Criticism spot! :)
Another long chapter!!!! :D
Crutchie's POV
I woke up by the bell ringing as usual, seeing that Jack and I didn't move at all in our sleep, still laying against one another. He started running his fingers through my hair, making me smile. I looked up at him, seeing that he was smiling too. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door, making Jack jokingly roll his eyes and get out of bed. I laughed a little and sat up, knowing it was Race.
"Morning!" He said as he walked in, wide awake.
"I don't know how you're so full of energy," Jack teased, and Race sat down in front of me.
"I like mornings," he said with a smile, holding a wrap.
"Huh, sounds like the exact opposite of someone I know," Jack started changing, and I chuckled a little.
"As if I'm the only one who hates mornings," I teased back, wanting to put off having to wrap my hand. Jack had changed quickly and was already standing next to me, smiling kindly.
"Do the same stuff," Race instructed, and I nodded, looking down at my hands. I expected to be able to close it all the way, however I moved it far, far less than the day before, making me feel sick to my stomach. "That's alright, you're probably sore from catchin' yourself last night. Take a breather, and whenever you're ready try opening them." Race reassured me, but it didn't do anything.
I took a deep, deep breath, hoping that I'd do just a tiny bit better than yesterday. To my horror, when I tried to open it, rather than moving just a small amount, it didn't budge at all. I felt their eyes on me as they thought I hadn't started to try yet, likely wondering what was taking so long.
"I can't get it to move," I mumbled, my eyes burning with tears.
"Okay, hold on," Race said, moving so he was closer to me. He grabbed my left hand with his right, putting his left hand on my wrist. "I want you to try again in a second here, and I'm gonna hold your arm like this to feel you trying to move it, alright?" I nodded, wanting to break down. "Whenever you're ready, go again."
I did as he said, still unable to open it whatsoever. I kept trying and trying, but no matter what I did, it wouldn't move. Race kept his hands still, studying my entire arm closely.
"Shit," he mumbled, not thinking about it. "I can tell you're trying to move it." He looked up at Jack, worried. "It's- it's because of yesterday, don't worry," he suddenly said, sounding unsure. "Let's wrap it and we won't try again til tomorrow." Jack sat down beside me, pulling me in close so I could get ready.
"You can do this," he said quietly, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him because of how upset I was.
"Ready?" Race asked, and I nodded, feeling pain in my hand as he wrapped it tight. I buried my face in Jack's shirt, managing to hold back a few of my tears, but a few managed to escape.
Once he finished he left without another word, knowing I needed time to calm down. Jack continued to hold me tight, running his fingers through my hair.
"You okay?" He finally asked, and all I did was shake my head. "How about you come with me today, hm?" I sat up and looked at him, wiping my face dry.
"I don't want to slow you down," I said quietly, looking down.
"You won't," he reassured me, pushing my hair back. "I don't want you to be alone right now, Crutch," he added, and I sighed.
"Okay," I spoke even quieter, and Jack got out of bed again, rummaging through his clothes.
"Here, wear my shirt. I know it helps you feel better," he said as he handed me a pair of my pants and one of my favorite shirts of his, making me smile a little.
After I had changed we left for the square, and I could tell Race was surprised to see me, however he didn't say anything about it. I remained silent while we walked, unable to stop thinking about my hand. When we got to the gate I tried to hide behind Jack, knowing I wouldn't be able to handle anything the Delancey's might say to me. He noticed this and understood what was happening, helping me to stay behind him a bit more. We had nearly made it to the line when Morris saw me, pointing.
"Hey, it lives!" He spat, making me immediately want to cry. Jack walked up to Morris and grabbed him by his shirt collar, instantly reminding me of the day that everything with Scott and his sidekicks had happened. Because of this, I felt myself begin to panic, not wanting to have it happen again. Race noticed this, so he quickly took me out of the square and to a sidestreet.
"Just wait right here, okay? Jack will be right out." I nodded, and he went back in.
I used my time alone to calm myself down, knowing that everything was alright and I was panicking for no reason. Thankfully, it worked better than I expected, and I was able to fully relax as I waited for Jack. Finally, he turned the corner, smiling kindly at me.
"I'm sorry about that," he said right away, speaking quietly.
"It's okay," I spoke quietly as well, trying to smile back at him.
"You ready?" I nodded, and we took off for the day.
Jack's POV
I led Crutchie to the alley beside where I sold, making him sit down on the other side of a trashbin so he wouldn't be seen, just in case it made him nervous. Once he had sat down he looked at his left hand immediately, not paying any attention to what was going on around him. I knelt down, gently lifting his head so he'd look at me.
"Hey," I began, smiling. "Just let yourself rest, alright?" He nodded, staying quiet. "Oh, here," I took out his journal from my bag, handing it to him and seeing his face light up just a little. "Thought you might get bored."
"Thank you," he said quietly, making me smile even more.
"No problem. I'll just be right over there if you need anything." I stood up, ruffling his hair before walking away.
I tried to sell all my papes as quickly as I could, but I wasn't to successful, as I got done at my regular time. I walked into the alley to see Crutchie writing, not even noticing me.
"Hey," I said quietly, not wanting to scare him. He stopped and looked up at me, smiling.
"Sorry," he closed his journal, matching my quiet tone.
"There's nothin' to say sorry for," I reassured him as always, putting my hand out to help him up. He took it with a smile, and I grew a bit curious. "What were you writing about?" I asked, and to my surprise, he continued to smile.
"Sometimes I write little stories," he said, looking to the ground.
"Really?" I asked as we began to walk home, admiring him.
"Mhm, they're nothin' special."
"Well they are if it's written by you," I said, making his face turn a little red. "Hey, Race said a bunch of guys wanted to play cards tonight and asked if we wanted to go. Whattya think?" He sighed, glancing at his hand.
"I don't know if I can hold my cards like before, though," he said quietly, sounding defeated.
"I'm sure we can figure somethin' out," I smiled at him, and he did the same back.
"I wanna go, but I don't think I have the energy to fully play, ya know?" I nodded, thinking. "But, I want you to go. Don't let me hold you back."
"How about this," I began, grabbing his attention. "You sit next to me and only join in when you want, tellin' me what to play and stuff." I offered, seeing him smile again.
"Sure, if that's alright," he said, being humble as usual.
"'Course it is, I like having you with me." I nudged him a little, making him smile even more.
"That way I can stop you from makin' a dumb move," he teased, causing me to laugh, feeling happy that he seemed to already be improving.
"I can't take your smack talk seriously," I joked back, and he rolled his eyes.
"If you loved me, you'd at least pretend I was good at it," he said, laughing.
"Ah, well in that case," I cleared my throat, trying not to laugh. "Wow! You sure are-" I wasn't even able to finish my sentence, breaking into laughter. "I'm sorry, I can't," I said through my laughter, making Crutchie laugh, too.
"Oh, shut it!" He nudged me, and we continued on our way.
Race greeted us with a smile when we showed up, and we were one of the first people there. We sat down and started to talk to the few people who were there, and Crutchie kept quiet as he sat beside me. It wasn't too long before everyone finally showed up, and we started the game. We were a few rounds in when I noticed that Crutchie seemed a little tired, and once my turn had ended I looked at him, smiling.
"You can lean on me," I said quietly, and he did just that, resting his head on my right arm.
"Play the four next," he whispered, making me smile even more.
"That's gotta be cheating!" Romeo teased, making everyone, including ourselves, laugh.
"You're just jealous," I said, smiling at Crutchie a second time.
We played a few more rounds before it was time for the usual smoke break, and as always, Crutchie and I stayed put. I noticed he was even more tired now, trying hard to stay awake. I put my arm around him, causing him to look at me.
"We can go," I said quietly, and he shook his head.
"No, I wanna stay." He smiled at me, and before we knew it everyone was coming back from their break, getting ready to play the last few rounds.
"Hey Crutchie, hows that hand of yours doing?" Romeo asked innocently, and I didn't get defensive as I knew this wouldn't freak Crutchie out at all.
"It's doing alright, taking a while to heal, though." He answered, lifting his hand to show Romeo.
"How long has it been?" One of the other fellas asked, and Crutchie looked to me, not knowing.
"No idea," I answered, and the two of us looked at Race.
"Don't ask me," he joked, making us laugh.
"That's weird though, it's been a while," someone else chimed in, looking at Romeo. I immediately felt Crutchie tense up, and I knew I had to jump in.
"Yeah, sometimes things take a while to heal. Just gotta be patient." I said, and it seemed to help calm him down.
"I know, but it's just weird." He continued, glancing at Romeo.
"How?" I asked, going against the part of me that insisted I drop it.
"Jack, drop it," Crutchie whispered, getting up off of me. I looked at him for a moment, shaking my head.
"It's just... Suspicious, I guess." The kid answered, making Crutchie look at him.
Crutchie's POV
"Wait, what?" I asked, not expecting that to be his answer.
"It's suspicious. It should be better by now." A totally different kid answered, and I looked at Jack, panicked.
"The hell are you implying?" Jack asked, growing angry.
"It seems like he's faking it at this point." He answered without hesitation, making me completely freeze up.
"Are you serious?" Race spat, making me feel even more upset.
"I mean, I see his point," Romeo jumped in, only making things worse.
"What the fuck, Romeo?" Jack rose his voice, pissed beyond belief. I looked down at my hands, no wanting to make eye contact with anybody.
"I'm not saying he's right, I'm just sayin' that I see where he's coming from," Romeo defended, raising his voice to match Jack's volume. "First it's the foot, now the hand," he added, making Jack stand up.
"Shut your fuckin' mouth!" He yelled, making me jump back. Unlike usual, he noticed this right away, turning to look at me and leaning down to see me better. "Sorry," he said quietly, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"What the hell is wrong with you guys?" Race continued the argument for him, also standing.
"We weren't tryin' to upset you, we were just saying-"
"How the hell would that not upset somebody?" Race cut off one of the boys, and it was only then that I noticed I had began to have one of my famous panic attacks.
"If he's faking it, he could just come clean, that's all!" Another one said, only making me shake worse as he said 'faking it.' Jack got down to my level even more now, seeing how badly I was starting to freak out.
"It's alright," he kept speaking quietly, blocking me from the others by standing in front of me.
"How do we know he ain't faking it?" Romeo asked, my heart pounding.
"Because Jack and I help every morning and night to see if it's healing. We fucking know how he's doing!" Race stared raising his voice, causing me to shrink down in my chair a bit more.
"Breathe," Jack tried, pushing my hair back.
"I can't," I whispered, looking at him with fear in my eyes.
"Let's go outside," he said, waiting for me to get up before guiding me out the door.
I tuned out what was happening as we left, only able to pick up the phrase faking it every now and then. The second we got outside I leaned against a wall, trying to catch my breath. Jack didn't pull me in, as he never would unless I was okay with it. He just waited for me patienly, staying quiet.
"He always said that to me," I eventually got out, looking at Jack.
"I know he did, I know that's why it scared you so much," he said with a kind smile, helping me to feel better knowing he understood what was going on. I then put my arms around him, clinging to his shirt. "You ain't faking it. It's okay," he reassured me, holding me tight.
"I know I am, I just needed to get away from there," I said, and I could almost feel him smile as I said I knew I was okay.
"Do you want to go home?" He asked, and I slowly nodded, letting go.
We walked in silence, and I wasn't even able to be happy about being back in the penthouse after everything. After we had changed we laid down and faced one another, Jack smiling kindly at me.
"You should be proud of yourself," he suddenly said, catching me off guard.
"For what?" I asked, confused.
"For how quickly you were able to calm down." I smiled weakly and looked away from him, staying quiet. "You thinking about your hand?" He asked, and I nodded. "It'll be okay, alright?"
"It really doesn't feel that way," I admitted, looking back at him.
"I know it doesn't, but it will be. You'll be able to use it in no time." He kissed me on the forehead, pulling me close to his chest. "Get some rest, I know you're exhausted." I settled down against him and focused on listening to his breathing, falling asleep minutes later.
As expected, the bell woke me up, and I immediately moved closer to Jack, as I had backed away a bit in my sleep. He chuckled a little, running his fingers through my hair. We didn't lay there for too long before I looked up at him, seeing him smile. I was unable to smile back, though, as I was dreading have to try and move my hand.
"Are you okay?" Jack asked, and I sighed.
"I don't want to try moving my hand," I said quietly, seeing Jack's smile drop as he got worried.
"It'll be just fine. Just like Race said, it probably went back a bit just because of you needing to use it. It'll be okay." He got up and started getting ready, and I just sat up, feeling sick. I rested my head in my right hand, trying to calm down. After Jack had changed he came back over to me, kneeling down. "I'll go get Race and be right back, okay?" I nodded, and he left.
It wasn't too long before the two came up the ladder, both of them smiling at me. I didn't smile back, instead looking down so I didn't have to see their expressions at all. Jack sat beside me as Race sat directly in front of me, likely still smiling.
"Morning!" Race said, and I still avoided his gaze. "Same thing as always, alright?" Rather than nodding, I looked at Jack, only feeling more sick.
"I don't want to do this," I begged one more time, hoping he'd cave.
"You've got to so Race can see how you're doing. It'll be over quick." He reassured me, and I looked to Race.
"I'm gonna put my hands on your arm again like yesterday, if that's alright," I nodded, putting my hand out. He positioned his hands and looked back up at me, smiling kindly. "Okay, whenever you're ready go ahead and try to close your hand." I sat still for a moment, praying that I'd make far more progress than yesterday. To my absolute horror, though, I couldn't move it at all. Since Race already had his hands on my arm, he could tell I was trying, and he looked at Jack with an extremely scared expression. "Jack, put your hand here," he instructed, guiding Jack's hand to where his had been. "Okay, try again," he said, and I did just that, still unable to do anything. Jack looked at me, speechless. "How about you try opening it?" Race offered, trying to seem calm.
"I am," I said, staring at my hand. "It won't move," my voice was extremely shaky now, and I had began crying at some point. "It won't fucking move," I repeated as I started to panic, looking at Jack with fear in my eyes.
"It's alright, just breathe," he said, moving back beside me and putting his arm around me.
"We'll figure this out, don't worry," Race tried, taking his hands off my arm.
"I want to be alone," I mumbled, catching the two off guard.
"Crutchie there's no way I'm selling without you-"
"Please, I just want to be alone," I begged, trying to give Jack my puppy-eyes since I knew he couldn't refuse them.
"Fine," he said after a moment, clearly wanting to fight me on it. "I'll be back tonight, please just rest and don't do anything to hurt yourself," I nodded, smiling as best I could. Race stood and left down the ladder, but Jack hesitated, kissing me once more before he followed.
I sat there and just stared at my hand for a while, still feeling sick. I decided that my best option right now was to write about how I was feeling, as there wasn't much else I could do.
I'm real fucking upset about my hand. I mean, who wouldn't be? I don't even know what to write, I'm just doing this so I keep calm. Jack is being so unbelievably nice to me while I go through this bullshit, I love him so much. Seriously, he's incredible. I think I'll just write about how happy he makes me so I stop thinking about my dumb hand.
I love it when he plays with my hair, it helps me calm down more than he probably thinks. I also love it whenever he says 'you're safe,' or 'you're okay,' when I'm panicking, because even though it might not seem like much to him, it helps me SO much. It makes me so happy when I get to watch him having fun with the other fellas, or his face whenever he sketches. Whenever he walks into a room, I can't help but smile. I don't think he realizes just how amazing he is, or that he saved my life. I'm not even writing that just to be dramatic, I'm serious. I only got to keep those tips when I shined shoes, and if I didn't get "home" quick enough those boys would steal whatever I had made, so I couldn't get any food. I don't think I would've made it much longer. I have no idea how I can ever repay him for that. I remember how scared I was those first few days with him, I was convinced it was all some big trick or something. I'm so happy it wasn't, though. For the first time ever, I'm starting to like my life. Sure, there's a few things that are bothering me, like my hand and stuff like that, but besides those things, I've never been as happy as I am right now.
I closed my journal with a smile, deciding to go to sleep for the day in hopes that it might help my hand heal, and also because I was still pretty weak.
I slept through the entire day, not something I intended to do. I only woke up from the ladder shaking, but instead of Jack it was Race, smiling at me.
"Hey! I just wanted to check on your hand if that's alright," he said, walking over to me.
"I doubt it'll move," I mumbled, my chest feeling tight.
"We won't know until we try, right?" I sighed and nodded, putting my hand out again. He put his hands on my arm, and I tried moving it. I wasn't surprised when it didn't move, and I just looked at Race, defeated. "Hey, don't be hard on yourself. I just wanted to see, but I'm sure it'll get a little better by tomorrow, okay?" I didn't respond, instead just looking down to my hand. "I'll be back in the morning." He left without another word, and I remained where I was, a few tears streaming down my face.
It wasn't long before Jack came home, but I didn't look up at him, not wanting him to see I was crying. He was still able to tell, of course, so he came over to me and sat down, putting his arms around me silently. I started crying harder, collapsing into his arms and shaking. I couldn't say anything to him, not that I needed to anyway, as he knew what was happening.
"You're gonna be okay," he said quietly, beginning to run his fingers through my hair.
"Don't go," I whispered, feeling him hesitate for a moment before continuing to play with my hair. "Please, don't ever go," I begged, clinging to his shirt.
"I won't. I'm always going to be here for you. I promise." He stayed quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath, pushing my hair from my face so he could see me. "I know you've been treated so horribly your entire life, and it hurts to see just how badly it's effected you," he began, smiling kindly. "But I'm not going to do that. I know I make mistakes sometimes, but I'm here because I love you." He kissed me on the forehead, and it was only then that I noticed I was no longer crying. I smiled back at him, allowing myself to believe what he said. "You want to go to the theatre?" He offered, and my smile grew as I nodded, making him chuckle a little. "Alright, let's go."
We walked in silence to the theatre, and I sat on the stage away from Jack so I could see the entire backdrop, in awe of his skill, as always. I smiled as I watched him gather his stuff, noticing how excited he seemed to get to work. He set out a few cans of paint and a bucket of water, along with a smaller bucket of brushes and a rag. Once he was ready he stepped back and looked the canvas over, studying it. A few more seconds went by before he grabbed a brush and dipped it in some paint, starting to add color to the empty outline.
After a while I began looking around the stage, admiring the costumes that were hanging on racks nearby and looking to the pit. My heart skipped a beat the moment I noticed a piano, and I instantly smiled, wishing I could run over and start to play it.
"Whattya lookin' at?" Jack asked, catching me off guard.
"Oh- I was just looking at the piano is all," I answered, embarrassed.
"I've always wanted to learn," he said, and I looked back to the piano and admired it some more. Jack noticed, and he smiled. "Wait, do you know how?"
"I, well," I stammered, my face feeling hot. "Just a little. It's been a while," I looked down, not wanting Jack to see how I was blushing. He walked up to me, still smiling.
"I've gotta grab more paint from the shop, but I'll be right back. Go ahead and play it if you want," he offered, ruffling my hair before walking offstage.
I sat still for a bit, debating playing or not. I looked to where Jack had walked off to, finally getting up and making my way to the piano. I pulled out the bench and sat down, laying my crutch on the ground behind me. I stared at the keys, unsure where to begin. A few more second passed before I put my hands on the keys, managing to use my left hand a little, but I still couldn't move it, of course. I only played a few notes before I got totally lost in it, closing my eyes and smiling. I was surprised that I was still able to play, and I felt as though I could stay there forever. I smiled even more as I heard it echo into the theatre, and before I knew it I had finished the song, and I opened my eyes to see Jack standing beside me, smiling.
"Sorry," I said quietly, looking down.
"For what? That was incredible!" My face became hot again, and I tried not to look at Jack so he wouldn't notice. "Crutchie, seriously," he continued, and I was unable to fight off the urge to look at him any longer. "That was amazing."
"Thanks," I said quietly, getting up. Jack handed me my crutch, a smile still plastered to his face.
"Do you wanna go? I won't keep you here if you're tired or something," he said, making me smile a little.
"No, I love watching you paint. We can stay as long as you want." He went back to his canvas with a smile, and I sat down where I was before, watching.
We were there for a while longer when Jack suddenly stopped, stepping back from the backdrop. This wasn't unusual, as he did this a lot to see what to do next, but I could tell he was frustrated about something. I studied the entire canvas for a moment, seeing what was upsetting him.
"You've got shadows comin' from two directions," I pointed out, and he looked at me with a smile.
"God, thank you! I couldn't figure it out!" He said, making me laugh. He grabbed a new brush and started to fix it, but was quickly distracted by one of the backstage doors opening.
"Is that Jack Kelley?" A woman said, and Jack immediately smiled. She walked onto the stage and put her arms out, smiling. "Come give me a hug!" Jack ran up to her and did just that before backing away, allowing the woman to see the backdrop. "Beautiful as always."
"Well I've got some help this time, Miss Medda," Jack said, gesturing to me. I grew nervous as I always did around new people, only getting worse when Medda looked at me.
"Is this the famous Crutchie I've heard so much about?" She said, staying put. Jack laughed a little as he saw how shy I got, likely getting reminded of when we first met. I didn't say anything back, looking down in embarrassment.
"Mhm, that's him," Jack said, a smile on his face.
"Jack talks very fondly of you," my face felt even hotter as Medda spoke, something that I didn't think was possible. She looked back at Jack, starting to back away. "I'll leave you to it, I was just seeing who was here. Have a nice night!" She said, leaving the same way she had come in. Jack continued painting right away, and I couldn't help but keep smiling as I watched.
It wasn't much longer before we left, as Jack couldn't keep working on it since it was mostly all wet paint. We walked home in silence, remaining that way until we were laying down and facing one another. He smiled at me and I did the same back, moving so I was against him. Without another word we fell asleep, and I finally felt okay.
I was woken up at two in the morning by Jack sitting up quickly, gasping for air and shaking. I sat up with him, worried. I studied him for a moment, realizing he was having a panic attack. I moved over so I was closer to him, making him look at me. The second he did, he threw his arms around me, catching me off guard. He pulled me in close, and I could feel his heart pounding.
"I love you," he finally said, his voice shaky.
"I love you too, what's wrong?" I wasted no time asking, making him let go of me and back up so he could see my face.
"I had this terrifying dream that your Dad killed you and made me watch, it was awful," he explained, beginning to calm down.
"It's okay," I said as I put my arms back around him, feeling him do the same.
"I love you," he repeated, only making me worry. I backed up again so I could see his face, pushing his hair out of the way like he always did for me.
"There's something about your dream you aren't telling me," I said bluntly, and he sighed. "It's okay, you can talk to me," I assured him, smiling.
"After, uhm..." He trailed off, looking down. "Sorry," he took a deep breath, looking back to me.
"You sound like me," I joked, making both of us laugh and making him feel more comfortable. "Take your time, I'm right here."
"After everything happened, there was a time skip or something," he began, having to wipe his face as more tears fell. "It was, uh," he had to pause yet again, looking away from me. "It was your funeral," he finally sobbed, resting his head in his hands. "It felt like I was back there," he said, referencing his sister's funeral.
"Come here," I pulled him against me, running my fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing this to you when you're going through so much shit," he mumbled, breaking my heart.
"Don't talk like that. No matter what I might be going through, I am always here. Don't ever forget that." He looked up and smiled at me, and I did the same back. "How about we lay down and talk, hm?" He nodded and we did just that, facing one another.
"I never, ever want to lose you," he suddenly said, moving closer to me.
"You won't." He smiled again and put his arms around me, pulling me in against his chest, as we always slept. "If you're ready, you should try sleeping again. You're clearly tired." He nodded, closing his eyes. I waited until he fell asleep, following soon after.
The bell woke both of us up as usual, and I looked up at Jack right away to see how he was doing. He smiled at me, showing that he was doing far better than before. He gently pushed my hair from my face, taking a deep breath.
"Race will be here soon," he said, speaking quietly.
"I know," was all I could say back, looking away from him.
"I ain't letting you sell yet, you're still way too weak," he added, and I nodded to show I understood. "Do you want to come with me?"
"Sure," I said, rubbing my eyes.
"I'll grab you some clothes, alright?" He stood and I sat up, patiently waiting for him to hand me whatever he picked out. A few seconds passed before he gave me the clothes, and I quickly noticed it was one of his shirts rather than my own.
"Thanks," I said with a smile, and Jack started getting dressed. As though on cue, the moment we were finished changing Race called out from below.
"You guys awake?" He yelled, making Jack smile, but making my heart drop.
"Yep! Come on up!" Jack called back, looking at me right after. He knelt down next to me, pushing my hair back again in an attempt to calm my nerves. "It'll be okay. I'm right here." Once Race climbed the ladder he walked over to us, a smile on his face.
"Ready?" He asked, wasting no time. I nodded and put my arm out, waiting for him to place his hands on it. He did just that, looking back up at me one more time. "Go ahead whenever you want."
I took a breath to prepare myself, staring at my hand and praying it'd move. It felt like a punch to the stomach when it didn't, and everything around me grew quiet. I could tell Jack and Race were talking to one another, however I was completely unable to hear them, tears in my eyes. My breathing became heavy and I continued staring at my hand, losing hope.
"Hey," Jack said to me, grabbing my attention. "Are you alright?" I shook my head, not bothering to lie. "Take a breath," he added, noticing how heavy my breathing was. "Race, we'll meet you at the bottom of the ladder in a few minutes," Race nodded and left, not saying anything.
"I feel sick," I said between breaths, feeling Jack's hold tighten on me.
"It's alright, just take some deep breaths to calm yourself," he reassured me, gently rubbing my back. I did as he said and started to feel better almost immediately, wiping my face dry with my right hand. "Take as long as you need."
"I'm okay," I said, sitting up and off of him. He stared at me for a moment, trying to hide his concern.
"You sure? We can stay for a few more minutes," he offered, but I shook my head.
"I don't want to. I just want to get on with the day," Jack hesitated for a moment before standing, putting his hand out for me to take.
I stayed quiet through our entire walk, listening to Jack and Race joke with one another. Once we got to the square and were in line, Davey, Les, and Romeo joined in, and I stood directly beside Jack so I felt safe. He'd look at me to see how I was doing every now and then, smiling each time. We had got our papes and Jack was about to send everyone out, when Weisel suddenly stood on a crate, not something he did often.
"If I call your name, you've got some mail! Get it now or I'm throwing it out!" We turned back to our group and continued talking, as none of us ever got anything. It wasn't often that there would be mail, and it was always the same fellas who got letters. We completely tuned out Weisel like we always did, just waiting for him to finish so Jack could send us out. "I also have one for a... Charlie Morris?" He said, making me immediately freeze in place. I looked at Jack, confused. "Is there a Charlie Morris here?" I turned to Weisel now, feeling unable to move. Jack walked to him and tried to take the letter, but Weisel drew it back. "Your name ain't Charlie," he said, making Jack roll his eyes.
"That's Crutchie's name. Give it." He demanded, and Weisel reluctantly handed it to him. He walked back over to the group and passed the letter to me, waiting for me to open it. "Who would've sent you mail?" He asked, and I shrugged.
"I have no idea," I said, slowly opening the letter.
I didn't bother looking at the return address, as I knew it wouldn't help me figure out who it was from. I unfolded it after a second of hesitation, my heart pounding. I heard Les asking Davey and Race why I didn't use my real name, but I completely ignored it, looking to see who it was from. I got two lines in when the person revealed themselves, and I once again froze, unsure what to do.
"Who's it from?" Jack asked, and I slowly looked up at him, my chest tight.
"It's from my Mom."
(word count - 6239)