long chapter ahead.
저축이 필요 없다
Kim Mansion. The only place where human eyes would be able to see who our mother really is. It contains everything she loved, it was as beautiful and as elegant as her. It's the only place left where I'll be able to remember those memories I have with her.
But despite it being so beautiful, it was also tragic. Kim Seolhee, a singer and actress also known as our mother died in her own mansion. And all of her kids were not here when she took her last breath, when the light in her eyes finally faded.
"Good evening, ms. Hanbyul. May I take your coat?" an unfamiliar voice said, and I saw a guy with a familiar logo in the left side of his suit, making me realize that this guy is probably Hyunjae's secretary or just a worker in the company. He was the first to greet me once I finally entered the mansion.
It was a ten minute walk from the gate to the front door, and it was hard especially since I'm wearing heels. None of my brothers even picked me up, truly gentlemen. Or maybe they expected me to take the company's car towards here, but no. I will never let anything connected to my work to ever enter here.
This house is very special to me. It will always be. It's not because of the dazzling chandeliers hanging around, or its victorian style nor the beautiful paintings above the ceiling. Yes, it's all so magical and priceless, but the memories here were far more important than any designs and wealth this mansion screams.
Memories here with all of us present is quite rare, but I remember all of them. And of course, how can I forget those moments with just me and mom?
"Haven't I told you to practice saying 'no' everytime people try to persuade you to do things for them, Stella?" my mom's voice was stern and it scares me. The way her eyes were glaring at me as if I did something so wrong.
"But they said they wouldn't be friends with me anymore if I don't buy them gifts! I can't lose them, mother!" the younger me lashed out, only to earn a slap from doing so.
"Friends that you won't be needing once you enter the industry. You're a trainee, stop being so attached to everybody you meet! Learn how to build walls around you so that people wouldn't abuse your kindness!"
Her harsh voice and the stinging of my right cheek made me tear up. It wasn't the first time my mother slapped me, but it was the first time she slapped me and the reason behind it was because I was being friendly. She would only slap me whenever I don't get to be number one in monthly evaluations. So this was all so new.
"Now you're crying. I didn't raise a weak girl, Stella. Grow up, you're not living in that so called fairy tale of yours anymore. And those friends? Leave them, before they leave you." my mother advised, her hand on my chin to make me look at her even with my eyes that were still crying.
"And what did I say again, my daughter?" she asked, her voice sweet as she dusts off her dress as she looks at me.
"Learn to say no. Build up strong walls and leave my friends before they leave me." I said, and I was proud that I was able to say it without trembling or cracking my voice. Mother would be so proud.
"That's my girl," she whispered, a faint smile on her lips before closing the door of my room, leaving me all alone with tears stained cheeks with a visible hand print on it.
That was also the day I learned to stop being friends with everybody. I was alone for a while, well it was until Eunkyung eonnie came to the company and stayed with me despite me pushing her away.
And my mother liked her. Because Eunkyung eonnie was the best in her class, ballet class. And I was just the second best, so she used Eunkyung eonnie as my way in order to be better.
And I did become better in it, the best even. But it happened when mother was already six feet under.
"Hey, sis."
I was distracted from reminiscing some awful memories when I heard a familiar voice. And there, I saw the eldest sibling in our family. Loren. He wasn't wearing his usual go to ripped jeans and black shirts, instead he was wearing a black suit with his long hair styled neatly.
"Loren." I called and immediately went to him for a hug. People didn't know we were only half siblings, and I'm glad they don't. Loren might be my half brother, but he's the one I'm closest with, well at first it was Hyunjae, but not anymore. And Loren and I, we kind of get along pretty well because of our similarities. So it wasn't that hard to get really close with each other, despite our age difference.
"Oh my gosh! Is that you Hanbyul?" an annoying voice called me and I fought the urge to roll my eyes because, of course, we're siblings. But that doesn't mean we get along with each other every freaking day.
"Be nice, he's still older than you." Loren whispered in my ear and I gave him a fake smile but he just rolled his eyes on me knowing that I would never be nice to our other brothers.
"Give me a hug! I missed you guys so much! Anyway, have you seen my latest drama? I look so fab there, aren't I?" Hyunsik then came running towards us and joined our hug making me grunt at the impact but Loren doesn't seem to mind, but I do.
"Hyunsik, we just freaking met last January for my late birthday celebration." I reminded him, but of course, he's Kim Hyunsik. He's a dramatic bitch who loves to annoy the hell out of me.
"That was like five months ago, sister! Can't I miss you? And you're so beautiful, I mean I am more beautiful than you, but you're such a stunner, really. And oh lala, you're looking peng still too, brother! Our genes really do be something, huh?" he joked, and that's when I came closer to him and pinched his cheeks acting to do it to appreciate him, but no, I pinched his cheeks hard.
"If you don't shut up, I might kick your british ass back to sm entertainment, brother." I threatened him, so he acted as if he's zipping up his lips making me pinch the bridge of my nose, knowing all too well that I could never stop him from being annoying.
"And Australian too," Hyunsik argued making me raise a brow.
"What? We're half british and half australian, don't tell me you forgot?" he said, acting so stressed but I chose to just ignore him. I don't have time for his dramatic ass.
I finally let him go when I heard someone clearing his throat behind us. Great. Another annoying brother to deal with!
"What a scene from my problematic and traumatized siblings." Hyunjae, the most annoying of them all said with his usual business tone. The tone our father would always use whenever he's talking to a client.
"Anyway, welcome back!" he greeted, a smile on his face, but just like our smiles, it also didn't reached up to his eyes.
"Oh my fucking god! You are such a handsome young lad now, Hyunjae! I thought I would forget your face for all those years of not seeing each other since you practically left us here, right? But nope! I'm so good at memorizing things, don't you think?" Hyunsik said in his usual giddy voice, but of course, we can hear his sarcasm. And Hyunjae did too, but our family's a bunch of actors. So of course, Hyunjae acted as if what Hyunsik said didn't hit a sore spot.
"C'mon, let's eat at the dining area. I'm sure all of you are famished." Hyunjae said, a smile still on his face but I didn't even tried to smile back. We're a bunch of actors, acting as if nothing is wrong. And I hate it.
"Glad you're wearing the gift I gave you, sister." Hyunjae said when he was offering me a seat. I said my thanks and just tried to ignore his comment, but he just wouldn't let this go.
"That dress was the same one with mother's dress, the one dad gave her. It's the only piece left in the world. Since mom's dress was the one she was wearing when she was buried," Hyunjae said, so I faced him, glaring at him for saying all that. I know what happened to the dress, why does he still have to remind me that?
I wore this white dress because it looked good on me, and it was the newest gift he gave me, and wearing this in front of him is like me telling all of my brothers that I have already moved on from our mother's death.
But did I really?
"Brother, now that I'm here. . . care to tell me what you discussed with my ceo earlier?" I asked him as I place the napkin on my lap and taking a sip from the water.
"Oh, I would be glad to share it with you." Hyunjae said as he chuckles at my attempt to make him speak.
"You talked to the new ceo of her company?" Loren asked, clearly annoyed at what Hyunjae did.
"Yeah, you have a problem with that?" Hyunjae asked back. Gone was the smile and playing nice, he too was irritated now. Damn it, if they fight too soon then I wouldn't be able to get the answers I'm in need of.
"Now now, don't fight. Food's here." Hyunsik said, before giving the workers of Hyunjae his sweet smile as they place food on the table and on our plates.
"After serving us our food, can you all please get out of the dining area?" Hyunjae asked his workers, so they all scurried away making me snort. Hyunjae really is one powerful man, and that's why I need to know what he and my ceo discussed about.
"So, let's dig in." Hyunjae said and so we did.
It's been like a few minutes now since we started eating, and nobody-not even my talkative brother, Hyunsik- was speaking a word. And I love silence, but not like this. I can feel the tension, but I'm afraid that if we would speak up, a petty fight might occur. But, I have to.
"Now, tell me what you did in YG entertainment earlier." I ordered my brother, irritation is heard from my tone, and I scolded myself for sounding so disrespectful, but at least Hyunjae is now looking at me.
"How can I tell you if you ask me like that?" Hyunjae asked.
"Yeah, where are your manners?" Hyunsik said too in a teasing way. It's one of his ways to annoy me.
"Can you please tell me what you did back in YG entertainment earlier?" I asked, using the sweet voice my mother made me practiced. We need this in the industry to be more feminine and according to them, boys like it when we talk like this. Gives them sort of an ego boost since we sound like we're weak creatures, and men are strong. Well, fuck them who thinks that way.
"Oh, sure. You see I have spies here. Since I'm still your brother, right? I have spies for each one of you. Well, exceot for Loren since he found out who spies on him and every time I find a new one, he would still find put about it."
Wait. What?
"Are you crazy?" Loren asked him making me look at Hyunsik, asking for help because I know this will start chaos. The last time Loren and Hyunjae fought, we had to send both of them to the hospital.
"I'm not. I'm not like the rest of you, okay? i need no saving. I'm not broken."
"Hyunsik, from what I heard, you were seeing both men and women. And even gave money to some guy with a son! How crazy is that?" Hyunjae exclaimed, he was no longer in his usual composure.
"What? I'm not! That's not true!" Hyunsik tried to argue back, but Hyunjae just gave him his phone and there we saw the photos of Hyunsik kissing a guy, then another photo of him kissing a girl. And the other one was him playing in the park with a little boy together with another guy that looks like the little's boys father .
"Imagine if father finds out about it. I'm sure he'll immediately stop calling you his son," Hyunjae said, a wicked smile on his face as he looks at Hyunsik who's now looking down at his food.
"Don't bring the guy with his son in this. I beg you. Tell father about my adventures, go ahead. But, you know what? I don't care anymore. So what if I'm a fucking bisexual? Our father never really cared about me even when I'm a guy, so why do you think he'll care if he finds out about this?!" Hyunsik lashed out, tears were forming from the corner of his eyes. And I wanted to go and comfort him, but no. I can't, because I know I'm the next one who'll be freaking exposed.
"Our father only cares about you! He hates me! Because I'm not manly enough like you, because I'm not good at maths like you, and because I'll never be you. So go on, tell him. Just don't harm the guy and his son. I love them, I truly do. And the money I gave was actually his, not mine. I just gave it back. So please, don't bring them up to our father."
I could feel my chest tightening as I listened to what Hyunsik was talking about. I didn't know he was feeling this way, he was always happy and cheerful. Always there to make sure everything was alright, but he himself is not okay.
"I don't care if you're bisexual, Hyunsik. I'm really proud of you, thank you. Thankyou for telling us." Loren told him and even pat his back since they were seated next to each other while I was in front of Hyunsik so I gave him a smile.
"Me too." I told him and there Hyunsik cried. It was the first time we saw him cried this hard again, the last time was when our mother died.
"I didn't mean it to be like this. I was just scared to tell all of you because we know how much the industry hate people like me. My fans would go crazy if they find out about my little adventures, so please... spare me." Hyunsik begged Hyunjae before storming off. I watch him as he runs, I was about to go after him but Hyunjae was fast enough to stop me, making Loren the one who'll go after our brother.
"What is wrong with you?" I asked him, emphasizing the word 'you' because it felt like he's no longer the brother I've always known. He felt different, he felt distant and evil.
Hyunjae took a sip of his wine, then after, he smiled at me. And that irritated the hell out of me. I stood up and went closer to him.
"What is your plan? Tell me!" I yelled, too angry to even mind my manners. I just don't care anymore. I can't act as if everything is alright when it's so obvious that we're all falling apart.
"I heard that you were experiencing the things mom experienced."
I look at him, not being able to say anything because he's right. But how? How did he know about this? Who is this spy he's talking about? And why does it bother him so much if I'm experiencing those things? He was away for many years, so why is he acting as if he knows and cares about everything now?
"See? You are your mother's daughter whether you like it or not. Isn't that lovely, dear sister?" he teased, before continuing eating his food. That's when I took his hand and threw the utensils away.
"I am my mother's daughter, but I thrive to live differently from the life she once lived. I'm not like you, Hyunjae. You followed our father's footsteps."
"You are your father's son. isn't that lovely, dear brother?" I mocked him. Because I know all too well he hated our father with so much passion, that's why I don't get it why he's still working for them. He could've just left, but no. He stayed there even after our father remarried.
"And I don't like a homophobic and tyrant brother!" I yelled at him angrily, but instead of him getting annoyed, he just laughed at what I said.
"I'm not a homophobe, sister. I don't care if Hyunsik is bisexual. I only did that so he would learn how to stop being so reckless! I've been cleaning up his mess for the past years ever since he became a famous actor! I scared him so he would learn a lesson. And as an older brother, that's the only thing I know that could at least tame him."
"You know Hyunsik. He would never stop at a sweet and peaceful talk. You need to scare him in order for him to do something that could actually save himself from getting into more trouble!" Hyunjae said, his voice sounded angry and hurt. And I almost wanted to go and apologize for my behaviour, but I couldn't. He meant for the good, but why does it still felt so wrong?
"You're really like our father, huh? You're threatening people now. This isn't you," I murmured before sitting again to calm myself. I drank my medicine, but I could feel my fingers trembling, and the least I want to happen right now is to have a panic attack in front of my brother.
"So, who did you paid to spy on me?" I asked him, sounding defeated because if that person is close to me, then I might as well just kill myself for being betrayed.
"Your manager."
I could feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces because of what he said. My manager? The one whom I trusted as if she was my very own mother was bribed with money? She knew all too well that I wasn't in good terms with Hyunjae anymore, so why? Is this the reason why she seemed so paranoid and distant when she picked me up from school to go and see Hyunjae?
"Why?" I whispered as I stop myself from letting out a whimper. I wasn't hurt physically, but my body hurts too much. I felt like I was drowning as I steady my breathing, trying to stop myself from crying out.
"That's not true, right?" I asked Hyunjae, begging for him to take back what he said as I clutch my hand to my chest. I felt how fast my heart was beating, but I couldn't care less. I wanted answers, and I will be getting them today.
"It's true. I don't lie, Hanbyul. You know that," he said softly, trying to calm me down after noticing the change in my behaviour. But even before he could touch me, I already moved away.
"Why do people I trust always betray me?" I asked once more, and even before he could answer, I already broke down.
A cry, similar to a child's whenever she's in need of milk or attention from her mother. Then I let out a gasp, a sob and tears just started pouring down from my eyes as I felt that familiar pain in my chest, it was as if somebody was suffocating me. And it hurts too much.
Make it stop.
Make it stop, please.
I begged my mind to stop thinking about it, but it didn't. This is true, I was indeed betrayed by a person I trust so much. Again.
"Hanbyul, please look at me. This is why I talked to your CEO, I asked her to move your debut because you're not yet ready. Look at you right now," Hyunjae said, and when I finally processed what he said that's when I went to him and hit his chest continuously.
"Why do you always ruin everything?!" I yelled as I lash out to him. This isn't real, this is just a nightmare. I am debuting. Hyunjae isn't really here, and everything is just fine.
"I'm sorry, but this is for the best. I want what's best for you, Hanbyul." he said before enveloping me in a hug. I sobbed more as I felt how warm his arms are, it gave me memories of how I would run to him everytime mother would slap me for being an incompetent trainee.
It was a beautiful yet tragic reunion. And I knew it would end like this, but why did I even expect for it to change? We can't be fixed, when we were already broken in the first place.
"Just because your sister is about to achieve her dream, doesn't give you the right to ruin it, Hyunjae. I am the eldest, and I want you to listen to me. Stop whatever that agreement you had with the new CEO. I know you're frustrated for not being able to achieve your dream of being an idol, but please. Don't ruin hers." Loren's voice then was heard between my whimpers and sobs. I was gald he's back. So I pushed Hyunjae away and went to him instead.
"You're now playing the eldest brother role, huh? After all those years, you're just doing it now?! I suffered alone back in our hometown for all of us, and this is what I get in return?!" Hyunjae yelled, his eyes were glossy and red, he was near to breaking down as well.
And I believe, that he's not far from us. He might have taken a different path, but he still is as broken and problematic like us. We're siblings after all.
"I'm sorry for breaking my promise to you, that's why I'm doing the right thing now. If I were my old self I would have liked for Stella to go back to Australia and live as a normal girl, but that's just not me now. I want Stella to be happy, and if achieving her dream here is what makes her happy, then all is good." Loren tried to reason out as he holds me close to his side, as if shielding me from whatever Hyunjae has up on his sleeves.
"You should've thought of that when you made me do everything all alone. You were the eldest brother, you promised to protect us! But you let me go there all alone. You promised to go and visit me so that I wouldn't be lonely, but you didn't. You never did! I waited for you, hyung."
"You made me do all the things you should've done! I was the one who fixed mom's problems when it was your job! I was not the only son here, you are her son too! The eldest at that! But you turned your back from your responsibilities because you were fucking afraid!" Hyunjae yelled once more as he cried while sobbing hard. I cried with him, because I never knew his side of the story.
I thought he was the evil one, but I never realized that we all are. We have our own demons to handle, but at least me, Hyunsik and Loren were together here, but Hyunjae? He was all alone... he got no one to turn to. Hyunjae wasn't different from us, he acts as if he doesn't need to be saved, but he also needs to. He acts as if his demons aren't there, but they're only getting stronger as he keeps on denying them.
"That's it! I'm out of here. Both of you need to solve this. I need to go," I said quickly before pushing Loren aside and getting my bag to leave them.
"Drive her home." I heard Hyunjae ordered one of his men making me roll my eyes. Of course he'd do that, because he knew I would never call my manager to pick me up because of what she did to me.
I quickly took my phone out and dialed the number I knew all too well that I could trust. He was there ever since, he knew everything and I'm in need of someone who can understand me.
After three rings, he finally answered making me feel a little bit better, especially when I heard his voice. It truly calms me down.
"Hello? Stella?"
"Junkyu? Level F."
"Meet me at the company, in your dance practice room. I'm bringing ice cream."
I didn't need to say anything more, and so did he so I ended the call. Level F is a code for Family problem, and we have been using it ever since we were kids. And I'm glad I have him to rely on.
And as I was inside the car on the way to the YG building, I received a call from the person I didn't know I would be talking to today.
I immediately answered it, and I felt warmth spread in my chest when I heard his deep and soothing voice. This was so unexpected, I never expected that I would be able to talk to him today. And, I was also afraid to even go and ask him for help if ever because I don't to drag him into this mess my family is in.
"I heard Junkyu mentioned your name, I swear I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but I was next to him when you called, and he looked worried. So I wanted to check on you too."
"You alright, shorty?"
It was as if I forgot everything for a minute. all that mattered right now was just him and his deep soothing voice. Damn, how can someone calm me down just by his voice? Is this even normal?
"I am. But thanks. . . thanks for checking up on me, Haruto."
to be continued. . .
a
nw here are the guys I see as stella's brothers:
Hyunjae - 97 liner (his korean features are stronger than his Australian or british one unlike hyunsik and stella)
Hyunsik - 99 liner (we all love hyunsik dont we)
ofc heres Loren (half brother), 95 liner
and stella or hanbyul (whatever u prefer to call her lmao) <3 (04 liner)
(they all dont look alike because in this story, loren has a different father; thus, he's pure korean. hyunjae looks a lot like their mom. while Stella and Hyunsik are the ones who kinda look alike so yeah! I'll stop talking now HAHAHA!)