I check to make sure Malfoy was asleep before jumping out of his bed. I stare down at the boy who just confessed that he loves me and sigh. Why did he have to say that? That makes everything so complicated. He can't love me. I... I can't even let myself think about that.
I look down at my bracelet and feel myself tear up. I unclip it and bring it to my mouth as tears fall kissing it. I set my bracelet down, wiping my face I run out of his room.
I have to leave. The headmaster will understand.
I bang on Hermione's and Ron's door quietly.
"What do you.." Ron swings the door open and sees it is me. "Harry mate? What are you doing here?" He takes in my look and sighs. "Let me grab 'Mione and we will meet you in your room." I nod and go to mine.
I grab my suitcase and start throwing everything in.
"What happened?" They demand bursting into my room.
"I can't tell you but I need to leave for a while."
"Can't it wait Christmas break is 2 and a half weeks away?" I shake my head allowing more tears to fall. "I-I just need to leave."
"Awe Harry," Hermione says coming and hugging me. "I'll let the professors know in the morning, Okay? You can go to our cottage in the woods and we will join you for Christmas." I smile gratefully at my friends and hug them.
"Are you sure you can't tell us? Did something happen with Ginny?" As soon as he mentions her name I freeze. I just barely hold back more tears. I'm so fucking frustrated and confused and I just...
"I can't do this anymore..." I literally clasp on my bed.
"Oh, mate,"
"Oh, Harry,"
They surround me and hug me.
"Harry you have to tell us what is going on."
"I can't"
"Why?"
"Because I don't know what's going on I'm just there."
"Do you not want to marry Ginny?" Ron asks hesitantly. "It isn't that but... I just don't know. I'm confused and I don't want to hurt anyone."
"You will come back after break right?" 'Mione demanded closing my trunk and setting it on the floor.
I nod my head. I will hopefully have my head cleared by then.
I've been here three days and I am no closer to what I feel than I was before I got here.
I jump over a log as I made my way back to my little cottage from swimming.
Two weeks have past and I feel like off myself more than once. I barely have seen anyone. Ron's stop by a few times but no one else.
I brush my teeth and make my way downstairs.
"So.." I jump at the sound of someone's voice immediately pulling out my wand and walking toward the living room. I didn't see someone until they turned on the light.
Draco.
I put my wand down and go to speak but he stops me.
"So why did you leave Harry?" He demands standing up and glaring at me. I didn't say anything too scared to speak.
He blinks his eyes a few times willing me to talk. I don't.
"Harry I don't want to ask you again tell me why you left. Did I do something?" He sounded pained. My mouth moved because I realized what I was saying,
"NO! Of course not."
"Then why did you leave?" He meets my eye and I break.
"I heard you."
"What do you mean you heard me? Heard me wh-" He stops mid-sentence. Freezing and staring at me.
"You weren't meant to hear that Harry."
"THAN WHy did you say it ALOUD AT ME!" I demand running my hand through my hair. He honestly can't get upset at me he said it. "I asked if you were up!" "So..." I mumble avoiding looking at him instead of business myself with a string coming out of my shirt. "Harry I didn't need you to feel it back or even stay it back. I said it to see what it feels like to say it to you." I stay quiet for a second. "And how did it feel?" I look up at him through my eyelashes. "What?" I gulp again and step closer to him.
"How. Did. It. Feel. To. Tell. Me. You. Love. Me." I section of the words to make sure he understood correctly. "I-I don't know."
"Why don't you know."
"Because I didn't exactly say it to you."
"I mean it was good enough for you to say it to me before." I'm being a total prick but I don't care right now my emotions were everywhere and I can't deal with them all.
"But I could live with that."
"What makes you think I can?" He glares at me. "You don't exactly get a choice in this Potter. My feelings are my feelings, not yours."
"Okay go ahead again," I demand stepping back and gesturing with my hands, giving him the floor to say it.
"I-What?" he asks confused and looking at the ground trying to figure out what I was talking about.
"Say it right now. Tell me you love me, see how it feels to say it to me. To say it to my face where you know I can hear you say it." I need to stop I don't know if I can handle him saying it to me right now.
"No. I don't know if I truly mean them."
"Then why say them?" I demand harshly stepping closer to him again."Because I JUST DID HARRY!" "That isn't an answer anymore Malfoy."
"Why do you keep running away every time we get close?" I freeze at the question. "I don't know what you're talking about Draco," I mumble softly taking a step back. "Yes, you do. Every time we have sex," I flinch at the word. "Every time we kiss, or even just sleep together you're always gone in the morning or running away or whatever else involves around you leaving me."
"I don't know."
"That isn't an answer Potter. Answer me properly Potter." He mocks me. I glare at him but I don't speak. I didn't have an answer.
"I don't have to tell you anything about anything."
"Seems pretty guilty if you ask me."
"So what if I like you Malfoy, there is too much at stake for me to just go out with you," I scream in frustration not even realizing what I said until I said it. I freeze and look at him in shock.
"So you admit you like me?" I watch a grin spread over his face and I couldn't help but allow myself to smile, before sighing.
"I haven't figured that out yet Draco. I needed time that's why I came here."
"But you could have told me."
"No, I couldn't have,"
"Why?" He demands flinging his arms in the air and turning around so he wasn't facing me. "After everything, you and I have been through I feel like I deserve something." His voice crakes as he turns back around and I see all the pain I've caused him in the past couple of weeks, it broke me on the inside.
"If you would have asked me to stay I would have without a second consideration I would have stayed and I couldn't stay I needed to leave." I feel my eyes gloss over. Not being able to control my emotions anymore. If I didn't say it, it was going to kill me.
"Why?"
"Because?"
"Because what?"
"Why would you have stayed if I would have asked?"
"Because I love you,"
"I love you and I don't know how to handle that."