jordyn.
You aren't supposed to hurt the ones you love. I was taught that from a young age.
Mistakes were okay, but they were never applauded. When I failed my first subject in grade school, my parents were let down but they knew I could raise up that mark because I was known for being a good kid. It became two times the weight I began to carry around with me. On one end, I was hurt from not receiving the praise I was so used to getting. On the opposing side, I had to work a little harder to take back that reputation I had for always doing good in school. There was no room for mistakes in my life. I either did it right the first time around or I hurt someone I cared about.
If you truly love someone, you don't hurt them. Sensibly, you'd want them to be happy, shine as bright as possible whenever they're around. You want to be the reason for their laughs and their smiles. Not their tears and their pain. Protecting them from harm's way is what someone naturally wants to do when you love somebody so dearly. In more extreme cases, you're willing to sacrifice yourself to make sure they're okay. There's no good or bad thing about that; it's just how I've been hardwired to be. With everyone in my life, I could not name one person I wouldn't go to hell and back to be able to give them what they need in order to be happy.
When I make even the slightest mistake in doing that, the other person suffers with me. Call it obsessive, call it self-destructive, call it whatever negative connotation to describe what I'm feeling because I certainly couldn't put a name to it. How could someone else know my thoughts better than I do? If I can't name it, how could they? I hate making mistakes that put other people's happiness at risk. I hate not being completely and totally happy around someone and burdening them with my pain. I hate disappointing others, especially the ones I care about.
I don't deserve to be someone else's worry. The thought of me sure as hell doesn't warrant a mere pained thought in somebody else. I don't get to be a burden, I shouldn't matter that much.
I couldn't believe I let myself make such a grave mistake with Beau. My mind sunk down so far that I forgot what I'd already known. You aren't supposed to hurt the ones you love. There isn't any room for making mistakes. In hurting him, I made that greatest mistake I ever could have made. I forced him to shut out his emotions. I made him feel like he couldn't talk to me. I hurt him worse than the realization had crumbled him. The thing I was trying to forget hadn't left his mind and I neglected that.
His wellbeing matters more to me than my own. I could put myself aside and help him at any given moment. In trying to do just that, it resulted in hurting him. He burdened himself with me instead.
The person I love the most shouldn't have to feel like that.
We cried together for hours on end. There's no telling how long we sat there in each other's embrace, spending those precious hours of our spring break bawling next to each other. Holding one another as if it were the last time we'd be able to do so. We talked about what happened that day for the very first time since it happened. I poured my heart out to him and that made him proud of me.
~
"I'm sorry," I cry into my two fistfuls of his shirt. Having repeated those words so many times, I'm hoping he realizes their raw honesty. Or at least I hope I can really believe that he can. At the moment, I have this pesky little voice in my head reminding me of how he's felt all this time and how I blatantly disregarded that.
"I told you I forgive you," he mutters, not saying it as softly as he once did. Am I getting annoying? Is there a limited amount of times one can say they're sorry?
No, he's just sick of the same old pattern.
Shut up. Fuck that voice gets on my nerves. I should have expected her not to go away so soon. All she's been doing is talking to me for the past three days and I can't get her to stop. I don't know how.
Clearing my head of her torture, I focus on Beau. He needs me right now. I can't let her have her way again. "Talk to me, please? I'm sorry I wasn't here before, but I'm here now," I offer measly, aware of how fucking stupid I must sound to him, "If that makes a difference." I add the last part somewhat quietly, unsure if I want him to hear it or not.
Supposed he did. "It makes a difference, a big one," he nods, I think. He won't allow me to see his face with his hand keeping me firmly in place with my head against his chest. I hope he's not crying. I don't deserve a tear shed over me when I'm the one that made the mistake that brought us here.
I didn't know how else to cope with what happened. I thought the best option for us was to become numb to it. To false hope as a whole. If I weren't so naive to the things that could hurt me, I would be able to avoid that gut-wrenching feeling. Then I wouldn't get hurt. Then our relationship would be fine. Then I'd be able to take better care of him.
The only other option was to forget that it ever happened.
"I never set out to hurt you," I preface, "I seriously thought that it would make things easier on us if I just forgot about the whole thing. It would have helped us move on faster."
I'm utterly surprised my voice is understandable right now. All I'm hearing in my head is mindless blubbering swarmed with guilt, yet he's taking something out of it. "I know you would never intentionally hurt me, love, it was just hard not having anyone to talk to," he lets out shakily. Absent-mindedly, his hand runs up and down my thigh, making my skin prickle with goosebumps. I missed his touch, so much.
"I won't ever push you away again," I sniffle.
Like you'll stay true to your word.
How can I tell her to shut up if I know she's right? She's right about most things. I'm a liar, I'm a shitty girlfriend, I'm weak. She's right about all the things I don't want her to be right about. Everything she says is so painfully accurate, it's easy to understand why I've kept her locked away in my mind for so long. So at times like this when I'm at my most vulnerable, she won't pounce and attack when the time is just right.
Of course I'm right. I'm what you fear.
Come back, come back, come back. My normality is pushing her away. My fucked up version of being okay is acting as if she isn't there. She represents all that I hate about myself and if she just goes away, I won't have to face it after all these years.
I bring myself to speak over her before she can get another word out. I owe Beau an explanation, the best one I can give without confusing him. He may not get what I'm trying to say because he's never had to go through this, but it's better than not talking at all. "When I started to put everything aside, it got easier. The constant thought of the pregnancy scare wasn't in my mind at every given hour, hurting me over and over again. The memory was just sitting there, above all other thoughts, never letting go of its hold over me," I ramble on tearfully, "It felt like I was bruning from the inside out. Like the memory was inside of me, eating me alive. Trying to kill me off completely. It felt better to just pretend it wasn't there."
"That's not a healthy pattern to continue, Jo," he refutes.
He wouldn't understand.
He couldn't even begin to comprehend it. I'm not even able to. "I never claimed it was. But most of the time, it works," I attempt to reason.
"It doesn't work like you think it does," he sighs, his quiet exhale trembling, "It was hurting you more than it was healing you. You can't begin to move on from something if right away you try to forget it instead of talking about it."
Talking about it makes it sting worse. Reliving the experience will send all the feelings coming back like a ruthless tidal wave. Does talking ever help?
"It does," he answers suddenly. For a second there, I thought he could read my mind. It wouldn't come as a shock to me if he could after all this time we've been together. However, given how easy it's been for me to spiral into the deep hole of my thoughts, spacing out has been too often of an occurrence than I'd like for it to be. I probably said it out loud.
"I'm always scared of getting hurt," I admit with a weighted breath, "I always want to be happy. But this is the life I'm living and that's simply impossible. That kind of wish is too unattainable to turn into reality."
"Happiness can never be appreciated if sadness weren't there to accompany it. Same thing goes for the moonlight and its darkness. You can never have one without the other," he elaborates in terms I can understand. It's always been a struggle for me to accept the sadder parts of life. The moment you can't just fast forward through to get to the good parts. The moon can't shine in broad daylight. It needs shadows in order to beam.
His hand moves up to rub my shoulder next. I take my hands out of the fabric of his black t-shirt and link them over his arm, hugging it close to my chest. "Point is I hate the sad parts of life. I hate them so much, I'm willing to pretend they're not there to avoid them. Forward through them somehow so I don't feel how bad..." I abruptly pause, biting my lip to keep my renewed tears at bay. "So I don't feel how bad it hurts to miss something that was never there."
Like that it hits me all at once. One simple sentence causes the barricade to implode. The one thing that kept me from feeling anything collapsed in mere seconds and now I'm feeling everything.
~
Sobbing for god knows how long was the hardest part. Feeling everything there was to feel after three and a half days of bottling it up felt like a hurdle I'd never be able to get over. It hurt, so fuckng bad. It felt like somebody was holding a flaming piece of metal to my skin, permanently etching this pain into my heart. It wouldn't stop. The pain felt eternal. There was no hope left in either of us to fight our tears. We allowed ourselves to finally break down in front of each other, like we'd done countless times. The only difference from now to then, though, is that this is our pain. Not his past or my self-doubt. We mutually understood each other in those desperate cries. We could tell by our broken sobs we knew the same kind of pain. We cried together and knew what the other person was going through without them having to say a word.
That was only yesterday, but I could already feel progress being made. It was drastic, the turn we took after the pregnancy test came out negative. We hadn't spoken to each other about much. When we were having a conversation, it just felt off. Having been too busy tiptoeing eggshells around each other to say anything that held any meaning. The I-love-yous we told each other for those three days only sounded like a reminder to ourselves and not to the other person. Cuddling every night didn't have the same warmth because we─ I closed off from him. At least something good came of this lapse: it further proved that things between us wouldn't work if it was solely physical. Like happiness is to sadness and moonlight is to darkness, the emotional connection needs to be strong in order for our physical one to keep alive.
And I think that's a real beautiful thing.
Today was better by a long shot. It's crazy how fast we can come back from such dark lows when we're together. We woke up this morning, our limbs tangled together underneath the messy sheets. We had our breakfast brought to his room and lounged around until noon watching TikToks. Time passed by so fast watching 15 second videos. One minute I looked up and it was 9:17 am, the next it was 11:54. That's why I don't allow myself to use that damn app when I know I have shit to do.
I forced myself out of bed to shower and finally take the gauze off of where my birth control was inserted a few days ago. I had thought it would just feel like getting a shot, but boy was I wrong. At least after a shot, I'd be sore for a day or two and I could move on with my life, but with the implant that was hardly the case. Getting it done hurt, but this recovery process hurts even more. I can barely lift anything, that includes mediocre things like a glass plate. Force can barely be applied, so brushing my hair with that arm is certainly out of the question. And the fact that I have to lay in a certain position in order not to press on the tender spot annoys me the most considering it takes me awhile to fall asleep and I move around a lot in the process.
Overall, the recovery process for this thing is a massive bitch. The result is so fucking worth it though. No more pregnancy scares for the next three years is worth the suffering.
The few days I had to wait for the hormones to start kicking in were passed in the short time me and Beau spent not having sex. Sex has honestly been the last thing on our minds amid this rough spot in our relationship, but now that we've gotten over it, I can guarantee my boyfriend will be eager to get his hands on me. Like always, nothing changes.
Not today however. One, it's too soon to be leaping back to normal. We've made progress but not that much. And two, I realized yesterday that I've let myself get too caught up in my relationship drama. Being with my friends without Beau did help in the slightest fraction, but I was too caught up in my thoughts to enjoy any of it. Plus we're nearing the end of spring break and I've only hung out with my best friend once despite practically living at her house. I miss her. And I most definitely miss Kat. So I allowed Beau to get my morning, but my friends can get my afternoon.
Luckily, Beau isn't the type of guy to hold me back from my friends. If that were the case, an argument would have ensued that set us back. He wants to be around me 24/7, but he's also agreed that time apart is good too, as long as we know how to balance it. Now if there was alcohol involved, I'd see why he'd be a bit more apprehensive about letting me go out. It's just my sister and my best friend though, two people we both trust to have our best interest at heart. Given they're our sisters so they're kind of obligated to want to see us happy for the greater good. But the same applies with my other friends.
Correction: my girl friends. I don't have very many guy friends to begin with, but I know Beau. I tell him one guy is going to be where I am and suddenly he'll be interested in going along with me. Not that he doesn't trust me, he simply doesn't trust other guys. The only guy friend he doesn't mind me having is his friend Luke which is kind of biased on Beau's part but I'm not going to go picking a fight. I'll just stick with the friends I already have, they haven't seemed to want to fuck me over like a particular guy has.
Not naming names of course.
Beau tries to reach for me as I scurry out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Sophie's waiting to take me home. He's been jokingly trying to get me to stay with him another day, as if I haven't been here for a week already. I need to show up at my house sometime, let my family know that I'm alive at the bare minimum. He would have driven me over there if he was planning on staying, but since Sophie is I'd rather spare him the time. He'll find something to amuse himself with while I'm gone. More likely than not it'll end up being hopping on that cursed game console and playing his little shooter games until three am.
One day his loud bantering is going to drive me to the point of insanity and I'll be forced to smash that console to pieces.
Just when I think I'm out of his line of vision, he sneaks up behind me and lifts me up with his bulky arms hugging my waist. I squeal in surprise, laughing out loud. He seems to miss the way Sophie's looking over at us seemingly ready to gouge her eyes out.
"Put me down!" I laugh. One of my hands slap at his forearms while the other holds the hem of my shirt so it doesn't ride up too high.
"Stay," he whines, spinning me around until both of us are dizzy.
Sophie fake gags in the corner of the room. "Get...a...room," she says between sounds of disgust. She's managed to do way worse in front of me so I don't feel remorseful in the slightest.
He's forced to set me back down on my feet as dizziness overcomes him. "I'll talk to you later, 'kay?" I bid my goodbye to him with an affectionate kiss to his cheek. I hear Sophie's retches intensify at the light peck. I wonder which side of the family they got their dramatics from?
Reluctantly waving goodbye as I follow Sophie out the door, I blow him a kiss out of pity. Just before I close the door behind me, I spot him spinning on his heel to head back upstairs.
I miss being around him already.
"We all know I'm better company than my brother," Sophie groans sarcastically as we hop into her car of choice. Today it's her Tesla. It's rare that she drives it around though so she must be in a really good mood.
"It's been a while since we've done this," I reminisce as she pulls onto the busier streets outside of her neighborhood. It was only a few months ago that we would spend nearly every day together. Inseparable we were. We would hop into one of our cars and drive to any L.A. hotspot we wanted to. Even earlier than that, Kat would join us too. Grant came along and it became just Sophie and I. Things with Beau escalated and then there was one.
Genuinely, I feel bad that Sophie hasn't found a connection with someone like that. She told me she wanted to take time to figure herself out before she jumped into something, one night stands or otherwise. Lyric I'm guessing was the only exception seeing as she hasn't told me she's been talking to anyone. Lately I haven't exactly been the greatest friend to talk to. Being caught up in my issues for the past week shadowed everything else. I'm back now though, I'm fine and ready to return to normal, whatever that may be defined as.
In short, today has been a long time coming.
"Yeah, ever since my two closest friends got themselves into," she pretends to choke up, "committed relationships, we hardly ever get to have girls' day anymore."
"It's not that bad," I nonchalantly deny.
Narrowing her eyes at me while we're at a red light, she sarcastically comments, "Right, like you're not practically married to my brother."
My heart flutters a bit, a product of pesky hope nagging in the pit of my stomach. I should know better not to have any hope by all the times I've allowed it to hurt me, but if it keeps Beau happy I'll do it. Time and time again. "I'm not," I laugh off those pure butterflies.
"Well not legally," she laughs. Shaking her head and facing the road again. "You guys did get way more serious than Kat and Grant though," she remarks.
I furrow my brows confusedly. Mostly because I thought it appeared to be the other way around. The very first day at Crestview, those two clicked instantly. The only thing that prolonged the time it took for them to get together was neither of them wanting to confess their feelings to one another. There was a spark between them, obvious to everyone but them. It was like watching two kids realize they had a crush on each other. Painfully wholesome throughout. When Kat came right out and told him how she felt (with our help obviously), they started dating and the rest is history. I always thought that it was them who would be perceived more as the couple to be taken seriously. I know I sure did.
"Oh come on, Kat and Grant are like our parents," I chuckle, shaking my head slowly, "Just because they have a bit more self control around one another doesn't make them any less serious."
Sophie shoots me a quick 'really?' glance. "She's your older sister, you're obviously going to see her like a parent," she reasons, rolling her eyes, "Don't get me wrong, I'm supportive of their relationship and all. I'm pretty sure they've been together this long because they like being around each other, but it's just not like you and Beau. I can't explain it, the...vibes are different."
"The vibes?" I scoff, mocking her. In some way I see where she's coming from. Kat and Grant seem a lot more put together than Beau and I. They have their shit together in aspects that we don't. I've never seen them fight, not because they don't but because they're able to snap a lid on their emotions. Just because Kat and Grant are mature in their relationship doesn't necessarily make it bad.
"You get what I'm saying," Sophie says in finality, "Their relationship seems..." she sighs, racking her brain for the correct phrase. Her fingers drum against the center console while her other hand drives. "Too perfect to be real."
"Sophie!" I scold, lightly swatting at her hand.
"What? Someone had to say it," she shrugs. I guess being blunt must run in the family as well.
Exhaling a disbelieving laugh, I angle my head to look at the side of her face, "Are you saying they're faking their relationship?" It wouldn't be the first time but it always wouldn't be the last. History has a funny little way of repeating itself, however not with them. What motive would that have to fake a relationship? To my knowledge, they'd have nothing to lose if they broke things off. They'd be hurt in their own way, but that's no reason to stay in a relationship you know is ending.
She points at me, "That's a possibility," she nods. I quickly slap that hand back down while she continues, "Maybe there's more to them that meets the eye. There's no way a relationship can be that flawless."
I open my mouth to put a logic back into this girl's mind, attempting to begin, "Maybe─"
"Nope, no fucking way," she interrupts, "I'm not saying they have to go and fight constantly like you and Beau do."
Her quick pause allows me to get at least one word in. "Hey!" I reprimand.
"You fight more than usual that's all I'm gonna say, but the love is clearly there," she backtracks, "With Kat and Grant it's like they're too good to be true. They're making it out to be that they don't face those kinds of struggles, but I think I might interrogate Kat a little today. Just see what's going on." We make the turn onto my street. That was awfully fast.
"Oh like how you interrogated me?" I retort. My eyes scan across the neighborhood, as if there'll be anything other than its usual tranquility. Hardly anyone's outside at this hour. 2 pm and the sun is at its highest point in the day, no one in their right mind would think to be out right now.
Or so I thought.
As I continue my scan over the neighborhood, passing house after house to eventually come up to mine, my eyes widen slightly in surprise. In the green lawn directly across from mine I spot Kat chatting it up with our neighbor. Leo, I think? I'm not entirely sure, but I do recognize him from the time he helped me take the mail back to my house. Watching their interactions closely, they're passing a basketball back and forth to shoot into the basket, laughing at what the other says as if they've known each other for years prior, I spot all of it. While the ball is still in her hands, he reaches forward and lifts my sister up by her waist. Both of them exchange a laugh as she dunks the ball into the net.
I know a flirtatious move when I see one.
Sophie stops the car a house down from my driveway so neither of them see us pull up. He sets her down on her feet and backs away again, prompting Sophie to turn to me, ready to give me hell for all the defending I had done not even five minutes ago. "Well," she cocks a brow, "I guess that begs the question of how serious they are." Her eyes fall onto them again, as do mine. Sincerely I hope Kat is aware of what she's doing.
Of course she does. She's my sister, I've known her the entirety of my life. Kat has always had things put together. Of the two of us, she was the one with the logic. I got the book smarts, she got the common sense. I can't excuse this with her not knowing what she's doing because Kat may be a lot of things but she's sure as hell not even close to being naive. She's not looking at how this guy is treating her and thinking it's strictly friendly. Guys aren't that nice when they're not trying to get into a girl's pants.
Careful, your trust issues are showing.
Huffing, I mutter, "It's probably nothing. Let's go over there before it becomes something." As far as I know, she and Grant haven't broken up. She posted a story of the two of them last night on a date I presume, there's no way they could have broken up in the past twelve hours. At least I hope not, then I'd really be concerned about why she looks so happy so soon.
Kat is not a cheater. There's a reasonable explanation for this.
"My kind of girl," Sophie nods in praise as she pushes her door open. If I could, I'd close my eyes and pretend I never saw this so it wouldn't become my problem, yet here I am doing the same and following my nosy best friend across the street.
Kat looks up from dribbling the ball and spots us immediately. She waves us over cheerfully, seeming like she's got nothing to hide. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe there is no underlying thing here, just two neighbors playing basketball. I won't let my naivety and my urge to try to find some good in everyone I come across blind me from reality this time. I'm sure as hell keeping my guard up against everything. New concepts, new people, all of it. There's no telling which people come into your life to hurt you.
"Hey," Sophie and Kat call out to one another. By the time I've barely made it across the street, Sophie is already on the sidewalk. I decided to remain a bit more reserved than that.
My sister introduces Sophie to our new neighbor, whose name is in fact Leo. I'm relieved I found that out beforehand though, I didn't want to embarrass myself by calling him the wrong name. Finally I approach them all and without warning, Kat shoots me the ball.
I catch it with a bit of a fumble. "Long time, no see," she grins, pulling me in for an earnest hug. As I reach out to return the embrace, Sophie skips over to snatch the basketball out of my grasp. I'll let her do her thing with Kat. She managed to get the truth about me and Beau all by herself at one point, untangling this confusion is more along her expertise than it is my own. Besides, Kat's my sister. I can't go prying into her life regardless of the amount of times she's done it to me. It's not like I have any right to pass judgment either. I've just returned from a week of no phone calls or texts to her, the most contact we've 'had' is through my boyfriend. It's not right to simply come back and start questioning her about her life when she doesn't have a clue about what's been going on in mine.
"Sorry," I apologize meekly as I release myself from her hold.
She shoves my shoulder playfully. "Don't be," Kat reassures me, "As long as you're here and in one piece I don't mind." Quickly before I can stop her, she ruffles my hair and scurries backward, out of my arms' reach.
"Beau told me about why you stayed over there so long," she says seriously, "I understand, I'd want to be with someone who understood what I was going through. Just don't be afraid to talk to me or anyone really."
I nod her off, flicking my gaze away nervously, "Okay."
"Don't 'okay' me, Jordyn," she warns in her 'big sister' tone, "I mean it. You always have our backs, let us have yours."
"I hear you, Katelyn," I repeat her full name back to her just because I can, "me and Beau talked it over yesterday." I purposely don't mention the fact that she knows what happened, or the very brief mention of it. I'm not mad at Beau for telling her, I knew that was what he had to do in order to vent out his feelings to somebody. It was my own fault for not being there for him. I can't blame him for seeking advice elsewhere.
"Oh yeah, him," she groans over exaggeratedly. Rolling my eyes, they land on where Sophie is working her charm on Leo. Interrogations don't begin right on the spot, she has to weasel her way in there and prod for any telltale signs of lying. Not that I would know anything about this, I'm merely a supportive friend who'll oversee from a distance.
"You've met him before?" Kat asks, prompting a casual nod from me. "He hadn't mentioned it," she comments with a tone of indifference, "We've hung out a couple times. I met him when he and his family first moved in. Granted it wasn't the best of circumstances, but we've become friends since then."
I quirk my head to the side. "And what were the circumstances?"
"My car ran out of battery and he had cables," she answers. Somewhat reluctant to tell me, I can hear it in her voice. It's either that or she's caught off guard by my peaked interest.
She'd surely be the same way if she thought for a second that I could be cheating on my boyfriend. I would never think of doing such a thing, which is how'd I expect Kat to think too. If somehow her morals are bended by this new guy, I can't simply sit back and watch it all play out. I need to know what his motives are. I need to know why she's going about it this way.
Sophie calls out to us from a few feet away, "You guys playing or what?" She stands beside Leo's tall frame, the basketball tucked under her arm. This is one hell of a disadvantage if I've ever seen one.
Kat nods enthusiastically, motioning for the ball to be tossed to her. I watch their exchange skeptically before shaking my head. "Can't," I say. Even if I wanted to play, I have no clue how to for one. The general rules of basketball are pretty simple, you shoot from a certain point on the court to gain some points and you're constantly dribbling it on, in our case, the cemented driveway. The only downside is I can't make a basket to save my life so automatically that rules me out. If they need a little more convincing beyond that, my arm is currently out of commission. I can't raise it above my head, much less put the weight of the basketball in the palm of my hand. Not to mention if one of them unknowingly grabs anywhere near the site of the incision, it'll hurt like hell.
Unfortunately I came to realize that kudos to Beau, the very reason I got this thing in the first place.
"Come on, what do you mean you can't?" Sophie grumbles as she stomps over to me from across the makeshift court.
I quickly dodge her as she attempts to drag me over herself. "I'm already bad," I reason with a laugh as I scamper further away from her grabby hands, "my arm will make it even worse."
Kat jumps into our playful dispute, "We need four, two on each team." To solidify her statement, she points to each of us, counting out four.
My hand dramatically gestures to the entirety of Leo's height. "He's gotta count for two. I'm not playing." As I slowly begin to back into the lawn, I'm holding my left hand up in surrender and using my right hand to swat Sophie's pesky 'crab hands' away. In return, she laughs at my efforts and continues towards me faster.
Suddenly, she launches herself toward me. Shocking me with her surprising ability to lift me up, she forcibly brings me back to where Kat and Leo are chuckling at my expense. "We'll be cautious with your arm," she reassures me as she hauls me across the yard. This would have been quite the humorous sight for anyone who would have been stupid enough to be out here in this damn heat. It seems we're the only idiots in this neighborhood.
"Yeah, you say that now but when we're in the game that's the first thing you're gonna go for," I retort, referring to all three of them. Kat wiggles her eyebrows at me, as if to encourage my theory.
Meanwhile Sophie turns around and curses at her under her breath. Turning back to me, she explains, "No, we're not.We're all clear on that right? Nobody touches Jo's left arm!" she announces loudly on purpose, making my 'private business' everything but.
The three of them nod in unison. All ignoring my apprehensive glare. One of them is bound to knock the wound I'm sure. Basketball is very much a contact sport, one that I can't play for shit, but it seems there's no talking myself out of the challenge.
I groan in defeat, "Fine."
"Alright it's settled," Sophie clasps her hands together, "Teams?"
I step back. This is gonna be something.
"Ooh one sister against the other," Kat suggests, staring me down with a gleam in her eye. Just like old times. In school we would always have recess together and when it came to our friends, our groups correlated for the most part. Whenever we were playing dodgeball or soccer, we would always be on opposite sides. A little sister-sister rivalry never hurt anyone. And it sure did make lots of room for debate or a rematch on the days we walked home.
Returning the same knowing smile, I nod in agreement. "Okay," Sophie chirps, "Jojo you're with me. Sister-in-law things, you know?" She playfully sticks her tongue out at my real sister, getting the same in return. During the harmless banter, Leo flits his eyes between both of them, happy confusion written all over his face. He's definitely gonna have to get used to this in the next twenty minutes. If the game even lasts that long.
They flip a penny to see who goes first. With my ever stellar luck, Sophie and I are the chosen winners by calling heads. To check the ball, her and Leo go to the end of the court. Kat is giving me the look that she always does before one of our games, that snide smirk that used to make my blood boil when we were in grade school, but now I've realized it's just one of her tactics to throw me off.
After the check, Sophie throws the ball to me and it's game on.
There's only a specific point where the chances of me making the basket are higher. It's really close up to the net, just to the right of it. If I can get there without two certain people getting in my way, I'll be good.
Dribbling the ball up and around the court to get to where Sophie is wide open, I side step Kat and pass it to her. I have a feeling Leo might be taking it easy on her, given there's at least a half-foot height difference there. But it almost seems too easy. Purposely, he moves out of her way so she can score a two-pointer. He literally watches her do it. Okay...
After a few more times of going back and forth, we came to the unanimous vote that the first team to score fifteen wins. It's somewhat of a relief because at least I know we're not going until the sun goes down. We're at nine to eleven with Kat and Leo in the lead. As expected.
Since Kat accidentally hit the ball out of bounds, it's my turn to check the ball back into the game. My sister sends Leo to do it so she can keep a watchful eye on Sophie, who has scored the most points between the two of us so far. Gee, I wonder why.
I size him up as I bend at the knees a little to be ready to run for the ball. "You're going awfully easy," I cock my head to the side, giving him a knowing grin. "Is that for every person or is it just for my best friend?" I inquire too quietly for them to hear. Though, I think she may get the inclination that we're talking about her by the way I lock eyes with her and Leo turns around and does the same.
"You're quite the observer," he chuckles. I have to be relieved that he's chosen Sophie instead. At least she's the one who's single.
"Of course I am." I make a quick movement to the side, making his body flinch in response. Smiling triumphantly, I remark, "I know a flirt when I see one." With that I shoot Sophie the ball and we continue the game.
When the game reaches twelve to fourteen, Sophie ties it up with another two-point shot. With Leo's little bit of help, I didn't miss that. It also takes careful observation to notice when they race to retrieve the ball, they both grab it simultaneously and their hands stay on it for quite some time before Sophie lets him have it. They've gotten awfully close in the span of an hour...history tells me that with Sophie it can take her approximately twenty minutes to make someone want to sleep with her. Now I don't know if Leo is one of those guys, but I'm pretty sure with the smile he's looking at my best friend with, he may have other plans. As long as none of those fall in hurting my best friend, we're all good.
I guess she'd be willing to make one more exception.
Kat nudges me, her gaze falling upon exactly what mine is. "He's definitely the type of guy she'd go for," she whispers discreetly to me.
Forcing myself to look totally clueless, I ask, "You think?" I don't want to seem like the type of girl who gossips. I'd rather be the one who sits and listens to said-gossip. But if Kat catches onto it, it's painfully obvious that they've been flirting. It's only been an hour, but Sophie sure knows how to go in for the kill.
"He kind of looks like Sean, don't you see it?" she comments as Sophie does to him what I did the last time I was put to check. She moves to one side to quickly dip into the other and pass it to me. Giving me the perfect opportunity to avoid Kat's inquiry.
It couldn't be more true though. They both have that spectacle of athletic charm, while Leo has a bit of a rough-around-the-edges kind of feel. Something that Sean lacked. I said to myself earlier that I'd wished Sophie could finally have someone to keep her company in a more romantic way. Maybe a boyfriend would be good for her. Though it'd have to be the right person. I'm a firm believer in soulmates, everyone in this world has someone else that compliments them. It's not expected that we find them so early on in our lives, if at all, but it doesn't hurt to seek a little. Allowing fate to handle the rest.
In a way, I did ask for this.
I still need time to get to know this guy before I can encourage her to go for it, but thus far, he's been sweet. Doesn't mean my guard is down though. I know better than to make that mistake again.
Sophie and I hog the ball, passing it back and forth between each other. Sometime in between, Kat and Leo switch their places. Kat blocks Sophie from getting closer to the net, therefore closer to me as I keep the ball away from Leo's long ass arms.
"Not fair, you're a skyscraper," I chuckle breathlessly as I precariously keep the ball in between us, dribbling in mid air.
"Try shooting," he prompts. The basket is suspended a few feet away. Taking the shot from this distance will put a risk in our team's path. If I take it, the chances of me missing are way higher. Combine that with Leo's ability to block the shot and take it from us will automatically make us lose the game.
I flick my eyes to the general direction of Sophie. "A word of advice." I step to the side. He does the same. So he isn't going to make this easy. "She's a hard girl to please. Picky to a T."
"Protective much?" he taunts as he makes a dive for the ball. In which he misses almost immediately. Shouldn't have been so easily distracted.
"Absolutely." Taking a large step to the side in hope to get an ounce of leverage on him, it simply isn't happening. "It'd be easier to make your life hell if you hurt her. Since you leave across the street and all."
He stops my attempt to shoot the ball with his hand slamming it back down to the ground before it can get out of my hands. We both scramble for it before it can roll out of bounds and into our opposing side's hands. As a last moment resort, I lightly push him out of the way with my bad arm to get to the ball.
Being competitive was never one of my best qualities. "Fuck!" I grimace in response to the sore feeling on my upper arm. I have the ball in my hand though so I'm not complaining too much.
"You good?" Leo says as he runs after me while I dart to the other side. The only skill I have against him is my agility so I'm praying that it comes in clutch when I make this final shot, including a little bit of luck on my side.
I exhale, shaking off the pain, "Fine." I line myself up before he can block me once more and take the shot a little too fast. As the ball soars through the air, it's all in the hands of luck now. It swirls around the rim once, leading it to go one of two ways. Down to the floor and possible out of bounds for good or to make one more point.
Please let it be the latter. My ego depends on it after all of the smart-aleck retorts I've made throughout this entire game.
To my complete relief, the ball slowly rolls into the net, making both Sophie and I scream in rejoice. "I'm not sure you are though," I smirk at Leo, whose head is hanging low, "You just lost, did you see that?" I mock, out of breath.
"Such a good sport," he awes sarcastically. Proving himself to be the 'bigger person', he holds his hand up for me to high five before I run off to Kat to celebrate my victory.
The moment I reach her to bask in all my glory, she snaps a finger over her lips and forcibly turns me around to glance at Leo and Sophie. She's poking at his chest, teasing him over the loss of the game. I come to find out through my tentatively listening ear that they placed a bet on it. Twenty bucks she gained out of this and, possibly, a new fuck buddy.
"Maybe this'll be the one that sticks," Kat smiles to herself.
I shrug. Maybe. But I still don't trust him that much to tell for sure.
a/n
YOU GUYS TODAYS CONTENT WAS FUCKING IMMACULATE. WE GOT WELL MF FED TODAY 😭😭 I've been writing most of the time since I got home from school and it gave me the chance to listen to the AWF soundtrack. Lemme tell you if you haven't listened to it yet, get off Wattpad open Spotify and listen to it while you continues reading. I swear it is the most soothing sultry soundtrack I've heard (with the exception of a few songs).
ALSO ON THE TOPIC OF AWF I JUST BOUGHT MY TICKETS FOR IT AHH ima go see it alone cause none of my friends have read the books and I don't wanna have to explain all the recastings 😬 ANYWAYS THATS ALL FOR THE NIGHT NEXT UPDATE OUT TOMORROW AT 4PM PST <3