"Cameron." Alexis held my hand, "I think it's time."
"For what?" I asked her, placing a hand on top of hers.
"Tell them."
"Tell who what?" I asked.
"Tell your parents you're lesbian." She answered, and I burst into horrendous laughter.
I continued laughing but stopped when I noticed her facial expression, "You're not joking?"
"I wouldn't joke about this, Cameron." She nodded, "It's time, this is the perfect time to tell them."
"You do realize that my parents are the definition of Homophobic Christians?" I asked her, "Me telling them is asking for a death sentence."
"It's only fair, Cameron. They deserve to know the truth." Alexis argued, "You can't hide away forever."
"Yes I can. I actually plan to." I shrugged, "I mean, move to Mexico, and then just never talk to them again-"
"Joanne." She warned.
"Why are you encouraging me to tell them? Why?" I asked her, watching as she looked away, "Does Alexis have a wee little crush on good old me?" I poked her shoulder and she swatted my hand away.
"I'm doing this for you." She ignored my gesture, "The whole Blake has just opened up the opportunity."
"How?"
"They weren't just racial slurs and you know this, child." She frowned, "As far as they know, it's just about race. But they need to know the entire truth."
"No, they don't." I shrugged, standing up and going to my desk, "They don't need to know anything."
"Cameron, hear me out." Alexis stood up and walked towards me, "I know you're afraid of their reaction, trust me, I know you are. But at some point, they're going to find out. And it's better they find out from you."
"What if they don't accept it?" I whispered.
"Then we'll move on from there. The first step is telling them truth, and then maybe you can use rule number 1." She smiled, smoothing her hand across the paper on my desk, "Please, just trust me."
"Alexis, but I'm not that strong." I murmured, "My strength can only go so far."
"Hey, look at me." She cupped my cheeks in her hands, "You're the strongest motherfucker I know, I believe in you, Cameron."
I gently removed her hands and turned my back on her, looking up at the ceiling, "Alexis, I'm terrified."
"Cameron, whatever happens, I promise that I'll be there for you." She said, "You're not alone in this. I promise you."
"How do I even start?"
"I don't know, but I know you'll figure it out. I just know you will." She pat my back, and walked out of my room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I always thought that strength was fighting to the death with a person whose bigger and better than you. I thought it was being the strongest physically, being able to lift off a truck or something, that's what I thought strength was. But that's not what it is; strength is standing up for what you believe in, and standing your ground in that affirmation. It's being the voice when no one wants to speak, about being the match to start the fire.
And it's about knowing what is right and doing something about it.
It's going to be so hard, but Alexis was right. It was better they found out from me than someone else. And it's better that they find out before anything else happens to them.
You might say my timing is wrong, but fuck it. At this rate I have nothing to fucking lose. My ego is already gone and shattered, and my spirit is already weak.
So what the fuck do I have to lose at this point?
The question that lingered in the air was how I should do it. Do I just walk up to them and say, 'Hey mom, dad. I'm gay! Surprise!' Because that shit doesn't work. Do I prepare an entire speech, or do I just be straightforward? Fuck, even my intellect can't help me at this rate.
I only have 1 school term left before I'm out of their clutches, and the best way to leave is with them knowing the truth about everything. Well, at least the hard parts of the truth.
I picked up my phone and dialled Alexis, when she picked up, I spoke quickly, "I'm scared. I'm scared shitless, Alex. Maybe I shouldn't do this, maybe I should just die with this."
"Cameron, trust me."
"The last time I trusted you that got me nowhere!" I whisper yelled, "I can't do this."
"Cameron, I told you if shit goes sideways, you'll always have me, okay?"
"But-"
"Listen to me, Cameron. If shit goes sideways, you'll have me. Do you understand?"
"Yes ma'am." I mumbled, "But what if they-"
"Girl I just told you that I'll be there for you. Don't you ever fucking listen?" I could hear her annoyance through the phone, "I'll be there."
"How do I do this?" I asked her one last time.
She took a while to answer, probably scrambling to find the perfect words. I didn't hang up though, I was just eager to hear the answer, and if I'm being honest, I enjoyed hearing her voice, even if it's just through a phone.
"Believe in yourself." She simply stated, and hung up.