Chapter 9
For Xander
The next day, Juvia went to her office. She is nervous. She felt like she will see Gray again in the office since he is his boss’ boss.
“Good morning, Juvia!” her co-worker greeted her. She smiled.
“Are you already fine?” Klare asked her with concern. It’s been two days since their work got rejected. And they have been very eager to finish the presentation this week.
“We’ve been re-doing the presentation Juvia.” Mike said.
“Oh I’m sorry I was absent.” Juvia apologized.
“It was alright. You’re the one who did a lot of work the last time; we should repay you for doing this one.” Mike said.
“Alright but I still have to work with you. I’ll help.” Juvia said and Mike and Klare nodded. They started their work. They we’re brainstorming on the presentation Gray had rejected over a days ago.
Speaking of Gray, he didn’t come back. He said he needed to be in his meeting. Juvia could not refuse. Of course, why would she not let him go? But he didn’t text or call Juvia after. Gray wasn’t obliged to do so but Juvia expected it. And it saddens her. She expected Gray will come back. For Xander, at least. But he did not. They didn’ have the chance to talk that day.
The three of them heard a knock on the door. They all look at who it is. It was Denise, the secretary of the President and CEO.
“Uhm, excuse me but Juvia is being summoned at the President’s office.” Denise said.
Juvia stood straight and she suddenly became nervous. Oh no! She remembered the other day the argument she had with Gray! It was misbehavior. She yelled at his boss’ boss. She swallowed hard as she looked at Denise with a worried look.
“M-Mr. Fullbuster is here. He was actually looking for you.” Denise said. That made Juvia tense.
“Oh-Okay.” She said and left Mike and Klare at their desk.
She is following Denise through President’s office. Gray is the one who called her. She is irritated at some point because he is using his power and authority with his desires. She thinks that isn’t fair. She sighed.
When they were at the floor of the President’s office, Juvia became more nervous. The President is there. Gray is there. She is clueless of what they will say. She thinks about what happened yesterday. Is it about Xander? Or is about the way I behave around my boss’ boss?
Denise opened the door for her.
“Ms. Lockser is already here.” Denise said. Then, she glanced at the table where she thought her boss is. But he wasn’t there. Instead, Gray is sitting in the President’s swivel chair. His hands are intertwined with his, elbow resting on the desk. He looks at Juvia seriously. She gulped at the sight.
“Thank you, Ms. Denise. You may leave.” Gray said in a very calm and deep voice. It made her shiver. He is wearing again a suit and tie. And that gray necktie suits him very well.
Denise left the room. Juvia walked towards the couch near his boss’ table. She saw Gray stood up.
“I-I’m sorry about yesterday.” He said softly. Juvia was in shock when he heard that. Earlier, he had this authoritative, deep and cold voice, now he had this soft, gentle and deep voice at her.
He called me for this? She asked. Her eyebrows met in confusion of his apology. “What?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t go back for Xander. And we didn’t have the chance to talk.” He said. He looked sincere saying it Juvia. And Juvia was rendered speechless.
It took her seconds for her to speak. “You called me for that?”
“I called you because we need to talk.” He said. Juvia heave a sigh. She thought she is going to be fired. Then, she looked around. She is looking for his boss. “Don’t worry, the President is not here. I made him leave so we could talk.”
Juvia’s jaw dropped. She was surprised of what Gray is capable of. She rolled her eyes at her thought. Of course, he is my boss’ boss. He could actually destroy this company.
“Juvia, we need to talk about Xander. I want to be there for my son.”
“O-Of course,” Juvia stuttered. She actually didn’t expect this. Yesterday, when they met and ready to talk, she doesn’t really know what to say to him. Or how will they talk about their son, Xander.
Gray offered a seat for Juvia. They sat on the couch. They were across each other. Juvia is fidgeting her nails. Gray acted normally but the truth is he’s scared as hell.
“Did he find me when he woke up? How was he? Is he fine? Who takes care of him when you were at work?” Gray asked consecutively. His voice is evidently concerned. He had been very worried about yesterday. He felt like shit because he didn’t come back for his son. He knows they just met yesterday but that made him an anxious father already.
Juvia smiled. She had never seen Gray asked continuously like that. And that made her heart swell because he cares about his son. “He was alright when he woke up yesterday. He just played with his toy cars then he watched his favorite series on Disney Channel. Juana helps me a lot and she takes care of Xander when I am at work.” Gray is eagerly listening to him. Juvia smiled. “And yes, he did look for you. I remember he said, ‘Da-da’”
When Xander woke up yesterday, Juvia was surprised when Xander suddenly said, ‘Dada’, Xander repeatedly saying that word. Juvia teared up when he heard his son.
Gray’s face lightens up. “Really?”
Then Gray remembered when he was playing with Xander yesterday; he was repeatedly saying ‘Daddy’ to Xander. Gray was teaching his son to say those words. He kept on saying and saying it to Xander. He smiled at that thought. Xander mouthed the word yesterday, of course, he heard it.
“Da-da?” Xander said while facing Gray, smiling.
“Yes! Yes! Dadda!” He said while laughing. He carried his son and gave him a kiss on the cheeks. “Yes, baby. I’m Daddy!”
Gray smiled at that thought. He had fun with his son yesterday but he felt bad when he left and didn’t come back.
“He had easily remembered you.” Juvia said. Gray smiled, too. He seemed to be a proud father.
Then both of them stayed silent. The happiness of earlier had gone. It was really awkward between them. Gray doesn’t know what to say. He said they need to talk but he actually didn’t know what to say.
“Does Xander carry my name?” Gray broke the silence.
Juvia’s eyes widened and she looked down. She shook her head. “No. He bears my name. Xander Gray Lockser.”
Gray’s jaw tightened. He really wanted to be part of his son’s life. “I wanted to give him my name. I’m going to fix his papers. I want him to bear my name.”
Juvia looked at him. “Of course,”
It fell quiet again. Neither of them speaks nor looks into each other’s eyes. Both of them had questions in their mind but none of them had the strength to ask. Juvia’s mind is scattered. She is terrified; too many thoughts are haunting her.
“I-I’m sorry.” But it was all Juvia said. “I hide him from you.”
Gray looked at him. Gray was actually expecting her to say it. She can see how hurt he is when she said it. There! The silence was broken. It was replaced with tension.
“Why?” He asked, desperately.
“I’m…I got scared.” Her voice cracked.
Gray frowned. “Why would you be scared? Do I scare you before? Did I make something that’s doubtful?” He raised his voice. He couldn’t control himself as he remembered their past.
Why would she be scared of him? Did she think he would run away when she told him that she’s pregnant? Does she think low of him? Gray seemed to be offended. He doesn’t remember anything that he had scared Juvia. Does he?
Gray saw Juvia shook her head. “I don’t know.” She whispered.
Gray frowned even more. “Juvia, I don’t understand. Did you think I would never acknowledge our child?”
The way he said ‘our’ made Juvia happy. The way he said it felt like, they really bonded for a long time. Juvia tears up.
“H-hey,” Gray panicked when he saw Juvia cried. “I,I’m sorry…”
Juvia shook her head and wiped her tears. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to put a leech on you. I just don’t want you to be tied up with me because you got me pregnant. I don’t want to give you a burden…”
Gray listened. He was shocked and mad. She really does think so low of me. Why would she think she’ll give me a burden? Why does she think that way?
“Everybody said that I’ll put a leech on you. And when I knew that I’m pregnant…everyone will say that. I know…” Juvia continued.
“Enough!” Gray shouted. Juvia was surprised. She saw him stood up and his eyes were intense, mad. “Enough of that shit, Juvia.” He said again, with a low voice. “How could you think like that Juvia? Why would you care of what everyone thinks? Aren’t you supposed to be thinking about me that time?”
Juvia is speechless. Gray looked at her with intense yet hurt eyes, “I didn’t break up with you, right? I didn’t cheat. Right, Juvia?” He asked, putting a hand on his hair. “I asked you that night, if you’re hurt. You said no. After that night, we are okay. Everything was fine between us, Juvia. What made you doubt my feelings for you!?”
The way he said it was full of anger and hurt. Juvia shut her eyes. At that time, her mind was clouded with so many thoughts. And another factor was her hormones. She was emotional that time. She didn’t know what to do that time.
“Hey, Juvia, are you alright?” Gray said as he support Juvia’s elbow. “Are you sick?” Gray touched her forehead. Juvia is feeling dizzy and she has been experiencing it these past few days.
“I-I’m fine.” She said to Gray. She asked herself what was wrong with her. She’s been vomiting every morning and she’s experiencing dizziness.
Gray looked worriedly at Juvia. “Are you sure?”
Juvia nodded and gave him a soft smile. “Yes, I am.”
“Come on, let’s get you home.” Gray said.
Juvia only knew that she was pregnant when she vomited again one morning. She noticed the pads in her hygiene closet and it hasn’t been reduced yet. That’s when she knew she was late.
Juvia’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh my God!” She whispered.
“It can’t be!” She said again. She checked her phone and checked her Calendar app. She confirmed that she was already a week late.
She kept on denying it. She was afraid. She can’t be pregnant while in college. But she can be, because something happened between her and Gray. How can it be just like that? In just one night, they will produce something unexpectedly. Juvia is scared. But she took a pregnancy test to confirm it.
TWO LINES! CONGRATULATIONS!
It was on the instruction. She bought five sets of it and took it all. And the tests were all positive. Juvia sobbed in the bathroom. She’s still in college and Gray, he will graduate this year. But she is scared.
She wiped her tears. She’s scared but she’s happy at the same time. She should be happy. The baby inside her is a blessing. She shouldn’t be loathing for it. She touched her stomach, even if it’s still flat, she could feel the baby already.
She wanted to say it to Gray but she had no strength to say it. She lost all her will to say it. Unlike before, confessing her feelings for him is easy but saying he will be having a baby frightens her. Maybe it was her hormones but she was that scared, terrified even.
‘What if he didn’t accept this? What if he’ll get mad? What if he’ll leave after I said it?’ It was all on her mind.
Gray kissed Juvia’s forehead that her thoughts was popped out immediately. She suddenly flushed with the appearance of him. “Hey, penny for your thoughts?”
Juvia hugged him and he hugged her back. He sat beside her on the bench. “No. It’s nothing.”
“Really? You look stressed lately. You look sick actually.” Gray said in a concerned tone. Juvia almost tear up. Damn, hormones. “Are you really alright? Have you been sleeping well?”
“I-I’m alright.” She chocked her sob.
Gray straightened his body, tensed. He looked at Juvia who is already tearing up. “J-Juvia? Why are you crying? What happened?”
She wanted to say it that time. She wanted him to comfort her. She wanted him to be with her. But her braveness to say it was drowned with anxiousness.
She shook her head at him. “I-It’s nothing. Maybe, PMS.”
Gray sighed. He couldn’t understand but he nodded anyway. He just hugged Juvia. She didn’t have the chance to tell him. And she thought of a complicated solution. She rejected him. She ran away from him. She hid from him. She never told him about her son.
“Juvia?” She had been brought back to the present again.
“Sorry…” She said and looked down.
Gray sighed. “Sorry will not change everything, Juvia.” Gray said it coldly.
Gray is right. Her sorry will not change everything. He was still hurt. He was still stuck. He knew that but he wouldn’t admit it to her or himself. Juvia felt guilty. Of course, all the time she had ran away, she had been thinking of how unfair she was to Gray. She regretted running away from him. She regretted hurting him. But regret can’t change things. Regret can’t go back to the days where everything is alright. She chose it.
Neither of them said anything. Both of them have lots to say but they couldn’t. Gray still felt betrayed. And he was still hurt. But he can’t let his broken heart get in the way of him having a son. He wanted to be Xander’s father. He wanted to be there for his son. For Xander.
Gray broke the silence between them. “I want to be there for Xander. I will process the papers for him to be a Fullbuster. I want him to acknowledge me as his father, Juvia.” Gray is sure of what he is thinking. He thought it will be the best for the both of them. Juvia stared at Gray and listened to every word that he said.
“but,” Gray stopped and looked at Juvia. “I want you to marry me, Juvia.”
Juvia’s relax body turned into a tense one. She is sweating and she could not believe what just Gray said. “What? Gray.”
“Marry me, Juvia. For Xander.” He said, determined. Juvia’s eyes were unfocused. She doesn’t know what to do. Gray is asking for marriage. IT IS MARRIAGE FOR FUCKING SAKE! IT FREAKS HER OUT!
She couldn’t speak. Gray looked at her intently and said those words again. “Marry me, Juvia, for Xander’s sake. For our baby’s sake. It’s for the best. He’ll have a father and he’ll have a mother. Both Fullbuster.”
[i wish i could grant your request for updating this regularly. hehe.]