"Why are we waiting on this empty road this early, that too on a weekend?" asked Kamuro.
"By any chance do you have plans with some boy Masumi-san?" I replied, deciding to tease her a little.
"What? No."
"Then what's the rush Masumi-san?"
"Even if I don't have any plans, I don't want to waste my weekend waiting on a road without even knowing the reason?"
"Just be patient Masumi-san. It's about time."
"About time? For what?"
Just when I was about to answer, Masumi-san turned her gaze towards the other end of road and let out a small sigh.
At the receiving end of her gaze were two people walking towards us.
Hmm. So she's with him too. Not that it matters anyway.
I decided to meet them halfway and started walking towards them. Masumi-san decided to follow me slowly.
"Good morning Ayanokouji-kun and Horikita-san." I decided to greet them as I got closer to them.
Ayanokouji-kun just looked at me with his expression less face but Horikita-san talked.
"Good morning Sakayanagi-san. Do you have any business with us?"
Horikita-san decided to cut to the chase directly.
"Indeed. I do have some business. But not with you, Horikita-san. Can you spare a moment, Ayanokouji-kun?"
Ayanokouji-kun nodded in agreement.
"What?"
But Horikita-san sounded a little surprised by that.
I guess it's to be expected. I don't think he told her about our relationship.
"Please be at ease Horikita-san. I just want to talk to him for a bit. There's no ulterior motive here."
"It's alright Horikita." Ayanokouji-kun added to ease Horikita-san's anxieties.
"Wait, I don't believe you. It would be foolish to just take your words at face value."
It seems she's super wary of me. Fufu. I guess this is time to make some trouble for Ayanokouji-kun. This should be fun.
"There's no need to worry Horikita-san. I'll not scheme anything against Ayanokouji-kun. After all we are childhood friends."
Horikita-san body stiffened and shocked at the words I just spoke. Fufufu.
But Ayanokouji-kun didn't show any expression even after I spilled the secret. His face is just expression less as always. I guess something this insignificant will not get a reaction out of him. I should've known this.
"Is that true Ayanokouji-kun?" Horikita-san asked Ayanokouji-kun while glaring at him.
"It's true in a way. It's complicated but yeah, you can call us childhood friends, I suppose."
Horikita-san continued glaring at him but it seems like she's thinking about something.
"Why don't we go to that nearby cafe to talk then?" I decided to propose a change of location.
Surprisingly the first to respond and agree was Horikita-san.
"Alright. I'll not be against you both talking but on one condition. I don't want to eavesdrop and I don't want to meddle in your business... But just to be sure I want to listen to what you talk about."
Well this is unexpected but I can't say this is not fun.
"I don't see any problem in you listening to our conversation Horikita-san." I said as I looked at Ayanokouji-kun.
"Is it really okay?" This time Ayanokouji-kun is the one to raise the question.
"Don't worry Ayanokouji-kun. I don't intend to spill any of our secrets. I just want to talk about some other things."
I can't help but to grin after saying this.
Timeskip
"You can sit here with us or you can sit with Masumi-san at that other table if you're feeling guilty about intruding on our conversation." I said to Horikita-san as we reached the cafe.
But Horikita-san payed no attention to my words and quietly sat at the table Ayanokouji-kun and I decided to sit while Masumi-san sat at a different table.
Well then it's time to get back to the topic. There's no use in wasting my time here.
"Well then Ayanokouji-kun, shall we begin?"
Ayanokouji-kun just nodded.
"Have you given up already, Ayanokouji-kun?"
Horikita-san narrowed her eyes a little. Seems like she got interested in what I just said.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied in his monotone voice.
Of course he knows what I'm talking about. He knew that I'm talking about his fight with Tsukishiro who wants to expel him.
"Is that so?" I replied.
"Hmm. Well, what makes you think so? Why do you think I've given up Sakayanagi?"
"Of course. I wouldn't just assume things on my own. But I do have some reason to think like that."
I paused for a moment. Then I continued.
"It seems you and karuizawa-san are really close. That's what made me think like this."
Even though they haven't made their relationship public, I'm certain that they're dating. I don't know whether Horikita-san knows about this or not but Ayanokouji-kun should understand that I've found out about their relationship.
"What's that got to do with giving up? I don't see how they're related at all."
It's true. That these both matters doesn't look like they're related at all. But that's how normal people see it.
I don't see it that way. I, who knows about Ayanokouji-kun more than anyone else in this school certainly don't see it that way.
I know why he came to this school. No. I know why he went against his father's wishes and escaped White room.
"You came here to learn, is it not? Ayanokouji-kun?"
Normally people who knows about Ayanokouji-kun's true abilities might think there's nothing more that he can learn. After all he's the masterpiece of the White room and he has achieved what any normal human cannot achieve. It's not their mistake to think that he learned everything and there's nothing more that he could learn. But they couldn't be more wrong.
"That's true. But, still, I don't see where you're going with this, Sakayanagi."
"For some reason, it seems to me that you're trying to rush your learning. And the timing of this only makes me think that you're rushing this because you're feeling like you don't have much time left to learn."
I figured out that he came to this school to learn about how normal people act and learn about human emotions and feelings. I'm sure he wanted to experience that ordinary teenage life while he still have the chance.
And it's only natural to want to learn about love, affection and experience it if possible. But it's too sudden and the timing of this only makes me think that he's thinking that Tsukishiro might expel him soon and he's trying to learn about love before getting expelled. That's the reason I think he has given up.
"Hmm. But you should know better than that, that I wouldn't give up so easily."
I know that he's not the kind of person to give up so easily even if the opponent is his father. If he is someone who gives up so easily then he wouldn't have survived that hell his father created.
But still I want confirm it directly.
"I see. Then why rush these things? Don't you think this is rather sudden?"
"Aren't these kind of things always happen suddenly? Atleast that's what happened in all the books I've read so far" he replied.
"Fufu. You mean to say that your feelings are genuine and it's only natural for you to express these feelings suddenly?"
"Perhaps. What if I say yes?"
"Don't make me laugh Ayanokouji-kun. You aren't capable of those things."
No matter what he says, I know he's not capable of feelings and emotions. That's the only flaw of this perfect human his father created.
Even if he openly says he loves Karuizawa-san. I know better. He's only trying to learn love through her. But I wonder why he chose her.
"Well, I can't fool you anyway. I'm not rushing anything. It's just the sooner you start learning, the better you can learn by the end. Isn't that right?"
So he just wants to spend more time in learning these things hoping that he would be able to feel some kind of emotion in the future. I guess I can't blame him for that then.
"Ohh. I see. So that's the only reason then?"
"Well, that's one reason. And the things you said to me are also one of the reason Sakayanagi."
I know what things he's talking about. But I decided to ask anyway.
"My my. Is that so? What might those things might be?"
"You already know what I'm talking about. I got curious about 'the human warmth' you talked about."
I looked at Horikita-san to see what reaction she would have after listening to it. But she looks like she's thinking about something and she has no reaction on her face.
"I'm glad you took my words to heart."
After a short pause I continued.
" I still remember the day I first saw you. After seeing you on that day, I fixed my mind on two goals that I want to achieve in my life. Surprisingly both are related to you. Since that day, I have thought about you and the two goals every single day. Do you know what those goals are Ayanokouji-kun?" I asked him.
"I'm certain about one goal but I have to say that I don't have any idea about your second goal."
I guess he wouldn't understand my second goal even if I tell him about it.
"As you know my first goal is to destroy you. I'll give my best to achieve that. After that.... My second goal is to... make you feel love. No. To be precise I wanted to give my love and affection to you."
I still remember my father's words when I saw Ayanokouji-kun. My father said that he felt sorry for Ayanokouji-kun as he never received any love from anyone since his birth. He didn't even received the parental love from his parents. That's when I decided. That someday I'll provide the love he missed in his life.
I wanted to lit fire in his cold and dark heart and spread warmth and light.
"What?"
The first to respond was not Ayanokouji-kun but Horikita-san. She looks a little bit shocked. When Horikita-san was about to say something, Ayanokouji-kun cut in.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"You know what I mean. Since you've never felt or received things like love, as your childhood friend I wanted to make you feel those things. It's only natural, isn't it?"
"Hmm. I see." He only replied with his monotone voice even now.
"Well since you seem to be getting love from many other people here, I think I no longer need to worry about it from now on. I'll leave you to the other people now."
That's a half lie. Even though many people around him seem to like him and some people seem to even love him. But I doubt he cares about them. I know I'm the only one who's capable enough to make him feel love. I'll never give up on these two goals of mine.
"Well that's what I wanted to talk about. To confirm whether you've given up or not. Since it's done, I'll take my leave now Ayanokouji-kun."
"And you can have him all for yourself Horikita-san."
I said as I stood up from my chair to leave.
Horikita's POV:
(These are just Horikita's thoughts throughout Sakayanagi and Ayanokouji's conversation)
Are they really childhood friends? That must be the case, even Ayanokouji confirmed it. Then that must mean Sakayanagi-san knows about his past.
Wait. Does that mean.....? Is this the reason why he got those praise votes from class A during class vote?
I always thought I know most about Ayanokouji as I was watching him from the first day of school. But I couldn't be more mistaken.
Clearly Sakayanagi-san and that first year Amasawa knows more about him as they know him before coming to this school. No, even among the other people, karuizawa-san certainly knows him better than me.
And what is that talk about 'giving up'? Is she saying that he gave up on aiming for class A? No that can't be it. He never seriously aimed for class A in the first place.
He was never interested in anything at all. He never considered anything serious at all. You can't give up on something if you're not serious about it anything. I can't imagine him being serious about anything.
But from their conversation, it seems he's indeed serious about something and he hasn't gave up on it either.
Even though I paid full attention to their conversation, I can't make sense of it at all. Everything they discussed are just vague words. I don't know how anyone can understand those vague words. Is that what being close friends mean? Is that what being childhood friends mean? That you know each other so well that you can understand what the other person is trying to say even without putting them into words?
And what are those two goals she's talking about? And what does she mean when she said her goal is to destroy him? And it seems that Ayanokouji already knows about this goal of hers and he doesn't seem to care about it much. Is that his confidence that he cannot be defeated even if it's Sakayanagi-san?
Her second goal is even more concerning than the first goal. What's that even mean? To give her love to him? Isn't that like confessing that she loves Ayanokouji? But for some reason her words doesn't seem like a confession.
And what does she mean when she said that Ayanokouji never felt love in his life. Is she just talking about love from opposite sex? I don't know. I can't make sense of their words at all.
I wanted to ask Ayanokouji about these but I'm not sure he'll answer. He clearly said that I shouldn't pry into his life. What would happen if I try to ask him? Will he just stop talking to me altogether and doesn't cooperate with me for reaching class A? I don't want to think about those things.
A/N:
First of all thanks for reading. I wanted to keep it short around 1500 word but this ended up near 2400 words. I've always thought about this scenario where Sakayanagi thinks Ayanokouji has given up since he's trying to learn about love too soon. Atleast that's how I felt it. For some reason I've always imagined Horikita listening to their conversation and I also wanted to write her POV with her thoughts while listening to the entire conversation. Since it's already long, I just summarised Horikita's thoughts in the end. I don't know how well I've written Sakayanagi's POV and whether I've been able to replicate Sakayanagi's thinking. Please let me know what you thought about this and any feedback you want to give. I hope I haven't done many grammatical mistakes. And please mention any suggestions you have.
Published date: June 2, 2021