said, trying as hard as I could to smile.
"Give me a minute to put everything away and we can go, alright?" I nodded, my eyelids heavy. He grabbed his stuff and went offstage, and I sat for a moment, continuing to look at the backdrop.
"He's quite talented, isn't he?" I heard from behind me, and I turned to see Medda, smiling at me. I nodded and looked back to the canvas, hoping she'd drop it there since I was so shy. "Is everything alright?" She then asked, coming over to me.
"Oh- uh, yes Ma'am," I answered, my face hot with embarrassment.
"Goodness, you're so well mannered, aren't you? Just call me Medda," I looked offstage and hoped Jack would be back soon, my heart pounding from nerves. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, sorry," I said, hearing Jack finally coming back.
"Medda!" Jack called, hugging her. Once they pulled away she kept her hands on his shoulders, looking him up and down.
"Something's bothering you," she said, surprising me. "Is it about your sister?" I stared at Jack, unsure how he'd respond.
"Oh, I had a real fucked up dream that brought back some bad memories." I was pretty shocked by how Jack answered, not expecting him to be so honest.
"Do I need to give you another speech about not blaming yourself?" Medda joked, making the two of them laugh.
"No, no. I'm alright, I promise." Jack looked at me now, still smiling. "Ready?" I nodded and got up, staying silent. "We can stay up all night talking once Race leaves, okay?"
"I tried asking him what was wrong," Medda began, making Jack look back to her. "Good thing he has you."
"He's real shy," Jack smiled at me, my face going red. "You know, Medda is great to talk to. And, don't be mad, but I did tell her about your life to get some advice."
"I'd never be mad at that," I said, glancing at Medda before looking back to the ground.
"I will never push you to talk, Crutchie. I just want you to know that my theatre is a safe place if you ever need to." I smiled at her, still nervous.
"Thank you," I mumbled, wondering if maybe I should open up. I decided against it, feeling far too scared.
"Let's go home," Jack smiled at Medda one more time before we left, and we walked home in silence.
Jack and I changed out of our street clothes and waited for Race, and I still felt a weight on my chest. When Race got there him and Jack started talking, but I tuned them out completely, not having the energy to join in. I was staring at my hand when Race tapped it, grabbing my attention. He said something to me with a worried look, but I couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me.
"What?" I asked, feeling dazed.
"Are you..." I was only able to hear the beginning of his sentence, the rest of it getting completely muffled.
"I..." I desperately wanted to tell the two what was happening, but I couldn't.
"Lay him down," I managed to hear Race say, and before I knew it I was on the ground. Race left and I could tell Jack was next to me, worried.
"Crutchie?" I heard, feeling as though everything was spinning.
"Hm..?" I looked to him, finding it hard to stay awake.
"Tell me what's..." I once again couldn't hear the end of what Jack said, trying to ground myself.
"I can't see," I got out, only making Jack look even more worried. "I can- I can see, I mean it's all..." I couldn't finish my sentence, my breathing heavy.
"Spinning?" I tried my best to nod, feeling the ladder shake.
"I'm gonna put this rag..." Race began saying, and I soon felt a cool rag being set on my forehead. "Is he getting any better?"
"No, he's getting worse," I closed my eyes tight, as though it might help me stop feeling dizzy. Before I knew it, I was unable to hear them at all, passing out soon after.
When I woke up it was dark out, but I could tell it was a different day, as Jack wasn't here. I was beyond confused, not quite sure what was going on. I tried to sit myself up, my arms shaking as I did so.
"Jack?" I called out, hearing no response. I took a deep breath and pushed my hair back, looking around. I desperately wanted to find Jack, and I tried to stand, using the railings to support myself. My arms and left leg started shaking worse, and I ended up falling down, unable to hold myself up.
"Crutchie?" I heard from below, unsure of who it was. "I'm coming up!" To my surprise, Romeo was the one who had called to me, quickly rushing over to help when he saw I was struggling. "I've got you," he picked me up slightly and helped me to move back to where I was laying before, looking me over. "Lay down, let yourself rest."
"Thanks," I said, trying to smile at him.
"I'll go get Jack and Race. They were talking about what they think happened but didn't want to risk scarin' you awake or anything, so they're at the lodging house." Romeo stood up and left without another word, smiling kindly as he did so.
I pulled the blanket Jack had brought close to my chin, bundling up as best I could. It wasn't long before the ladder shook once again, Jack and Race both appearing at the top. Jack rushed right over to me, pushing my hair back.
"How're you feeling?" He asked, looking me up and down.
"Weak and confused," I answered, clearly not surprising him.
"You were out for a whole day, we thought it was best to let you rest." Race said, coming closer to me.
"What even happened? I mean, I remember what happened, but what caused this?" I asked, already wanting to go back to bed.
"Well, we think you got so overwhelmed with everything that's gone on recently that you had a panic attack so bad it made you pass out." Race answered, and Jack nodded.
"That makes sense," I said, unsure what else it could've been.
"I'll leave you two alone now, I can tell you're tired. I'll check your hand in the morning, alright?" I nodded, and Race left without another word. Jack laid down and faced me, smiling.
"Here," I lifted the blanket and put it over both of us, making Jack chuckle a little.
"You're so cute," he said, kissing me on the forehead. "If you ain't too tired tomorrow, I'd really like you to come with me. I don't want you to be alone." I sighed, feeling annoying. "Hey, you won't slow me down or anything," he began, reading my mind. "I like having you there."
"I love you," I said, moving closer to him.
"I love you too. Get some more sleep." I closed my eyes and let myself relax, falling asleep soon after.
The bell woke me up, and I could tell right away I wasn't feeling much better. I expected myself to want to stay home, but to my surprise everything in me told me to go with Jack. I looked up at him, smiling.
"Morning," he said, his voice scratchy.
"Morning," he fixed my hair a little before sitting up, stretching.
"So, will you be joining me?" I nodded, making him smile even more. "Let's get ready," he stood up, grabbing some clothes for me.
We followed the usual routine of getting dressed, waiting for Race, my hand moving slightly farther, and eventually making our way to the square and getting in line. I had stayed pretty quiet throughout the morning, focusing my energy on holding myself up. I followed Jack as he got his papes from Weisel, seeing Oscar scowl at me as we went up to him.
"Still aren't selling, Charlie?" He spat, and I tensed up right away. While I felt completely panicked and terrified, something in me was telling me to stand my ground.
"Don't call me that," I said before Jack could respond, surprising him.
"That's your name, ain't it? Charlie?" Jack started moving closer to him, but I grabbed his arm, stopping him.
"Forget it," I said, making Jack look at me.
"Crutchie-"
"Let's just go," I pleaded, trying to make him see how upset I was. Thankfully, it worked, and he walked away.
He sent everyone out as usual, and I remained completely silent, still shaken up about what had happened. He walked with me down the alley and waited for me to sit before he knelt down, pushing my hair back.
"Are you gonna be alright?" He asked, smiling kindly at me.
"Mhm," was all I could say back, trying to convince him.
"Well, there's going to be a mini game night tonight, Race was wondering if we wanted to go. It'll be like our usual game nights, just with a lot less people." I thought for a second, thinking that maybe this would help me feel better.
"Sounds fun," I said, smiling.
"Here," Jack handed me my journal, only making me smile even more. "I'll be done soon. Just hang tight." He kissed me on the head before standing up, leaving me to my thoughts.
I spent the entire day writing stories, getting a little bit of sleep whenever I had the chance. The day went by far quicker than I expected, and before I knew it Jack turned the corner. I stood up without hesitation, wanting to go home.
Jack could tell I was exhausted, so he didn't push me to talk the entire way home. Before we went into the lodging house, though, he stopped and looked at me with a worried look on his face.
"You sure you have the energy to do this?" Jack asked, and I nodded. "If you want to go home early, just let me know." I smiled, following him inside.
We were playing on small teams, which I felt beyond relieved about, so I wouldn't have to handle a bunch of people yelling. After we sat down, Jack wasted no time talking to our team, clearly already having a great time. I smiled to myself as his face lit up, happy that I hadn't backed out at the last minute.
A few rounds went by before it was time for the usual smoke break, and Jack left to grab beer for everyone, after making sure it was okay with me. Right as Race was about to leave the room, someone stopped him, then facing the room.
"Guys, I think we should introduce our new newsies." The kid said, confusing me. I looked around the room at everyone's faces, quickly noticing that I was the only one besides Race who didn't understand what they were talking about. Race and I exchanged looks, seeming to ask one another what was happening. "Race, c'mere," the kid said, walking over to me. Race followed, clearly still confused. I couldn't help but start to feel nervous, wondering why everybody besides Race and I seemed to be in on whatever was going on. "We would all like to say we're sorry for calling you two the wrong names for all this time," the boy began, immediately causing Race and I to look at one another, realizing what was about to happen. "Let's all give a warm welcome to Charlie and Roger!" Race stepped away, and I saw a look in his eyes I had never seen before.
"What?" Race asked as everyone around us started laughing, only making me begin to panic as I felt overwhelmed. My chest was tight and my breathing quickly picked up, my eyes burning with tears.
"We feel horrible about saying the wrong names," I quickly looked around the room to see if any other fellas with nicknames were there, but there wasn't. I had hoped that maybe at least Specs would be here, but it was just Race and I. "Charlie, let us formally apologize." The room erupted with people saying my name, making everything worse. It felt as though I was being screamed at, and I started to shut down. "Now, Roger," they did the same for Race, and I could tell he was panicking just as much as I was.
"Why would you call me that?" Race asked, a few tears escaping.
"That's your name, ain't it?" Race stared back at him for a moment before running out of the room, unable to hold himself together any longer. "Oh c'mon, it's a joke!" Before anyone could look back to me, I left to the nearest alley, my heart pounding.
I broke down the second I knew I was far enough so none of them would hear me, desperately gasping for breath as I stood there. I dropped my crutch to the ground and fell against the wall, cutting my right palm open on one of the sharp bricks. Blood trickled down my hand, but rather than worrying about it, I continued to sob and panic. I picked up my crutch and threw it as hard as I could, hearing it clank against the ground.
"Fuck!" I screamed, unable to see through my tears. "God fucking dammit!" I continued yelling, shaking horribly. I looked down at my foot, getting angry as I stared at it. "Why the fuck don't you work?!" I slammed my foot against the wall, causing nightmarish pain to shoot up my leg. "Fuck you!" I kicked the wall a few more times, suddenly feeling someone put their arms around me and pull me back.
"Crutchie, breathe," it was Jack, likely following my screams to find me.
"Let go of me!" I demanded, moving around in any way I could.
"I'm not gonna do that," he said, keeping his voice calm.
"Get the fuck off me!" I began to yell even louder, desperately trying to get free of his grip. I was still sobbing and struggling to breathe, warmblood continuing to slowly trickle down my hand.
"You've gotta calm down-"
"Get away from me!" Finally, I managed to get free of his hold, making him fall back a little. I fell to the ground, holding myself up on my hands and knees. I felt my tears landing on my hands as I looked down, now partially crying from the pain in my foot. "I can't do this anymore, I can't do it," I started rambling, hearing Jack rushing to my side.
"Crutch, you need to breathe," he said, not hiding his worry.
"I can't do it anymore," I repeated, sitting up a little and putting my head in my hands. I didn't care about the blood that was all over my right hand, as I was far too upset to think clearly. I lifted my head a few seconds later and looked a Jack, feeling a small amount of blood on the right side of my face. "I can't keep fighting, Jack," I sobbed, clearly breaking Jack's heart.
"C'mere," he pulled me in and I collapsed into his arms, not putting my arms around him so I didn't get blood on him. "It's gonna be okay, just take a few deep breaths." Jack said, and I did as he said. My breathing calmed, however I was still shaking and crying a little.
"I can't keep going," I said into his shirt, feeling him hold me tighter.
"Yes you can, this isn't you talking. You're panicking and not thinking clearly." He kept speaking quietly, helping me to calm down. I realized he was right, and I finally stopped crying.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, and Jack backed up to look at me.
"You have nothing to say sorry for. It's alright." Before I could say anything further, Race came outside, looking at us. He walked over and knelt down, and it was clear he had been crying.
"Are you okay?" I asked, worried.
"I am now," he answered, sighing. "They don't understand why these nicknames are so important to us. I shouldn't have left you there," he said, looking down.
"Race, you were havin' a panic attack. It's perfectly okay," Jack quickly added, making Race smile a little.
"Are you okay?" Race then asked me, looking at my right hand. "We'll put a bandage on this, alright?" I nodded, looking to Jack.
"Let's go get you cleaned up. Race, can you grab his crutch for me?" Race nodded and took off, and Jack swiftly picked me up, smiling.
When we got to the bathroom Race pulled in a chair for me, taking my hand and kneeling down. He wet a rag and began to wipe off the bit of blood that had fallen down my arm, however most of it was on my hand itself. Jack wet another rag and placed his hand under my chin, gently lifting my head so I'd look at him. He wiped the blood from my face, still smiling kindly as he did so. I then felt Race wrap a bandage around my hand, and thankfully since it was just a cut, he didn't have to wrap my hand tight or anything, meaning it was just fine for me to use it. He stood up and smiled, his eyes tired.
"Go get some sleep. I know we both need it," he joked, leaving the bathroom. I got up and faced Jack, my eyelids heavy.
"No matter what, we are gonna talk tomorrow night, okay?" I nodded, trying my best to smile.
We left the bathroom and went right to the penthouse, changing quickly and laying down. I immediately moved so I was right against Jack as usual, my head touching his chest. He kissed me on the top of the head and closed his eyes, and I did the same. Right before I fell asleep, though, despite the fact that I could tell Jack was nearly asleep too, I thought about how kind and patient he had been with me, feeling loved.
"Jack," I got out, my voice quiet.
"Hm?" He said, clearly almost asleep.
"I love you," I mumbled, knowing he had smiled.
"I love you too."
(word count - 3927)