Criticism spot!
This is one of my usual long chapters :)
Crutchie's POV
It had been a few weeks since I had told Jack about the night I ran away, and just as I had hoped, it did help me feel better. My nightmares had actually been lessening, and I felt like I could relax a little. It was getting real cold out now, and each day was getting harder on my foot, as the cold weather always has made it more sensitive. I also didn't have any long sleeve shirts still, and refused to take any of Jack's out of guilt and embarrassment.
The bell rang and woke us up, but I didn't move, as I immediately felt pain in my leg, not to mention I was freezing, so I scooted closer to Jack. He laughed a little as I did so, making me smile. He ran his fingers through my hair, not insisting that we should get up, as he usually would.
"Foot hurtin'?" He asked, and I nodded. "Wow, it really does get bad in the cold, huh?" I nodded a second time, keeping my eyes closed. "You cold?"
"Mhm," I mumbled, finally looking at him.
"Just wear one of my shirts," he insisted, but I shook my head.
"No, I'm alright." I could tell he wanted to fight me on it, but knew I wouldn't give up.
"Fine, but if it's colder out tomorrow, you have to. Deal?" I laughed a little at him, and he smiled.
"Deal."
As we got ready I noticed I'd shiver every now and then, making Jack look at me to see if I was alright. I ignored his looks, acting as though nothing had happened. When we reached the square, the two of us looked around for Race, as he hadn't caught up with us on our walk. He wasn't anywhere to be found, though, so after sending everybody out, Jack pulled Romeo aside.
"Hey, where's Race?" He asked, trying not to seem worried.
"Oh, he's out sick. Bad cold." Romeo left the square right after answering, not even waiting around to see Jack's reaction. I could tell he was even more worried, and I quickly remembered his sister.
"Let's go see him," Jack said without looking at me, and I followed close behind.
He headed straight to a room on the second level of the lodging house, staying quiet. We reached a door near the end of the hall and he knocked, still not looking at me.
"Yeah?" Race said, and Jack opened the door. "Oh, hey guys!" He had a big smile on his face, despite the fact that he clearly didn't feel well.
"Hey Race, how're you doin'?" Jack asked, smiling kindly.
"Not too good, but it's just a cold. I'll be over it in a day or two." He coughed a bit as he finished speaking, going back to smiling once he had recovered.
"Alright, well we just wanted to see how you were doing. Do you need anything?" Jack kept smiling, and Race shook his head.
"No, I'm alright. Thanks, though, you guys are the best," he shifted a bit so he was laying down again, pulling the blanket up on himself.
"Well you just let us know if you need somethin', alright?" Race nodded as we left, continuing to smile.
As we went to sell I could tell Jack was upset, as he was far quieter than usual. I couldn't take it any longer, so I pulled him aside, feeling worried.
"Jack, are you alright?" I asked, and he shook his head after a bit of hesitation.
"I just... I get freaked out when fellas get sick, especially the ones I'm closer to. That's all." He sighed, and I felt a bit relieved as he spoke, glad that nothing else was wrong, considering how dramatic our lives had been since we met.
"He'll be just fine. I promise." I reassured him, and he smiled.
When I got home from selling Jack was already there, smiling at me when I reached the top. I sat down beside him, cuddling up to stay warm. He put his arms around me, feeling how cold I was.
"You're wearin' one of my shirts to bed," he said as he got up, grabbing the first shirt of his he saw.
"Jack, I'm fine," I said as he sat back down, handing it to me.
"You're shivering. I don't want you getting sick." I took it from him and reluctantly changed, wishing he wouldn't fight me on it. "Listen, if you do get sick, you have to stay in the lodging house, okay?" We laid down as he spoke, facing one another.
"Why?"
"So you can rest in a bed rather than up here. Around this time every year, some sickness always goes around, and most kids get it at some point. And I want you to rest inside if you get sick." I couldn't help but smile as he spoke, feeling like I was protected. "You tired?" Jack asked, and I nodded. "Everything okay?"
"Hm?" I said, confused.
"You seem upset." He pushed my hair off my face, smiling kindly.
"Just having one of those days," I said, sighing.
"Is somethin' bugging you?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"No, just feeling down is all. Dunno why." I smiled at him, wishing he wouldn't worry so much.
"Get some sleep then, alright?" I nodded again and shifted in closely, resting my head against his chest as usual.
When the bell rang it was immediately apparent to me that I had an awful headache, causing me to tense up as it continued to ring. Jack noticed, waiting until it stopped to say anything.
"You okay?" He asked, and I opened my eyes to look at him.
"My head hurts," I said, and his expression quickly turned to one of concern.
"Are you sick?" He wasted no time asking, and I felt bad right away.
"Nah, it's just a headache. Nothin' to worry about." I smiled at him, and he tried to do the same back.
"Let me know if you start to feel sick, alright?" I nodded, and he got up to get ready.
When we reached the square, Race was still gone, as was two or three other fellas. I could tell Jack was worried, but he tried his best to hide it. Just as he had the day before, after sending everyone out, he pulled Romeo aside.
"Race doin' better?" He asked, and to my relief, Romeo nodded.
"Yeah, he's doing much better. He just still feels weak so he's takin' the day to regain his strength is all." Romeo smiled and walked away, and I could feel Jack's demeanor change to one of relaxation rather than worry.
"Let's get selling," he said, and I followed him out.
As I sold I noticed just how shitty I felt, and halfway through the day I couldn't take it anymore. After some hesitation, I decided to go home, feeling weak. I usually got a cold every year, as most people do, but this clearly wasn't a cold. I had gotten the flu when I was a kid once, though, and I figured that's what this was. I remembered that as a kid, my Mom would always insist that I rested until I was ready to be back on my feet.
I fell asleep quickly, and only woke up because I felt the ladder shake. I turned over to smile at Jack as he showed up, but he didn't smile back. Instead, he quickly came to my side, worried.
"Are you okay?" He asked, and I nodded.
"I'm a little sick is all," I said, and he seemed to suddenly go into a far more protective mode than he was usually in, causing me to feel real bad.
"Let's get you inside," he stood and put his hand out, but I didn't take it. "Crutch, I'm not fighting you on this." I sighed before finally grabbing his hand, standing up.
We walked to Race's room and he let me in with a warm welcome, as apparently Jack had spoken to him before he went home to see if I could stay there if I did end up getting sick. I laid down in the spare bed, and Jack knelt down beside me.
"I'm gonna take a shower, be back in a bit Crutchie," Race said, leaving the two of us alone. Jack turned his attention back to me, smiling with pity.
"How're you feeling?" He asked.
"Not too bad," I smiled back at him, not wanting him to worry.
"You let Race know if you need anything, okay?" I nodded, smiling. "I'll come by before I go to sell tomorrow morning. Sound alright?"
"Yeah," Jack glanced at the door before looking at me again, kissing me on the forehead.
"Goodnight," he said, getting up and leaving. I settled down, quickly falling asleep.
I kept waking up every now and then throughout the night, feeling worse each time. I either felt too hot or too cold, and just couldn't feel comfortable no matter what I tried. When the morning bell rang I rubbed my eyes and rolled over, seeing Race getting out of bed. He smiled at me as he got dressed, walking to my bedside.
"Morning! How're you feelin'?"
"Like shit," I said, laughing. He laughed too, putting on his cap as he went for the door.
"I'm sure Jack will be in here soon. See you later," he smiled at me one last time before he left, closing the door gently.
I decided I'd try to sleep some more while I waited, and it actually started to work. Just as I started to fall asleep, the door opened, causing me to turn to face it. Jack smiled at me as he entered, coming to my bedside. He brushed my hair from my face, allowing his worry to show for just a moment.
"You feeling okay?" He asked, and despite how I felt, I nodded. "Crutch, I know that isn't true," he spoke quietly, smiling with pity.
"It's just the flu or something. I'm alright." I said, smiling back at Jack.
"Did you sleep much?" I shook my head, and he sighed.
"I kept wakin' up." He put the back of his hand up to my forehead, no longer smiling.
"You're burnin' up, Crutch," he looked at the window in the room, turning back to me. "Want me to open the window to cool you down?" I shook my head once again, and I sighed.
"I'm freezing," as I looked at Jack I could tell he didn't want to leave, and if I stayed quiet, he'd sit here all day. "You should go sell." He didn't move, however, instead looking at the floor. "Jack, I'll be here when you get back. I'm fine." He stood up and gave me one more kiss on the head, leaving the room.
Just as I expected, I spent the day sleeping. I knew Jack would be back after he had finished selling, and I was looking forward to it all day. It had begun to get dark outside, and I felt just overall gross, as you do when you're sick. I thought about how nice a warm shower would feel, so I swung my legs over the bed, grabbing my crutch. When I tried to stand, I realized just how weak I had become, as I shook horribly from standing still. I only got one step in before I fell to the ground, unable to hold myself up. The door flew open, and Jack was there, looking upset.
"Crutchie! Are you okay?" He helped me up and back to the bed, and guilty quickly washed over me.
"Sorry, I didn't know I was so weak," I said, not even thinking about it, and regretting the words the moment they left my mouth.
"Not feeling better, I take it?" I shook my head, looking down so I wouldn't see Jack's expression. "What were you tryin' to do?"
"I just wanted to shower," I mumbled, finally looking Jack in the eyes.
"C'mon, I'll help you," he stood up, but I didn't move. He could tell I was upset about something, so he knelt down before me, not saying a word.
"I feel like a problem," I got out, my eyes burning as tears threatened to fall.
"You ain't a problem, I promise." He smiled at me, but as much as I tried, I couldn't believe him. "Did your Dad used to call you a problem?" He asked, catching me completely off guard. I stared at him for a minute, everything my Dad had ever called me flooding into my head. I sighed, looking down again.
"Mhm," was all I got out, and Jack gently tilted my head up to look at him.
"Why do you believe him?" I stared at him once again, feeling like I could break down at any moment.
"I dunno. I guess when you spend years of your life being told that you're... Useless, a burden, stupid, not worth keeping alive, a mistake, dumb, and so on, you just... Believe it." Jack seemed taken back by my answer, looking more upset than he already did.
"He said those things to you?" I sighed again, a single tear escaping.
"That's just some of what he called me." Jack then pushed my hair out of my face, smiling with sympathy.
"Then I'll make sure you know how untrue it is. No matter how long it takes." I couldn't help but smile, despite how impossible it felt. "C'mon, I'll help you to the shower."
As I had hoped, a warm shower did help me feel refreshed, and after getting dressed, I called for Jack to help me back to bed. He passed Race's door, though, heading down the hall a bit more. I looked at him, confused.
"We passed Race's room," I said, and he smiled.
"I know," he opened the door to the room at the very end of the hallway, helping me sit down on one of the two beds. "Usually Romeo hogs this room to himself, but he said we can both use it until you're better." As he looked at me his smile grew, making me laugh at him a little.
"What?" I said, my face feeling hot.
"You look cute with your hair lookin' like a mop," he said, making me laugh a bit more. He then glanced to the other bed before looking back at me, still smiling. "You want me to push the beds together?" I quickly shook my head, still blushing.
"I don't want you gettin' sick." He sighed, knowing damn well I wouldn't let him sleep near me. He kissed me on the forehead, climbing into his own bed. I fell asleep quickly, hoping that, by some miracle, I'd be better by tomorrow.
When I woke up the next morning, it was clear my prayers were not answered. I felt awful, and didn't even move when the bell rang. Jack woke up as well, immediately heading over to check on me. Despite how bad I felt, I smiled at him, and he did the same back, brushing my hair from my face.
"How do you feel? And don't lie," he was talking with a soft tone, and I sighed.
"I feel real bad," I said bluntly, not wanting to sugarcoat anything to him.
"Tell me what's wrong," he continued to smile at me, making me feel a tiny bit better.
"Uh, well my body is achin', head hurts, I feel cold but I'm sweating, just stuff like that." His smile slowly faded from his face, clearly getting increasingly worried. "You better get ready, you might be late," he stood up and sighed, pushing his hair back.
"Are you sure you're gonna be alright?" I nodded, smiling. "Okay. I'll be back tonight."
Jack's POV
After I finished selling I went right home, only stopping to grab dinner for the two of us. When I opened the door to our temporary room, Crutchie was fast asleep, and I could already tell just from how he looked that he was doing worse. I knelt down beside him, moving him gently.
"Hey," I whispered, and his eyes fluttered open. "Sorry to wake ya, but you need to eat." He didn't move as I took the food out of the bag it was in, and I noticed how pale he looked. "You wanna sit up?" I asked, but he shook his head. I handed him his portion, sitting on the floor.
"Thanks for gettin' food," he mumbled, smiling weakly at me.
"It's no problem," I reassured him, smiling back. "I take it you aren't doing better?" He shook his head again, beginning to eat.
"Can you open the window a little?" He asked, looking toward it.
"I dunno if that's a good idea, it's cold," I said, and he immediately looked upset.
"Just for a few minutes, please? It's stuffy in here," I sighed and stood up, not able to resist his puppy-eyes. I opened the window just a bit, and saw Crutchie smiling as I went to sit back down beside him. We finished eating quickly due to the small amount of food we had, and I noticed he already seemed exhausted.
"Anythin' worse or different than this morning?" I gently pushed his hair off of his face, trying to smile as I looked at his tired eyes.
"Everything is worse," his voice was scratchy as he talked, and I just looked at him for a minute, wishing I could make him feel better. "Stop lookin' at me like that," he said, catching me off guard.
"Like what?"
"Like I'm dying. It's just the flu. I'm fine." He smiled at me, trying to make me relax.
"Sorry, I just- you know," I mumbled, looking down.
"I know. But it'll be just fine, alright? Everyone gets sick, especially when it gets cold out. I've been far sicker before." He laughed a little, making me smile. I then processed what he said, and grew curious.
"You've been more sick than this?" He nodded, shifting around a bit so he was sitting up more. "When?"
"I was nine, and I got super, super sick. Since this was after my Mom left, my Dad assumed I was making it up, so he didn't have a doctor come by or anything, so it dragged on for well over two weeks, and at one point I couldn't even get up, which pissed him off. I mean, I clearly got over it, but it sucked." He yawned once he finished talking, rubbing his eyes.
"I hate your Dad," I said, making him giggle.
"You're tellin' me," He joked, making me laugh. I noticed how cold it was getting in the room, so I got up and closed the window, returning to his bedside quickly.
"You should go back to sleep," I said, and he shifted back down, pulling the blanket up a bit. "Night," I smiled, planting a kiss on his head before going to my own bed and quickly falling asleep.
I was woken up two hours before the bell rang by coughing, quickly realizing it was coming from Crutchie. I turned over and his back was to me, and it was clear he was trying his best to muffle the coughs. I got up and went to his bed, kneeling down.
"Crutch?" I whispered, making him turn over.
"Sor-" he began, getting cut off by another cough. "I'm tryin' to be quiet," his voice was scratchier than it was before, and it was obvious he had barely slept yet.
"It's just fine, there's nothin' to say sorry for. Do you need water?" He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to seem needy, before nodding. I got up and went to the bathroom, filling a glass with cold water. As I did, Race came in, rubbing his eyes.
"Oh, hey," he said with a smile, yawning soon after. "Crutchie doin' better?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"No, he's getting worse," I said, and Race stared at me for a moment before standing beside me.
"Are you okay?" He asked, and I nearly broke down. I gripped the sides of the sink and took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. "Jack, you know you ain't gotta be tough around me." Race spoke quietly, and I couldn't help but smile.
"I know, I know. I'm just trying to hold it together for him." I said, relaxing my posture. "I've gotta get this water to him. Night," I said, leaving quickly.
"Come to me if you need somethin' alright?" Race said right before I disappeared, and I stopped to smile at him once more before heading back to our room.
"Here," I handed Crutchie the water and he took it, his hands shaky. "You need anything else?" He shook his head, taking just a small sip of the water.
"I'll try and be quieter, I'm sorry," he said, taking a deep breath and pushing his hair back. He seemed frustrated that he couldn't stop coughing, but was probably just upset that he couldn't fall asleep.
"Crutchie, I'm not your Dad. I'm not gonna be mad at you for being sick." He smiled at me, making me smile back. "Wake me if you need something, okay?" He nodded, settling back down. I went back to my bed, falling asleep minutes later.
When I woke up Crutchie was facing me, but was asleep. I noticed his water was hardly touched, and his breathing was raspy. I got ready quietly, getting my papes as quickly as I could so I would be able to spend more time with him before I went to sell. When I returned he was awake, smiling at me as best he could as I entered. It was clear by just looking at him that he wasn't doing well, and was visibly weak.
"Hey," I said as I knelt down. He didn't say anything back, instead just smiling a tiny bit bigger at me. "Too weak to talk?" I asked, and he nodded, making my heart drop a bit. "Wanna change?" He nodded again, and I quickly got up to grab him some clothes. He tried to sit himself up but struggled, so I helped him, despite how I know he'd be upset about not being able to do it himself. I helped him to change as well, and he immediately laid back down once he was in new clothes. The door creaked open, grabbing our attention. Race was in the doorway, smiling.
"Hey Crutchie! I grabbed you some breakfast," he said with a smile, making Crutchie smile back.
"Thanks," I said, knowing Crutchie couldn't do it himself.
"Don't mention it. We need to get sellin' though," I sighed as I realized he was right, looking back to Crutchie.
"I'll be back tonight. Rest up, alright?" He nodded, and I got up, following Race out the door.
Just as I had the previous day, I grabbed dinner and immediately went home, not stopping to talk to any fellas I saw on the way. As I opened the door to the room my heart dropped as I saw his food and water untouched, and I felt like I was a kid again, as this was what my sister had done in her last few days. She wouldn't eat and couldn't do anything for herself. I closed the door gently and knelt down beside him, seeing his eyes were closed.
"You awake?" I whispered, and he nodded, not opening his eyes. He took his hand out from under the blanket, opening it and resting it on the mattress. I understood what he wanted, gently taking his hand and rubbing my thumb on the back of it. I could tell he was in pain, and I was positive that a fair amount of it was coming from his foot, being that it got worse in cold weather. With my free hand, I pushed his hair off of his face, and he smiled just a little. "Crutch, you need to eat something." He shook his head, only making me more worried. "C'mon, I'll help," I said, and he finally looked at me, his eyes drained of color. He let go of my hand and I helped him to sit up, handing him his portion of the food.
We ate in silence, and it broke my heart to see how tiring it was for him to eat. Thankfully, he also drank a good amount of the water, rubbing his eyes once he was done. I helped him to lay down once again, and he immediately closed his eyes.
"Going to sleep?" I asked, and he nodded. "Alright. I'm going to take a shower, so I'll be back in a bit." I got up and left the room, immediately leaving to the fire escape. Once I was sure that I was alone, I began to cry, feeling helpless. Only moments later, though, the window behind me opened, and Race was there, smiling with pity.
"Hey," he said quietly, closing the window. "I know you ain't alright." We both sat down, and I couldn't stop crying.
"It just feels like it's happenin' again," I said, and Race smiled at me with sympathy this time, as he knew my past. He was the only one besides Crutchie who knew.
"It ain't, okay?" He tried to reassure me, but it didn't help.
"How do you know?" I spoke harsher than I intended, but Race didn't react, likely understanding why I had reacted that way. "Sorry, I..."
"Jack, you're stressed out. It's alright. But, do you want to know how I'm positive that he'll be fine?" He said, and I nodded. "Because he's got you." I couldn't smile, instead looking down at my hands.
"My sister had me, too, and it didn't work." I mumbled, unable to look at him.
"You were just a little kid when that happened. Your Dad is who she needed. He dropped the ball. It's his fault, not yours." I sighed, looking up at him slowly, finding it hard to believe him. "You were, what, nine when it happened?" I nodded, wiping my face dry. "There is not a nine-year-old on this entire planet who would be able to take care of a toddler, let alone one who is sick. You tried your absolute hardest, Jack. You did everything you possibly could. Your Dad is the one who failed. Not you." I began to realize he was right, which was helping me to stop crying. "But, now you're older, and you've got the tools to help. Crutchie has you. Can you imagine what would happen if he was this sick on the streets?"
"He wouldn't make it," I kept mumbling, looking Race in the eyes.
"Exactly. But now you're here, and you're helping him. Hell, you're not just helping him, you're saving him." I couldn't help but smile a little now, the tears fully stopping.
"Thanks," I said as I got up, Race following.
"No problem." He smiled at me one last time before going into his room, and I did the same back.
After I had showered I tried to enter the room as quietly as possible, as he said he was going back to bed. To my surprise, though, he was awake, smiling at me as I walked in. I knelt beside him, smiling.
"I thought you were goin' to bed?" I asked, Crutchie coughing as I did so.
"I can't," he said quietly, making my heart hurt for him. "Go get some sleep, I'll be just fine," he got out, smiling.
"Are you sure? You know I don't mind stayin' up with you," I offered, and he shook his head.
"No, I want you to sleep." I stared at him for a moment, suddenly starting to cry. I felt bad doing so in front of him, but I couldn't hold it back, even though I thought it was out of my system after talking with Race. "What's wrong?" He asked, continuing to cough now and then.
"This all just brings up bad memories," I said, wiping my face dry. "I know you'll be okay, but it's just bringin' stuff up."
"I'm sorry, Jack," he said, smiling kindly at me.
"Don't say sorry, it ain't your fault." I smiled back at him, sighing.
"Get some sleep and take your mind off of it." He said, and I finally stood up, continuing to smile. I laid down in bed, not realizing how tired I was until my head hit the pillow, falling asleep nearly instantly.
When the bell rang the next morning I wasted no time getting ready, wanting to once again spend as much time as I could with Crutchie before I had to sell. I was able to do so quicker than the previous day, and when I opened the door he was awake, and to my surprise, was also sitting up. He smiled at me as I walked over, sitting up even straighter.
"How're you feelin'?" I asked, sitting on his bed.
"A lot better, drinking and eating really helped me," he said, a smile still on his face.
"Tell me what's gotten better," I scooted closer to him, handing him the breakfast I had grabbed.
"Well, the body aches are almost gone, I ain't coughin' as much, I just overall feel less... Gross." He began to eat, and I couldn't help but smile as he did. "I think I'll be good by tomorrow."
"I think so too," I smiled bigger, quickly realizing I needed to go. "Hey, I should get selling. I'll be back tonight, okay?" I got up and left the room, feeling positive for the first time in days.
The night went by the same as the last few. We ate, talked, and slept. The next morning I couldn't help but wake up with a smile, knowing Crutchie would be nearly fully healthy again. After I got ready I went to his bedside, putting my hand out to him. He took it, getting up from the bed and smiling at me.
"Now, I ain't lettin' you sell today." I said as we began to walk, watching Crutchie carefully in case he needed my help. "You're resting in the penthouse," he looked at me with a smile still on his face, and nodded.
"Alright," he said, and we finished the walk in silence.
Once I had gotten him home I made sure he was as comfortable as possible, feeling hesitant to leave him, despite the fact that he was basically fully over whatever sickness he had. I was able to leave eventually, though, feeling as though I could finally breathe knowing that he was okay.
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