AN* HEAVY TW FOR SH AND BLOOD. (like frfr it was hella triggering)
More, more, more.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
You know you'll feel better if you do Draco, pick up a blade.
Draco's brain was going at 200 miles per hour and he couldn't get it to slow down. He had been broken up with, he deserved it but it still opened him up to too many risks. Main one being his ex-girlfriend found out he was gay and only dating her to cover that up. He had loved her, he had loved her a lot but not in the way she wanted. He knew how petty and vengeful she was and he knew exactly what she was going to do when she got a chance. Pansy was going to tell the whole school he was gay. He knew how his friends felt about all that and he was going to lose everyone he ever cared for.
I'm going to lose everyone.
Draco knew what would ground him, dragging a sharp silver blade through the pale skin of his arm, hip, thigh, or sides. He knew everyone who was rooting for him would be let down but then again they were all going to leave him so there was no guilt to be had. Love had and always will be conditional for him. If he wasn't perfect, love was out of the question.
He let the thoughts he had been suppressing fill his mind as he climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower. Step after step his brain showed him images of fresh blood, open skin, pink new scars. He sat on the edge of the tower letting his feet dangle while letting the bars support his chest. He sat in silence for a few moments letting the crisp mid-November air chill his limbs. He then drew 19 red angry dripping lines on his arms, one for each time he had kissed a boy while he was with Pansy and one for each year he was alive. He then let the blood drip and pool in the crevices of his hands and form a small reddish pool on the shingles of the roof below. The red trails were beautiful to Draco to others he was sure they appeared gruesome but they were calming to Draco. What was not calming was the sound of footsteps coming up the stone steps. Draco had nowhere to hide so he just sat. "Malfoy?"
"Shit."
Harry fucking Potter, had caught him of all people it had to be Potter. Frankly Draco didn't care that he had been caught, he cared that the boy he had been in love with for years had been the one to catch him. "Malfoy?" Harry's voice had hit a bit of a panic tone.
"What Potter?" Draco said without moving.
He still could feel the steady drip of the blood off his hands. Draco heard Harry gasp quietly. "You're bleeding."
"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Potter."
Harry knelt next to him, Draco had to resist the urge to lean into the warmth radiating from Harry. "Did you do that to yourself?" When Draco didn't answer Harry spoke up again. "That's a lot of blood Draco." Draco felt the heat of tears springing to his eyes. Damnit. "Give me your arm." Harry commanded, still speaking gently. Draco turned his head and moved his arm so Harry could see it. Draco was too focused on keeping the cursed tears at bay to hear Harry whispering summoning spells. "Draco, what happened?"
"What does it look like happened, Harry?"
"Not what I meant, I mean why are you doing this."
"I don't know, maybe it was the abuse, the rape, the trauma, the death who fucking knows."
Draco was snapping; he could feel it within himself, the small amount of control he had slipping quickly.
Harry sat back almost shocked but inside he wasn't surprised. Harry stayed quiet for a moment while he wiped blood away. Draco could no longer hold the tears back as the beauty of the situation hit him. The open skin was beautiful, the drips of blood were beautiful, the bloody handprint Harry had left on his upper arm was beautiful, most of all Harry was beautiful. The just risen moonlight glinting off his face was angelic, the focus in his eyes was beautiful, he was beautiful. Draco tried to focus on Harry to stop himself from crying but that failed when he realized Harry was also crying, tears ran down his face dripping onto Draco's hand. It was then that Harry looked up. He let Draco's arm fall back to his side and reached forward to hug him. Everything finally snapped at that moment. They clung to each other like they were the last people alive. It was probably close to an hour before both boys let go.
Draco had lost any sense of control he had in every way. He was a raw human; he felt stripped to the bone. He had been completly shattered, he was sitting with the boy he loved while his arms bled and his tears ran down his face staining Harry's shirt.
They got Draco's still oozing arms bandaged and stood up stretching their cold cramped muscles. Draco felt like he was watching himself from the outside. He saw himself swaying on his feet and fiddling with the edge of his bandage. Then Harry suggested they go back to their dorms, "Draco are you safe to go back to your dorm?"
"If you're asking if i'll do this again no but I'm not safe to go to my dorm."
Harry tilted his head at this, "Want to stay in the ROR with me for tonight?"
Draco nodded and let Harry lead him to the room of requirements. They entered a room with one bed, Slytherin green blankets, Gryffindor red pillows and curtains. The boys made eye contact before shrugging and chuckling. Secretly neither boy wanted to sleep separately, they both needed each other desperately right now even if neither wanted to admit it. Harry went to open one of the "dresser drawers'' only to find them empty.
"Neither of us have Pj's."
"I sure as hell am not going back to Slytherin, especially not with you." Draco replied.
"Well then what are you going to wear, your current clothes have blood all over them." Draco looked down, his clothes were, infact covered in smeared blood. He didn't have a good answer to that question. "Well I'm not gonna leave you alone and with no clean clothes so an impromptu tour of Gryffindor to grab some clothes for the both of us it is?"
Draco nodded and followed Harry to the fat lady portrait. They were let in and they tread carefully up to the dorm. Harry pulled out a hoodie and some old flannel pants and tossed them to Draco. Draco's heart slammed against his chest, he was a very smell oriented person and being given someone else's clothes was one of the fastest ways to get him worked up. They walked slowly back to the ROR to get changed and go to bed. Draco changed as quickly as he could trying to cover his body from Harry who wasn't really paying attention. However when Harry changed Draco watched. He hid his shock though when he saw the lattice work of scars covering Harry's back and chest and part of his arms.
When Harry finished pulling up his pants he kept his back to Draco, scars on full display. "I know you saw Draco, ask away."
"I can guess about the arms but your back?"
"That's courtesy of my wonderful muggle relatives."
"But what did they do?"
Harry pulled his hoodie over himself and sat on the bed, back still to Draco. Draco took a few steps forward, crawled across the bed and sat next to him. Harry was silent for a moment, "They used to hit me with anything they could grab."
This crushed Draco; he knew exactly what this felt like. He slipped his fingers around Harry's intertwining them in silent comfort and understanding.
They layed in bed for over an hour hand in hand wide awake. Soon tho Draco heard Harry's muffled crying within minutes both boys were clinging to eachother like their life depended on it and in that moment it might have. Draco let his tears fall; they were both vulnerable and like any scared animal that would inevitably lead to something cracking. Draco and Harry had always been seen as polar opposites, light and dark, evil and good, the moon and the sun, but here they were crying while clinging to each other, because in reality they were both sides of the same coin, they both knew exactly how the other felt. They fell asleep crying and wrapped in eachothers arms.
Draco woke up first, his head resting on the chest of the boy he thought he was enemies with, the boy he had also been in love with for years. He tried to slide away enough to be able to get up but Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Draco's waist and hugged him tightly. "Harry, we gotta get up,'' Draco said softly. Harry's reply was a grumble of no. Draco smirked and pulled at Harry's hands, both boys could feel the sadness when Harry did let go, they both had to go back to hating eachother and not interacting.
How was he supposed to act like that never happened when they had just spent some of their most vulnerable moments together in the past 10 hours. Draco turned back to face the half awake Harry, "Can we meet in the astronomy tower every day after bed? I don't think I can be okay without you helping me."
"Of course I will meet you but don't you have Pansy and them, why didn't you reach out to them Draco?"
"That's all about to change. I'm going to have no one after today."
"What happened? Is that why you were cutting last night?"
Draco grimaced he had tried to pretend what happened last night didn't, "Pansy found out I was gay and she is going to tell everyone in my life."
Harry's eyes shifted, "You're gay?"
Draco felt the pannic increasing inside himself as he nodded and Harry stood up quickly. Draco felt his body go numb, "You shouldn't have said that Draco."
Harry grabbed Draco's upper arms and shook him slightly, "Draco, I'm not mad you actually just made my day."
"What do you mean?" Draco shuddered out.
"God Draco, Im gay too and like for real in love with you."
Draco froze, before he quite knew what he was doing Draco kissed Harry with all the passion he could muster.