It's maddening, isn't it? Being constantly torn between life and death. Debating to yourself the pros and cons of keeping your gentle breath, how can you feel so lonesome in a world full of billions of people?
Like, it's them moments in a movie when they are walking normally but everyone else is in slow motion or fuzzy and the character in the movie doesn't realise who they are.
People don't listen, they walk past you like you never were there, you're just a person they've walked past, a simple blur.
"What color do you want?" I question Izzy as she sits with her back against the armrest of the couch and her legs on top of mine.
"This one." She points to a sage green.
"Good choice." I shake the nail polish bottle whilst she puts on a movie. "What're we watching?"
"The bridge to Terabithia." Is all she tells me before becoming engrossed by the movie.
I paint Izzy's toenails and occasionally wipe away the certain smudges. There is a reason why I'm doing all this for her, it's because the wedding is tomorrow.
She doesn't know, but I'm doing this to distract myself. For two weeks Carlo and I have been planning some of the wedding and just choosing colors or whatever.
Giovanni has been showing us some ways to help with the Mafia's because once Carlo and I are married we will face other enemies.
Harsher enemies. We will be in the middle of a Mafia game to see who will be more powerful. We will be the only Mafia with two most powerful Mafia's collided together.
"When did you think you loved my brother?"
I lift my head up to look at Izzy, she keeps her eyes on the TV. "There was this one time when we were both laughing at this lake and his head was thrown back. You know that weird laugh he does?"
She nods her head and looks at me with a smile. "He looks funny when he does that."
I chuckle as I recall the laugh. "Yeah. But his eyes were filled with pure joy, his skin glowed beneath the sun of the lake. It was like watching an angel. He was so happy, and watching him beside me so happy sparked something inside me. Not specifically happiness, just peace. Complete peace. It felt as if all my problems had walked away, all of my stress had been knocked down to the ground."
Izzy sits up further listening carefully to my words with a grin on her face.
"He makes me feel like everything is going to be okay."
"Will you ever tell me what you went through?" She questions. "I heard momma talking to you and you said you were scared or something."
"Sometimes I forget you are seven." I say stunned.
"I'm eight in January." She glares. "When's yours?"
"I'm nineteen in February." I shrug.
"I'm older than you by a month!" She squeals.
I laugh a little. "That's not how it works."
She rolls her eyes, "Tell me!" She drags.
I huff and finish her toes, I remove her legs from me and take her hands to paint those too. "Okay. You once asked me where I got all my scars from, I told you it was from missions." I paint her nails as I talk.
****
Flashback:
"She has them scratches on her body and I sometimes hear her throwing up in the bathroom. We don't have an animal so that can't be the reason she has those scratches. Mommy says when she was pregnant she threw up a lot but Adelaide doesn't have a bump on her stomach so she can't be that."
"They're from my old missions. And I've been throwing up all week because I had food poisoning."
End of flashback:
****
"In reality these scars are from people who didn't know how to control their anger or control anything. They didn't believe in warm hugs, or how to be gentle. They're from people who love with hatred in their hearts. They wanted me to know I belonged to them and I should never forget what or who they are and did. So they painted my body with cigarette burns, bruises, scratches."
"Can I see them?" She asks, as I finish painting her nails.
"Be gentle. They hurt." It's not that they hurt physically, it's more mentally, it hurts to rethink what happened and realise that I couldn't fight back.
I feel weak.
She nods her head and I lift my hoodie over my head so I'm in a black sports bra, Izzy lightly glides her fingers over my wrists and upper arms, then my stomach and back.
"Did you get the tattoos to cover them?"
"Yes and no. It's hard to explain."
Izzy moves, pulls away and sits in front of me again. She lifts up her top and shows me her scar running from her belly button to her side.
"Should I be disgusted in this?" She looks down and scrunches her face up. "Daddy gave it to me, and he doesn't know how to love. He was angry too."
I'm about to sound hypocritical.
"Never be disgusted by your scars. They tell a story and one day you will be able to tell your own story and you'll get to say you survived and you won."
I hold up my pinky. "Promise me you won't ever be disgusted."
She wraps her pinky around mine. "I promise."
I nod my head and kiss her forehead. "We need to wash your hair."
We both stand up and race to the bathroom, she leans her head over the bath and I grab the shower head.
Izzy laughs hysterically as the water trickles down her neck and down her shirt.
****
"I'll see you tomorrow." Carlo says on the phone.
Carlo isn't with me at the house, he's still at the penthouse with Giovanni.
"See you tomorrow." I whisper, feeling sleepy.
"Goodnight pretty girl, I love you."
I laugh at his little nickname. "Goodnight pretty boy. I love you more."
I hear Carlo go to protest that he loves me most but I hang up so I don't have to hear it and he knows I love him more.
Izzy has fallen asleep next to me and I hold her hand whilst laying down and closing my eyes so I'm ready for my big day tomorrow.
-------
UNKNOWN POV:
"Boss, when are we going to go through with the plan?"
I watch as Adelaide closes the curtains of her room after getting off the phone and think about how gorgeous she has gotten over the past few months.
"After the wedding, we'll give them a month or two then go through with it. Make them think they're safe." I stand up from my crouching position and walk over to the blacked out van waiting for us.
"They'll soon realise they're not alone." I smile and get into the van.
I'll be back for you Adelaide .