Criticism spot! :)
Crutchie's POV
The bell rang and woke me up, and I looked at Jack immediately. To my surprise, he was still asleep, seeming to not be bothered by the bell. I nudged him a little, knowing he'd be upset if we were late.
"Hm..." He didn't open his eyes, instead turning over. I laughed a little, nudging him some more.
"Hey, the bell rang," I said, and he covered his head with his arms, only making me laugh more.
"No," he mumbled, acting like me.
"C'mon, we gotta get up," I nudged him just a bit more, and he finally looked at me.
"Since when do you say stuff like that?" He teased, chuckling as he sat up.
"You'll be upset if we're late," I said as we got ready, smiling at him.
The morning went the same as any other. We got ready, walked to the square with Race, and waited in line for papes. Before we headed out I noticed that Jack was looking around, as though he was trying to find someone. He then looked at Race, confused.
"Wheres John?" He asked, and Race's smile dropped.
"The refuge got him," he said quietly, and I felt Jack's entire demeanor change.
"Oh," was all he said, looking back down at the paper in order to hide how upset he was. Race dropped it at that, but I knew that I couldn't. I decided I'd wait til we were alone, though, knowing he wouldn't want to talk in front of other people. "Newsies, hit the streets, these papes don't sell themselves!" Jack said, and we took off.
As we walked Jack was completely silent, clearly very bothered. Finally, once Race had left, I gathered all the courage I could and looked at Jack.
"Are you okay?" I asked, but Jack didn't look back at me.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sounding harsh.
"You seem upset about John," I tried speaking quietly, but I could tell that Jack was getting angry.
"I'm not," was all he said back, and I decided to drop it, not wanting to be a bother. We separated at our usual spot, not saying another word.
I went straight home once I had finished selling, hoping that Jack would be in a better mood. I could tell just by the way the ladder shook, though, that he wasn't, and I tensed up. He ignored me once he got to the top, grabbing a change of clothes and leaving right away before I could say anything. I sat there for a moment, confused, wondering if I should go after him. I decided against it, but thought that Race may know what to do, so I left for his room.
"Race?" I said quietly as I knocked on his door, hearing shuffling from the other side.
"Hey!" He said as he opened the door, smiling.
"I need your help with somethin' if that's alright," I began, and he nodded.
"Of course, c'mon," he said, motioning to his bed. We sat down on it, and Race waited for me to continue in silence.
"I'm worried about Jack," I finally said, looking at him.
"What's goin' on?" He asked, listening closely.
"He's been acting super weird since you said John was in the refuge. I mean, really, really weird. For example, when he got home, he grabbed a change of clothes and left right away, not saying anything to me." I explained, trying to be quiet just to be sure no one else would hear.
"He's probably upset about it, which is normal," he said, looking down as he thought. "Have you tried talkin' to him about it?" I nodded, sighing.
"Yeah, but he said he didn't care, and I just dropped it there." Race looked away from me for a bit, thinking some more.
"I think you've just gotta push him to talk about it. That's my only guess," he said, and I nodded again.
"Do you think you could help?" I asked, and he smiled kindly.
"'Course I can. Let's go wait at the bottom of the ladder for him to get home." He stood up and I followed, heading right to the ladder.
We waited for quite a while, and I began to think that maybe he wasn't going to come home tonight at all. I had started to grow tired, as it was nearing one in the morning, but I fought the urge to sleep and forced myself to stay awake. Finally, he showed up, making Race and I stand quickly. He rolled his eyes as he walked to us, his demeanor the same as it was this morning.
"What do you want," he spat, standing right in front of us now.
"Jack we know you're not okay," Race began bluntly, and I could feel Jack tense up.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" He said.
"The refuge," I chimed in, and he looked at me.
"I ain't in the refuge, why would I care," he tried to drop it, but Race stepped forward a little, not giving up.
"Because you know how awful that place is," he said, making Jack freeze. "Let's just talk, it'll really help." Jack then looked at me again, anger in his eyes.
"I take it you got him involved in this?" He said coldly, and I choked up.
"I'm involved because I'm one of your best friends," Race said, clearly knowing I was unable to speak. As I felt my chest grow tight, I recognized the feeling as an incoming panic attack, and I quickly remembered the method I had used on game night.
No one here is mad at you.
"I don't give a fuck, this doesn't involve either of you," Jack rose his voice, getting closer to the two of us.
Race isn't mad at you.
"Calm down, Jack," Race said sternly.
Jack isn't mad at you.
"The two of you think you can just talk to me like I'm stupid?" He kept getting louder, my heart pounding.
Jack... Is mad at you..?
I stared blankly at him, terrified.
Jack is mad at you.
"You guys are nothing but problems, you know that? All you do is cause issues!" He screamed now, no longer looking like Jack to me, but instead reminding me of my Dad.
Jack thinks you're a problem. A burden. A waste of space.
"Jack you're gonna scare Crutchie," Race tried saying, but Jack didn't listen.
He's going to hurt you.
"You think I'm unstable when neither of you can go by your own names!" He began, and I tensed up more yet, realizing what was coming.
He's going to hurt you.
"Huh, Roger?" He spat at Race, then looking at me.
He's going to hurt you.
"What about you, Charlie?" I felt sick to my stomach, frozen in place.
Get out of here. He's going to hurt you.
"Jack you're fucking scaring him!" Race began to yell, too, but Jack ignored him again.
You need to run. He's mad, and you're going to get punished for causing it.
"Just because you guys are okay with being all emotional doesn't mean other people are!" Jack then rose his arms as he spoke, and I stepped back just a little.
Get out of here. Now.
"Jack, stop!" Race tried one more time, and Jack shoved him back, but didn't hurt him. Even though he was okay, seeing him do this horrified me, and I just stared at him with wide eyes.
Go.
"Crutchie," Race said, walking over to me as he noticed I was absolutely terrified. Jack looked at me now, and his demeanor changed once he saw how petrified with fear I was.
"Wait," Jack began, his tone the opposite of what it had been. "You're okay," he tried, but I took another step back. I felt tears start to stream down my face, feeling like my life was in danger. He tried to reach out to hug me, but I shot back, putting my arms up to guard my body.
"Don't hit me!" I yelled, still staring at Jack.
"I'm not gonna hurt you," he tried to say, but I was too afraid to listen. I backed away even more, my breathing heavy. He took one step toward me silently, and I flinched away, making myself fall to the ground and yell out in pain as I fell on both my right foot and my broken arm. Instinctively, Jack ran to my side, not thinking about the consequences. I pushed myself away from him, cowering in fear.
"Get away!" I screamed, seeing Jack heartbroken.
"Jack, back up," Race said, and he did just that. Race then came to my side, trying to smile. "Hey, let's get inside," he spoke quietly, but I didn't move, instead staring at Jack from over Race's shoulder. Jack was crying, too, staring back at me. "C'mon, I'll help you up." Race stood and gently helped me to do the same, standing on the opposite side of me so that he'd be the one close to Jack. "Let's go."
Race silently led me to one of the spare rooms, helping me to sit down on the bed. He took my crutch and leaned it against the wall, walking back to me.
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked kindly, and I shook my head.
"I want to be alone," I nearly whispered, not looking at Race anymore.
"Okay. I'll be just one room over if you need anything, alright?" I nodded, bringing my legs up onto the bed. "Night," he said, closing the door gently behind him. I brought my knees up to my chest, starting to sob quietly.
Jack's POV
I stood outside, in disbelief of what had just happened. I kept hearing my own words in my head, wishing I could go back in time. After a bit the door opened again, Race appearing.
"Get the hell inside," he said, and I followed him right to his room in silence. Once he closed the door behind us he turned to me, fuming. "What the fuck is your issue?" He asked, and I felt my eyes burn as I held back tears.
"I fucked up, Race, I really fucked up," was all I could say, staring at him.
"Yeah, you did. Do you realize that you told him that he causes problems?" I nodded slowly, feeling sick.
"I panicked," I managed to get out, and could tell Race calmed down a little and wasn't nearly as angry at me anymore.
"We were just trying to help," he said, sounding broken.
"I know, I should've let you help," I acknowledged, not looking away from Race. "I went back to how I was before Crutchie was here and I panicked," I said, my voice shaky.
"You and I were the only two people he felt safe around." Race walked closer to me, sighing.
"I know," I repeated, once again wishing I could go back in time.
"I'm positive that he'll forgive you, but it's clear that he felt like he was back home. He's horrified, Jack." I felt my heart drop, and I stayed silent. "Go get sleep and I'll see how he's doing tomorrow. He's not doing well already." Race then opened the door, waiting for me to leave. I did, hearing him shut it gently behind me.
As I walked past the room I knew Crutchie was in, I looked around, putting my ear up against the door. I could hear him sobbing quietly, and I wished I could go in there and help him. I thought quickly, realizing I had a flannel on over my t-shirt. I took it off, sliding it under the door quickly and silently. I heard the sobbing stop for a moment, then hearing the unmistakable sound of his crutch hitting the ground as he walked. I stayed against the door, hearing his shaky breathing on the other side since he was so close to it. He then went back to his bed, I assume, so I left.
Crutchie's POV
I held Jack's flannel close to my chest, continuing to sob. I wished he could come in and sit with me, but I knew it was best if he didn't. After a while I laid down, still clutching his flannel tightly. Finally, my eyelids felt heavy, and I was able to fall asleep.
I woke up from the bell ringing, but I knew I couldn't sell today. I closed my eyes again, wanting to go back to bed and forget what had happened. A few minutes passed before I heard Race's voice, muffled by the door.
"I'll see if he's awake. If he is, I'll ask if he wants to see you, if he isn't, then you can go in to check on him. Okay?" He said, and it became clear he was talking to Jack. Race then knocked on the door, and I didn't budge, deciding I'd pretend to be asleep. After a few moments he opened the door slowly, footsteps soon following. "Looks like he's still asleep," Race whispered, the door then closing.
"I just want to tell him how sorry I am," Jack whispered as well, getting closer to me. "Look how he's holding my flannel," I forced myself not to smile, feeling Jack beside me now.
"He wasn't scared of you, just what you did," Race explained, seeming to fully understand what I had gone through the previous night. I then shifted around a little bit to make it seem like I was waking up, hearing one of the two leave the room quickly, likely Jack. I waited for the door to close again before I opened my eyes, stretching and sitting up. "Morning," Race said, smiling.
"Morning," I mumbled, hoping that Jack was on the other side of the door, listening. "Where's Jack?" I asked, and I could tell Race was a little surprised.
"He's getting his papes," Race lied, but I made sure not to make it clear that I knew. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay now. I was just scared," I tried to speak a little louder, wanting Jack to be able to hear me. "I hope he doesn't think I'm mad at him or anything."
"He's upset with himself. I mean, really upset." Race said, and I looked down, Jack's flannel still in my hands.
"Do you think you could bring him here after you're done selling?" I asked, taking Race by surprise once more. "I miss him." I added, hoping it'd make Jack smile.
"Sure, I'll bring him. I've gotta go, but do you need anything?" Race asked as he went to the door, smiling kindly.
"No, I'm alright. Thanks." I smiled back, seeing a shadow in the hallway once he opened the door, confirming that Jack was out there.
I decided I'd sleep as I waited for the two to be done selling, as I still felt exhausted. I woke up from hearing some of the louder boys getting back, so I sat up, hoping Race would be back soon. I felt myself start to feel nervous as the minutes passed, but I wasn't exactly sure why. Before I could figure it out, there was a knock on the door.
"Crutchie?" Race said, his voice muffled by the door.
"Come in," my voice was shaky as I spoke, but I tried to act like I was okay once Race came in. He closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed, sitting down on it and looking at me.
"How're you doing?" He asked, smiling at me.
"I'm fine," was all I said, looking down at my hands.
"You seem tired," he was speaking quietly, and I could feel his eyes on me as I looked down. "Are you ready to see Jack?" He then asked, and I sighed.
"Mhm, I'm just nervous," I got out, looking back to him.
"Of what?" He scooted a little closer to me, making me feel safe.
"I dunno," I shrugged, pushing my hair from my face.
"Do you need a minute?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"No, I'm fine. I want to see him." I then said, and Race nodded, standing. He went to the door without another word, leaving it open once he left. A few seconds went by before Jack appeared in the doorway, hesitating. "You can come in," I joked, making the two of us laugh a little. He walked over and sat on the bed just as Race had, and I could feel how upset he was.
"Crutchie, I'm..." He began, choking up. Without further hesitation I put my good arm around him, hugging him. I could tell he was surprised for a moment as he sat still, before finally putting his arms around me, holding me as tightly as he could. "I'm so sorry," he said, and I could tell he had begun to cry.
"I know," was all I said, refusing to move away from him.
"I panicked," he continued, his hold on me not weakening.
"It's okay," I said, finally backing up to look him in the eyes.
"No it's not," he began, wiping his face dry. "It's not okay. It took you so long to trust me and I just threw it all away," he said, breaking my heart.
"Jack, you didn't lose my trust," he stared at me in shock as I spoke, his tears slowing.
"I didn't?" He asked, visibly exhausted.
"No, of course not," I reassured him, moving a little closer. "All I wanted last night was for you to be in here with me. I got scared because of my past, not because I felt like I couldn't trust you. I mean, my brain was just screaming at me that I wasn't safe, that you might... Hit me or something," I trailed off a little, feeling oddly guilty as I described what I had felt. "But I didn't lose any of my feelings for you. I still love you just as much as I did before, if not even more now that you said sorry," I looked at him, and he just stared back for a moment.
"I'm so sorry I made you feel that way, I'd never hurt you," he said, and I nodded, showing I knew that what he said was true. "I just... I panicked and put walls up, and I didn't even think about what I was saying. It's something I did before you came here, and even a little into when you first came, where I'd just say absolutely anything I could to not let people in. I shouldn't of said your name, I shouldn't of said that you and Race caused problems, I should've just let you guys help me. That's all you wanted to do." He rambled, calming down some more as he spoke.
"Jack, it's okay. I totally forgive you, alright?" I said, smiling at him. "I'm one of the few people in your life who truly understands what it means to panic and say whatever you think you need to in order to help the situation." He nodded, looking down. "We just have different pasts, so we panic differently. When you panic, your brain is telling you to shut down the other person so they don't get too close. For me, my brain tells me that I need to get away from wherever I am." He looked at me, smiling weakly.
"It won't happen again," he said, and I smiled.
"I know. We're both learning. You're learning how to let people in, I'm learning that not everyone is out to get me." He pushed his hair back and sighed, no longer upset.
"I love you," he said, making me smile even more.
"I love you too," I said, and we hugged each other again.
(word count - 3289)