I looked up at Yato as I asked this question. But seeing his expression somehow made it hard. In some way, I felt hurt. It's not like I felt hurt for him just staring at me, silently, not even answering my question... No... Not at all. The question itself was, what almost made me cry.
Suddendly he patted my head with his hand. "You will know, soon..." I looked up. "So you will meet them?" Yato rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I guess so... I have things to make up. Also..." His eyes met mine. "I think it would be better if they knew about you." With that he turned around, facing the exit of the shrine.
I still had a lot of questions. For example, why it would be better if they knew? Do they maybe know me? Who are they even? And that weren't all the question which were on my mind. Not at all. Who was Yato? A god, sure, but... Why do I feel so incredibly happy but also sad, whenever he is by my side? Is that just the bond between Yokai and master? Or maybe...
You don't want to remember.
I silently gazed at the ground. And who am I even? A Yokai? Sure. But who am I in person? Who was I before I became a Yokai?
Please, don't remember.
And then a sudden question came into my mind. What if this is just a dream? A tragedy? What if this isn't even the real world and I am not even a real being?
Why can't I remember?
Why am I even alive?
Because you'll just end up being hurt, again and again and again.
I put a hand against my head, huffing softly. The more I thought about everything, the more blurry my vision got. Also the more I felt this pain in my chest.
Because you aren't strong enough.
It felt hard to breathe. My throat burned. My lungs were on fire. I looked at Yato in a blurred vision, trying not to show that I felt pain.
Because you are weak.
And as he turned around tears came up in my eyes. But I somehow made it, to not let them out.
Because you are fragile.
I was surprised as he softly smiled at me. "I am sorry, Akira..." I softly tilted my head to the side. "For what?"
Because you are breakable.
Yet, he didn't reply. And as his phone ringed, he picked it up. "Delivery God's Yato, how can I help you?" I couldn't help but gulp as he put his phone down after a while and staring at me. "This might be sudden but we have a mission, Akira. Later we will meet the others, okay?" I nodded silently. But of course it wasn't okay. How was it even? How was this pain I tolerated inside of me, okay? How was it even okay that I was by his side? How was the fact that I don't even have a reason to live, okay? It wasn't okay at all. Nothing was okay! But then why did I just say it was okay? Am I stupid? Am I an idiot?!
Because you already are broken.
Yeah... I guess I was an idiot... As I silently smiled as if everything was okay, I stepped beside Yato. He glanced over my whole body. "Also, we might get some normal clothes for you later, if that's okay for you." I smiled. "Sure."
And even though I just was born... I knew one thing for sure. It was the fact that if someone says he's okay with something, he doesn't have to mean it. Well... At least that was my case.
With that, there was a bright light and as soon as I opened my eyes, we were in front of a big school building. Looking at it felt as if someone hit my heart with a dagger. Pictures came into my mind. I heard voices in my head.
"Hey... Isn't Kamitsuka always alone?"
"Serves her right, that bitch."
"So... After this please don't talk to me ever again. Okay?"
"I can end it all, if you want."
And then I heard a voice, inbetween. A familiar voice. My voice.
"Please don't leave me!!"
I covered my mouth with my trembling hands as I was about to break down.
But why isn't it okay to be broken?
On the inside, it felt as if I was about to cry. Yet, I didn't understand at all. After all those voices and pictures were just my imagination. Maybe a hallucination. Nothing more. Wasn't that so?
But on the outside, I just blankly stared at the school building, my mouth still covered with my hands which were shuddering as if they were freezing to death.
Because I hate her.
But instead of weeping, I just walked ahead. "Gotta complete this mission, right?" I smiled. Yato suddendly grabbed my wrist as I approached the school yard.
Because I hate her so much.
As I turned around he just stared at the ground. "Ya...to...?" "Let's not go there.", was all he said. "What? But..." He dragged me away.
Because I hate that girl, I used to be.
At first, I followed him. But then I stopped walking. He turned around. I stared at the ground as suddendly tears rolled down my face. But why was I even crying? Why didn't I even have an answer to such a simple question? All I just did was standing there, desperately trying to hold back those tears.
So please...
I rubbed them away and looked up at Yato. "Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me..." He just looked at me. I felt his gaze, almost as if they were daggers, shooting from his eyes into my heart. "I guess I am a shame of a Yokai... Sorry..."
... Please don't remember...
I heard the bell of the school ringing as Yato placed his hand on my head. I saw how the last students were rushing towards the building, not even noticing us. Yato's hand on my head felt warm and soothing. As if it calmed me down.
You would be to weak to bear all this pain.
And finally the tears stopped flowing. I gulped as my heartbeat slowed down and took a deep breath. The next thing I noticed was that one of the students didn't hurry to class. He just stood there. As if he was watching us. I glanced at him as my eyes widened. His hair was darker than Yato's. His eyes paler than his. Almost as if they were long lost brothers. Yet, he seemed like a normal student. As our eyes met each other and he slowly opened his mouth. "Akira... Kamitsuka...?"
You are so fragile that your heart would just end up being broken, again.
[Author's Note]
I'm back, dear readers! I'm sorry for not updating. In P.E. lesson I sprained my wrist really badly. The doc said I almost broke it (ﾟДﾟﾉ)ﾉ If healed after a while but I also had lots of school projects to do. Goumenasai!! But well I am back alive (I think)! And I am back with new ideas for this fanfic! So brace yourself (*'∀')
Also small self-advertisement. I started a oneshot-series a while ago. It's called "If a song could get me you." You can request if you want. Yet, I only can write a oneshot if I know the character. Still hope, you'll take a look at it. THANKCHU!!
And see yah it the next chaptaaaahhh