The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial.
Evi and Fletcher sat at the bar in Joe's, chatting about random things.
We only see what we wanna see and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth.
Evi didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know if she wanted to be with Fletcher again or if she wanted to leave him.
But she was setting it on the latter. She'd take his words into consideration, she'd see if he'd really changed or not.
We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth, right in front of our faces.
Evi laughs at a horrible joke he makes, and couldn't help but wonder if she was still in love with the man.
•.•.•
Bailey is making rounds with Alex, Evi, Izzie, Meredith and George.
"I want everyone focused today. With Cristina out, we're short an intern and I have a feeling it's gonna be one of those days. And Karev, see the chief by the end of the day." Bailey says to the interns as they stand in a hallway.
"What for?" Alex asks.
"Do I look psychic to you? He is the chief. He asked. You go."
"What did he do?" Evi asks George.
"Maybe he gave the chief syphilis." George says making Evi snicker as they enter a patients room.
"So we're in the middle of the Belizian jungle and this jaguarondi jumps out and bites one of the guides." The woman says to a large group.
"They all look at me. They're yelling, 'You're a doctor, help him!' This is one time a PhD does no good." The woman continues.
"I'm sorry, did I miss the bell for social hour?" Bailey asks and sverybody starts to leave except Bailey's group.
"Tales of missionary life." The woman says.
"You're a missionary?" Izzie asks.
"No, my parents. We traveled a lot. They still do."
"Oh wow. This stuff looks great." Izzie says while looking at some artifacts. She then sees Bailey looking annoyed.
"Um, this is Dr. Burke's patient, Kalpana Vera..." Izzie starts.
"'Kull-punnah.' Named by villagers in Nepal."
"Uh, she presents with a multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias."
"So you've been passing out?" Bailey asks.
"Yeah and having palpitations." Kalpana says
"Past medical history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis."
"They had to ship me from Zambia to the States for 3 months of treatment when I was 8. Rheumatic fever almost killed me."
"Dr. Stevens. What are the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmias?" Izzie moves to speak but is interrupted.
Cristina who has come to the doorway in her hospital gown with her IV stand, answers. "Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities." She looks pleased with herself. "What?"
"Out!" Bailey demands.
"I'm fine." Cristina insists.
"Out! You better be in your room by the time we round on you."
"And when will that be?"
"In 15 seconds. 14. 13. 12. 11." Cristina starts walking away, but you can see her underwear through the slip at the back of the gown. George, Izzie & Meredith laugh. Dr. Bailey turns away.
"Nice panties, Yang." Alex compliments. Cristina closes the back of the gown so nothing shows and turns back to Alex. "In your dreams, Evil Spawn." She says.
•.•
"Cristina Yang. Post-op day 3 from a unilateral salpingectomy." Meredith presents.
"And ready to get back to work." Cristina says.
"Is she?" Cristina's mother asks.
"I'm taking solids and my pain is controlled with oral meds. I'm ready."
"Didn't the nurse say this morning you had a fever?"
"Mother."
"Cristina, did you have a fever?" Bailey asks sternly.
"Temp spiked to 101 last night. Big deal."
"She worked 2 shifts last month with a 102 degree flu." George says.
"Yes. Exactly, George. Thank you."
"And we appreciate your dedication but you're staying in bed until it normalizes." Bailey says.
"I keep telling her there's more to life than surgery and career." Her mother says.
"Mother, go upholster something."
"Look, I need you to relax, shut up and get better. You're a patient this week so you can be a doctor next week. Understand?" Bailey says as they move out of the room.
Cristina pulls Evi and Meredith back.
"Mer. Evi. You cannot leave me alone with her. I'm flying over the cuckoo's nest here. You have to save me." Cristina pleads.
"You need time to heal." Meredith says.
"You'll be fine Cristina." Evi says
"I'm healed."
Meredith and Evi walk out of the room.
"I'm healed!" Cristina looks annoyed, looks at her mother and then looks away. "Oh, god."
•.•
Dr. Bailey and her group walk into Ellis' room, Ellis is lying in a pink robe in bed.
"Okay, Dr. O'Malley, you're presenting." Bailey instructs.
"Ok, Dr. Grey is post-op day 3 from a tumor resection-" he starts.
"Wrong, wrong, wrong. He's got it all wrong."
"She's-"
"It's not asthma, it's GERD. He needs a Nissen fundoplication. I don't want her in the room."
"Mom!" Meredith exclaims.
"She's a child and I won't have her on my team."
"We'll meet you outside, Dr. Grey." Bailey says. Meredith walks out a little stunned and Evi gives her an apologetic look.
•.•.•
"Abdominal pain. Abdominal pain. Perirectal abscess. Gun shot wound to head?!" Evi reads off at the nurses station. She looks confused and pulls out the file completely.
"Where the hell is the GSW to the head?" She calls. "Why wasn't the trauma team called? Hello? Are you people insane?" She asks a nurse.
"There's your gunshot victim." She points to a waiting room where a guy is sitting reading a magazine looking perfectly okay except for the slight reddish tinge on his forehead. "Him?" Evi asks.
•.•.•
Evi was in a hospital room where she is giving the GSW a physical exam.
"You're walking...you're talking...there's no exit wound. This mark here looks more like a burn." Evi says to the man.
"I'm telling you, I shot my self. Pulled the trigger while I was cleaning my .22. I thought the clip was out. If you're thinking suicide, don't. People make mistakes. I made a mistake." He sighs. "And now I'm paying for it." He sighs again. "But I did shoot myself." Evi and the nurse share a unconvinced look.
•.•
Evi was in a CT viewing room where she and CT Tech are looking at the films of the GSW.
"You say he got shot in the head?" The tech guy asks.
"He says he got shot in the head." Evi sighs rubbing her temples.
A blonde woman in her enters the room "Um, hi." She greets.
"Ma'am, you can't be in here." Evi says.
"No, I'm looking for Samuel Linden, he..." she sees GSW guy getting into the CT machine. "Oh, my god, Samuel. Well how-how-how bad is it?"
"Are you his wife?" Evi asks standing up.
"Yes, for 21 years. Just tell me how he is."
"Fine, for a man who says he shot himself." Evi says.
"He shot himself!? He was cleaning his gun. What is wrong with you people?"
"We'll know everything when we finish his CT. This is a restricted area, ma'am. You have to-"
"No! My husband has a bullet in his head!"
"Then we'll find it. If you could wait outside I'll be with you soon as we know something, I promise." She says escorting her out and slides the door shut.
A moment later the tech guy speaks again.
"Oh, man, you are not going to believe this." He says.
Evi looks up. The scan shows that a bullet is inside the guy's head at the edge of his skull.
"No. It can't be. The guy was reading a freaking magazine." Evi says in disbelief.
"It's definitely a bullet." Evi and the CT tech turns around. Ellis has entered into the room unannounced dressed in dark blue scrubs. "One that tracked clear through his head. Now are you people just going to sit here or you gonna get him into surgery?"
Evi and the CT tech guy look at each other. Ellis starts pointing to the CT scans explaining stuff to Evi.
"Here's the missile track. As you can see it doesn't even cross the midline. He's lucky. This guy may be even better talking to."
"He'll need debridement of the entrance wound and repair the dura, but we won't need to remove the bullet."
George comes in with a wheelchair.
"That's an excellent diagnosis, Dr. Grey. I'm Dr. Shepherd, I'm your neuro consult." Shepard says entering the room.
"Dr. Grey, they need you upstairs." George says. Ellis gets up. "You'll book the OR and staff?" She asks Shepard.
"I'm on it." Evi says.
Ellis gets into the wheelchair. Derek looks at Evi disapprovingly. "What?" Evi shrugs. George comes up to the screen with the CT scan.
"Unbelievable." George says looking at the scan. The chief has come to the room as well.
"O'Malley. Can you not handle this, doctor?" Webber asks.
George walks back to Ellis. "I can handle a lot of things. Wheelchairs. Come on, Dr. Grey." He mutters.
•.•
Derek & Evi are with Samuel who's lying on hospital bed now in a room with his wife standing next to him holding his hand.
"You understand that we'll need to do a psych evaluation." Shepard says.
"How many times do we have to tell you? He wasn't trying to kill himself. It was an accident." Mrs. Linden says.
"They're just trying to do their job, hon."
"Well ... No their job is to make you better."
"Where were you when the gun went off?" Evi asks.
"I was in the next room. And I heard the shot. And it was awful."
Samuel looks at his wife. "It's over now."
"Why didn't you call 911?" Evi asks raiding her eyebrow.
"Because he was only unconscious for a moment. And then ... then he was walking and talking and..."
"You're going to have a give a report to the police." Shepard interjects.
"Police?" Samuel asks.
"What, what do we need to talk the police about?" Mrs. Linden asks.
"We have to report any gunshot wounds to the police. It's the law." Evi says.
Derek and Evi walk off.
•.•
Evi walks away from Samuel who's still lying in bed with his wife sitting next to him. She walks to Shepard who's going over some files sitting at a nurse's station.
"Where are we?" He asks.
"OR. 2 in 30 minutes. He's prepped, transport's on the way." She informs.
They hear loud whispered yelling coming from Samuel & Mrs. Linden and look over.
"Do you understand that? 21 years!" They hear Mrs. Linden say.
"What's that all about?" Shepard asks.
"I haven't got a clue." She says.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm sorry. I love you, I forgive you." Samuel says.
"You cheated on me! You cheated on me! And you do not get to play the martyr here!"
"I've got a bullet in my head!"
"And?! that doesn't make us even!"
"You shot me!"
"I think we need to get the police up here right now." Shepard says. Evi nods and Shepard picks up a phone.
•.•
Shepard and Evi performing surgery on Samuel.
"Hold back on the retractor, Dr. Jensen." Shepard instructs. "Little suction bogie." He says to another intern. "Suction."
"Covering for his wife after she shot him?" Evi says in disbelief.
"He did cheat on her." Shepard says.
"And that guilt's worth a bullet in the head?" Evi asks.
"Relationships are built on sacrifice."
"Not that kind of sacrifice."
"Hmm, I don't know. Sometimes a bullet's worth it." Shepard says and Evi looks over at him.
•.•
Shepard and Evi are with Samuel in a post-recovery room.
"What did she tell them?" Samuel asks.
"That you cheated on her. That she was drunk and you were cleaning your guns in the kitchen." Shepard informs.
"I'm not gonna press charges."
"It doesn't matter, she confessed. Assault the first degree." Evi says.
"They arrested her?"
"You should be grateful." Evi says.
"You know what I am? I'm stupid. Nothing will make you feel more stupid than cheating on the woman you love. You don't know what you're missing."
Evi looks away thinking of his words. She looks up at see's Fletcher at the nurses station.
•.•
Evi runs into Cristina's room where she is sobbing loudly on her bed. Meredith comes running in after her. Izzie, George and Helen are already in there.
"What happened?!" Evi asks panicked.
"I can't stop. I can't-I can't stop" Cristina sobs.
"Crying. She can't stop crying." Izzie says.
"I can see that! What did you guys do to her?" Meredith asks.
"Nothing!" Izzie says.
"She's going to dehydrate. Cristina do you want some water?" Evi asks.
Cristina shakes her no, still sobbing. "No, no." Meredith moves in to hug her.
"NO!" George and Izzie yells. George pulls Meredith away. Cristina has moved away from Meredith.
"I already tried that. It just made it worse." Izzie says.
"I knew she'd break sooner or later. Just a matter of time." Cristina's mother says.
"I will kill her!" Cristina seethes.
Meredith starts escorting Helen out of the room. "Ma'am." She says. "I'm her mother!"
"We don't do well with mothers here. Why don't you leave and come back later."
George cautiously hands Cristina a tissue. Meredith walks back in.
"Cristina...Cristina!" Evi says. Cristina is still sobbing.
"Make, make it stop. Make it sto-p." She cries.
George hands Evi a tissue to hand to Cristina.
"Somebody sedate me!" Cristina yells.
•.•
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the damn bursts all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon.
Evi walks into Joe's just as Alex and Izzie walk out. "Have fun." She says to Izzie as they pass each other.
We can only lie to ourselves for so long.
She scans the bar looking for Fletcher. She finds him at the bar alone, and she makes her way over to him.
We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn't change the truth.
She sits beside him. "Tequila." She tells the bartender.
Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial ... and face the world head on gun's blazing.
The glass is placed in front of her moments later. She drinks from the glass and looks towards Fletcher.
Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean.
"You look down." She comments.
"Horrible day." He responds.
"We could go back to your place." She says.
So how do you keep from drowning in it?
•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•