A wave of nausea pulled me out of my warm relaxing slumber and had me stumbling across the room. I burst into the bathroom and retched myself with such force that my throat burnt. I knelt on the floor, taking support of the bathtub. The recollection of my whereabouts and the events of the previous night came next. My head was still pounding like someone hammered my skull with a sledgehammer.
I remembered how I clung to Jake back from the club till I finally drowned in my sleep. That shouldn't have happened, not after the embarrassing resignation he had put me through. Why I had to always end up crossing paths with him? Jake was like a shadow man out of my fantasy novel. The character who ends up being your fate.
The sound of toilet flushing had me shudder out of my reverie. It wasn't Jake, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. It was Jess. She reached over me and stroked a strand of hair from my forehead. My cheeks heated with the memory of me behaving like a brat when she came to comfort me earlier that week. "You should never take eyes off your drinks at any time when you are in a club." She handed me a towel.
"Yeah, I learned it the hard way." I laughed hoarsely.
"You did." She helped me back to the room. My eyes instantly traveled the length of the empty bedroom. "In case you are wondering, Jake fights tonight. He left for the gym, but I'm here if you need anything."
"I think I need a bath and something fresh to wear. I can't wear my dress back to the dorm."
"Have you seen the weather outside? I suggest we hit the road after the rain stops. Can't you wear something from your boyfriend's wardrobe?" She gave me a frown pointing towards Jake's dresser. "Borrow his oversized hoodie or something."
"He's not my boyfriend," I protested, wanting to throw up again with the uneasiness creeping into me.
"Yeah, and I'm not a sucker for BTS," she rolled her eyes shuffling towards the door. "Stop this unnecessary angst already, both of you. I can't handle two angsty teenagers at a time. Give me a break. Anyways, I was messing with you. I've got your clothes, but I left them in my car. Let me get them for you while you take a shower."
Once she was out of the room, I looked at the dresser and contemplated her words. Fuck it! I need to take a shower and jump back to sleep. I could decide other things later on when I wasn't carrying an overbearing hangover.
My black dress was in one of the safe corners of his wardrobe, along with his t-shirts. He had cleaned it up for me. When did he get time to do that? I placed it back and pulled out a fluffy white bathrobe hanging inside. It smelled of detergent and eau de toilette, a faint fragrance of Jake's scent too. That sealed the deal for me.
I stepped into the shower, and the hot water washed away some of my dizziness. I leaned my back against the wall and tried making sense of all of Jake's actions. One moment I felt we were closer, and the next moment he was miles away from me. I spent a nice amount of time showering away the haze that surrounded my mind.
After drying myself, I put on the bathrobe with a soothing smell lingering in the fabric and stepped out of the bathroom. I found my bag on the bed. While I was pulling out my clothes, my eyes fell on the yellow piece of paper attached to the bedside lamp. Did Jake leave me a note?
I sat on the bed and pulled out the sticky note. It was in Jake's handwriting.
I'm sorry, Amy, but I had to leave. Please take the painkillers to help with the headache. I've made some scrambled eggs for breakfast. I was short on groceries. *sad smiley*
Things like that made me realize how much Jake's gesture made me feel so strongly about him. I folded the note in half and downed the aspirin he had left on the nightstand. Maybe, it wasn't all dark skies, there were still streaks of silver lining peeking through the darkness, and that was enough for me to keep hoping for us.
"You both are acting stupid, you know." Jess's voice startled me. She was leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. "I don't know what happened between you two. But I certainly know that he's hurting, and from what I see, you are hurting too."
I heaved a sigh. "Believe me. I'm confused myself."
There's only you, Amy.
It wasn't something I imagined. Now that my mind settled, I could hear Jake's voice loud and clear. It wasn't a dream. He said those words to me.
***
Jake
Inferno's Arena was packed for the fight as I stepped in. Alexander nodded his head in acknowledgment from the top of the stairs and whispered something to the middle-aged man beside him. From the look of him, I could tell he wasn't one of those who lived for betting. He was for the blood and fight.
I walked towards the booth occupied by some fighter I had beaten up in my previous fights. They scowled at me, and I had no reason to indulge. The place was only for a momentary distraction from my otherwise fucked up life. I spotted Fabio as he helped behind the bar. But from the look of him, I could tell he was going fine. Not long ago, Vivian asked me to help her brother. It was a relief that I convinced Alexander to cut him slack and let him work in the bar to pay off his debt.
Fabio gave me a smile in greeting, which I returned. He was still too young for this place, but who was I kidding. I didn't belong to this place either. Fuck my redemption, fuck everything. If only I could stop myself from all that blood and pain.
The audience was already darting their attention towards me. Mostly the ones who set their bets on me. They knew too well I wouldn't disappoint them. Even if I could, I wouldn't. I lived for their appreciation to assure myself that I was acceptable, even if it was just a show for them. I locked gazes with the Daniello brothers, and instantly my lips tugged upwards in a sneer. I bet they recalled how Amy had smashed a beer bottle on the bald one's head. Amy, Amy, Amy! She was everywhere. She occupied every corner of my existence, even the darkest ones.
"Ready for the fight, Jake?" Alexander's voice cut through the hollering around me. His curious eyes traveled towards the guys getting vandalized by my glares.
"More than anything," I found myself looking at the man in a black tailored suit leaning against the glass balcony. "I'm guessing I have to fight with his man."
He turned his head to look at the man and then looked back at me. "Be careful. He doesn't lose that easily and even more when he has brought two of his enforcers for the fight. They are training under the Bratva. The fight may get dirty."
"I like a little challenge. It will be fun to see that smugness pulled off the old man's face." I said with a grin. I focused my attention on the cage, and a sudden sense of recklessness dawned upon me. "I'll take both of them. Cut the amount Fabio owes you from my winnings after and wire the rest. He shouldn't be at this place."
"That is if you win," Alexander smirked, pointing towards my opponents walking towards the cage. I was already in my fight shorts. Good that both of them looked thirsty for bloodshed. Guerrero looked elated as he booked down the bets, winking in my direction. He knew I was going to be fucking rich today. Blood money didn't taste so good, but I was putting it to a good cause. It had to count something.
"I always win," I said with a grin as the ref called out my name. The crowd parted for me as I walked towards the cage, wrapping my busted knuckles.
The crowd went sick, roaring and hollering, ecstatic to witness my darkness. I slithered inside the cage, gauging my opponents, evaluating their strength calmly. The first half of the fight would be their only chance to put me down. One of them was of my height but bulkier than me. He did have more leverage if he could contain that overconfidence in his stance. The other was taller than me and equally built as me. They looked like trained fighters. It was going to be a tough one.
Once the bell went off, both of them lunged towards me. Their attacks were uncalculated as the taller one grabbed me from behind, while the bulkier one landed two hard punches in my stomach. There was no use in waiting for the second half. If I wanted to win, I had to be right in the game. I jerked my head back and smashed it against the one holding me. He freed me, taking a staggering step back enough for me to ram my knee against the bulky guy. He spat blood with the impact giving me a second to land a flying kick on the tall guy's face who crashed into the cage. I had to escape the punch of my other opponent, but the bulky guy attacked me with a kick.
For a second, the crowd ohed as both of them lunged towards me. I chuckled, stalking towards my opponents. The party time was over. I kicked one of them and smashed my head against the other. Both the guys staggered back with bloody noses. I catapulted myself at the tall guy, throwing our bodies into the cage. That's when something sharp cut through my stomach. Shit! The fucker behind me attacked me with a pocket knife.
The fury inside me unleashed and punched the guy in front of me with such force that he fell and didn't get up. Meanwhile, my opponent's knife snitched my torso again, and I could feel pain coursing through every vein in my body. I held his wrist in a bone-crushing grip until he let go of the knife. I twisted his hand so hard that his shoulder got dislocated. The crowd cried in unison, and I could hear Alexander's voice but a shrill noise echoed in my ears. I pulled out the knife from my belly and threw it across the ring, very aware of the blood gushing out of my skin.
"You want to fight dirty, big guy. It will take more than one stab to make me feel the pain. Because physical wounds don't make a person weak, it's the mind you have to tame."
The bulky guy hurried towards the knife, but before he could reach it, I had him in a chokehold. I held his entire body against the floor of the fighting cage for as long as he tapped out. I let go of the guy and fell back on the ground, and my vision suddenly felt unfocused. I glanced down at the open cut on my stomach and the blood that coated my hand. The crowd was silent. After all, it was the most entertaining display I gave them of my pain.
"I won again," I said to myself.
A hand gripped my shoulder and helped me back up on my feet. It was Fabio. I could see the horror on his face as he hauled me out of the cage. The crowd parted once again, cheering for my victory. The metallic smell of the blood was thick in the air.
I tried pulling away from Fabio, but he didn't loosen his hold on me. "I'm taking you to the changing room. Come."
Maybe, the pain had finally made my decisions blurry, or it was just the concern on his face. He looked so much like her sister Viv, but I could sense his cracked-up soul just like mine. God! He didn't belong among those people.
He led me to the changing rooms and dropped me to one of the benches. Sharp stings sheered through my skin as I applied pressure against my wound. It had never gotten this far, the fights. I looked up to see Fabio fumbling through the locker for the medical kit, his hands shaking, and he drenched in my blood.
"You should go back," I groaned as my tapped hand grazed the fresh gashes.
"I never really thanked you for saving my ass, you know," Fabio said, taking a hurried step towards me with the first-aid box. My eyes fell on the trail of red on the floor, making me cringe. Ignoring him, I pulled threw a towel over my shoulder as I stepped into the shower. I could feel the tiredness seeping into my nerves, along with the pain.
The hot water washed away the blood from my body, pricking the wounds on their way down. Fabio was still standing outside, and I wanted nothing more than to be alone. There were only two people in my life who cared for my wounds. My mother left me and Amy, whom I had forced away. And god, if it wasn't the most painful thing to do.
"You don't owe me anything, Fabio, and after tonight you won't owe anything to Alexander either. Just leave the box on the bench, and clean yourself of my blood. Otherwise, your sister will bite off my ears." I grabbed a towel from the stand and dried myself off before wrapping it around my waist and stepping out of the shower.
He didn't say anything but frowned, placing the kit on the bench. When I made sure he wasn't required, he turned to leave but stopped by the door. "Thank you for loaning an escape from this world. Even if you think you don't, maybe you do deserve affection and appreciation. You've shown me that, and I wanted to return. Your wounds are deep. I will send Viterello to stitch it up. He does it for all the fighters."
Before I could counter him, he was out of the changing room, and I had no other option but to accept his deal.
Fabio's stubbornness reminded me of Amy, and it was starting to piss me off. I needed her warm touch, the gentle or maybe a breathless kiss from her. Most of all, I wanted to run my nose on her skin and intoxicate myself with her heady smell. Jesus! I could feel my heartbeats getting erratic. I tossed her images aside and dressed in the jeans I came in. Maybe, my physical pain was manifesting in the form of my need for Amy.
I needed her through my worst as much as I needed her through my best. Maybe, that's how loving someone feels.